What He Lost

"You want me to see what I lost, Lex?"

Lex's head turned, a nasty smirk on his face, hand frozen on the car door's handle. "That's right, Clark. What you lost."

"And I never really mattered?" Clark's head was cocked to the side, a small grin twisting at his lips.

"Never. I was a fool to put as much effort and thought into you as I did." Lex faced Clark fully, forcing the icy chill into his eyes that he knew could knock the most powerful men in the world to their knees.

"I see."

And, Lex nodded, a sneer on his face, and turned back towards the car, only to turn back in shock at the sound of Clark Kent's soft chuckle.

"What exactly is so amusing, Clark?" He snarled.

"You." Clark murmured. "You came ALL the way out to the farm...to tell me that I don't matter."

Lex's spine stiffened involuntarily, "No, I wanted to make sure you received the invitation. For Lana's benefit." And snarled at the full-out laugh that erupted from full, reddened lips.

"Riiiight." Clark stepped forward, stopping only a foot away from Lex. "You couldn't have mailed it...couriered it, or given it to my mother. You couldn't have given the invitation to your father, who you KNOW would have made certain to give it directly to me. You couldn't have-"

"I wanted to make sure you got the message, Clark!" Lex snapped, hissing in an angry breath.

Clark's eyes were full of humor, "Oh, I got the message, Lex. I definitely got your message."

Lex leaned into Clark's space, rage and something else...something usually pushed down into a hidden place in his soul...reared up into his eyes, "I won, Clark. I won. Lana is mine, and will never be yours again. She never really was."

"Fine. Good riddance." Clark said this softly, watching as Lex's face reddened with fury. "You deserve one another, and I hope you make each other happy. I hope you love each other enough to make a good life together." He said this sincerely, honestly. "I hope you make her as happy as my father made my mother, and I hope she does the same for you, Lex." Lex whirled back around, anger ripping through his body, and heard Clark's last words, nearly silent in the chilled wind. "And I don't need to go to the wedding to see what I lost. I'm looking at it. Right now."

"What kind of game are you trying to play now, Clark?" Lex's face was angry, yes, but underneath, there it was.

Pain. Unrelenting, and searing.

"No games, Lex."

Lex sighed heavily, "You tried to kill me, Clark."

"No less than you've done to me, Lex."

Lex's head snapped up. He snapped forward, his nose an inch from Clark's. "I've told you-"

"You shot me, Lex. You don't remember, but you did. Over and over, when Rickman implanted the order in your mind." Lex was staring, shocked now, at Clark.

"Now? You're going to tell me, now? Why, Clark? I'm the person you hate most." Lex shook his head. "It's too late, Clark. It's too late-"

Clark brushed his lips against Lex's. Soft as a butterfly's wings. "Don't give up on me, yet."

The words, an echo...a memory. And Lex felt the emotion welling up in side of him. Stronger than the need to possess Lana Lang. Stronger than the want to be the best. Stronger than the need for any power.

"You hate me."

"I've never hated you, Lex."

"Liar."

"Many times over. And you would know, Lex, better than anyone. Did it hurt you?"

"What? Your murder attempt?" Lex spat this out, contempt layered thickly on the words. Had to force them out.

"When I said I hated you? Did it hurt? I knew it would. I knew it. It would've hurt me." Clark's eyes, shining and brilliant, verdant green, were more open than they'd ever been.

Lex couldn't move, breathing his words against that lush mouth. "No."

"Who's the liar, now, Lex?"

Lex pushed him away, feeling the heat underneath his hands for only a split seconds...knowing he'd feel that heat for the rest of his life.

"NO!"

"It did. It hurt. Of course, it hurt." Clark sighed, and ran a hand through already messy, black hair. "I meant for it to hurt. I thought of the thing that would hurt you the most, and I spat it out at you in front of everyone." Another deep sigh. "You always hurt the ones you love."

Enraged gray-blue eyes flared with heat. "Don't."

Clark stepped forward, again. "You're going to forget this, Lex. I can do that. One of my amazing abilities. I can make you forget what I'm about to say, and I'm going to. Because I know, I KNOW, that while I can save you...there will always be a part of you that wants to destroy me. For no other reason than because you can. I KNOW, Lex, that you love me. That deep down inside, there's a soul there, and that you love me. I know that a part of you will always love me, just as I will, undoubtedly, always love you. Just as I always have. But, I can't trust you."

Lex was shocked to feel wettness sliding across his face. Shocked to feel himself leaning into the kiss Clark placed on his lips. Shocked to feel his lips sliding open to let his tongue taste the one man he's always wanted, but could never truly have.

"Clark." The name was choked, harsh. Real.

"I think I was sent here, to Earth, for you, Lex."

Lex sobbed, feeling the rush of pain and pleasure stain through his body. The orgasm hit him like a freight train, knocking the strength from his legs, and he fell...into the strongest arms in the world.

Lex met Clark's eyes, sobs still shuddering out of his mouth, into Clark's. "I don't want to forget, Clark. I do love you. God, Clark, I'm so sorry. Please. Please...I don't want to forget!" And could only shake as he felt Clark Kent's tears fall onto his face, mingling with his own.

"Lex," Clark waited until Lex's eyes were on his, "I'll remember for both of us."

And he kissed him, drawing in, until everything was clear. Until Lex walked away, dabbing at his face, confused and cold.

Until he was alone, looking up at the sky. Alone. And screaming inside his head.