A Touch O' The Irish

A/N: Many thanks to my friend who got her mother to dust off her veeery rusty Gaelic for this fic, it took them a while and she offered to call someone in Ireland, but she didn’t really want to tell her very CATHOLIC mother exactly what this was for. Please remember that she spoke it more than wrote it as a child and this was the closest approximation we could get. If anyone has a more correct translation I will be happy to correct it.

A Touch O’ The Irish

There never were as many guards in the gateroom for the other SG teams General Hammond noted idly. SG1 seemed to have that special touch when it came to gate travel and gift bearing. The gateroom wall and control room glass had been repaired so many times they had gotten a separate budget for the expense. Uncle Sam liked to have all his ducks in a row when it came to his most expensive program.

The last few weeks had been calm, but George Hammond had not reached the rank of two star general by ignoring the obvious when it came to his first contact team. Even if they hadn’t set a precedent of destruction, that every other team seemed determined to follow, there was always Murphy’s Law. He was sure to the bone that SG1 had come due.

A bright blue whoosh and a transmitted code signaled the return of the SGC’s favorite flagship team. Major Samantha Carter, Teal’s the Jaffa, Dr. Daniel Jackson and Colonel Jonathon “Jack” O’Neill stepped through the gate with no sudden bursts of light or signs of physical harm. The sight of money discreetly changing hands made him smile. The techs still hadn’t learned. His money didn’t change hands until the team left the gateroom. He welcomed them back with a smile.

Jack beamed and caroled out, “Top o’ the morning to you, General, sir!”

An arched eyebrow was his reply.

“Tis’ a foin, I say again a foin day to return. The sky was blue, and the clover sweet, but home and hearth be where the heart lie.”

“He’s been this way since we passed through the four-leafed clover field near the gate, sir.” Sam called. “It was the odd random word at first, but now he seems stuck.”

“Whatever it is it seems to be fairly harmless, unlike the Ancient download.” Daniel threw in. “He’s showing no signs of distress of physical discomfort. The only thing we can’t discover is why Jack is the only one affected.”

Jack snorted, “Tis’ naught more than a touch of the blarney, lads. No one could fear that! Me sainted da always said that blarney is as blarney does.”

“Sounds like dear old da liked to rip off Forest Gump,” Daniel muttered.

“Colonel, I think you’ll understand that I need more than just your word on that, report to the infirmary immediately. SG1 you are confined to base until further notice.” Hammond ordered.

“But, General!” Jack was aghast, “Ye don’t mean to take me from the sun! The giver of life, the grower of all things green!”

Daniel and Teal’c grabbed an arm apiece and began to tow Jack to the infirmary. “C’mon, Jack, before you start quoting Darby O’Gill and the Little People, or worse Brigadoon.”

“Go dte an eachtrannach beag liath isteach in do thoin, agus go meh se na connaigh in thoin.”

“Bastart. That was bad, Jack. I’d wash your mouth out with soap, but I don’t think we have Irish Spring.” Daniel’s voice floated down the hall.

~~~~~~~~~~…….~~~~~~~~~………~~~~~~~~~…….~~~~~~~~

At 5’2 Dr. Janet Frasier was a small woman, but she handled the colonel into a bed like a marine, when Daniel brought him in cussing like a sailor. Out of the corner of her eye she caught money exchanging hands and some disappointed nurses. She began the preliminary exam of the Colonel, reminding herself she owed the General some money.

“Me mam always told me not to cuss a lady, but I’m not sure she’d think you’d qualify.” Jack said as soon as the thermometer came out of his mouth.

“O’Neill, I believe your common sense has grown impaired with this new development. Do you not always say to never irritate the one who gives you your prostate exam?” Teal’c spoke up.

Sam and Daniel nearly choked as they tried to hide their laughter. Jack sat there and glared at Teal’c, he barely noticed when Janet started prepping him for a blood sample. A sharp indrawn breath got his attention as the blood she drew came out with a green tinge.

Jack whistled, “Now wouldn’t me da be proud of that?” He remarked.

-SGC Conference Room-

“The Colonel is the only one who exhibits any symptoms. The change in speech patterns, the green color in the blood seem to have no evidence of short term damage to his system, but there’s no telling what the long term effects could be.

“The whole team, as far as we can determine, has been exposed to the same elements. We checked any samples of pollen and dirt from each member’s clothing and boots, or for anything like bug bites, but no differences showed up. In fact the colonel doesn’t even show signs of an allergic reaction. I am at a complete loss to explain it.” Janet said to the general.

“He has been placed in isolation for the time being under constant supervision. What I can tell you is that whatever it is in his blood seems to be turning him green from the inside out. It has affected his internal organs to a significant degree, and seems to be spreading at a rapid pace.”

The phone ringing interrupted her analysis of the current problem and it was immediately pointed at the doctor. Janet’s face as she listened to the person on the other side of the line said that there was a new problem emerging. She hung up and turned to the table.

“General, there’s been some new developments. You might want to come down to the Infirmary with me.”

~~~~~~~~~~~………..~~~~~~~~~~…………..~~~~~~~~~………..~~~~~~~~~~~

“It seems that Lieutenants Mulligan, Shaunessy and O’Grady have all displayed the same symptoms as the Colonel. The Colonel has developed one more problem, however.”

“I’m afraid to ask at this point, Doctor. Gen. Hammond said.

“It seems that the colonel is shrinking.” Janet said bluntly.

“The colonel is what?” He asked.

“The colonel’s medical records list him as 6’2 but the last measurement has him at 5’6. This puts us in a serious position. If the colonel continues to shrink in this manner I couldn’t even speculate what size he will be the end of the day, or what this means for the other infected. I can’t even tell you why they were infected at this point and time.” Janet’s voice grew more frustrated with each sentence.

Daniel, Sam and Teal’c had remained in the observation room of the isolation bay and they looked up when Hammond and Janet entered.

“Is my 2IC doing what I think he is?” The general asked.

Daniel rubbed his eyes, “If you think he’s leading the other men in an Irish Reel, than you would be correct.”

“Dr. Jackson, I don’t know how you even know what an Irish Reel is, much less how Col. O’Neill is able to perform it.” The general said frustrated. “As of right now I am ordering a lock down of this base effective immediately with a recall on all personnel until this is resolved. I hope you can resolve this with all expediency, Doctor, because the Air Force runs into a problem when it’s people shrink!”

Late night saw the base holding it’s breath as the affected military and civilian personnel had increased to twenty. There was no indication of the cure in foreseeable future, but the common denominator had been found. All the infected were descendants of Irish heritage by at least half. The Colonel had stopped shrinking at two and a half feet tall, although Lt. O’Grady had not been so lucky ending up at 2’1. It seemed the shrinkage was related to the height one was prior to infection.

No one was really sure how they had gotten hold of the whiskey, but you couldn’t take it away without a fight, not even with the threat of court martial. On the other hand the stories were getting funnier, so were the comments. The outer staff couldn’t hold back their grins when the colonel threatened to whack Dr. Jackson with his shaleghlie if he corrected their stories one more time. Especially when he stated that Daniel couldn’t tell stories because he was over three feet tall!

The green glow at midnight set off alarms all over the base. The Isolation Bay looked like someone had cracked a thousand glow sticks at tossed them into the room. The glow lingered for the full sixty second until 12:01 am and flew through the ceiling without disturbing a single inhabitant, all of whom had passed out drunk on the floor. No one was quite sure what to make of it, but it left no damage and seeped through the wall into the surrounding land. It was found to have greatly increased the productivity in the soil in later years.

Each of the infected were found clear of any residual effects by the next morning. The medical personnel remained baffled as to the cause, but the thing that caused the legendary rumors that circulated the halls of the SGC into infinity was the conversation that was overheard by an MP that took place between Gen. Hammond and Maj. Carter the next day.

~~~~~~~~~~~………~~~~~~~~~~~…………….~~~~~~~~~…………~~~~~~~~~~

“Come to think of it why didn’t you report the Colonel when he first started acting strange?” The General asked.

“It’s just the way the Colonel is, sir.” She replied.

“Now, Major, I know that the Colonel may be a bit strange, but I don’t think I’ve ever heard him spouting that many Irish sayings in a month much less a day.”

“Well, the Colonel usually does something special on these days, sir”

“What days would that be?” He asked confused.

“The holidays, sir. Yesterday was March 17th, St. Patrick’s Day.”

The End


The Translations loosely… very loosely;

Go dte an eachtrannach beag liath isteach in do thoin, agus go meh se na connaigh in thoin. -
May a little grey alien go into your ass and live there.

Bastart-
Bastard