Who I use to be..

A/N: I wrote a story last year called, If you loved me, let me go. Well, that sucked, but had way too much potential so, I'm totally redoing the story. This is the remake. Hopefully it's better written and you will enjoy it.

Summary: An accident happens and Rodney loses all his memories.
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Category: Slash-
Pairings: McShep
Category: Angst, H/C. Suicidal thoughts(don't worry no suicide in this fic.
( Much more just warming up.)
Warnings: unbeta'd due to I'm still in the mist of this. It only took me
6 months to get this out.(RL)
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Disclamier: No harm meant toward Stargate, nor Evanescence for the lyric use
and title. I just love them. Enjoy.

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Life is such turmoil, sometimes I think I want just want to put a quick end
to it. I wonder if the pain really does go away when you seize to exist in
this physical realm. I’ve read, I’ve seen and I’ve known others that have
taken that as a permanent escape from living a life they just can’t take a
hold of any longer. But, I still wonder?! When that blade hits your skin,
or when those pills flow down your throat, or even when that bullet leaves
your gun . . . Is that the end of the anguish? Does the emotional distress
finally come to an end? Or are you lost in oblivion. Lost in the sorrows of
what went wrong, and/or what could have been. Is there really a god? Is there
such a thing as hell? Is there a life ever after?! So many things to ponder
that I really can’t grasp my head around it. I’m lost in this world, all alone
and have no idea if I’ll ever find my way out.

Only memories are what I have what was once was. We were so good at hiding the
truth, holding back those feelings from the outside world that even our dearest friends never knew.
I love him, Truly, deeply, madly. I loved him with ever fiber of my soul. Would
swim the waters of Atlantis for as long as he wished? Anything he asked,
I wouldn’t hesitate. Yes, I say that now: But, I do believe if he ever asked
anything beyond of my own strength, I would find a way to complete it. Just to
see him smile, would be worth any amount of hardships on my part. His smile: I
love his smile. It’s such a rare treat for others, but it’s something I would
never take for granted if given the chance again.

Oh, god I hurt.

My heart aches that he’s gone.

I miss him so much.. I just want to go and drag him back with me.

Forget what the Doctors say.

Forget what Elizabeth says.

Forget what Rodney himself might say.

I can make him remember! They didn’t give me long enough with him.

They rarely gave me a moment alone with him, so how was I suppose

to make him remember me?! Remember us?!

I know I could do it..

Just given the chance, I can make him remember..

I can!

I know I can..

I have to!
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Better? Tell me?