Break

Warnings: songfic (my first), angsty, slash, wincest
Pairings: Dean/Sam

Disclaimer: I don't own the boys and certainly not the song.


Dean showering. Sam waiting and then watching as he drops the towel, bending to pull on his boxers. Teasing.

Sam doesn't speak. Can't speak. He feels the warm water slide over him and looks down as one small hair washes away. It isn't his.

The thought hitting him so fast he chokes on it. Dean standing in the same spot. Naked. Touching. Wet and vulnerable and Sam has to turn the temperature down before he cums all over the tile just from the reality of sharing the same space.

Drying off is more than before. It is sensations and imaginings and close calls. He stares at the mirror, at himself and wonders if the other Sam still has his brother. Three weeks today since that almost fatal accident. His heart would have stopped by now. Dead just like Sam's.

Sam touches the cool surface, trying to wipe away the tear that falls from his double's eye.

Did you save him? Is your brother dead? Will you leave me to go into an empty room while I go to see him alive and well? Will you hunt down a way to switch with me? Will you end it now? He nodded. End it. There's nothing left. He pities the image and straightens and finally breaks.

how can you see into my eyes like open doors
leading you down into my core
where I’ve become so numb without a soul my spirit sleeping somewhere cold
until you find it there and lead it back home

(Wake me up)
Wake me up inside
(I can’t wake up)
Wake me up inside
(Save me)
call my name and save me from the dark
(Wake me up)
bid my blood to run
(I can’t wake up)
before I come undone
(Save me)
save me from the nothing I’ve become


Silent sobs shake them both. The mirror image crying for his brother's death and him just crying for the person he would have become without Dean there now. Relief makes him shudder, but he feels he's cheating the chance he was given. Growling fills his chest. No more. No more waiting.

The thought of breaking shifts to Dean. Dean is broken. He broke when Sam left and now he's damaged, never put back right. Sam nods to himself, knowing what he has to do. Knowing what will fix them both. Sometimes the best thing for a poorly healed break is another fresh break. Sam's is fresh. He'll be fine.

Now he has to break Dean all over again. He left. He walked away. His choice. Dean's break. Wiping eyes and straightening shoulders. It's time.

now that I know what I’m without
you can't just leave me
breathe into me and make me real
bring me to life

(Wake me up)
Wake me up inside
(I can’t wake up)
Wake me up inside
(Save me)
call my name and save me from the dark
(Wake me up)
bid my blood to run
(I can’t wake up)
before I come undone
(Save me)
save me from the nothing I’ve become

Bring me to life
(I've been living a lie, there's nothing inside)
Bring me to life

Cool air on his skin from the room where Dean tries to sleep. Sam just staring, dropping the towel. Climbing on.

Dean shivering under the covers and opening tired eyes. Unsure of the moment, pulling away.

Lips, soft and open. Pinning. Loving. Biting and chewing until the taste of life's blood awakens them both.

"What are you-"

"Don't talk. Just break."

"I don't understand."

"You don't have to."

frozen inside without your touch without your love darling only you are the life among the dead


Covers moving and tremors starting. Fear, guilt, and release filling his eyes and Sam just kissing and sucking. Tasting and smelling. Fingers trailing smooth skin until moving down, pushing fabric and lightly pulling the softness that started it all.

Moans fill the air. Neither sure who is who. Gentleness and harshness converge and Sam moves lower.

"We can't."

"We are."

Sam's mouth devouring. Dean trying to hold together. He's fighting the pull. Refusing to break and not knowing how anyway. He looks. The world begins and ends in Sam's mouth and he fills him.

As Dean flies apart, Sam pulls the pieces together.

"Sammy-"

"Break."

"But-"

"Accept it."

Fingers pushing. Spit and tears. A healed soul seeing a damaged one through the eyes of both.

Dean's eyes dart down, needing but not wanting. He's been torn apart for so long that being put together hurts more than the break.

Sam is licking old scars from the shotgun blast that shattered but never broke clean.

"Don't hurt me."

"Too late."

And with one thrust, Sam comes home. Love, hate, fear, relief are all there in that space.


all this time I can't believe I couldn't see
kept in the dark but you were there in front of me
I’ve been sleeping a thousand years it seems
got to open my eyes to everything
without a thought without a voice without a soul
don't let me die here
there must be something more
bring me to life

(Wake me up)
Wake me up inside
(I can’t wake up)
Wake me up inside
(Save me)
call my name and save me from the dark
(Wake me up)
bid my blood to run
(I can’t wake up)
before I come undone
(Save me)
save me from the nothing I’ve become


Moving and moaning and confusion mix and meld to pour over them both. Neither knows where one begins and the other ends. Seconds, minutes, hours, and years. It's all right there with no comprehension and no meaning as Dean cries out.

Sam is watching and loving and tightens before joining Dean where sin no longer exists.

Break, damn you.

Licking tears and sweat.

All of it about to be determined.

"So...are we good?"

Dean is trying to breathe, but failing. His eyes open and he tries to focus, but he can't. The break is more painful than he can handle alone.

Sam's tongue licking his lips, sucking the blood into his mouth. Reminding him he's not alone.

As the tongue licks around and around his open and now panting mouth, Dean sobs once and mutters before being filled with that tongue. "Yeah, Sammy. We're good." And he breaks.

(Bring me to life)
I’ve been living a lie, there’s nothing inside
(Bring me to life)

Sam smiles and let's the healing begin again.


The End