Letting Go
folder
Supernatural › Het - Male/Female
Rating:
Adult +
Chapters:
1
Views:
1,192
Reviews:
1
Recommended:
0
Currently Reading:
0
Category:
Supernatural › Het - Male/Female
Rating:
Adult +
Chapters:
1
Views:
1,192
Reviews:
1
Recommended:
0
Currently Reading:
0
Disclaimer:
I do not own Supernatural, nor any of the characters from it. I do not make any money from the writing of this story.
Letting Go
Song used: "Sweet Surrender" by Sarah Mclachlan
Jess has been in love with Sam Winchester for four months and still wasn't any closer to figuring him out.
Christmas break was one of the happiest times for freshmen who were too far away to make it home over Thanksgiving.
Three weeks of family time and Sam seemed to be dreading it.
He'd let her put up decorations in his room, much to Reggie, his roommate's delight. He'd even gone with her to various programs the school held, but the gloom that had settled around him since the first of December just didn't lift the closer the end of semester came.
She looked over at him now, watching the snow fall outside and not seeing it. Her bags were nearly packed and she still knew she had to talk to him, but didn't have the information she needed yet to make sure she didn't hurt him worse than he was hurting already.
Sam sighed. Christmas. Red and green decorations and candles lit to reflect the warmth of the season. For the Winchesters there was never any warmth during the holidays. Christmas meant more family get togethers which generally meant more fights and more people finding ways to exact revenge.
Candles in windows weren't always for the celebration of the Christmas spirit, but one of the few times a year people knew they could leave them out without question.
For Winchesters, Christmas meant stupidity of people messing with things they shouldn't be touching.
Christmas meant death.
It doesn't mean much
It doesn't mean anything at all
The life I've left behind me
Is a cold room
He'd sent his father a text message this Christmas. It was simple. It just said, "I'm not coming home."
There hadn't been a response. Sam hadn't expected one. He would have sent it to Dean, but he had a feeling Dean would be more hurt than John.
Dean...his thoughts circled back to Dean so often, but he finally had a breakthrough. He'd gotten his grade on a final that had him terrified. It was an A. Sam Winchester would pull a 4.0 GPA for his first semester.
Just like that August day that seemed like a lifetime ago, he'd grabbed his cell phone and automatically dialed.
Unlike that day, he wasn't thinking of Dean.
He'd shared his news with Jess. His habit had been made and his heart was still intact.
Dean was no longer his partner in crime. He wasn't his partner in anything. He'd finally let him go and embraced the warmth of a woman who he was falling more in love with every day.
I've crossed the last line
From where I can't return
Where every step I took in faith
Betrayed me
"Sam?" Jess' soft voice carried Sam away from the thoughts swirling in his head and he sighed as he turned toward her.
And her smile made him smile.
"Yeah."
She put her arms around him and pulled him to her, letting her head fall back just as he stroked his hand through her hair. "My father just e-mailed me. He said you're welcome to come home with me this Christmas."
And led me from my home
The words should have made Sam happy. They should have made him feel as if he didn't need to worry about crashing on floors in vacant apartments he could break into over the holiday, but instead he leaned down and kissed this woman...this angel...who had offered him a Christmas celebration that normal families had.
No salt on doors. No virgin blood. Eating turkey at a table instead of candy bars in the back of an Impala. And no mentioning the date of December 25th as just another day.
And he cried.
And sweet
Sweet surrender
Is all that I have to give
"Sam? Are you okay?"
"No, I'm not okay. I'm not...I've never been okay."
He felt her hands ghost over his skin, healing him with each touch and causing him the type of cleansing pain that can only bring peace.
"Tell me. Tell me about Christmas at your house."
She pulled him closer, not knowing what hurt him so much, but willing to fight it if she had to. She launched into an account of tree decorating, cookie making, and carol singing.
It wasn't just a telling of the past, but a promise of the future, and Sam listened to her words as if they were giving him life just by falling on his ears.
You take me in
No questions asked
You strip away the ugliness
That surrounds me
"Tell me more..." He kissed her neck and slid down her pants as she painted pictures of ice skating and snowball fights. By the time she mentioned hot chocolate, he was down on his knees worshipping her with his mouth, listening to her panting out the need to make the yearly visit to the mall to pose with Santa.
Her promise to let Sam sit on the old man's lap with her let more of his tears fall as he felt her slowly giving him back a childhood that he'd been denied.
She was his family now. He had turned his back on one family, but he'd never turn his back on her.
Are you an angel
Am I already that gone
I only hope
That I won't disappoint you
When I'm down here
On my knees
When she screamed his name, he released her and caught her as she fell. Lowering her to the floor while she whimpered left no room to wonder what she wanted. Quickly discarding his clothes, he leaned into her, claiming her as if he was claiming a new life.
Christmas would mean something again.
And sweet
Sweet
Sweet surrender
Is all that I have to give
He moved above her, watching her face contort beautifully as if she were as new and beautiful as Sam's idea of Christmas. Both born anew in the face of darkness.
Sam only brought the evil, but this time she was conquering it with her words and her voice and her body and he came, holding onto her and everything she represented and secretly begging not to lose what he'd gained.
Sweet
Sweet
Sweet surrender
Is all that I have to give
In that moment of perfect clarity where inhibitions fall to nothingness and base desires take over thinking, he felt his walls crumble and his past met his present. He willed it away. He wanted to remember the horrors of Christmases past so this Christmas would hold a special place in his heart.
But his mind wouldn't let it be.
Flashes invaded his mind as he felt Jessica curl up next to him, believing she couldn't be happier. Believing he was thinking of her.
And I don't understand
By the touch of your hand
I would be the one to fall
Dean putting red ribbons on a motel room fern.
Dean showing Sam his sock filled with dime store candy.
Dean with markers and paper, making a card for his Sammy.
Dean sneaking change out of John's pocket after another drunken night to buy the fifty cent kazoo from the pharmacy down the street, along with a bit of colored paper.
Dean holding Pastor Jim's Bible and whispering a story about new beginnings and bright stars.
Dean.
I miss the little things
Oh I miss everything
"Sam?" Jess' sleepy voice reached him before he drifted off. "Are you sure you don't have plans with your family for Christmas?"
Sam tucked the memories back to where they belonged, the place locked away so he wouldn't miss Dean so much that he'd break apart.
"You're my family now."
He felt his strength returning, knowing celebrating a normal Christmas would be the best gift he could ever give his big brother, even if he would never know.
It doesn't mean much
It doesn't mean anything at all
The life I left behind me
Is a cold room
Sweet
Sweet
Sweet surrender
Is all that I have to give
Sweet
Sweet
Sweet surrender
Is all that I have to give
The End
Jess has been in love with Sam Winchester for four months and still wasn't any closer to figuring him out.
Christmas break was one of the happiest times for freshmen who were too far away to make it home over Thanksgiving.
Three weeks of family time and Sam seemed to be dreading it.
He'd let her put up decorations in his room, much to Reggie, his roommate's delight. He'd even gone with her to various programs the school held, but the gloom that had settled around him since the first of December just didn't lift the closer the end of semester came.
She looked over at him now, watching the snow fall outside and not seeing it. Her bags were nearly packed and she still knew she had to talk to him, but didn't have the information she needed yet to make sure she didn't hurt him worse than he was hurting already.
Sam sighed. Christmas. Red and green decorations and candles lit to reflect the warmth of the season. For the Winchesters there was never any warmth during the holidays. Christmas meant more family get togethers which generally meant more fights and more people finding ways to exact revenge.
Candles in windows weren't always for the celebration of the Christmas spirit, but one of the few times a year people knew they could leave them out without question.
For Winchesters, Christmas meant stupidity of people messing with things they shouldn't be touching.
Christmas meant death.
It doesn't mean anything at all
The life I've left behind me
Is a cold room
He'd sent his father a text message this Christmas. It was simple. It just said, "I'm not coming home."
There hadn't been a response. Sam hadn't expected one. He would have sent it to Dean, but he had a feeling Dean would be more hurt than John.
Dean...his thoughts circled back to Dean so often, but he finally had a breakthrough. He'd gotten his grade on a final that had him terrified. It was an A. Sam Winchester would pull a 4.0 GPA for his first semester.
Just like that August day that seemed like a lifetime ago, he'd grabbed his cell phone and automatically dialed.
Unlike that day, he wasn't thinking of Dean.
He'd shared his news with Jess. His habit had been made and his heart was still intact.
Dean was no longer his partner in crime. He wasn't his partner in anything. He'd finally let him go and embraced the warmth of a woman who he was falling more in love with every day.
From where I can't return
Where every step I took in faith
Betrayed me
"Sam?" Jess' soft voice carried Sam away from the thoughts swirling in his head and he sighed as he turned toward her.
And her smile made him smile.
"Yeah."
She put her arms around him and pulled him to her, letting her head fall back just as he stroked his hand through her hair. "My father just e-mailed me. He said you're welcome to come home with me this Christmas."
The words should have made Sam happy. They should have made him feel as if he didn't need to worry about crashing on floors in vacant apartments he could break into over the holiday, but instead he leaned down and kissed this woman...this angel...who had offered him a Christmas celebration that normal families had.
No salt on doors. No virgin blood. Eating turkey at a table instead of candy bars in the back of an Impala. And no mentioning the date of December 25th as just another day.
And he cried.
Sweet surrender
Is all that I have to give
"Sam? Are you okay?"
"No, I'm not okay. I'm not...I've never been okay."
He felt her hands ghost over his skin, healing him with each touch and causing him the type of cleansing pain that can only bring peace.
"Tell me. Tell me about Christmas at your house."
She pulled him closer, not knowing what hurt him so much, but willing to fight it if she had to. She launched into an account of tree decorating, cookie making, and carol singing.
It wasn't just a telling of the past, but a promise of the future, and Sam listened to her words as if they were giving him life just by falling on his ears.
No questions asked
You strip away the ugliness
That surrounds me
"Tell me more..." He kissed her neck and slid down her pants as she painted pictures of ice skating and snowball fights. By the time she mentioned hot chocolate, he was down on his knees worshipping her with his mouth, listening to her panting out the need to make the yearly visit to the mall to pose with Santa.
Her promise to let Sam sit on the old man's lap with her let more of his tears fall as he felt her slowly giving him back a childhood that he'd been denied.
She was his family now. He had turned his back on one family, but he'd never turn his back on her.
Am I already that gone
I only hope
That I won't disappoint you
When I'm down here
On my knees
When she screamed his name, he released her and caught her as she fell. Lowering her to the floor while she whimpered left no room to wonder what she wanted. Quickly discarding his clothes, he leaned into her, claiming her as if he was claiming a new life.
Christmas would mean something again.
Sweet
Sweet surrender
Is all that I have to give
He moved above her, watching her face contort beautifully as if she were as new and beautiful as Sam's idea of Christmas. Both born anew in the face of darkness.
Sam only brought the evil, but this time she was conquering it with her words and her voice and her body and he came, holding onto her and everything she represented and secretly begging not to lose what he'd gained.
Sweet
Sweet surrender
Is all that I have to give
In that moment of perfect clarity where inhibitions fall to nothingness and base desires take over thinking, he felt his walls crumble and his past met his present. He willed it away. He wanted to remember the horrors of Christmases past so this Christmas would hold a special place in his heart.
But his mind wouldn't let it be.
Flashes invaded his mind as he felt Jessica curl up next to him, believing she couldn't be happier. Believing he was thinking of her.
By the touch of your hand
I would be the one to fall
Dean putting red ribbons on a motel room fern.
Dean showing Sam his sock filled with dime store candy.
Dean with markers and paper, making a card for his Sammy.
Dean sneaking change out of John's pocket after another drunken night to buy the fifty cent kazoo from the pharmacy down the street, along with a bit of colored paper.
Dean holding Pastor Jim's Bible and whispering a story about new beginnings and bright stars.
Dean.
Oh I miss everything
"Sam?" Jess' sleepy voice reached him before he drifted off. "Are you sure you don't have plans with your family for Christmas?"
Sam tucked the memories back to where they belonged, the place locked away so he wouldn't miss Dean so much that he'd break apart.
"You're my family now."
He felt his strength returning, knowing celebrating a normal Christmas would be the best gift he could ever give his big brother, even if he would never know.
It doesn't mean anything at all
The life I left behind me
Is a cold room
Sweet
Sweet surrender
Is all that I have to give
Sweet
Sweet surrender
Is all that I have to give
The End