To Err Is Human, To Forgive Devine

Written for the Smut-A-Thon 2007 over at geekfiction on Livejournal. Thanks to dreams_of_him for the last minute beta.

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Time was a funny thing.

Shortly after he had left, Sara resumed her normal life. Well, the closest definition of normal she could muster. Just as always she poured herself into her work, stayed busy by pulling doubles and answering to Catherine’s every beck and call while she temporarily took over Grissom’s job.

Despite the bad terms on which he left, for the first couple of days she found herself missing the warmth of an extra body as she slept; waking up cold she would roll over to his side of the bed expecting to be enveloped by his arms only to have to resort to pulling the covers tighter across her body. By the fourth night she slept peacefully, an extra blanket resting over the sheets.

For the first couple of days she missed him kissing her, touching her, making love to her, saying her name. Just to hear his voice Sara would listen to an old voice mail he had left on her phone. Just to feel him she would wear one of his shirts. By the fourth day she had learned to ease the loss of him by allowing her hand to skim down her abdomen and into the waistband of her panties, her fingers caressing her folds until her whisper of a moan danced over her lips.

After five days living without Grissom, she had fallen into a rhythm similar to one she’d established before he became a part of her every day life.

But with only hours before his arrival home, Sara found herself anxious; pacing around the room she arranged and then rearranged nearly every book Grissom owned, anything to keep herself from yanking out her hair watching the clock.

For the moment she sat cross-legged on the couch, holding tea in one hand and blankly staring at the magazine in the other. She’d been idly turning pages for the past fifteen minutes, the words just running into each other like ink bleeding onto wet paper. Her attention span was far from interested on new methods to analyze blood spatter.

Her ears perked at the sound of metal on metal. She could hear her heartbeat in her ears and her palms instantly grew clammy. Setting down her tea and tossing the magazine aside, she waited, breath still, hoping her ears weren’t play tricks on her. Sara let out her held breath as the doorknob turned, the door opening slightly revealing the first shadows of his body on the floor beneath her. Coming in completely, he set down both of his suitcases, watching her inner conflict play out on her face.

She wanted so badly to run at him, fling her arms around his neck. Inhale the clean masculine scent she’d missed for a month and revel in the fact that he was home. But she couldn’t find the will to move. He had hurt her, whether he realized it or not.

Conflicted, that’s what she was. Conflicted. She was angry, hurt, upset, abandoned…hell, she didn’t even know. But he left her. All alone for a month to learn how to live by herself again. Part of her wanted to scream at him, throw something, anything to make him feel even one iota as horrible as she did. But she couldn’t even bring herself to utter a ‘hello’.

Grissom let out a sad sigh before picking up his suitcases and heading off to the bedroom. Sara continued to stare at the spot in which he had stood as if he was a mirage before she pushed herself off the couch. In the bedroom she found Grissom at the closet, putting away clean clothes and placing dirty clothes in the white hamper next to the dresser.

Leaning against the doorframe with her arms crossed over her chest, she drank in his appearance, watching him move almost gracefully between suitcase and closet. Sensing her presence he turned to face her, his eyes holding hers. Only then could she see the look of defeat written on his face. Her attempt to smile failed, probably looking more like an involuntary muscle spasm than anything else.

Removing the last of the clothes, Grissom turned from her and placed the suitcases back in the closet before turning back to her, shoving his hands in his pockets. He cleared his throat as if to speak, but frowned and decided against it, figuring nothing he said would make the situation better. He felt he was already one step up at the fact she had yet to attempt to claw his eyes out. Which he probably deserved.

“I, uh…hi,” she managed, this time the smallest semblance of a smile drawn on her face.

“Hi.” His voice was barely above a whisper, afraid to ruin whatever had given Sara a reason to speak to him.

Walking towards him, Sara could feel her skin itch to touch his, the prickling sensation in her fingertips growing stronger with each step she took. Her mind was screaming at her to turn and walk away, that he wasn’t worth her time, but every nerve cell in her body ached to be touched. She wanted to feel his rough hands mapping her skin, setting a wake of fire in their wake.

Stopping in front of him, Sara looked into his eyes, a faint smile forming on her face despite seeing the worry etched on his brow. Hands moving to the sides of his face, she saw Grissom flinch slightly as her fingers trailed along his cheeks, feeling the beard he’d grown along his jaw.

Grissom stood still, allowing her to map out his features with butterfly light touches. A small sigh escaped his lips as she ran the pad of her thumb over the small dent above his eyebrow. Her fingers ran across his lips so feather soft he didn’t even realize she was touching him until his tongue darted out to find her flesh.

Sara could feel Grissom tentatively wrap his arms around her waist, waiting for her to relax under his touch before pulling her closer. For a moment her fingers stopped their ministrations as Grissom’s own fingers starting tracing random patterns on the small of her back. Lowering her hands to her sides, she rested her head against his shoulder, just letting him hold her.

A deep sigh blew from his mouth as he held her closer, fine tremors shaking his frame. As she looked up, Sara could barely make out the shimmer of tears along his eyes. It was the closest she had seen Grissom to crying.

It hit her then just how profound this moment was. Words became superfluous. He truly thought he had lost her. She certainly wasn’t lost, but neither was she found. She felt…she felt like she was in limbo. Relationship limbo.

Before she could react, Grissom cradled her head in his heads and brought his lips down upon hers. He peppered her skin with small kisses before she let him in, her tongue sliding over his. His kiss was anything but frantic; it was slow and deliberate, like they were kissing each other for the first time.

Thumbs gently stroked her cheeks as he pulled back, resting his forehead against hers. His breath tickled her lips as he stood there, eyes closed hoping this wasn’t a dream.

Sara’s image mirrored his own. Swallowing hard, she closed her eyes. She shouldn’t be here wrapped up in his warm embrace. He left her shaken, unstable in her own mind, uncertain of where their relationship stood. But her own body betrayed her mind when he walked in the door. She betrayed herself further as she whispered the words she couldn’t admit the entire month he was gone.

“I missed you.”

He held her tighter then, pressing a soft kiss to her forehead. His hands wove in her hair allowing himself to drag his lips over her closed eyelids, the tip of her nose and eventually back down over her lips. She opened herself up to him, allowing him to love her.

In that moment Sara wished she could melt into him. He felt so good, his lips possessing hers like he would never get to taste her again.

Sara had never intended on falling into bed with him. She had planned on letting them both figure out what this relationship meant to them, slowly allowing herself to trust him again. But as his large hand snuck under the back of her shirt, she threw caution to the wind. She wanted to feel him.

Grissom pulled away from her, his breathing labored, eyes locked with hers. “Sara, I…”

She cut him off, “No. No words. Just love me.”

Never breaking eye contact, she let her lips meet his, barely darting her tongue out to taste his swollen flesh. A small groan floated between them as she shifted closer, her frame now flush with his.

Her hands finally came up from their position at her sides and began to unbutton his shirt, taking her time allowing her fingers to graze the heated skin beneath them. Finishing the last button, Sara broke from his mouth and kissed the hollow of his throat all while pushing the shirt from his shoulders. For a moment she rested her head against his chest, hearing the rapid thud of his heart against his chest.

Grissom brought Sara back up towards him, watching her eyes flutter close as he placed a kiss on the tip of her nose. Guiding her arms up above her head, he peeled the tank top from her torso letting it drop to the floor. His lips fell to her shoulders kissing each one as his fingers gently pushed aside the straps of her lacey bra. Her own hands wrapped around his back, her head falling back as his lips worked up her neck feeling her pulse beneath his lips.

He unclasped her bra and shoved it down her arms, holding her so their chests were skin to skin. A strangled cry erupted from Sara as his body heat awakened every nerve cell in her body, enveloping with his large arms.

For a while he just held her, his fingertips tracing the curves of her shoulder blades, working down feeling every knob of her spine. Sara placed languid kisses along the tops of his shoulders being content with the moment they’d created.

She quickly realized Grissom was giving her the power to control the speed at which he moved. Thinking back it occurred to her that she failed to communicate with him during his entire sabbatical. Sure, he’d call, several times a day at one point, but she couldn’t bring herself to answer. It hurt too much to think that he cared enough to call but not to include her in his entire decision process. Despite her conflicting emotions, she had initiated their current situation and desperately needed him to make her feel.

Urging him to continue, she swiveled her hips against his, a deep groan from his chest his only response. She could already feel the thick length of him pressing into her thigh.

Moving slightly, he nudged her towards the bed watching as she sat down in front of him, her dark eyes gazing up at him, waiting. One knee pressed into the mattress between her legs causing her to scoot father up the bed allowing his other knee on the bed. Her eyes never left his as he knelt between her legs, his hands creeping up to her hips. Propping up on her elbows, she watched Grissom lick his lips as he hooked his fingers under the waistband of her sweats, pulling them down over her hips.

He slowly pulled the clothing from her body, grabbing a hold of her left leg as he tossed the pants to the floor. The sides of his beard scraped along her feet as he placed delicate kisses along her ankle working his way up towards her knee. He paid attention to every freckle peppered across her creamy, porcelain-like skin as he moved towards her hip, his lips dancing across the crest of her hip. Her right leg received the same treatment before she got antsy and started to squirm beneath him.

Grissom allowed himself a low chuckle at her impatience and quickly dropped her panties on the floor along with her pants. Sara watched with fire in her eyes as his warm palms slid under her bottom, cupping it ever so gently as he kissed the insides of her thighs. Bringing his attention to her core, he nuzzled his nose into her thatch of hair, inhaling the scent he’d missed. A deep, throaty groan spilled from her lips as he swept his tongue along her cleft, his tongue collecting her juices, swallowing them appreciatively.

She thrust into his face, needing him closer. Her hands gripped the sheets like a vice as his mouth curled around her tiny nub, drawing it into his mouth, sucking on it with ardor. Her breath caught in her throat as he slowly inserted one long, thick finger into her depths stroking that sensitive patch of flesh.

As her movements increased, Grissom slid his unoccupied hand across her abdomen, holding her firmly against the mattress. The weight of his hand on her stomach caused her muscles to jump and the warmth already pooling there to intensify. Incoherent expressions of love danced off her lips as another inquiring finger joined the one already sending her nerve endings into a frenzy.

His name rolled off of her tongue like a breathless whisper as she clamped tightly around his fingers, bathing them in her juices. She looked down at him then, her eyes black with desire as he shoved his fingers in his mouth reveling in her taste, her groan rumbling through her chest.

Sara crawled over to him and kissed him, tasting herself on his lips. Her hands worked deftly at his belt and fly to his jeans, shoving them down his legs. She heard him gasp as her hand brushed against his erection through the fabric of his boxers. Anxious to feel the velvet skin of his cock, she shoved the boxers down, joining his jeans on the floor. As one hand wrapped around his length, he groaned and nearly fell into her, he hadn’t felt her touch for a month.

An almost painful grunt rumbled deep within in chest as she slowly stroked him. “Stop, Sara.”

Reluctantly pulling away from him, she leaned back on the bed beckoning him to follow suit. Grissom crawled after her, pushing her father up the bed with each advance. By the time she reached the headboard, he loomed over her his larger body almost dwarfing her own.

Dropping his head, he placed several kisses along her abdomen moving up under the swell of each breast. Small whimpers escaped from her throat as his lips drew in a nipple, loving it with his tongue. Her hands roamed over the smooth plane of his back, feeling the warmth radiating from his skin. His lips continued their journey upward until he reached her mouth, kissing her hard and drawing her tongue into his mouth.

Sara let her hands fall to his ass, squeezing it lightly causing him to involuntarily thrust towards her, the plum head of his cock grazing her swollen clitoris. Breaking away from her lips with a groan, he looked into her eyes black with desire. Her hips thrust into his, begging him to take her with her body.

Complying with her silent command, Grissom pulled back slightly pinning her right leg against his side, and thrust into her warm heat in one powerful stroke. Her cry echoed through the room as he filled her fully, stretching her in the most delicious way.

For a moment Sara thought she would pass out from the sensations coursing through her. She drew her right leg up closer to her body allowing Grissom to slip even further into her. Wrapping her arms around him, she pulled his chest down on hers drawing solid comfort from his frame on top of hers.

Grissom’s groan emanated from somewhere deep within him as he slowly pulled back before thrusting back into her tight sheath. A gasp caught in her throat as he starting moving within her, his lips dancing across her shoulders leaving little wet kisses in their wake.

Sara let her hands roam over the warm skin of his back, clinging to with each powerful stroke from his hips. The only other sound in the room besides their labored breathing and pleasurable moans was the sound of skin on skin as their hips met thrust for thrust in beautiful harmony.

Hearing the slight hitch in her throat, a telltale sign she was close, Grissom slid a hand between their slick bodies, nestling it where they were joined. Her eyes locking with his, he kissed her hard and rubbed her clit with his thumb, swallowing the moan that followed as her muscles clamped down hard onto his pumping cock.

Riding the crest of her orgasm, Grissom’s thrusts became hurried as he felt his balls tighten and the rush of sexual energy pool low in his abdomen. One kiss at the underside of his jaw from Sara and he was gone, erupting deep within her womb.

He fell against her and rested his head between her breasts, idly kissing any patch of skin he could touch. Sara held him in the cradle of her arms and legs, her left hand coming up to stroke the damp curls at the base of his neck. His own arms wrapped around her back holding her to him. As if she was going to go anywhere.

Letting his breathing return to normal, he finally spoke. “Sara?”

Her voice held a dream-like quality, “Hmm?”

“I’m sorry. I should never have left you. I was being selfish. Everything at work was just piling up and I…I just needed to get away,” he looked up at her then, “You know I wasn’t leaving because of you, right?

Sara swallowed hard, “I do now.”

“Oh, honey. You may have changed me in so many ways, but I am still an old fool.”

“You’re not a fool, Grissom,” she said softly, “But you did hurt me.”

He winced then and started to push himself off of her. “I’m sorry, Sara. Maybe I should-“

“No! Please. Just stay.”

Grissom lay back down on his back beside her. Sara turned over on her stomach and watched the frown form on his face.

“Why do you put up with me, Sara?” he asked, turning to face her.

“Because I love you.”

She scooted over to him and rested her head on his chest. His arm reflexively came around her small frame, holding her against the warm length of him. Eventually they both fell asleep stealing comfort from their closeness.


SARA woke to an empty bed. Part of her wished he had stayed but the other half was glad he was gone. He was probably off digesting their post-coital conversation. If Sara had one job in this relationship it was to confuse the hell out of Grissom. Never had she perplexed a man so much.

But she wasn’t lying when she had told him that his actions had hurt her; she felt no need to sugar coat the situation. He had promised to never hurt her at the beginning of their relationship knowing he had toyed with her emotions one too many times in the past. Whether he had known it or not, his leaving was the worst one of all.

Even despite the events of last night, she still didn’t know she felt. Somewhere deep within her, she still felt like throwing the nearest hard object at him.

Letting out a deep sigh, she pushed herself from the bed and walked over to the dresser and pulled out one of Grissom’s button down shirts. If he couldn’t be there in person, he could be there in scent. A small smile appeared on her face as she glanced at the picture of them resting on the dresser. Grissom lay on the couch with a sleeping Sara resting peacefully on his chest. The look of love in his eyes still made her heart flutter.

Walking to the kitchen she stopped in surprise when she saw Grissom, clad only in a robe, sitting on one of the stools, nervously wringing his hands. He watched her approach noticing the look of confusion in her eyes. Taking her place next to him, she saw the look of inner battle written on his face.

“You stayed.”

He shook his head. “Couldn’t leave you again.”

“Grissom, you- “

“No, Sara. I can’t. I always thought the idea of never having you was the worst thing that could happen to me. I was wrong. Having you and thinking I lost you was the worst.”

“You never lost me, Grissom,” she said softly.

He blinked and nodded, running a nervous hand through his hair. Shoving his hands in his pockets he fumbled with whatever contents lay within them. A frown formed on his face as he seemed to be having a secret battle with himself.

“Grissom?”

He turned to her then and smiled.

She watched with curiosity as he pulled a small, black velvet box. Her hands began to shake and a sob choked in her throat- every woman knew what a box like that meant. He fumbled with it for a moment before flicking open the top, her tears beginning to fall as the ring caught the light streaming from the windows creating rainbows that danced over her skin.

“I never considered giving anyone else my grandmother’s ring except for you. She made me promise I would give it to the one woman I couldn’t live without.”

Sniffling, she desperately tried to rid her eyes of tears watching him through blurry eyes as he struggled to express himself.

He laughed nervously, “God, I was seven the last time I did this. Uh…” he cleared his throat, “ ‘Grow old with me, the best is yet to be.’”

“Robert Browning,” came her broken response.

Nodding lightly, he took her hands within his own, tears forming along his eyes, “I love you. From the moment I saw you I loved you. Never has a woman scared me so much. You terrify me, Sara, in the most wonderful way,” he paused for just a moment, “Marry me.”

Tears stained her cheeks as she fell into him, practically climbing up onto his lap. Nothing else in the world mattered besides the man in front of her who for the first time in their relationship laid out in words exactly how he felt. The events of the past month seemed to melt away leaving just the two of them in this moment.

In that moment, Sara thought, he looked the most beautiful he’d ever looked. Raw emotion wore him well, that or he wore raw emotion well. Either way, she didn’t think twice about pulling away from him for a moment to choke out a ‘yes’ and allow him to slip the ring on her finger.