Talk to Me

Disclaimer: I own nothing from the show or the song used and I'm making no money.
Song used: "Talk" by Coldplay
Summary: Pre-series; Sam has a decision to make and needs to turn to someone he trusts. BTW, some of these will be pretty short.
Warnings: This whole series is a crapload of angst. :-) It is a story about Wincest aka slash relationships.
NOTE: I'm trying to make all of these fics stand alones. However they do make one story when put all together. :-)

Dedication: This is for my daughter who was listening to a song one day and told me that I should 'write' about it. Of course, I'm not telling her she inspired me to do this. LOL

Sam just looked at the letter again. He had been accepted. He never thought that would happen and he hadn't prepared for the shock and pride he felt coarsing through him.

That all came to a screeching halt when he heard Dean and his father come back from the errands they were running. They left him alone a lot. He'd wanted to talk to Dean. He'd wanted to get his advice. Now he was forced to try once again to get Dean's attention.

He walked out of the bathroom after stuffing the letter in the back of his jeans. "Hey..."

John just nodded to acknowledge him. Dean studied Sam a bit longer. Something about the way he was holding himself made the older Winchester wonder what his younger brother was hiding.

John noticed the longer gaze and frowned. "Dean! I need the guns cleaned."

"But you just-"

"We can't be too careful. I don't need to fire the damn thing just to have it misfire on me, do I?"

Dean swallowed the lump in his throat. "No, sir." He immediately went outside to gather up some of the weapons.

Sam's eyes followed Dean longingly. He wanted to talk to him. He needed to talk to him.

John took a deep breath. It was worse than he had thought. Dean had corrupted his baby boy. He'd seen the looks shared and knew Sam was too young to understand what was happening.

"Sammy. We have to talk."

Sam cringed at the use of his childhood name. He'd given up on trying to get his dad or brother to address him as 'Sam'. "About what?"

"I've been thinking about some things. Life and-" He stopped as Dean walked back in. John just watched him as he went to the table to clean the weaponry. "Let's step outside."

Dean glanced up. Sam caught the confused and hurt look in his eyes. He knew he was being kept out of something, but couldn't question his father. He didn't even look at Sam and went back to cleaning.

Sam sighed, needing Dean to give him some time so they could talk.

John gestured for Sam to follow him outside and the two men stopped near the car. "Sammy, you need some stability."

Sam's eyes widened. He wasn't sure what to say. He was about ready to spill everything when his father continued.

"It's hard having a big brother around all the time when you're trying to learn. I'm thinking...I'm thinking of sending Dean to some of our friends and letting him train with them. That way it will be just you and me."

Sam's jaw dropped.

Oh brother I can't, I can't get through
I've been trying hard to reach you, cause I don't know what to do
Oh brother I can't believe it's true
I'm so scared about the future and I wanna talk to you
Oh I wanna talk to you

Sam shook his head. "You can't send Dean away."

"I think it's for the best."

"Have you mentioned this to him?"

"Not yet. I will. He won't question me."

"How can you be so sure, Dad? You're talking about taking him away from everything he's ever known!"

"Don't start, Sammy. I make the decisions with this family."

"That's where you're wrong, Dad. There are three of us in this family and Dean has always been the one who held us together. He cares about us. He wants to help us and he wants the best for me and you can't-"

"I want the best for you!"

"And Dean....right, Dad?"

"Sammy, you're special."

"We're both your sons."

John just shook his head. "Dean can take care of himself. You need someone to protect you."

"Dean protects me."

"No, not anymore."

Sam glared at his father. He didn't care what happened now. He was going to go to college and leave this ridiculous life behind. "Yeah, you're right."

John visibly relaxed. "I'm glad you're seeing this my way."

"Whatever."

He walked away and into the room. He sat down at the table and started helping Dean clean.

John walked in and went into the bathroom. He started the shower and prayed he was doing the right thing. He just couldn't let his sons follow the path of evil he'd fought for so long. He had watched them grow and he'd loved them the only way possible without partaking of the sins promised to him by so many darkened creatures over the years. They haunted his dreams. He saw how wanton Dean was and how he longed to please. First it was him and then it would be Sam.

He had resisted. It had been hard and he'd sought out the company of many women just to quench the thirst the darkness had placed in him, but he never failed to stay away from being harmed by the evil that resided in his oldest son. He shook his head and allowed the water to wash away the stress.

Meanwhile, Sam was finally getting sick of the silence. He cleared his throat for the fifth time in as many minutes.

Dean rolled his eyes and set the gun down he was working on. "Are you going to talk to me about what's bugging you or just annoy me to death? It's really not a good idea when I'm sitting here surrounded by guns." He smirked.

Sam swallowed heavily and nodded. "Sorry. I just need to talk to you about something and I'm not really sure how to do it."

"Just open your mouth and do it, dude." He continued to clean and didn't look at Sam, thinking it would make the younger man more comfortable.

"Dad said you should go."

Dean froze and took a moment before looking up at his brother. He set the gun down and leaned forward, suddenly very interested. "Go where?"

"I'm not sure. He was talking about sending you to work with some guys we know."

Dean shook his head, confused. "Why?"

Sam smiled, wanting to ease the tension. "Because you're more special than me."

You can take a picture of something you see
In the future where will I be?
You can climb a ladder up to the sun
Or write a song nobody has sung
Or do something that's never been done

Dean just shook his head. "Sammy, don't."

"Come on. Don't be like that. It isn't like I want to be here with him."

"Dad loves you."

"Are you serious? This isn't about love. It's about obsession. He thinks I'm some special child who-"

"You are special, Sammy."

"No more than you are."

"Sorry, bro. I'm not that stupid." He stood and walked over to the window, watching the people walk by, oblivious to the hell that surrounded them every day.

"We have to stick together, Dean. We're alike, you and I."

"How do you figure?"

"You deserve something normal. So do I."

Are you lost or incomplete?
Do you feel like a puzzle, you can't find your missing piece?
Tell me how do you feel?
Well I feel like they're talking in a language I don't speak
And they're talking it to me

Dean just sighed and shook his head. "This is my 'normal' now." He thought about the life he'd wanted as a child and remembered being told to let it go. "You may still have a chance, you know." He turned and looked pointedly at Sam.

"How do you think that I have more of a chance than you?" He chewed on his lower lip. Sometimes it seemed that Dean knew things about him nobody else did, even him.

"You've been acting weird."

"Our whole life is weird."

"No, not that. You go out a lot by yourself when you think Dad and I are busy. And you have insisted we stay in this area for some reason. I'm guessing you need stability right now for some reason. I can only think of one."

"One reason for needing to stop moving around? What the hell would-"

"Mail. We don't get it unless we stay put."

Sam swallowed the guilty lump in his throat. "You know, you're really way too smart."

Dean smirked. "It's a gift."

So you take a picture of something you see
In the future where will I be?
You can climb a ladder up to the sun
Or a write a song nobody has sung
Or do something that's never been done
Do something that's never been done

Sam turned as the shower turned off. "You're the only one I can trust."

"I know." He held out his hand.

Sam pulled the letter from his waistband and handed it to Dean. "I'm going. I want you to go with me. You can find a job and maybe apply."

Dean didn't speak as he read the letter. He wanted to cry out in excitement, wrap his arms around Sam and spin him around, but he didn't dare. His father would hear and any extreme happiness in their family usually meant possession. He just nodded. "This is good news for you, Sammy." He handed the letter back.

Sam frowned. "For us."

Dean looked at the ceiling knowing he couldn't take Sam up on his offer. He wanted to. He had begged his father to let him go to school as a child, but he was never allowed. He had learned by helping Sam do his homework. He loved school. He loved learning. He'd never tell, though. He knew he had to play the dumb brother to force his younger brother to succeed. He'd given up so much to make sure Sam took every opportunity out there. Now he'd have to give up even more. If they both left, John would come after them and he couldn't let that happen. "I'm not leaving Dad. He needs someone."

"No, Dean. Don't do this. Don't give up this chance for him."

"I'm not." Dean sneered at Sam and shoved him away a bit. It was time to play the part he needed to. "I like being here. I don't need to be some college boy to be happy. You want to leave us, you do it, but don't pretend like you give a shit about us!" His voice rose to be sure to catch John's attention.

Sure enough, John came out of the shower with his jeans on and nothing else. "What's going on out here?"

Dean just shrugged and glared at Sam. "Why don't you ask this traitor? He'll tell you all about it." His heart ached. He knew he was about to start war between the two men in his life, but he also knew how stubborn his baby brother was. After this, nothing would stop Sam from leaving and pursuing his dreams.

He walked out, praying he could make it out before he gave into the urge to beg Sam to take him with him to college. He wanted to explore the world and stop seeing only the darkness beneath the light. He wanted to hold onto something bright instead of gripping something dark and black day in and day out. As the yelling began, he just ran.

So you don't know where you're going, and you wanna talk
And you feel like you're going where you've been before
You tell anyone who'll listen but you feel ignored
Nothing's really making any sense at all
Let's talk, let's talk
Let's talk, let's talk

The End