Destroyed

Rating: NC-17
Warning: Here's what I was told.... "Fuck him, fuck with him, screw up his reality and make him beg for death: ANYTHING GOES!" This is regarding Dean. I put all sorts of warnings on this only because there is NO point to this fic except to be as mean and horrid as possible to one character. Oh, and I don't own the song, either.

Oh, AND don't get upset about the demise of a character. I'm not permanently injuring anyone. I know it won't look like that when you read it, but I promise.


Pairing: Dean/who knows yet and Dean/Sam

Summary: I'm going to "Hurt Dean as much as physically, emotionally, psychologically and mentally possible without actually killing him."

Thanks to some friends for the challenge and words above.

Thanks to a third friend for putting me in the mood to beat someone for her. This one is for the neglectful meme, dear heart. :-)

A/N: BTW, there is something about a blue flame in here. Actually someone else wrote about it in another fic, but I wanted to use it based on Hellboy so please forgive me if anyone thinks I'm nabbing something that's not mine.

Also, once things start getting really ugly I'm going to do Sam's POV and Dean's POV.

Too fast.

Everything was happening too fast.

First there was just the hunt.

Then the wind came.

The thunder with no rain.

Dean looked up at the sky and saw that the thunder had never come. It was just the wind picking up strength. He found Sammy lying on the ground near a tree, blood flowing from a head wound. As a branch barely missed his own head he determined the culprit behind his brother's pain.

The dark presence they'd been following had called in reinforcements and he was all alone. Just him against the devil protecting his own.

He crouched down in front of Sammy, looking at the cloud of black snaking towards him. It was odd seeing something that looked like smoke float toward him in the middle of the wind. It almost mesmerized him to the point of being unaware....almost....Sammy needed protecting and there wasn't anything that could distract him from that.

Hearing the groan behind him, Dean knew that they'd have to move fast. He held onto Sammy's arm and hauled him up with him as he stood. The cloudy presence stopped, seemingly trying to figure out what its prey was doing.

"Dean?"

"Run Sammy. Run to the car...NOW!" He turned and shoved the younger man in front of him, hating that he couldn't just carry him as he'd done when he was four. How was it that as a grown man he couldn't save his brother fast enough, but as a child he was a god?

The cold was the first thing Dean noticed. It seeped slowly into his clothes to caress his skin. He tried not to shiver. He hated his skin. Ever since he'd seen that thing wearing it. Now his own flesh was a stranger not to be trusted. The chill proved it.

He didn't realize he had stopped running until he heard Sam's voice. He looked up and Sam was just standing by the car screaming his name.

Dean reached into his pocket as he dropped his weapons. By now he felt the calm overtake him. He pulled out the keys to the car and threw them as hard as he could. He saw Sammy shake his head in disbelief and scramble the few feet to grab them.

Dean turned around and saw that he was caught in the outskirts of the smoke. But now the smoke was beginning to take on a different form and he turned away again, suddenly terrified. He couldn't face that. He'd never face that. If it was going to take him, he'd make it be a bitch and take him from behind like the pansy it was.

He focused on Sam, now locked safely inside the car. He could tell that Sammy was looking through the journal, trying to save him. His eyes filled with tears as he watched the dark head bent over the book, frantically trying to find answers.

Dear God...let Sammy be the last sight I see if this thing takes me.

The flame he'd turned away from was now visible in the car's window. It caught Sam's eye and he looked up in horror. He saw his brother watching him, a sad look on his face as if he was saying goodbye.

Sam reached for the door handle, but couldn't open the door. He screamed and began pounding on the glass. "Dean! No! Dean, I love you! Don't leave me! PLEASE!" His words became sobs and he began to beg, but he had no clue who he was pleading with.

His brother reached out his hand and appeared to be at peace for the first moment since he was a four-year-old boy being tucked in by his father and kissed by his mother. Sam quieted down as the hand dropped and just watched.

The flame was blue and Dean's body slowly became engulfed in it.

Sam thought he had never seen anything more beautiful. His brother looked like an angel and the flame wasn't harming him at all. He felt his tears come and suddenly knew that if he got his brother back he would never let another minute go by without telling him exactly what he meant to him.

------------------------------------------------

Dean's peace lasted for a few minutes more until he saw the figures circling around him. That's when he knew he was in the fires of hell itself. This wasn't a demon he was facing. It was a traveling gateway into the depths of Hades.

He felt the defeat hit him hard. The calm before the storm. That was what he was experiencing and he wondered if Sammy saw what he did.

Dean was beginning to float. It wasn't far. Just a foot off of the ground. He was still beautiful, but he was no longer looking at him. He was just in a daze as if something else was blocking his view.

"Dean...Dammit, Dean...you can't die before I tell you.."

He thought of what happened at the asylum and how he still had to tell Dean that he didn't hate him. He had to tell him that he was glad that guy had died from a heart attack and he was glad that the stupid bitch had called a reaper to help her.

He would have done anything to save his brother...even called the reaper himself. He knew Dean felt guilty, but Sam never would.

Nothing was worth his brother's life. He would have set Jess on fire himself if it had meant saving his brother from the lonliness that he would have faced without dad or him by his side.

The thought stopped him cold for only a moment before he reconciled himself with the fact it was true. Fuck 'em all. He only wanted Dean.

When the pain started he thought he could handle it, but the creatures had been deprived of a good human for too long and they inflicted their tortures in the only ways they could. Dean felt the jacket slowly unfasten and fall at his feet. The button down shirt came next, buttons popping as if they were trying to escape what was to come. His t-shirt stayed on and he was grateful for that as he felt the cold air hardening his nipples and consticting his stomach.

The watch began to burn him where it lay against his skin and he watched it melt off of him, taking pieces of flesh with it. He screamed soundlessly. There was no screaming that could be heard properly in hell. They'd heard it all.

His belt buckle simply fell off of him as if it was no longer attatched to the leather and his jeans unfastened, but didn't fall. He began to wonder if he'd ever be able to get back to Sam.

Dean was screaming. Sam heard it, but he didn't know why. He was just floating there and then seemed to look at his watch and then he started... It was painful and heartbreaking and Sam could only cry.

He grabbed his cell phone and nearly shit himself when he saw he had a signal. He called his father. His father would... He pushed back the pain he felt then. His father had never called when he told him Dean was dying before. Why would now be any different? He put the phone away. When he said 'Fuck 'em all' he meant it.

The white hot pain of the first hit didn't register. His skin was too cold by that time. The second made him think that something wasn't right, but he simply furrowed his brow in confusion. It was the third that made its way past his shock and disbelief to rip the pain from his body.

The lashes came at him again and again and Dean couldn't scream. The pain was too intense for something as meaningless as a scream. He just opened his mouth and waited. The vomit came soon after as he felt pieces of his shirt hanging against him.

He looked down eventually to see that his shirt was now in tatters on the ground. He tried to ignore the fact that he still felt the pieces flapping against his sides. He forced himself to look and see that is was bloody skin and not fabric that was touching him. He wasn't being whipped. He was being filleted.

He wondered briefly what his back looked like. He didn't really care. That was irrelevant. He never saw it anyway. The pain was beginning to subside and he thought it was over, but then he felt the wave come toward him. He'd never seen so many creatures in his life and they looked like they had just found dessert.

Sam gasped when Dean threw up. He had managed to lean over to do it, missing himself easily as the fast food from earlier splattered on the ground covering his discarded weapons. Sam knew that Dean could have made it to safety if he hadn't been so intent on staying between him and that thing. Dean was the hero again and Sam was, again, the only one who knew it.

He touched his hand carefully to his temple and felt that the bleeding had stopped. He wasn't sure how long he should wait there, but he knew that he'd wait forever if he had to.

He continued to flip through the journal.

Dean didn't know what to do anymore. Screaming wasn't really an option now that he had nothing to focus on. Everything was happening at once and his mind couldn't process.

His hair was on fire.

His eyeballs were being gouged out with a demon's claws and Dean was clenching his eyes shut, but he knew it was only a matter of time.

His jaw was clenched against the thing trying to pry his mouth open to eat his tongue.

The spirit biting his nipples seemed to have forgotten itself and bit one clean off.

Unfortunately that was when Dean reacted by gasping and opening his eyes wide. The last thing he saw was the razor sharp claws and then nothing.

He felt the demon's kiss and then cried out against the soft crunch that exploded from his mouth as the thing took it's prize.

He felt his teeth begin to fall out of his mouth and his toenails and fingernails pull out of their beds to fall uselessly below him as punches rained down on him from everywhere and nowhere. It took a moment to figure out what was happening next and when it did it was too late. Something had grabbed him by the balls and pulled.

Dean had apparently not known pain up to that point. He felt the blades enter his flesh and start to skin him slowly. Piece by piece the traitorous skin regained its usefulness to him. But now it was too late. Now it was gone forever. Now even his penis was being given over to the flesh whores surrounding him.

Not passing out was a curse in hell. It allowed people to experience unmentionable pain. Dean's mind was no longer in a place anyone could recognize it. There was nothing left of the man except for his heart and his soul and those belonged to Sam, safe in the Impala, watching his destruction.

Sam found something about gateways and wondered if that's what he was seeing. He couldn't figure out how it was a gateway if Dean was still there. Then he read that sometimes only the spirit travelled and the body did not, but depending on what happened to the spirit the body could die.

Sam frowned. There was no way he was going to let Dean die. He'd willingly let others die for him once and he'd do it again. He looked out at Dean and gasped. Something had changed. Dean's eyes were shut tightly, but he was crying blood. His nose was also dripping blood that mingled with the blood splashing out of his mouth. The front of his shirt was covered and he was jerking in convulsions that looked like they could break his neck.

Sam could tell that he couldn't scream so he did it for him, letting everything evil know that he loved this man with everything he was and he'd hunt everything that hurt him down and give them a torture far worse than what they could inflict on Dean.

Dean felt the pain ebb and flow and finally pull away, leaving the shadows of it behind to torment him. It was manageable now in a suicidal sense and he blinked and opened his eyes. His eyes...they were there suddenly and he could see Sam in the car. He was screaming something and he looked seriously pissed.

Dean was still dressed and he knew that somehow Sam had pulled him back from whatever had happened. He wasn't sure how and he didn't care. Right then he just wanted to find a gun and end it all. He spit and saw blood fly from his lips. Apparently he'd carried back some of the pain with him and he still didn't understand why he could still feel it.

He slowly lowered to the ground and just stood there dazed. He took a few steps before sinking to his knees and clutching his stomach. He moaned and gagged on his bile trying to rise up to escape the pain ridden body. He was on his hands and knees when he felt the flame sweep him up again. He looked up to see that Sam was right nearby this time, but was backing up slowly. He must have gotten out of the car to help, but this thing wasn't done yet. Dean knew what it wanted. It wanted his mind.

Sam snarled then and pulled a gun. He was aiming right at Dean, but Dean didn't care. He'd been through this once. He had a good feeling it wasn't Sam anyway, but something that looked like Sam. Yeah, Sam was probably standing there, but he'd be crying or yelling, not pointing a weapon at him.

When Dean dropped to the ground, Sam was able to open the door again. He ran out and stopped when Dean dropped to his knees. He was just about to go to him when the fire seized him again. "You bastard! Let him go!"

The haunted look in Dean's eyes had hurt him the most. He was pretty sure that he didn't want to know what happened.

Sam frowned and dropped the weapon. "Alright. So you don't have a soft spot for getting killed by me anymore, do you?" He knelt down and cupped Dean's cheek in his palm. "Do you love me?"

Dean was too tired and too weak to fight a version of Sam that was being kind to him. "Yes. Always, Sammy."

"Do you want me?"

Dean gulped back a sob. "Always, Sammy."

Sam leaned forward to kiss him and Dean's lips parted softly. He knew it was wrong, but he also knew that nobody would ever love him like his Sammy and nobody could ever love Sammy like him.

Their love was pure and dirty. Evil and blessed. Necessary and harmful.

The grip suddenly became painful and Dean's eyes widened as he looked at Sam's grinning face. "Well I don't love you." He shoved Dean away from him. "Is that what you thought? That I loved you? Dean, I'm on the road for fucking ever and I miss my girlfriend and you just fuck around with whoever you want. I don't have that option. Love MEANS something to me and I wouldn't waste it on YOU!" He kicked out, connecting with Dean's stomach, still painful from the torture inflicted only moments before.

Dean cried out. "Please, Sammy...I need you. Don't do this..."

"Don't do what?"

"Don't leave me. Don't hate me."

Sam walked around his brother and then dropped to the ground beside him. "Are you kidding me? Why would I leave you now that you're going to give me what I want? You're going to give all of us what we want...."

Dean felt himself being pulled out of his delirium at that. "You're not making sense..."

His pants were ripped down his body, scraping his thighs with the zipper and buckle. "Don't fight me, big brother. It's a waste of time."

His jeans were now around his ankles and he was hoisted up to stand. he was dragged over to his car and thrown against the side of it, his flaccid penis pressed against the window. "Sammy, don't!"

Sam leaned in and whispered in his ear. "Tell me you love me, Dean. Tell me...."

Dean's voice broke as he declared his love. "I love you. I love you more than anything. Please don't do this..."

Sam pulled open his pants and began to stroke himself, already hard. He used his feet to get Dean's boots and jeans completely off and then kicked his ankles open. It took him barely a second to position himself before thrusting into Dean harshly.

The scream ripped from the throat of the fallen hero could only be described as heavenly to the demons who had begun to surround them.

Had this Sam been human, he wouldn't have been able to continue because of the dryness, but this monster didn't care about such things. He loved the feel and he loved the emotional pain coming off of the body in front of him more. "Well I HATE you! Do you hear me? I'm not making love to you. I'm hating you with my body. That's right..." He continued to thrust and smiled as Dean went limp against the car, defeated.

Again things were confused. Sam listened to Dean talk, not sure what was going on.

"Yes. Always, Sammy."

Sam's ear perked up at his name. "Uh...what? Dean, what's going on?" He felt himself start to panic. Was someone pretending to be him? What was going on?

Dean gulped back a sob. "Always, Sammy."

Oh god...Sam couldn't handle seeing Dean cry. Of all the things in this world, that was one thing Sam had no protection against. He was about to reach out for him when his brother's eyes suddenly went wide and he rolled to his side and then gasped as if in pain, clutching his stomach.

"Dean!"

"Please, Sammy...I need you. Don't do this..."

"Oh shit, Dean! I'm not! Fight it! I need you, too...please..." He wanted to get closer, but was unable to push past whatever had a hold of the man he loved.

"Don't leave me. Don't hate me."

Sam felt his own tears roll down his cheek. "I won't leave you. Dean, I love you! Please hear me!"

"You're not making sense..."

"That's because it's not me! Shit! What's that thing doing to you?"

As if to confuse Sam more, Dean was suddenly dragged to the car and thrown against it with his back to Sam. Sam ran after him and went to the other side of the car so he could see Dean's face.

"Sammy, don't!"

The fear and pain in his voice ripped Sam's heart open and he reached across the roof to try and hold onto his brother, but that force was still there and preventing it.

"I love you. I love you more than anything. Please don't do this..."

"I love you, too! Oh God, Dean!" Sam didn't care that he was sobbing brokenly anymore. He only cared that his brother was right there in front of him and he didn't know what he was going through and he couldn't help. Then came the scream.

It was ripped from Sam's hero and the torture of it nearly killed him. Sam could almost feel everything Dean had endured just by allowing himself to witness the pain represented in that cry.

Then there was silence as Dean went limp, completely defeated. Sam could only watch as his love for his brother opened his eyes finally. He watched the demon rut into his brother over and over and he watched as Dean took it, no longer caring.

The rapes continued as demon after demon took their turns moving him how they wanted. In his mouth. In his ass. They didn't seem to care. Some would simply suck his flesh, hoping to harden it, only to fail. Dean was no longer in the building and they had gotten what they wanted.

He felt it all, but figured if this was how he was going to spend eternity that he should really just get used to it. He felt his mind begin to bend and decided maybe he should let it break, but then he heard something and it made him pull away from the rotted penis in his mouth to look for the origin.

The demons around him also seemed to notice the noise. It irritated them and they drew back, fading into the background. Soon only the one who looked like Sam remained and it threw him against the car again and began to fuck him.

Dean noticed that within a few thrusts, the creature started to weaken. The words began to reach Dean and he felt his mind start to return to him.

Sam saw Dean getting used and sat nearby and wept, crying out to God or anybody to make it stop. He hadn't cried like that, loud and unabashed, since he'd been a toddler. When he had nightmares Dean would... Sam jumped up, trying to formulate a thought and willed himself to remember.

Dean had sang it to him every night before bed and every night after a nightmare and instantly he'd been calmed. It was how he had learned what love was.

He went back to the car and leaned against it and began to sing.

"Sleep my child and peace attend thee,
All through the night
Guardian angels God will send thee,
All through the night
Soft the drowsy hours are creeping,
Hill and dale in slumber sleeping
I my loved ones' watch am keeping,
All through the night..."

He watched the demons fade away and the wind started to subside. He glared at the thing that had his face and groaned as it threw Dean against the car, raping him again.

He didn't back down and he glared at it, but knew he couldn't focus on the hate, only the love. He reached out, straining against the force that separated them and sang louder.

"Angels watching, e'er around thee,
All through the night
Midnight slumber close surround thee,
All through the night..."



Dean felt something warm on his fingers as the demon fell out of him and away. The wind stopped and he finally looked up into his brother's eyes. He couldn't speak yet, but he just laid his head on the roof of the car and continued to listen.

"Soft the drowsy hours are creeping,
Hill and dale in slumber sleeping
I my loved ones' watch am keeping,
All through the night..."

---------------------------------------------

Sam stopped singing and let go of Dean long enough to move to his side. He got there just as Dean fell and he grabbed him and lowered him slowly to the ground, letting his head lay in his lap. He slowly took a piece of his shirt and ripped it off, using it to wipe away the blood and tears from his brother's face. "Dean...please...don't leave me..." His voice was slightly scratchy from screaming and crying, but it was the most beautiful thing Dean had ever heard.

Dean cleared his throat, forcing his own pain to go away. He felt thoroughly beaten and the memories of the pain filled his head and nearly caused him to cry out again. He had a feeling that nightmares would become common for both Winchesters from this moment.

"I'll never leave you, Sammy."

"Did you mean what you said? You love me?"

"I love you more than my life."

"Do you believe me when I tell you I feel the same way?"

Dean looked away then as fresh tears filled his eyes. He couldn't revisit that pain. He could never survive it again.

Sam pulled his knees up, forcing Dean's head with them and then placed his fingers under his chin. He tilted Dean's face towards his and leaned down, capturing his lips in a soft kiss. Dean's lips felt soft, but Sam knew they were probably bruised. He gently moved his lips against them and took in the smell and the taste of Dean. It was perfection and it was heaven. Hell's pain could never compare to this and Sam licked Dean's lips gently as if he would break them if he was too hard.

Dean's lips parted slightly and he breathed softly into Sam's mouth, inviting more.

Sam gently probed Dean's mouth and deepened their kiss to a level they never thought they'd go together.

Dean's thoughts swirled around them. Having his tongue bitten off. Being raped. All of it battled against this one kiss. Dean knew that it would be the last kiss for awhile. He knew that he had a lot to get through, but it would be Sam's understanding, love, and patience that would get him to where he needed to be...to a place where this kiss wouldn't be what it was to him now.

Dean wasn't ready to be kissed. He wasn't ready to be touched. He needed to be loved and protected and it was this feeling emanating from the act of the kiss that he was holding onto at that moment. It saved him and warmed him and cured him of his doubts in his Sammy.

He felt Sam break the kiss, but not the hold and he let himself look into Sam's eyes.

Sam stroked his cheek. "Dean...what do you need from me? Tell me...I...I saw some of what happened. What you went through. We have to get you somewhere to rest. I don't know how to heal you."

"Tell me you don't hate me. Tell me it wasn't you and you would never hate me."

"That's what you want? Everything you endured and the thing that haunts you the most is whether I love you or not? Dean...I told you....it wasn't me. I love you more than anything. I know you loved mom, but...." He took a deep breath, not knowing whether he should go on.

"Tell me."

"If she had to die to get me here to this moment with you then I'm glad she did. Same with Jess. I'm done with this. I've accomplished my end goal. Let's stop all of it. No more hunting. No more dad. Just you and me. You have my heart, Dean. I've got nothing left to accomplish that's going to top loving you."

Dean sighed and considered Sam's words. He sat up and Sam was quick to help him. He stood against the car and looked into Sam's eyes. "Just you and me?"

"Forever. Can you do that? Can you give all of this up?"

Dean looked back at the area where hell had opened up and then back into the eyes of his own personal heaven. "Be destroyed by hate like dad...or be loved by you?" He hugged Sam tight, trying to stop his crying. "Please Sam...help me survive this and I'll never hunt again."

Sam opened the door and helped Dean into the car before kneeling down. "You'll get through this. I'll make sure of it. As for the rest...fuck 'em all." He closed the door and walked to the other side of the car, sitting behind the steering wheel. He reached over and took Dean's hand.

Dean just smiled sadly at Sam and made his decision final. He instructed Sam where to drive and they found a swampy marsh that bordered the property they had been on. He got out of the car and took his father's journal, heaving it into the muck. He watched it as it sank into the depths.

Sam came up behind him and wrapped his arms around him, letting Dean lean back against him. Dean closed his eyes and breathed a sigh of relief.

"Fuck 'em all."

The two got into the car and drove off, looking for their new life, confident that they were finally on the road they were meant for. The one with no regrets.

~~fin~~