Conflicting Emotions

“So how far along are you? Any cramps or bleeding?”

Sam sighed and answered the questions. “Um, almost 16 weeks. No, no cramps or bleeding.” She wanted so much to believe that nothing was wrong with the baby, but after that horrific crash she couldn’t imagine how it could have survived. The wreckage was everywhere, and precious few had survived.

“Samantha, right? Look, Samantha, I’m not an obstetrician, but no cramps and no bleeding, that’s a really good sign. I think that the baby is going to be okay. Stay hydrated, don’t overdo it, and let me know if anything changes.”

“Thanks, doc.” It was a quick assessment and while she would much rather have a thorough exam by her own physician to prove nothing wrong, at least it was a positive something. “Oh, and no one calls me Samantha. It’s Sam.” She crinkled up her nose to show how much she disliked the name Samantha.

He smiled a weak smile, one of exhaustion. Sam watched him walk away to attend to other survivors. He was handsome; the proverbial tall, dark, and handsome doctor that her mother had always wanted her to end up with. Instead she had married Tony, a gorgeous Australian corporate exec who had broken her heart. She shook her head in an effort to shake him from her thoughts; he was part of her past now, regardless of the insane fact that she was carrying his child.

She rubbed the small baby bump absently and wondered when help would arrive. They had already been on the island for over a day and yet no one had shown up. The doctor, she thought his name was Jack, stopped to talk to another of the survivors, pointed in her direction, and continued on his way to help someone else. He looked haggard; sexy, but haggard. Sam didn’t think he had slept since the crash; he was too busy making sure everyone else was okay. Then again, no one had really slept much, including Sam.

The man he had been talking to grabbed a bottle of water from the pile that had been made. While the doctor was just a couple of years older than Sam, the man headed her way was at least ten years older than her. She had sat near him on the plane and had already taken an extreme notice of him; thanks to her recent hormonal condition she was taking notice of several fellas lately. He handed her the water saying, “Jack thought you might want this.”

“Thanks.” She opened it and took a long drink, sighing when she was finished.

“Better?”

“Mmmm.” She wasn’t sure if she was agreeing with him or if she was agreeing with her earlier assessment that he had the coolest green eyes she had ever seen. She blushed as she realized she was staring way too intently at him, wondering what it would feel like to kiss him, perhaps nibble on his bottom lip.

“Well I,” he furrowed his brow and cleared his throat as he stood, “I need to see how our food supply looks.” He walked away looking more than a bit uncomfortable.

Damn. Damn, damn, damn! Where had that come from? For weeks Sam had been nothing but miserable, sick from the time she woke up until the time she went to bed –which was quite often as she couldn’t seem to catch up on her sleep, ever – and now, here she was fantasizing about a complete stranger. She didn’t even know him; didn’t know his name or anything about him. He probably thought she was some sort of freak for staring at him like that. She groaned as she buried her head in her hands. Lately all she wanted to do was jump the nearest available man. Being stranded on a tropical island was not going to be easy. With her luck she’d throw herself at someone. So far she had found three of her fellow survivors more than a bit enticing. The doctor (he was too busy tending to everyone to notice her), a Southern guy (he was too busy brooding to notice her), and the one whom she had just embarrassed herself in front of (he had, unfortunately for him, noticed her). Stupid pregnancy hormones.

*~*~*~*~*

“You’re pregnant.”

“Har, har, har. Very funny, Marcus. Now give me something for this stupid flu and let me go home and die in peace.” Sam laid down on the exam table in an effort to quell the nausea rising within.

“Sam, you are pregnant; about eight weeks based on what I can tell. We’ll want to do a sonogram and some tests to be certain of your due date. I know the timing is a bit off, what with Tony and all, but…”

She cut him off. “Marcus, that is so not funny. I’m sick and you are messing with me. If you tell me I’m pregnant one more time, I’m going to throw up on your very expensive shoes.” She closed her eyes and tried to stop the room from spinning. Her best friend’s husband had some nerve to tell her she was pregnant. She ought to throw up on him out of spite. She opened her eyes to see him removing his shoes and placing them out of harm’s way. His unique way of confirming that he was indeed telling the truth.

“Nooooo.” She sat up too quickly and fought the urge to pass out. Grabbing the front of his shirt, she looked him dead in the eye. “Marcus, I cannot be pregnant. Tony and I tried for over seven years and every specialist we saw said it was impossible. IM-POSS-I-BLE! They said that there was no way I would ever….” She felt her voice rising as she realized the absurdity of the situation. “Tony left because I couldn’t give him children. Well, I mean, not completely because of that but the fact that he knocked up his assistant because I couldn’t… What am I going to do? Am I just supposed to call him up and say, ‘Hey, I know Kimber is carrying your child but guess who else is, too?’ Hell, they’re getting married in less than a month!”

He put his hands over hers in an effort to calm her. “I know, honey. Listen, why don’t I call Carole and have her come pick you up and take you home. The two of you can talk it all over and you can figure out what you are going to do.”

She rested her forehead on his chest and cried. She was finally going to have the child she and Tony had tried so long to conceive, and he wasn’t even a part of her life anymore. He was off starting his own family with that leggy blonde assistant of his. She wanted to find Fate and vomit on her shoes.

*~*~*~*~*

He had knives. Lots and lots of knives. And he knew how to use them. He had suggested they hunt the boar that had invaded their camp. He and a couple of others had done just that, and he had returned successfully with a dead boar.

Okay, he was a hunter. Now she knew his name was John Locke, he was a hunter, he was almost a foot taller than her and at least ten years older, and he was drop dead sexy. Sam thought, “He can hunt me anytime.” As soon as the thoughts were in her head she blushed. Since when was she turned on by knives? She was supposed to be sorting through the clothes with Claire, the other pregnant – very pregnant – survivor, not pondering the last time she had an orgasm. Actually, she couldn’t remember the last time she’d had one. Even that last time with Tony had been more of a rote experience and definitely nothing to write home about. She sighed.

“Are you okay? You look a little flushed.” Claire handed her a few t-shirts that she sorted according to size. “We can take a break if you’d like.”

“Um, Claire, can I ask you a personal question?” She couldn’t even look her in the eye. “Very, very personal. About being pregnant.” Oh, she couldn’t believe she was asking this but she had to know if this was normal.

“Yeah, I guess so, although I’m not really an expert or anything.” She stopped sorting and gave Sam her full attention.

“Normally I’d ask my doctor about this, but since she’s not here…. Well, when you were in your second trimester, did you have, um, really vivid dreams and, uh, feelings, about…” Sam turned bright red. She was asking someone at least ten years younger than her about pregnancy and sex. She let go of the breath she had been holding. “Okay, here’s the deal. I’m in my sixteenth week and lately all I can seem to think about is sex. All. The. Time. Please tell me that you went through the same thing and that I’m not some hormonally challenged lunatic.”

Claire giggled. Giggled! Why, oh why, had she even brought it up? Cripes! She wanted to bury herself in the sand and never be seen again.

“Sam, it’s normal. You’re normal. You are not a hormonally challenged lunatic; well, maybe a little bit. But I was the same way. I even talked to my obstetrician about it back in Sydney.” She giggled again and looked at Sam’s little baby bump. “16 weeks, huh? Wait until you get to be a blimp like me.”

They talked for the longest time about pregnancy, the crash, men. It was so nice to have someone she could confide in. Amazingly, they both had the same ob/gyn in Sydney; it was amazing that they hadn’t seen each other during Sam’s many office visits. She and Claire had found a kinship that Sam hoped would last beyond their rescue. Whenever that may be.

Sam went to get another unclaimed suitcase so that she and Claire could go through it. It was morbid, but it had to be done. She turned to take it back to the shade where they had been working and ran smack into John Locke, the contents of the suitcase spilling beside her.

“Oh, I’m so sorry. I wasn’t looking where I was going.” As she apologized she bent down to stuff everything back in the suitcase. He bent down to help her, his hand brushing across hers. She felt shivers run through her at his touch.

“No need to apologize. I should have let you know I was right behind you.” He smiled at her and her heart skipped a beat. “I just wanted to see if you or Claire needed anything before we left for the hunt.” He helped her up, grabbed the bag, and started carrying it for her.

Let’s see, what did she need from John besides mind-blowing sex and multiple orgasms? Bad hormones, bad!

“I’m sorry, what was that?”

Sam was mortified that she might have actually said any of that out loud. She turned positively crimson thinking about what she may or may not have said. “Uh, no, I’m good, thanks.”

He set the suitcase down in front of Claire, spoke to her briefly, and then made his way toward the two that were joining him for the hunt. As Sam sat down she watched him walk away, very aware that her skin was still tingling where it had touched his. She didn’t realize how long she was staring at him until Claire started to giggle again.

“Shut up, Claire.” Sam grimaced and tossed a sweater at her as they started the task of sorting once again.

*~*~*~*~*

A week later and no rescue was on the horizon. While no one discussed it, everyone seemed to know that with each passing day their chances lessened. It helped that she had made friends, especially with Claire and Charlie. He had made it his mission to look out for Claire. Sam thought they were cute together. It also made her wistful for someone to look out for her. She knew that even if she wasn’t on this island that there would be no one waiting for her. Even if she had stayed in Sydney, Tony would be with Kimber. She wondered if he knew of the crash, if he wondered what had become of her and their unborn child. Never in her wildest dreams had she imagined that she would end up pregnant and alone. Of course lately her wildest dreams had been, well, wild to say the least.

Sam found that with each passing day her desire for John was increasing at an exponential rate. It seemed that the more her little baby bump grew – as well as her breasts, a benefit she was proud of – so did her desire. She found herself fantasizing about him all the time, and heaven forbid if she found herself alone with him. Worse still were the dreams. They were so realistic that she would wake up in a sweat, wet with passion. She felt like if she didn’t do something soon, she would explode.

Some days she felt like he was looking at her, watching her, but more often than not he just avoided her. When he did speak to her it was always when someone else was around; if they managed to be alone he always made an excuse to leave. She finally confided to Claire that he was the one she was fantasizing about but that he had no interest in her whatsoever. No man in his right mind was going to want to hook up with a pregnant woman, no matter how desperately horny she was. Poor guy. All he had done was make the mistake of bringing her water and look where that got him – right in the middle of some hormonally-induced obsession.

Claire made it her personal mission to see that Sam and John had many occasions to bump into each other, sometimes literally. Unfortunately it only added fuel to the fire that seemed to constantly be burning. Neither of them ever seemed to be comfortable around the other. This, regrettably, only prodded Claire into upping the matchmaking ante. She vowed that she would see Sam and John together at least once before they were all rescued. And once she almost succeeded.

It had been early in the morning and Claire had begged Sam to find her some passion fruit – she was craving it and surely Sam understood, right? Saying that she had seen some while walking with Charlie, she gave Sam directions to a secluded little spot quite some distance from the beach. Sam was so engrossed in finding the fruit that she didn’t hear John approach. Once again she found herself running into him, dropping the fruit.

“Damn.” Sam sighed and said, “We have got to stop meeting like this.” She bent down to pick up the fruit and lost her balance, winding up squishing the fruit with her ever expanding behind. “Shit!” She tried to twist to see how badly she had mangled the fruit but couldn’t because of her equally expanding waistline. Instead of getting up, she sighed and simply looked up at John. “Would you mind finding more fruit for Claire? I seem to have made jam with the ones I found.”

“So Claire craves passion fruit and peanut butter. How about you, Samantha? What do you have cravings for?” He began making small talk as he gathered the fruit for their friend.

While Sam wanted to admit to having cravings for him, she decided to play it safe and answer in a more traditional manner. “Honestly, I have been dying for a steaming bowl of angel hair pasta with toasted pine nuts, sautéed mushrooms, artichoke hearts…” She closed her eyes as she continued. “topped with grilled shrimp and scallops. Damn, why you’d bring this up anyway?” Grimacing she opened her eyes and scowled at him.

“Sorry.” He grinned and sat down beside her. “I think we’ve been had.” Sam looked at him questioningly. “Claire asked me to come here to get her some passion fruit. I’m assuming she asked you the same thing. She seems intent playing matchmaker these days.”

She groaned in embarrassment. “John, I swear I didn’t ask her to or say anything to her. If I had known that was why she asked me to….” She stopped and gasped in surprise, placing her hand on her abdomen.

“Samantha, what’s…?”

She cut him off. “Shhh! Here, give me your hand.” She grabbed his hand and placed it where hers had been, covering his hand with her own. “Did you feel that?” She laughed as the baby moved again. It felt like little butterflies flitting around her tummy. “She’s moving. I can’t believe…” Sam felt the tears welling up as her pregnancy became a reality. She had a living baby inside her, moving and growing.

They sat in silence for a long time, not wanting to break the spell, feeling the flutterings of a new life. Sam finally spoke, wiping away the tears, “Thank you.”

“I didn’t do anything.” He looked at her with eyes that were softened by concern.

“You were here. I never thought I’d be doing this alone, but… anyway, thanks.” She suddenly felt the need to share with him, tell him why she was alone. For some reason, it mattered to her. “My husband and I… Tony and I, we were married for almost ten years, more than half of which were spent trying to have kids. When that didn’t happen, he went out found someone who could give him kids.”

She sighed and shook her head, “Sorry. That’s not fair. It was all just really hard on our marriage. We poured a fortune into doctors, fertility clinics, specialists. They all said the same thing; they all said it would never happen for us. We became so caught up in trying to conceive that we lost sight of who we were. All we ever did was argue. Neither of us was happy. He had an affair with his assistant; she was able to give him what I couldn’t – she got pregnant right away. Pretty ironic that he got me pregnant on our last night together. By the time I found out I was having a baby they were just weeks away from their wedding. I was flying home to try to sort everything out. Well, that, and to avoid being around when she had their baby. That’s something I didn’t want to be around for, much less their wedding.”

“Do you still love him?”

Sam sighed. “He will always be a part of my life, but I think things worked out for the best.” She looked around and added with a lopsided grin, “Relatively speaking.” She stood up. “And now that I have thoroughly bored you with my life story, I think we should be heading back. I don’t want Claire getting any wild ideas about what is taking us so long. Lord knows she doesn’t need to get any more of her hair-brained schemes.”

As she started walking away she heard him covering a laugh with a cough. When she turned back to see what was so funny she remembered the bits of passion fruit clinging to her backside. Feeling rather brave, she took off the shirt she had on over her tank top and tied it around her waist, not only covering the offending fruit but also giving him a nice view of the breasts that barely fit in the tank top that had seemed to shrink in their time on the island. His notice was rather obvious. She thought, “Laugh it up, Locke. Laugh it up.”

*~*~*~*~*

Sam and Claire were sitting on the beach late in the evening, not really doing much of anything. Claire was writing in her journal and Sam was having one of her usual fantasies, this one involving John and chocolate sauce. She could just imagine the way he would taste as she slowly licked the delectable sauce from his skin, inch by tantalizing inch.

“You’re doing it again.” Claire didn’t even look up from her diary when she spoke.

She snapped out of her reverie. “What are you talking about? Doing what?”

“Thinking about HIM. Whenever you do you get this goofy expression on your face and you chew on your bottom lip.” She set her pen in the book and closed it. “Why don’t you just jump him and get it over with? Have a good tumble with him and get it all out of your system.”

“Claire!” Sam blushed.

“I’m just saying that I know what it’s like. You might as well just do it and put yourself out of your misery. Trust me. That second trimester sex is amazing. Besides we’re on this island and it could be very romantic, you know.”

“I can’t just walk up to him and ask him to have sex with me. First of all, that’s not the kind of thing I do. And secondly, it’s Locke we are talking about. That man is about as easy to read as the notations in a quantum physics textbook! Besides, if he had any interest at all, he would have said something before now. After all, you have made sure he’s had plenty of opportunities.” Sam stood up. “Claire, I appreciate the advice. Really. But it isn’t going to happen. I’m going to go back to my tent and forget we ever had this conversation.”

“Sam, just think about it, okay?” Claire called out to her as she left, “What’s the worst that can happen? At least maybe you can get it out of your system.”

As Sam walked away she wondered what the worst would be. Rejection. Total and utter humiliation. That’s the worst that could happen. The best that could happen would be incredible sex. She saw John at the edge of the jungle talking to Kate and decided to take matters in to her own hands. It was now or never. She drew a deep breath and walked toward him.

“Hey, John, got a minute? I need to talk to you about something.” Sam could feel her heart pounding in her chest. What the hell was she doing?

“Sure. I was about to head back up to the caves. Mind if we walk and talk?” They said their goodbyes to Kate and started up the jungle path toward the second encampment. “What’s on your mind, Samantha?”

Normally when anyone called her Samantha her skin crawled, but when he did it, it gave her goosebumps. Now what? What was she supposed to say to him? She opened her mouth to speak but nothing came out.

He stopped walking and looked at her. “Is everything okay? Is the baby…?”

“Oh, no! The baby’s fine. It’s just that I was wanting to ask you… I mean I was wondering if you… “ She took a deep breath. “I’m sorry, John. This was just a really bad idea. Nevermind.” She turned to leave.

He grabbed her hand (she hoped he didn’t notice her sweaty palms) and guided her to a fallen tree off the path where they could sit. “Obviously there is something bothering you, Samantha.”

She fidgeted with the hem of her tank top. She cleared her throat and murmured, “It’s you. You are bothering me.”

His genuine concern made her feel lousy for even mentioning it. “I’m bothering you? Samantha, I don’t understand.”

“Shit. This is so embarrassing. You’d think I’m some sex-starved teenager instead of a grown woman.” She took a deep breath and let it all spill out before she backed out. “You see I’ve been having these, well, these dreams about you – fantasies, really – and Claire seemed to think that if I acted on them then I could get it all out of my system.” She couldn’t look him in the eye. In fact, she was pretty sure she’d never be able to look him in the eye again, especially when he just sat there saying nothing. Maybe he was thinking that she was looking for a relationship, someone to replace Tony. Or maybe he was thinking she was as crazy as she currently was feeling. “Apparently it’s this whole hormonal thing. Claire said it’s, uh, perfectly normal.” Nothing. She was never, ever going to be able to live this down. Ever.

“Samantha, I really don’t know what to say.” She just couldn’t look at him.

“Ooookay, well. This is awkward.” Sam stood up to go back to the beach. “I’ll be going off to die of humiliation now. Let’s just forget I ever brought this up and chalk it up to hormonal insanity.” She turned to leave before she could say something to make the situation worse (like that was possible).

If Tony were here she’d punch him and blame all of this on him. This was, after all, his fault completely. If he hadn’t knocked Kimber up she’d be with him right now. Instead she was on some island in the middle of nowhere throwing herself at strangers. Tony deserved more than a punch in the nose. Hell, who was she kidding? She probably jump his bones if she saw him. Then she’d punch him.


*~*~*~*~*

“I’m sorry, but did you just say you’re pregnant?” Tony grabbed a napkin to wipe up the coffee he had just spewed out of his mouth. “That’s impossible.”

“That was pretty much my reaction when Marcus told me.” Sam sighed went to the kitchen to get a towel so she could help clean the dark liquid from their breakfast table. As she sat down he gathered her hands in his own.

“Sam, I don’t understand. The doctors all said…. Are you sure?” As he searched her eyes for answers she saw, for the first time in years, the man she fell in love with. And she remembered that he was marrying someone else in two weeks.

She nodded. “I guess your guys decided to attack on all fronts at once, huh? Either that or my eggs got jealous of Kimber. You got the double jackpot, a two for one special of sorts.” She tried to make a joke of it but felt her eyes filling with tears. She whispered, “I’m sorry.”

When he didn’t say anything she continued, her voice hoarse with emotion. “Tony, I know you are with Kimber now and that you are going to marry her. I just wanted you to know because it meant so much to us for so long, and I know how much you want children, and you deserve to know, and I want you to know that I don’t expect anything. I mean, hell, I certainly didn’t expect this and I know that you…. ” She stopped to wipe the tears from her face and compose her thoughts. She was babbling, and they both knew it. “I don’t know what to do, Tony. I want you to be a part of our child’s life but I don’t know if I can do that knowing that it will be on a part-time basis. I’m not strong enough to watch you play with our child and then leave at the end of the day and go home to your family. I just don’t…. I’m going to go home for a while. I haven’t been home in a really long time.”

Tony let a few choice curse words fly. She knew they weren’t aimed at her, but at the situation. He began pacing, trying to make sense of an impossible situation. “Are you going back for good?”

She shook her head. “I know how important this is to you. I would never keep you from your child. I just need time to think. I’ve got reservations to leave on the 22nd.” She smiled a little as it dawned on him that she was leaving on the day that he was marrying Kimber.

He shook his head and smiled back. They spent the rest of the morning discussing the situation, neither really understanding why Fate had made the decisions she had, and neither knowing what Fate had in store.

*~*~*~*~*

Sam had fallen in love with Anthony Giardino the minute she laid eyes on him. He was tall (admittedly to Sam everyone was tall compared to her 5’2”) with thick dark hair and had the deepest chocolate-colored eyes. He swept her off her feet with his Australian accent and never-ending Italian charm. Until she met Tony, she hadn’t realized that there were Italian Australians; of course, that wasn’t something that she pondered on a daily basis, either. Business had brought him to the U.S. and into her life. It seemed as if they were fated to be together from the moment they met. Their courtship was a whirlwind; six weeks after she met him she found herself married and on a plane to Sydney.

Although he wasn’t the doctor that her mother wanted her to marry, to Sam he was Prince Charming. He was everything she had ever wanted in a husband. She honestly thought she would spend the rest of her life with him. Fate had other plans, and until death do us part became until infertility do us part. Sex became something they both dreaded; it was simply a means to an end. Sam couldn’t blame him for turning to Kimber; his infidelity was a direct result of their unfortunate circumstances. It hurt like hell to find out he was having a child with Kimber, but try as she might she couldn’t muster the energy to hate him.

It had been great when she and Tony had first married. All he had to do was look at her and she went weak in the knees. When he smiled at her, her whole body tingled. If he touched her, the tingle turned to flames. She had never thought of herself as passionate until she met him, but what they shared was incredible. Tony had awakened something in her; when they split she thought she’d never feel that passion again.

Now it was Locke who was giving her that feeling. At least this time she knew it was just the hormones and that it wasn’t a love a first sight occurrence. Not that anything would happen, anyway. His lack of a response to her virtually throwing herself at him had been more than enough to let her know that he was, in no uncertain terms, most decidedly not interested in her in a sexual way.

Avoiding him became easy. He hunted or explored during the day, and she made sure she was ensconced in her shelter by the time he returned. Claire was shocked that he had been unresponsive to Sam’s blunt approach; she swore up and down that it was written in the stars for them to be together. Sam assured Claire that while she was humiliated beyond all get-out, she was also relieved that nothing had happened. The last thing she wanted or needed was to be involved with anyone. She had to stop thinking about herself and start thinking about the one causing all the butterflies in her tummy. If she were to get involved with anyone, even if it wasn’t Locke, how long would they be together? Until they were rescued? And what about after the rescue, what then? She had planned on returning to Sydney and at the rate things were going she wasn’t going to spend much time in LA at all. She couldn’t allow herself to get close to someone only to be heartbroken later, especially now that there was a child involved. It was just too complicated. She almost felt like she should thank John for his lack of interest. His lack of a response was a wise decision for them both.

Too bad her hormones didn’t agree.

*~*~*~*~*

Sam had gone to bed early, not feeling well. She didn’t feel sick, but she didn’t feel 100% either. Something just didn’t feel right. She awoke to someone calling her name from outside her tent.

“Sammie? You awake?” It was Sawyer. His Southern drawl was unmistakable.

She roused herself from yet another erotic dream about Locke. This one had them alone in a cabin in the mountains, and he was making love to her by a fire while snow softly fell outside. She wondered if Jack had a pill she could take to combat the dreams; she didn’t know how much more she could take.

She sat up and told Sawyer to come in; she was too tired to do more than sit up. Plus the fact that he hadn’t used his nickname for her had her worried. Most of the time she thought he didn’t even know her name. It seemed as if he had a nickname for everyone on the island. She supposed it was easier than learning their real names. At least he wasn’t calling her Prego or something equally unimaginative.

He stepped in and squatted down in front of her. “Sammie, something’s happened. Um, Locke wants for me to stay with you until he can get here.”

Now she really was alarmed; there were few circumstances that would prompt John to come to her tent. Sending Sawyer in advance meant nothing good was about to happen. “Sawyer, what’s going on? Why would John…?”

He looked at the ground and then back up at her. “Someone took Charlie… and Claire. This guy wasn’t on the plane. Apparently the son of a bitch was already here when we got here. His name was Ian or Ethan or some bullshit. There’s a search party out now.” His voice trailed off as he watched her.

Sam’s mind tried to wrap around the words he was saying. Why would anyone take Claire? And how could there be someone already on the island? How could one person take two people without anyone knowing about it? She just couldn’t process it; it was unfathomable.

“Hey, you okay?”

“I don’t… Sawyer, why? I don’t understand why anyone would…why Charlie? Why Claire? What about her baby?” She drew her knees up as close as she could and pulled herself into a ball. She whispered, “I’m scared.”

“I know, Mama Bear.” He maneuvered so that he was sitting next to her. In an uncharacteristic move, he put his arm around her. “I know.”

True to his word, he stayed with Sam until John showed up late in the night. She had finally fallen into an uneasy sleep but was aware of every sound, every movement. She knew when John arrived and Sawyer left. She sat up immediately asking, “Did you find them?” Any embarrassment she felt at her earlier confession to John was gone, replaced with concern and fear.

John shook his head. “Jack and Kate found Charlie, and he’s going to be fine, but we haven’t found Claire yet. We’re going to try to pick up the trail again tomorrow.”

“Sawyer said that it was someone who was already here? How is that possible?” She didn’t want to think about why someone would only want Claire and not Charlie. Or why someone would pretend to be a survivor of the crash that brought them here.

“There are a lot of unanswered questions right now. All we can do is try to find Claire in the morning. In the meantime, I want you to make sure you are always with two or more people, and in plain site of everyone else; no going off alone. We can only assume that since he took Claire and not Charlie that it has something to do with the baby. I don’t want to take any chances, especially since you’re…” He gestured to the baby and tried to reassure her. “I’ll stay outside your tent until we get Claire back.”

Sam tried to smile and thanked him. After flinging herself at him and her mortifying behavior, he was still genuinely concerned for her well-being. She lay down and let the drama of the past weeks wash over her. First Tony, then the baby, the crash, Claire… it was all too much. She cried for first time since the crash. She had been afraid that once she started she wouldn’t be able to stop, but now she didn’t care. She needed to grieve for everything that had happened. She buried her head in the small airplane pillow that Hurley had found for her. She didn’t want John to hear her sobs; he had enough to worry about as it was. Alone, she cried herself into a fitful sleep.

*~*~*~*~*

For two weeks Claire stayed missing, and Ethan’s trail had all but vanished along with them both. With each passing day Sam felt her despair growing; she felt helpless and alone. Charlie was blaming himself, thinking that he had failed Claire by not protecting her; he avoided pretty much everyone. The tide was changing and everyone was having to uproot what little semblance of home they had and move further up the beach. Even as Michael was building a raft, the sense of rescue was all but gone for Sam. For her, the situation had grown almost hopeless. She knew that by now Tony thought that she and the baby were dead, and she wished fervently that she had a way to let him know that his child was okay. He deserved at least that much, even if they weren’t together any more.

It seemed that a lot of people thought that Sam would be next one to be taken, that her condition made her a prime target. They seemed to shy away from her, leaving her alone, not wanting to get caught in any crossfire. Very few people kept up the appearance of friendship with her. Sawyer kept her within eyesight during the day, often joining her for meals, and John was there at night. She felt a bond with each man. With Sawyer she felt like she had a friend who would always have her back, no matter what. While he presented a rough front to others, with her he was nice. Sometimes it seemed to her that he was taking a vested interest in her and in the baby. He was like the brother she wished she had always had.

With John, it was… different. He wasn’t a lover but he was more than a friend. She rarely saw him, but felt his presence outside her tent each night and knew he was protecting her. She didn’t know where she stood with him, but she was glad for his presence. She felt a connection with him that she didn’t feel with anyone else. When he wasn’t around there was an ache inside of her, one of longing.

She was surprised when late one night she awoke to find him sitting beside her. At first she thought she might still be dreaming, but then he smiled and said, “Claire’s back. She’s okay.”

She sat up quickly, throwing her arms around him in delight. For a moment, she thought she felt something pass between them, but then it was gone. She reluctantly pulled away, wanting to stay in his embrace and yet eager for more information. He filled her in on all that he knew, which wasn’t much; even Claire was unsure as to what had transpired and apparently had amnesia. Sam didn’t care; all she cared about was that Claire and her unborn child were apparently unharmed. For the first time in two weeks she felt a sense of hope.

She didn’t even realize that she was crying until John reached up to wipe the tears from her face. Her breath caught as his hand caressed her cheek; she wanted him but was afraid to move. He leaned in close, and for a moment she thought his lips would brush hers, but he simply whispered in her ear, “Goodnight Samantha. I’ll still be right outside. Just in case you need anything.”

There was most definitely something she needed, and for once she wasn’t going to worry about rejection. Sam hesitated for a fraction of a second before turning her head toward his and capturing his mouth in a kiss. She was going to make it very difficult for him to leave; in fact, she intended to make it quite hard. He was hesitant at first, unsure as to whether to pull away and leave as planned or to stay and take what Sam was offering. She spoke softly, “John, please, stay with me. I want you to… I need you… please.” When she reached out to him, caressing his face, he gave in to his desire. He returned her kiss with a passion that echoed her own. When he kissed her, the air around them seemed to grow thick, just as it did before a storm. She felt the kiss in every nerve ending in her body, a tingling sensation she had only read in about in trashy novels but never experienced first hand. A low moan escaped from her throat as she felt her need for him build. One of his hands wandered to her tank top, lifting it, and his slightly callused palm touched her bare belly. His fingers caressed her while his mouth grew hungrier with each passing moment. Soon his hands were exploring her body, finding pleasure points she didn’t know she had. She tugged on his clothes, needing to feel his skin next to hers, wanting to feel him inside of her. Just the feel of his lips, his fingers, his skin brushing hers was enough to make her body tremble. His touches were slow and gentle, as was his love-making. Samantha reveled in the feel of him inside her, in the exquisiteness of it all. In all of her fantasies about John, never had they been this good, this right. Even with Tony it had never been like this. John was almost worshiping her body, sending her to new heights again and again. When she came it was with an intensity previously unknown; her orgasm pushed him over the edge into his own climax as she tightened around him. As he collapsed beside her she wished that they had done this sooner – much sooner. He ran his fingers over her thick middle, smiling at her. This, this was paradise. In no time she fell asleep in his arms.

Sam awoke sometime in the night and sighed contentedly as she snuggled closer to the man beside her, her fantasy man. He stirred as she nestled against him, just watching him draw the deep breaths of sleep. She ran her hands over his chest, delighting in his reaction. His breathing became shallow as he awakened to her touch. This time it was Sam who did the exploring, covering his chest with feathery kisses and slowly working her way downward. She didn’t want the night to end without taking advantage of every opportunity presented to her. He gasped as she took him in her mouth and she marveled at how magnificent he was. His groan only encouraged her ministrations. All too soon he was roughly pulling at her and trying to sit up. “Samantha. Inside. You. Now.” He choked his words out in ragged breaths. She readily agreed, but this time she didn’t want slow and gentle; she wanted passion. She pushed him back down and positioned herself over him, taking control. She lowered herself on to him in one quick thrust, delighting in the power she had over him. Her pace quickened as he dug his fingers into her hips, urging her on. It just… felt… so… good. Samantha decided that if she died right now, she’d die a happy person. She wanted nothing more than to spend the rest of her time with John Locke.

And that scared her more than any threat that could be found on the island.


*~*~*~*~*

With Claire back Sam assumed that the immediate danger was over. She was wrong. The day after Claire returned, so did Ethan. Word spread through the camp and the cave that Ethan had threatened to kill one person a day until she was returned to him. Several of the men set up a perimeter to guard against anything happening, yet something did happen. Scott (or was it Steve?) was found murdered on the beach. And it wasn’t just that he had been killed – nearly every bone in his body was broken, a message that more than got its point across to the survivors. There were murmurings that there was a plan, one that involved Claire as bait to trap Ethan. Sam thought it was a horrid plan, but she had to admit that she didn’t know what else to do.

She and John were discussing the plan early that afternoon; she had wanted to go for a walk along the beach and he had insisted on coming along. She enjoyed the feel of the waves lapping over her feet; they seemed to carry her worries out to sea. They had walked and talked for a half a mile or so, and after a while they were simply walking quietly side by side, with no words necessary. It was a comfortable silence, one she had only experienced before with Tony. It was then that she realized that somewhere along the way her attraction to him had changed. It now went way beyond the physical and was teetering on the edge of love, and that scared her. She didn’t want to be in a relationship again. Casual sex with John was an idea she could deal with, but love? That was no where in her plan. She still didn’t even know what her own plans were for the future; no way was she prepared to deal with a relationship. Not that he wanted one anyway; he was probably just here with her because he felt like he had to watch out for her. She sighed heavily and stopped to watch the waves roll in and out.

John stopped beside her, studying her intently. “Penny for your thoughts.”

Smiling, she replied, “You’d be paying way too much. I haven’t had a coherent thought since I got pregnant.” She turned back to the camp, hands on her back as she realized that she had walked further than she had anticipated. “We’d probably better head back. I want to check on Claire and you have the whole Ethan thing to get ready for. Plus my back is killing me.”

John grabbed her hand to stop her. “We’ve got time. Let’s rest for a while.” He led her to the edge of the trees so that they could sit in the cool shade. He maneuvered so that he was behind her and soon she felt his hands on her back, kneading the tight muscles there. Sam didn’t know if it felt good because her muscles were beginning to relax or if it felt good because it was an unexpected massage from the object of her desires. She leaned back toward him, encouraging him to continue with a low moan. After several minutes he bent forward, so closely that she was now resting her body against his, and whispered in her ear, “Better?”

His face was so close to hers, his warm breath brushing across her cheek; he didn’t move but stayed there making her heart flutter. Just when she thought they might continue their explorations from the previous night, she heard Jack calling John’s name. She wanted to yell in frustration. She had experienced one of the best nights of sex ever the night before and was looking forward to playing out a similar scene now. Why did Jack have to show up just at that moment? She only sighed and realized that he could have shown up later and caught them in a rather delicate position.

“There you are. Listen, Sayid wants to go over the plan once more before we leave.” Jack glanced briefly at Sam. “Hey, Sam. Everything okay?” All she could do was nod mutely. He turned his attention back to John. “Meet at the caves in thirty minutes, okay, Locke?” And with that he was gone, having broken the moment that Sam felt sure was upon them.

She struggled to get into a standing position, finally taking the hand that John offered her in assistance. Unfortunately this brought her very close to him when she stood up. She held on to his hand as he turned to leave. “John,” she looked up and searched his eyes for some sign that she could recognize, some hint that she wasn’t imagining the feelings she had for him; his face was too guarded for her to tell. “Be careful. Please.”

“I promise that I am going to do everything in my power to protect Claire.” His intent expression assured her that Claire was safe; however, that wasn’t what she was referring to.

“I know that Claire will be safe; everyone’s watching out for her. I just,” she took a deep breath before continuing, “I just meant that you…for you to be…” She sighed and smiled weakly before resting her head on his chest. Dropping his hand and stepping back, she started walking back toward the camp, wondering how on earth she had ever let herself be such a fool. She wanted to blame it all on the hormones, but she knew that wasn’t the case. She was falling head over heels for this guy.

*~*~*~*~*

It took Claire several days to get back to normal and even then she wasn’t the same person that she had been before. They had managed to protect her from Ethan, although their plan to question him had gone awry when Charlie killed him. They still had no more answers than they had before, but Sam felt like she could breathe a bit easier. Sam continued to be Claire’s friend, and tried to be as supportive of her as possible. John had made Claire a cradle, something that brought tears to Sam’s eyes. She knew that his act of kindness meant more to Claire than anyone would ever know. It was more than just a place for the baby to sleep; it meant that someone cared about her and about her baby, that even though they were stranded in the middle of nowhere, this baby would have whatever it needed, no matter what.

For Sam it was the final straw; she was officially in love with John. She felt such conflicting emotions; she knew that having a relationship was not the brightest idea she ever had, but yet she was drawn to him in an inexplicable way. Their nights were filled with passion and his tender caresses made her feel like the most desirable woman on earth. The line between sex and love had been blurred. This was why when everything fell apart three days later, she found herself alone in the jungle in the middle of a downpour looking for the one man on the island that she didn’t want to be alone with and yet couldn’t help but seek out.

Sam didn’t know what happened. In a matter of 24 hours Claire had given birth to a baby boy and one of the survivors, Boone, had died, and it seemed that everyone was pointing the finger at John. Sam needed to know the truth; if John said he didn’t have a hand in Boone’s death, she would believe him. But she had to hear it from him. Instead what she heard were voices, several voices. She recognized John’s voice, long with that of Sayid’s and she thought the other voice was Shannon’s.

She finally saw them; she got close enough to hear what was being said. At first all she could see was John’s back; he had his hands up as if in surrender. She then moved a bit and could see Shannon had a gun pointed at John and was adamantly telling Sayid that John was the one responsible for her brother’s death. Jack and Kate were looking on, but neither seemed to be doing anything to help him. Before Sam could even process the scene Sayid wrestled the gun away just as Shannon fired and she saw John fall to the ground. Sensing the air shatter behind her, she felt something warm running down her back but was too focused on John to see what it was. She wanted to scream at Jack to move and help him and not just stand there, but she couldn’t. She watched in horror as he made no move to even check on John. Trying to move to help him herself, she found that her feet were made of lead; she couldn’t find the strength to make her legs move. She managed to walk a few feet before her legs gave out and she crumpled to the ground. It was then that she noticed the crimson stains spreading on her clothes. Sam screamed for John just as the darkness closed in on her.

*~*~*~*~*

She had been rescued; they all had. She was at her beachfront home with her precious baby, a girl who was perfect in every way. She looked out the kitchen window as she washed dishes, and she could see John walking up the beach toward their house. She never would have believed that things would have turned out this way. It was all so perfect. She had the child she always wanted, and was with the man whom she loved more than anything. He smiled at her as he approached and like always, her breath caught in her throat at the sight. Quickly drying her hands, she ran to greet him welcoming his warm embrace and tender kisses. She loved the way his voice sounded when he said that he loved her. She made him say it again and again, relishing every word. It felt so good to be in his arms; she didn’t want to leave but she heard the baby crying and turned to go in the house. The door shut in her face and she saw Tony turn the lock into place. She saw Kimber holding a baby, Sam’s baby. Pounding on the door she cried out for John to help her. No matter how hard she tried, she couldn’t get to her child – the child that was still crying for her. She looked around but John was no where to be found. Suddenly he appeared inside the house with Tony and Kimber. She felt relieved knowing that he would protect the child he had grown to love; however, she panicked as she realized that John was giving the baby’s things to Tony. He wasn’t helping get the baby back; he was giving the baby away, telling Tony that he couldn’t raise a child that wasn’t his own and that Tony deserved the baby. Sam watched in cold horror as Tony and Kimber took her baby. She screamed as her heart was torn out of her.

She opened her eyes as she screamed. John was next to her, trying to comfort her and telling her she was okay.

“It’s not okay. You gave her away. You let him take her away from me.” She struggled to break free of his hold as she continued yelling at him. “Let go of me! How could you do that? You said you loved me. How could you betray me like that? I thought you loved her; I thought you loved us both.” She collapsed in hysterics, sagging in his arms and repeating, “Why did you let him take her away from me?”

“Samantha, it was a dream. Whatever happened, it wasn’t real.” He took her hands and placed them on her belly, a reminder that she was still pregnant and that no one had taken her child. “You still have the baby. It was just a dream. You’re both safe.”

Sam slowly realized that it had indeed been a dream, albeit an intensely realistic one. She wasn’t in some beach house living with John, but her tent and on the island. She then remembered Shannon shooting John, but couldn’t remember much after that. She noticed the wound on the side of his head, and found that her shoulder was covered in bandages. “John, what happened? I saw Shannon shoot you and I tried to move to help you but I couldn’t. I thought she killed you.” She reached up to tenderly check his wound, wanting to assure herself that he was indeed okay.

He tried to pull her closer, but she stiffened in his arms; the dream was still too real. “The bullet grazed me and went through your shoulder. It was a good thing Jack was there. You and your baby are fine.” He frowned at her as he recalled her words. “You dreamed that I let someone your baby from you?”

Sam nodded through her tears, wrapping her arms around her unborn child. She whispered, “It was just so real. You gave her to Tony. You said you couldn’t love her because she wasn’t yours. You said….” Sam looked away, unable to convey the terror she felt. She didn’t know if she was shaking from the dream or from being shot. To be honest, being shot felt like nothing compared to how she felt when she thought she had lost her daughter.

John was silent for a long time before answering her. “Samantha, I could never…” She tried to pull away from him. She didn’t want to hear that he could never love her or her child. She had let being stranded on this damned island finally get to her. She didn’t even know this man in front of her so it was ridiculous to think she could love him, much less have him love her or the baby in return. The rational part of was saying that she was crazy to let a dream control her this way; her heart was still hurting from the vividness of the dream. She wanted to believe that he cared for her but he had given her no indication that their relationship consisted of anything more than sex. She brushed the tears away and wished for some sign that she wasn’t misguided in her feelings for him.

“Samantha, I promise you that I will never do anything to hurt you... either of you.” He wrapped his arms around her despite her protests, giving her as much comfort as he could. “This child is yours. No one is ever going to take him or her away from you. Not me, not anyone.” He kissed her tenderly and pulled her closer, whispering in her ear. “Part of your dream was accurate. When I saw you there in the jungle, bleeding… it terrified me to think that I had lost you. I’m not someone who says this easily, but I’m falling in love with you.”

Sam knew in that moment that her fate was sealed. She was destined to be in this place, at this time, with this man. As much as she had loved Tony, it was nothing compared to what she felt for John. This was what it was all about. She melted into his arms knowing that no matter what happened, rescue or not, she would be loved and protected. Forever.