In The Night, In The Dark

There was point when she stopped feeling.


At one time there was still some emotion left, but not now. Not anymore. In some far away time and place she could vaguely remember what it had felt like. The way love coursed through her veins, lifting her up until she was delirious. Then down the road , how it felt to have her heart broken relentlessly. Things were different now.


She could have been tied up and tortured, screaming on the outside until her voice gave way and her body broke…but on the inside there would be nothing. Silence. Somehow she had become a shell of the person she once was.


On some nights, like the one she was having, the memories sometimes came back. A diluted ideal of what it was like to be with him in a time when the pain was tempered with love, lust and ignorance.


Numb.


She sat stoically in the bath, knees pulled to her chest. The water had gone cold an hour before but she hadn’t noticed. Instead a fading memory had her attention.

*************


Ethne pulled the sheets up over her shoulder as the night breeze swept threw the window, causing the curtains to wave in her direction. On nights such as those she had sometimes imagined herself in a fairytale. Imagined that she could feel the moon sweeping through her bedroom, night air lifting the smell of the heavens to play in her hair and over her cheek. It was a nice thought but much too poetic to be anything that applied to her life.


Normally she would have been asleep the moment her head hit the pillow, instead her heavy lids hovered in thought. Muscle memory brought her fingers to her lips, brushing over the corner of her mouth...the bruise was fading. The tenderness had faded, and had been replaced by an occasional ache. She tongued the tender patch of skin.


It would heal…even when nothing else would.


It had taken her a while to find out that in life things are much more complicated than right and wrong. Sometimes a person ended up in the gray between good and evil. Sometimes that’s where they were meant to stay.


Her dreams were about to take her when she felt a hand grab at her hip, she knew instantly the grain of his touch. “Dean…” She whispered, hardly a sound coming from her mouth. His name fell off her lips with no particular allegiance. She rolled into her back and opened her eyes, only to look into the darkness of the room. She could feel his breath on her face as he hovered only moments from her face. A smile crossed her lips.


Oh God. He knows. He knows what I think of him…..to many things at once. Love tenderness fear disgust lust desire. My mother would hate me at this moment……he’s going to hate me if I don’t……always be here with me…..again…..he loves me. Giving into him is just…..he knows, he knows what I think of him……..


“Did I wake you?” he asked and his hand sliding under the edge of her t-shirt, splaying his fingers across her stomach. She knew he didn’t ask out of concern, he was just wondering if he would have to wake her up to get what he was looking for.


“No.” Ethne bit her bottom lips, as her eyes adjusted to the dark and she could see the shadows of the face above her.


Dean felt a pang of excitement travel through his body as he felt her skin under his touch. He wanted to run hands over her entire body, to rub her down until he quenched his want for her.


“Did you miss me?” he let his hand travel downward, slipping boldly inside her panties, and to the small patch of soft curls that lay at her apex. Tonight there would be no pretext, no lingering foreplay…just lust at it’s best. He felt her breathing change in an instant. He would make her want for him. Even if she didn’t ache of him in the same way he wanted her.


“More than you know” she breathed.


Ethne’s teeth dug into her lip as she felt his touch move lower. Even if she wanted to stop him there was no use in it. Dean got what he wanted, when he wanted it, and she didn’t have the strength in her to put up a dispute that night, she was tired but she knew better than to reject his advances. She had learned that lesson the hard way. He had made it quite clear on several occasions that it didn’t benefit her to deny his encroachment.


I love this women. I love her…I….. want to rip her in half for not reciprocating….she does she loves me……I love her. I am going to fuck her. Fuck some sense into her….wrap my hands around her and…..going to make her come……She always tells me she loves me when she……touch her…..feel her…..I love this woman.


As she felt his felt his fingers working toward their goal, her hips shifted, parting her legs to him. If there was one thing he knew better than anyone else, it was her body. Dean knew how to take her from reluctant to pleading with the brush of his hand, and the glide of his finger. She groaned involuntarily as his touch wandered over the her most sensitive of areas. He placed a kiss on her neck, and continued to stroke her, watching in the darkness as her body began to move with the rhythm he was creating.


He watched lustfully as her chest rise with each huff. A fast pang shot through his chest, his eyes never moving from her undulating body.


Ethne swallowed her moans as she felt his finger glide into her. His thumb worked over her delicate nub, while she let his finger play her like a violin. Soft stroke after soft stroke until there was nothing more than to let him create a symphony from what was left of her.


Dean took her mouth roughly, meeting her in a kiss that swallowed her unsteady breaths. Ethne parted her lips obediently as his tongue snaked into her mouth, lapping at her in the same measure he was playing between her legs.


Dean felt a wetness growing with each stroke of her nub. He would have liked to have a long drawn out night of leisurely pleasure, but he was tired and flustered. He’d been gone nearly two weeks. Had it not been for his complete obsession with Ethne he would have tempted some random bar fly to fill his bed when he was alone. He’d been around, and it had never been hard for him to find a woman who would sink to her knees at his request.


Ethne, however. had taken over every thought in his head. Even the idea of being with anyone other than her made his stomach turn. He loved her and hated her equally for making him feel the way he did. Ethne was his, and he was determined to show her how much he wanted her, how much he needed her.


Ethne gasped as he pulled away from her. Dean reached for her t-shirt pulling it hastily over her head, throwing it to the floor.


God I want…..I need her. ‘I need you to tell that you can’t be without me for another moment. Lie to me…..lie lie lie lie……until you can’t anymore.’ If I can feel her, my skin might stop crawling. My head might stop pounding….If she left……I would Kill……I would fuck. I’m going to fuck her. I going to fuck the shit out of……….


“I missed you” she whispered as Dean hovered over her. He met her lips with his as he let the entire weight of body rest on her. She spread her legs, cradling his hips with hers. Dean hands felt their way up from her waist to her sides, making the most of each touch. Nothing drove him onward more than when he could feel her wanting him. Even in her most reluctant moment all it took was well placed touch before she was panting for him.


A chill shot her down spine as the bare skin of her breasts were pressed firmly against her chest. Dean sucked her bottom lip into his mouth, eliciting a small groan from Ethne, his mouth trailed down her jaw line. The warm suction of his lips traced her neck and into the hallow of her collar bone, as he cupped her breast in his hand. Ethne’s whole body writhed, her hips grinding into his as Dean’s tongue traced a circle around her hard nipple.


He felt the change in her, small short gasps escaping her body at his advancement. The feeling of her anticipation rising, and her hips pleading upwards made his groin tauten. He ran his hands up her arms, guiding her hands above her head, until his fingers interlocked with hers, keeping the length of her body fully stretched.


Dean Dean Dean, please don’t stop….make me feel like…..stop stop no don’t…..because I want it. I want to know that you love me. Really love me. He’s going to tear me apart……going to fuck me…..I want him to fuck me until I can’t walk…….hold my hand and tell me that he’s never felt this way about anyone else and can’t live his life if I’m not there…. Marry me. I wish I had never met him……….


“Dean” Ethne breathed as he closed his mouth over her nipple, the rosy peak begging to taken into his mouth. She could feel his now stiff erection threatening through his boxers. It was the feel of her hand slip past his waist band that made him jerk. He grunted involuntarily as the soft pads of her fingers ran down the length of his aching member. All thoughts passed from mind, the feeling of her body pressed to his as Ethne’s hand began a tender but firm massage of his manhood.


For a moment Dean wasn’t sure he was going to be able to hold out as long as he would have liked. The prospect of coming right then and there seemed to close for comfort. It didn’t help that he had been gone for so long. He’d spent his nights alone with a late night fantasy imagining her touch, and the feeling of her skin.


“OK,“ With a determined sigh he lowered his forehead to her shoulder. “That is…to much right now.” the words came out in short gasps. Ethne allowed a small smile as he pulled her hand from his lower half.


“I….” She hesitated as he looked at her, a half smile playing on her face. He watched her pause, her lips parted, breathing in rhythm. “We need to at least talk about what happen-” She was cut off by Dean kissing her swiftly, his tongue pushing past her lips without hesitation. It was her turn to gasp as his palms trailed down her stomach and over he hips pulling her panties along with it. Dean’s patience had been running low but now it was too much for him. He needed her then and there, he couldn’t tolerate any more waiting.


Happy face. Happy body. Happy kiss. Happy sex. Happy isn’t fake when it’s like this. I love this I want this…….Oh God…..Dean……….


Ethne felt his the stiff head of his prick brush her leg as he freed himself from the last of his clothing, and the urgent strength of his hands as he gripped her thighs, spreading her at his choosing. She had always been slightly apprehensive of him when he was yearning for her. It was something truly primal that overtook him, the way he touched changed from gentle to primitive, letting her know that she was at his mercy.


Ethne unquestioningly opened herself to him, as he pulled her wrists together above her head. It drove her mad when he confined her, all she wanted was to run her hands up his back. She wanted to hold him when he made love to her, instead he held her captive.


Dean used his free hand to guide of head of cock to her now slick opening. He felt her buck upward as he pressed into her. His eyes rolled back his head as he sank into her bit by bit. He slowly pushed his length into her, and with each inch that filled her a new whimper fell from her lips. He could feel her whole body strain upward, but refused to let got of her arms, even as she squirmed into him.


I could come right now. I could come inside her and it would be the best thing…….I could come inside her and watch the looks she always gets. I could come inside her and it would be the best moment of my life. Not the same as last time, and nothing like the next.


Ethne felt a heat shoot through body, filling her chest and making her quiver as he entered her. She knew he was large, but was not prepared for the tightness that came from not being together as of late. Her walls stretched to accommodate him, and she brought her legs further out to her side and he filled her to the hilt.


Once he was fully inside her Dean was still for moment, again not wanting it to be over so soon. Once he felt his impending climax begin to fade, he began a hard rhythm, rocking his hips with deep thrusts. Every thought that had troubled him through the day was far from his mind, all he could think was how wonderful she felt beneath him, panting at him as her lips brushed his ear. Ethne had a way of making him feel like a man. She was his to do with what he wanted.


Dean. Am I saying his name? Dean. Is that me? Dean. I couldn’t even think if I wanted to…all I do now is know. That this FEELS right and this FEELS good…Oh God……..not what I should want…..I love the feel of him…….fuck…... Inside me, he’s INSIDE me. My body is not mine, I no longer belong to me…….He’s in me and I’m his and I’m scared.


“I love you” Ethne panted suddenly, as her lips grazed her ear. At her words, he lifted is head, and his body stilled, but only for a fleeting moment. Dean searched her eyes for only a passing instant, before pressing his forehead to hers.


“I love you too” he repeated the words back, but there was something else behind his touch that he hid form her. The forceful tempo of his hips resumed, dropping his hand to her backside, pulling her body up into him.


Ethne felt his fingers digging into the skin of her behind, and whimpered as a familiar pain was met with a also customary pleasure.


Dean couldn’t help but groan as he felt her hands on his back. She grabbed at him like she was afraid to let him go, desperately pulling him into her. “Dean”. there it was, when she said his name it was an epiphany every time.


He needed to hear her say it. Say his name as he fucked her. The way she said it, with such…earnestly and intent. There was no faking the way she breathed his name when he was inside her. It calmed him for all the times when he feared she wanted someone else, feared that she want to leave him, run from him like everyone else had.


“Dean” she called him again, this time in a soft tone that caused him to slow his thrusts. His eyes met hers as her lay over her body, wet and writhing under him. Her hands cupped his face, slick with sweat, and she kissed him.


She kissed him sweetly, softly…intently as he made love to her. His body moved fast into Ethne’s as she panted his name against his lips, desperate for the climax they both felt coming. He dropped his face into her neck as he came, groaning in her skin, his hands gripping her hips so tightly she could already feel bruises forming.


For a moment there was nothing but breath and sweat. He could feel her heart beating like a drum against his chest. Her legs went limp dropping from his sides and he adjusted his hips, pulling out of her. He heard her whimper as he left her and purposely stayed cradled between her legs. Dean kissed her neck lightly, and brought his head to rest below her chin. She held him, clutching him to her chest like a child, running her hands up his back in long strokes.


She loved him.


He loved her.


In that moment She’d thought maybe things would be better. Maybe they would be able to make it through…


*******************

Dean wasn’t sure when things had changed.


Perhaps they had always been that way, both of them tricked by the tenderness and affection in the first throws of love. He remembered a time when her face lit up just to see him. He relished walking through the door after being gone for days at a time, watching as her eyes brighten and that smile…that smile. She was ecstatic to see him, to know that he was safe, unharmed from whatever adventure he’d been on. She’d be in his arms before he had time to take off his jacket, cooing sweet epithets, cupping his face, telling him how much she’d missed him.


He loved her for that. He loved her for the unabashed affection she showed him. She told him she loved him, even before he was able to say it back and she understood why he had been guarded. There had been times when he had been less than joy to be with, but he never had he questioned her commitment to him.


Allowing himself to be in a relationship with her was something he never though he could do. Committing to one person was effortless once he admitted the depth of the feelings he had for her He knew the threat of having someone in his life, someone else he put at risk by being with her. As a hunter the people around him more often than not found themselves in threatening situations. He would have never forgiven himself if he put her in harms way. Ethne new the dangers involved and she refused to let him walk away from her. In turn Dean fell fast and hard for her, and before he knew it she was part of his everyday life. He knew the life he led wasn’t easy for her, long days and longer nights cooped up in dingy motel rooms. He was adamant about her not going out on her own, waiting for himself or Sam to accompany her on any outings. Through it all she never complained, never made him feel as he trapped her into his life.


And for a while Dean was happy. Truly happy for the first time in….since he could remember….but all good things must come to an end.


Everything had seemed fine…perfect. He knew it wouldn’t last, only because nothing in his life brought him joy ever did. He wasn’t sure if it was gradual change or something that materialized over night. All he knew was she had changed. She was cold; sometimes when he touched her, she would cringe and pull away, there were times when she couldn’t even look him in the eye. She hardly slept, opting instead to read quietly in the corner or in the backseat of his car. On the nights she actually did come to bed she made sure no part of body would touch his, wrapping herself in the blankets like a cocoon.


She stopped talking to Sam completely. Dean remembered when he was jealous of the friendship they had formed; now she sat in wordless thought for hours, staring at some unseen memory that seemed to be replaying in her mind. She’d stopped eating a month before and had lost incredibly amount of weight considering how slim she had been previously. Slowly she had become a shadow of a person and neither Dean nor Sam knew how to help her.


It broke his heart to see her like that. It was like someone had taken her spirit from her. Someone who had once taken pleasure in the even in the smallest things, loved her life, now sat broken before him. There was nothing he could do, She wouldn’t talk to him, no hints of what had happened. He was angry that she denied him her feelings, angry that she didn’t confide in him, but mostly he missed her.

********************


BANG BANG BANG


Ethne snapped to attention when she heard him knock on the door. The icy water suddenly stinging her skin. She was shivering and she hadn’t even noticed.


“What is it?” She called, her voice cracking.


“Just wondering exactly what the fuck you’ve been doing in there for two hours.” Dean called harshly trying the lock again. “You planning on coming out any time soon?”


Dean had lost his temper with her over…shit he couldn’t even remember what. He frustration had built up to a point where he would barley handle himself on hunts. He was fuming, he’d taken it out on her, Screaming something about ‘lies, confusion and betrayal’ non of which had anything to do with her. She just stared at him blankly before locking herself in the bathroom for two hours.


After nearly an hour of silence, he began to worry. Worry turned quickly back to anger. He didn’t understand why she couldn’t tell what bothered her. After all her talk about honestly and open feelings, she had shut him out like he was nothing to her. After he had shared so much with her that no one else would ever know, she acted as if he disgusted her , it had been two months since he could remember even a kiss or the touch of her hand. He was mad, and he couldn’t push it to the back of his mind anymore.


“Sorry” She rose from the tub dripping water on the floor as she unlocked the door. “I lost track of time”


Dean stood in the doorway and took a moment to stare at her naked, wet body before stepping toward. “What’s wrong?” He reached for a towel and wrapped it around her shoulders as she stood motionless. “Jesus you’re freezing…” He furrowed his brow at her, and pulled her toward him, wrapping tightly with the towel and hugging her to his chest. He felt her stiffen at his embrace.


“Hey” he held her back at arms length, looking frowning down at her. Dean gently reached up and wiped the tears away from her face. She hadn’t realized she was crying until his hands reached her cheeks. “Tell me what’s wrong..“ He hesitated as she stepped back into his embrace. “Are you ok Ethne?”


Ethne said nothing for moment, and then stepped closer to him, resting her head on his shoulder, sighing softly. “I don’t know” She felt his grip tighten around her. “I don’t know anymore”


“I honestly don’t know what to say…” Dean was stuck between anger and worry having trouble deciding which tactic to use with her.


“Are you going to leave me?” Ethne whispered falling limply against his body until he was supporting all her weight. “I would if I were you…I know what I’ve been like…” she choked on sob wrenching from her throat.


“Hey” he murmured in an attempt to calm her, running her back tenderly. He was surprised by her reaction to say the least. She had hardly spoken to him in weeks.


“You will, you’ll leave” she cried into the material of his shirt.


“Never” he held her fiercely, resting his chin on the top of her chilled, wet hair. “But you have to talk to me Eth, you have to tell me…something…anything.” He lightened his grip on her, she was painfully thin and he was afraid he would hurt her. She was shivering and sobbing, shaking like a leaf against him.


It was in that moment that it dawned on him, it was clear what was wrong. She was scared.


“You’ll leave,” she sounded on the verge of hysteria, “leave if I tell you and leave if I don’t.” Ethne looked up at him her eyes wild and tears streaming down her face. “Dean….I can’t keep doing this….I can’t-“


“Stop” Dean barked grabbing her arms and shaking her abruptly, “Look at me!” Her eyes were flickering from side to side in sheer terror, she started to speak but he cut her off “Ethne, look at me.” She stopped for a moment, obeying him and staring directly at him for the first time in what seemed like ages. “Calm down. I am not going to leave you, do you understand me. I am right here, right now and I swear to God that I’m not going anywhere.” He grabbed her face between his hands. “Do you understand me?”


“Yes” her voice was barely a whisper.


“You have to trust me when I tell you that…. But you have to tell me what happened or I can’t fix it.” He knew he sounded desperate, but there was nothing else left but to plead with her. At least she was talking to him, it was more than he’d gotten from her in months. “Did I do something…did I hurt you?”


“No...you are the best thing I’ve ever…” she didn’t finish but he saw it in hers eyes. I love you.


“Then what is it…is it someone else? Were you hurt, did someone do something to you?” The moment the words left his mouth, he felt her body stiffen, her head dropping back to his chest. Dean’s anger was immediate, he should have known. He was ready to kill. He didn’t want to ask the next question, his voice was shaking. “What happened.”


Ethne froze, after feeling nothing for so long it was as if everything came flooding back at once. “Dean I…”


He stepped back from her placing his hands on her shoulders, lowing himself to her eye line. “Ethne, you tell me right now, Goddamn it. You tell me who …or what….” Ethne watched as he shook, watching a rage in his eyes that she had never seen before.


There was a silence that seemed like a lifetime. Dean watched as she nodded slowly “Tell me you love me…no matter what.” Her voice was calm, but he saw the desperation. His mind was racing, he would kill whoever touched her…whoever made her this way.


“I love you.” Dean whispered, the intensity of his gaze spoke for it’s self. “I love you until the day I die.” And he meant it. He’d never said it out loud before. Hell, he’d never thought he would have someone to say it to. But he meant it.


Ethne leaned forward, gently placing a kiss on lips, letting her skin linger with his for a moment before pulling away. He attempted to kiss her back but she shrugged away from him. Then slowly reached up pulling her hair back off her neck. She turned sideways and looked away from him, exposing her bare shoulder.


“Ethne what are you-“ Dean stopped short, the mark was faint at first, as if it had healed over time but it was there. The scar was prominent, obviously the remnants of a deep, messy wound. It took a moment before he realized what it was. His vision went blurry. He felt weak and his stomach turned.


It was a bite.


Fang marks.