Say A Little Prayer

SAY A LITTLE PRAYER
Dreamer Among The Starz
Copyright 2007


The Moment I wake up,
I say a little prayer for you.
While combing my hair now,
And wondering what to wear now.
I say a little prayer for you


Since visiting Ida, the matchmaker Mom sent me to, I’ve had this stupid Song running through my love stricken brain. But what gay man hasn’t had a Dionne Warwick song run through his mind at one point or another in his life? Not wanting to be late for my date, I hurried into the bathroom to take a quick shower to wash the day’s events off my thin, wry body. As my hands moved over my wet, slick body, my thoughts ran to a familiar fantasy. Suddenly the water was replaced by warm breath blown lightly over my face, neck, and chest. My small hands were replaced by a stronger firmer set as they slowly made their way down my chest and to my waist. Stopping only briefly, our lips met in a delicate whisper of a kiss before….

"Michael, this is your ten minute warning! You better get that cute single butt out of there if you want to get to the restaurant on time!" Emmett announced in his overly sweet southern accent as he chased the last sentiment of a great fantasy away from my mind.

"Um, sure. I’ll be right out! Thanks!" I managed to yell back amidst the rainfall of hot water which soaked my upturn face as the song continued to dance in and out of my thoughts at irregular intervals.

Stepping out of the shower, I had all ready decided what I would wear, so I would look perfect for HIM. The one who had unexpectedly stolen my heart, the one whom I can’t get out of my mind! The one and only man whose hands I want to have on my body, exploring every inch. It’s funny how it just suddenly comes to you when you finally met THE ONE! It took a stupid moment of uncertainty to make me realize that I had Mr. Right, standing there wanting me as much as I have ever wanted anyone before. Instead of listening to my heart, all I could hear was Brian and Ma’s voices telling me how wrong this was. That I was asking for nothing but trouble. That out of all the single men out there, I had to decide on one that would eventually just end in heartache. But it’s not like I haven’t lived through other heartaches in the past. What’s one more to have to deal with when in the end I will be with THE ONE!
I climb into a causal pair of blue jeans and a long sleeve T-shirt and clear the mirror of its fog with the back of my hand. Looking back at me was a thirty something young man with black hair, brown eyes and the boyish looks that would turn any girls heart to mush. If I was into that kind of thing, that is. Laughing to myself at the thought of being with a member of the opposite sex, I grabbed the brush and dragged it through my still wet, straight black hair. Styling it quickly with my fingers, I throw the brush back into its place on the sink, before shutting off the light to head into the living room where my roommate was waiting for me. The way everyone was acting, you’d think that it had been years, not just a month, since David and I broke up. But this time it would be different! This time I’m sure that he’s THE ONE!

"So how do I look?" I questioned mistakenly as Emmett nearly jumped out of his seat because of my surprise entrance.

I thought that I looked great for a casual date. Until Emmett planted that little seed of doubt into my head by stating dramatically, "You’re going to wear that?" with a look of sheer terror on his face.

"Well, ya. I mean, why? Do you think it’s too laid back for tonight?" I stammered, running my hands nervously over the lightweight shirt I had spent hours picking out.

"It is if you want to get laid tonight! But your taste in clothes differs from mine. I guess it’s better if you go as Mikey than some over dressed queen! Wipe that look off your face! You look great! Now quit worrying and get going!" retracted Emmett as he hustled my self-doubting body to the door. With a push of strength that I never thought was possible for the queen, Emmett threw me out of the apartment and literally shut the door in my face. Before turning to leave, I silently whisper to whoever is looking out for us from above, " Please, Let Him be the ONE!"

Forever and ever
You’ll stay in my heart
And I will love you
Forever and ever
We never will part
Oh how I’ll love you
Together, forever
That’s how it will be,
To live without you,
Would only mean heartbreak for me

Was it just me or, was the world suddenly filled with couples snuggling close together against the cold breeze, whispering sweet nothings into each others ears? Or perhaps because of the current state of my mind, I was just noticing these things with new eyes? It’s strange what being in love will do to a man’s soul! The only thing that seemed to be able to penetrate my mind lately are images of HIM and me in each others arms, loving each other through the good and bad times. Loving each other no matter what life throws at us. But for a fleeting moment, a thought, which I have been trying to push to the far reaches of my mind, came to me: what if he doesn’t feel the same? What if it’s too late! What if I truly did fuck things up because I got scared when I saw all his meds in the medicine cabinet? Maybe Brian and the rest were right. This would only mean heartbreak for me! I stopped cold in my tracks. It’s funny how much power ‘what if’ can have over you, if you let them sink into your mind, body and soul. But not tonight! Just like Ida had said--this was meant to be! He’s the one! Seeing the bus rapidly approaching the stop, I hurriedly raise my eyes to the heaven’s and whisper, "Please let Him be the One!"


I run for the bus dear,
While riding it I think of us dear.
I say a little prayer for you
And all through my coffee
I say a little prayer for you

Rushing into the nearest seat, I had just enough time to make myself comfortable before the bus lunged forward to my destiny. As the bus makes it way to Liberty Ave, my thoughts are taken back to the night I made my mistake. What if I hadn’t said no? What if I went all the way? What kind of lover would he have ended up being? Leaning my head back into the seat, I close my eyes as the memories close around me, filling me with a longing to turn back the hands of time. I magically return to in front of the mirror in his bathroom looking for condoms, but instead finding his life-saving meds. Without warning, a pair of arms encircled my waist, drawing me to him. My senses throbbed with the strength, the feel, the scent of him. I can feel his erection fighting against his pants as he leans into me, showing me how much he wants me. His warm breath suddenly blows seductively against my ear as our eyes met in the mirror. We look good together, I conclude, wrapping my arms around his waist as he moved his erection against me in a suggestive body caress before whispering, "You find them?" His lips blazed a trail of liquid fire across my skin, causing goose bumps to rise all over my body.

What if I hadn’t said I couldn’t stay and hadn’t left? What if I stayed? What would have happened then?

Surrendering to the crush of feelings that draw us together, I turn and focus my gaze on his lips. His lips brush mine, a tantalizing invitation for more. The sweet throbbing of his lips make me shift closer to him. His lips were surprisingly soft and sensitive as they rested on my own. Softly he takes my lips into a moist kiss, the breathless first kiss. A small sound of wonder comes from my throat as we kiss again, this time full of passion and unsaid needs. A wild surge of pleasure overtook me as his mouth opens over mine and our tongue’s seek each other out. While he explores my mouth, I taste him with a new hunger. Clinging to him, I want the kiss to go on. As he presses against me, I can feel his impatience. Somehow, we make our way out of the cramped bathroom and into the bedroom without breaking our embrace. Quickly, we finish undressing each other on the bed, both of us taking in the others body with lust and want. Our hands feather over each other’s bodies as we explore each other. Feeling the raw warmth of his skin beneath my fingertips, I surrender to my overheated senses as he caresses my body with his tongue. The sensation is both alien and exquisite. I could feel his arousal was already beyond the point of control. Lost in a haze, I find myself on my stomach as his hands burn a path down my bare back. I could feel the sensual heat of his naked skin as he positions himself behind me. Sliding his hands down my back to my buttocks, he gives no warning as he enters me. The sounds of sex became the only reality in the room. With each deepening thrust, I tremble as we near a crucial juncture.

"Michael, are you going to sit there or join us at the diner before your big date?" questioned a familiar voice, breaking through the cloudiness of my mind. Looking up, I’m shock to see that it was Brian’s face in front of my own and not my dream lover.

Shaking my head to clear all thoughts, I answer, "Hell no! Why do you think I came," the second this escaped my lips, a warm telling blaze swept over my face, "so early!" before following Brian into the diner where my mom just so happens to work. Looking down at my clothes, I hurriedly run my hands across my shirt and jeans, hoping to erase all traces of my daydream so my mom doesn’t see.

"Michael, you’re not wearing that are you?" she suddenly screeched as she came blazing from behind the counter.

Why is everyone saying that tonight? Can’t they see how nervous I really am about this? Since when did clothes make the man? ‘Besides, I’m sure it wasn’t my clothes that he was interested in the other night!’ I thought as the daydream forced it’s way back into the center of attention. ‘Down boy!’ I commanded as I quickly took a seat next to Brian at a near by booth.

"Whose the mystery guy that you got yourself all dolled up for?" questioned Brian with a smirk as he placed one arm around my shoulder.
Before I could tell him to shut up, Ma had to announce it to the whole diner.

"Michael went to see Ida, the matchmaker. She set up this blind date with the man of Michael’s dreams! Isn’t that right honey?" She beamed. All I wanted to do was to slink down into the seat and just die. Why do moms always do this to their kids? Is it written in a textbook or something?

"Damn Michael, I didn’t know you have become that desperate! What’s next? On line dating?" Brian smarted off, ducking before he could be hit with a low flying dishcloth coming from ma’s direction.

"Leave the poor boy alone! I’m proud of my gay son for trying something different. Not everyone is like you, Brian, and can go from one boy toy to the next! Some of us actually believe that there is just one person out there for ourselves!" she lectured, placing a couple cups of coffee in front of her two boys.

"Thank you mom! But this has nothing to do about being gay! Besides, the whole world doesn’t need to know that little fact about me!" I offered, slurping my lukewarm cup of coffee noisily.

"What? Can’t a mother be proud of her son for once in his life? Is there a law against that now?" inquired my mom with that hurt tone in her loud voice, which I knew only to well. I knew it was better to nip this in the bud before it turned into a circus act. Besides, I had someone waiting for me!

"No, ma, it’s not a crime! Now, I have to go or I’m going to be late! I love you!" I soothed, kissing her on the forehead like I had been doing since I was a kid, " Now wish me luck!"

The last thing I heard before the door shut was a bunch of people yelling, "good luck" after me. Well, at least Pittsburgh has my back. Looking up into the heavens, I again say a little prayer as I walk the short distance from the diner to the restaurant.

My darling believe me
For me there is no one But you
Please love me too
I’m in love with you
Answer my prayer!

Walking into the dimly lit restaurant, I let my eyes get use to the candlelight before searching the place. Ida had only told me that I would know him when I saw him. I guess it helped that I had a little sneak in advance. Just like in the movies, the crowd parted and there he was, sitting all alone, looking as glorious as I had imaged.

Answer my prayer.

For a brief second, our eyes meet as a smile crosses my face of its own accord. Not wanting to seem too desperate, I turn so my back is facing him, my smile growing wilder still. This is it! He is the one! This was meant to be! Fighting the sensation to jump up and scream yes, I compose myself before meeting his gaze for a second time.

This time my feet began to move towards our table by themselves. With each step, all the worries that had been nagging at me all day suddenly begin to disappear. In my heart and mind, I knew that this was right; we were supposed to be together! Finally, I reached his table only to be greeted by a surprised look on his handsome, strong face.

Answer my prayer now!

"Ben, Ida was right! She told me I would know it was you when I saw you!" I gushed as my heart beat out of control.

"Michael, what are you doing here? Who’s Ida?" Ben asked, still with the unmistakable look of surprise on his face.

"Ida, the matchmaker! Aren’t you here for a date?" I ask blindly as the warning bells in my head started to go off. Something wasn’t right. This wasn’t the kind of reaction that I was imagining. I mean, I wasn’t expecting him to tear my clothes off and start making love to me right there on the floor. I would have hoped for at least a "happy to see you" reaction. But this wasn’t a happy to see you moment.

"Michael, I am here on a date! But not with you!" Ben said politely as a stranger appeared out of nowhere to take the seat next to him that was suppose to be mine.

My world came to a sudden, crashing halt. Not knowing what to do, I stood there, in front of their table, like a deer caught in the headlights of an on coming car. If it wasn’t for the waiter pushing me out of the way, I’m sure I would have stayed that way through their whole meal. Thank god my senses returned to me in time for me to not make a total fool out of myself.

How could this have happened? I was so sure that Ben was the one! That even though I had made a mistake, he would give me one more try! Why couldn’t this have ended up like in the romance novels or movies where the guy gets the guy at the end? As this thought ran through my head like wild fire, I took my self back to the apartment and locked myself in my room to die a slow agonizing death alone.


I still believe happiness can be worked out between Ben and I.


I’m such a fool!