Give In

Disclaimer: I own nothing from the show or the song used and I'm making no money.
Song used: "Cry" by Faith Hill
Summary: Pre-series; Sam's made his decision and a rift begins to form between the Winchesters. BTW, some of these will be pretty short.
Warnings: This whole series is a crapload of angst. :-) It is a story about Wincest aka slash relationships.
NOTE: I'm trying to make all of these fics stand alones. However they do make one story when put all together. :-)

Dedication: This is for my daughter who was listening to a song one day and told me that I should 'write' about it. Of course, I'm not telling her she inspired me to do this. LOL

One week before Sam leaves

Sam couldn't believe it. He was going to college. Ever since he'd made the decision, John had refused to talk to him. He'd talk to Dean, but never Sam. It was as if Sam didn't even exist.

Sam could handle that. What he couldn't handle is how things had changed between him and Dean. Sam sighed and stared at the ceiling and then glanced at the clock on the table nearby. Five in the morning and he was lying awake...again...

He shifted and looked over at the other bed. John was snoring lightly and turned away from him. Usually he just slept in the bed with Dean, but not now. Now Dean had chosen to sleep on the floor.

Sam thought about the night Dean had run off after finding out that Sam had been accepted to school. He and John had fought for well over an hour before it occured to them that Dean hadn't returned. John hadn't allowed Sam to go with him to look for his older brother, but came back thirty minutes later with a slightly drunk Dean.

They had helped him into bed and then Sam had crawled in with him while his father fell onto the other bed.

The next morning had brought a surprise for both Winchester boys.

Sam had woken up first and stared at Dean's long lashes feathered against his cheek. It took a moment to realize how close he was. He blinked the sleep from his eyes and took notice of his surroundings.

During the night, Dean had curled around Sam and pulled them close to each other. That was the only reason Sam could see the tear tracks running sideways on Dean's cheek, proving he'd been in bed already when he'd begun to cry.

Sam leaned in only an inch and brushed his lips softly over the eyelashes he had just been admiring. When he felt them flutter against him, he jerked back.

Dean groaned and stretched, automatically untangling himself from Sam. Then he got up and headed to the bathroom, not speaking a word.

After that, Dean refused to share a bed with Sam. Sam wasn't sure why, but Dean was acting as if Sam was just some guy who he was forced to deal with for awhile.

Sam wanted to go to school, but he wanted Dean to come with him. Hell, he'd even stay if Dean wanted him to. But he had to ask. He had to bring it up. Sam couldn't. He wouldn't let them think he was looking for a way out.

And so the days went. Sam felt himself growing smaller every day. He was surrounded by the men who had loved him so well for so long and he felt like a stranger. The pain was greater than if they would have just come out and told him to go to hell.

He tried to elicit some emotion from Dean, but his older brother just shrugged him off most of the time. The cold shoulder treatment left Sam with sleepless nights and tears of his own to contend with.

If I had just one tear running down your cheek
Maybe I could cope maybe I'd get some sleep
If I had just one moment at your expense
Maybe all my misery would be well spent

After staying up most of the night again, Sam was feeling a bit more bold than he had in awhile. He just sat on the bed, pretending to read while John left to get breakfast. He'd bring something for Sam, but he never asked him what he wanted anymore. He asked Dean. Dean always just shrugged and told him anything would be fine. Sam liked to pretend that was Dean's way of not leaving Sam alone to be the only one getting a surprise meal every day.

As soon as John was gone, Sam dropped the book on the bed next to him and walked over to Dean who was packing up their things. "We need to talk."

Dean didn't even glance up. "What about?"

"Me leaving."

"I thought we were talked out on that one." Dean began clenching the clothes a bit more tightly as he threw them into the bag.

"I'm not."

Dean looked up at that point and crossed his arms over his chest defensively. "Well...since lately we've been doing whatever you want I guess I need to talk, don't I?"

"That's not true."

"I don't need to talk? Great..." He turned back to packing, but soon found the bag pulled away and tossed on the floor. "Knock it off..."

"No, Dean! You knock it off! It's not true that we've been doing what I want!"

"You're leaving, aren't you?"

"What makes you think I want that?"

"You don't want to go to college?" Dean glared at Sam with a look that made the younger man shudder. It was a mixture of disappointment and anger and it chilled Sam to the bone.

"I..." Sam chose truth. He knew it was for the best. "I don't want to leave you, Dean. I don't want to do any of this without you by my side."

Dean closed his eyes for a moment and then shrugged, opening them again. "See? It's what you want...."

"You don't want to be with me?"

"Not really." Dean picked up the bag again and finished packing. "I've picked up after you for years. I'm sick of it. Maybe if you take your spoiled ass off to college I'll finally have time to do things I want to do. You know...things that don't involve being your fucking babysitter."

Sam was shocked. He had no idea Dean felt like that. He wanted to scream and cry, but instead he just walked out the door.

Yeah....Could you cry a little
Lie just a little
Pretend that you're feeling a little more pain
I gave now I'm wanting
Something in return
So cry just a little for me


Dean continued picking things up until Sam had been gone for at least five minutes. Then he just sat on the edge of the bed and sighed. When Sam had insisted on talking, he just crossed his arms to protect himself. Lately, even looking at Sam was painful for him. It felt so much better to just have some sort of barrier between them.

But then he'd gotten the idea that Sam didn't want to go to college and he was disappointed in himself for even suggesting such a thing. When it became clear that Sam had seen the look in his eyes, Dean's anger at himself for being so careless overwhelmed him. He refused to stand in the way of what was best for his little brother. It might kill him slowly inside to be away from him, but it was what needed to be done. He knew Sam would stay if he asked him and he couldn't allow it. He also knew John couldn't survive alone and he couldn't leave him.

The only solution was to push Sam away from this life and this mess their father had dragged them into. He sat down on the edge of the bed and just tried to pull himself together. Lying to Sam was going to kill him sooner than any demon.

If your love could be caged, honey I would hold the key
And conceal it underneath the pile of lies you handed me
And you'd hunt those lies
They'd be all you'd ever find
And that'd be all you'd have to know
For me to be fine


One day before Sam leaves

Sam had adopted the cool attitude toward the others. It felt better than to keep hoping for some sort of warm family contact from either John or Dean. He walked over to the bus station to buy his tickets while Dean and John went to the library to get some research on their latest case. He didn't remember speaking a full sentence to them in the last five days and the numbness was starting to eat at him.

The only satisfaction he had was that Dean seemed to be upset by the change. He began to reach out a little. He had tried to help Sam pick up some of his things just that morning, but Sam had just glared at Dean.

Dean looked surprised, but also unsure of what to say. "Sammy?"

"I don't need you to pick up after me."

Dean took a deep breath. "Alright..." He left Sam alone and just laid down on one of the beds and started to flip channels while waiting for John to return.

Sam knew at that moment that even if Dean never told him he cared, he would at least have the knowledge that he wouldn't be the only one dying inside when he left.

Yeah....And you'd cry a little
Die just a little
and baby I would feel just a little less pain
I gave now I'm wanting
Something in return
So cry just a little for me


The next day, John refused to go to the bus station. He just said a quick 'See ya' to Sam and then headed out to get some breakfast, forcing himself to remember there would be only two people eating when he returned.

Dean wanted to go with John, but couldn't bring himself to do it. He walked silently with Sam to the bus stop and stood there, looking down the road once in awhile as if he might miss the large bus that would stop to pick Sam up if he didn't see it in advance.

"So..."

Sam looked over at Dean. "So..."

"You got money?"

"I've got enough."

"You keeping the cell paid for so we can reach you...you know if we find that thing?"

"Yeah, I'll keep the number. You?"

"See no reason to change it. I'll let you know if I do." Dean took a deep breath, hoping the bus would be late, but knowing deep down it would probably be early with his luck.

"I'll send a letter to one of our contacts...let them know where I can be reached."

Dean nodded. "Yeah, well...whatever. There's not much you can do to help us with anything at some big college."

"Guess not."

Dean looked up at Sam then and met his eyes. He couldn't leave things this way. He had to tell his brother just how much he meant to him and he opened his mouth to tell him everything he needed to tell him, but all they heard was the sound of a horn honking.

Sam was staring at Dean as if waiting, but Dean had already turned toward the noise. The bus was lumbering down the road, a full ten minutes early.

Dean sighed and then turned back to Sam. "Early bus."

Sam gestured toward Dean's wrist. "Nope. Cheap watch."

Dean shrugged. "Yeah...so....later."

"Yup." Sam stood there for a moment longer, willing Dean to say something, but there was only silence as Dean kicked at a few pebbles on the road.

Sam turned and began to climb onto the bus, fearing he'd never get over the loss he was about to experience.

"Sammy?"

Sam stopped on the steps and looked back hopefully. "Yeah?"

Dean just stared at his brother, burning the image into his mind. "Watch yourself."

"Yeah...you, too...." He climbed on the bus and found a seat on the opposite side from where Dean was, not wanting to see him again for fear of having his heart break completely.

Give it up baby
I hear your goodbye
Nothins goin save me
I can see it it your eyes
Some kind of heartache
Darlin give it a try
I don’t want pity
I just want what is mine


Dean stood there, staring at his shoes, until the bus pulled away. He didn't look up until he could no longer hear the loud engine. He wanted to wait and then look and see that Sam had gotten off the bus. He wanted to grab him and hold him tight and beg him not to leave him.

The pain of suspense kept his head down. He wanted to hear his name spoken softly.

"Dean?"

His heart shattered as he looked up to face not his brother, but his father. At the confused look on John's face, Dean wiped away the tears streaming from his eyes. "Dust."

He walked past his father and toward their car, forcing himself to face the new life he'd accepted so his brother would have his chance to live.

Yeah...Could you cry a little
Lie just a little
Pretend that you’re feeling a little more pain
I gave now I'm wanting
Something in return
So cry just a little for me

Yeah...Cry just a little for me

Could you cry a little for me


The End