En Flagrante

A/N: This was written for BookAddict43 over at LiveJournal as a challenge - she wanted Jaylee UnderTheCovers!Porn, and this is what came of it...

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“Will you calm down, sweetie? No one’s going to lock us up – we’re not doing anything illegal,” Wash protested to Zoë for what seemed like the hundredth time after he caught his wife looking around them suspiciously.

“If they could fine us for breathing… they would, Husband,” Zoë replied dryly. “And I just don’t feel comfortable so near to an Alliance garrison.”

“But, lambie toes! It’s a real park. With a bunch of real birds. And a real romantic atmosphere,” Wash asserted. At her quirked eyebrow, he sighed and threw up his hands in defeat. “At least ten more minutes of the real romantic atmosphere?” he bargained.

“Three.”

“Seven minutes?” he wheedled.

“Five.”

Wash grinned in triumph and stuck out his hand for her to shake. “Deal.” She took his hand with a smile and shake of her head, leaning in to kiss him. “I like making deals with you,” he remarked seriously when she drew back. He managed to persuade her to make another circuit of the park with him, pointing out various forms of ‘wildlife’ in the trees and bushes. They had landed on Greenleaf to drop off some cargo to one of Badger’s contacts – once the job was completed and they’d been paid, Mal had offered them leave for the remainder of the day. Out of necessity, River and Simon had stayed aboard Serenity while the rest of them left to enjoy the downtime. Kaylee had skipped happily down the ramp and off in the direction of the fancy shops, Jayne had trudged off in another direction looking for Tien knew what, and Mal had wandered off behind Kaylee while Wash and a reluctant Zoë headed for the park. Inara had left the previous evening in her shuttle to meet a client on the other side of the planet.

Now they returned to the ship to find that all but Kaylee and Jayne had returned. “Might as well get this bird off the ground,” Mal commented, “but first we need to collect our strays.”

Simon coughed into his hand something about just needing to collect Kaylee and Wash suppressed a smile when Zoë glanced over at him, so he turned to an equally amused Mal. “Did they take their hand units? I can just run a trace, and we can go back to get them,” he said eagerly.

River trailed after them when he and Zoë went up to the bridge to set up the trace. “The Privacy light is on the outside of a room without a door,” she informed them seriously before turning on her heel and leaving, humming a tune that sounded familiar somehow. But what was it?

Wash shook his head and completed his work. “Oh, there they are,” he said, pointing to a grid he pulled up. “Looks like they were on their way back together and stopped at” he glanced at his wife’s amused face “the park! We get to go back,” he sang happily, taking her in his arms for a few dance steps.

When they reached the park once more, he looked down at his hand unit again. “It says on this that they’re just through here…that’s odd. Wouldn’t put down Jayne as being a nature lover.” The song River had been humming ran through his mind once more; he almost recognized it, he swore he knew what it was…he’d heard it before. They pushed through the underbrush, hearing the sound of water first. “A waterfall,” he said to Zoë excitedly and was about to push through the remaining foliage to their destination when his wife held up a restraining hand.

“Wait, I think I see something.”

Warned by the strange tone in her voice, he knelt and reached out for the tall fronds of the fern in front of them and brushed them aside slowly. “Oh.”

“Oh, my,” Zoë echoed.

There, in the middle of the pool of water, were Jayne and Kaylee.

“Oh,” Wash repeated stupidly.

Neither of them had so much as a stitch of clothing between them.

Kaylee was standing on a shelf of rock with her arms twined around Jayne’s neck, her forehead pressed to his with her eyes closed in a blissful expression as he ran his large hands over her body. Wash stared in disbelief as Jayne touched his lips to her face tenderly, brushed aside one of her braids to lower his mouth to her neck and caused the mechanic to gasp in pleasure and clutch at his bare back. “We shouldn’t be watching this,” Zoë murmured, gathering herself to stand and move away. A twig snapped sharply underneath her feet and she ducked down again but their crewmates didn’t seem to have heard it, being far too intent upon each other.

Wash knew as well as Zoë did that they shouldn’t watch, but interrupting the other couple was now completely out of the question – if they did, Jayne and Kaylee would know for sure that they had been watching. Talk about awkward. “What are we going to do?” he whispered, carefully keeping his face averted from the two lovers in the water.

“Nothin’ we can do except wait until they move on,” his wife answered. He could see, from the corner of his eye, that Jayne had lowered Kaylee into the water and they were – he wasn’t sure he wanted to know exactly what they were doing. Ever. “I’m not that surprised, though,” she went on as she adjusted the laces in her boots. “Remember that time we were all playing Hoopball so long ago? They played well together, as I recall.” The tiniest hint of a flush crept into his mate’s dusky skin as Kaylee’s cries of pleasure carried to their hiding place. “Suppose they still do.”

If Wash never heard the merc’s name said that way ever again, it would be too soon – was there a way to selectively erase memories? He’d have to ask Simon. An involuntary glance towards the, um, involved couple turned into a double take; he’d never even known a position like that existed! “Honey, look at that – we should try that,” he blurted, pointing.

“Baby, don’t point – oh, wow. I didn’t even know a position like that…no, we can’t watch.”

A full hour later, they had almost given up all hope of ever moving from their hiding place ever again when the moans and gasps redoubled and finally ceased. “Thank God, they’re finished. Let’s get out of here.” And back to our bunk where we can try out some of the things those two were kind enough to show us, Wash thought, eyeing his beautiful wife. “What are they doing?” he whispered when he could hear no other signs of movement other than the muted roar of the waterfall.

Zoë yawned and peered through the branches before sighing and sitting back down. “You’re not going to believe this.”

Wash slapped his hands over his face. “Oh, no….again? But they just got done!”

Their screen of foliage was torn aside and they were left facing an extremely irritated mercenary. Well, his knees, anyway. “I was about to say that Jayne realized we were here,” Zoë remarked.

“How long were y’all watchin’?” Jayne demanded angrily, his hand straying to the side his hastily donned cargo pants. Wash thanked whichever deity was listening that Mal had forbade the big man to bring his weapons along as Jayne fumbled for his weapon’s belt and only touched the fabric of his pants, swearing.

Kaylee came up behind him to lay a quelling hand on his arm. “Now, Jayne…I’m sure they didn’t mean to snoop.”

“And it’s not as if you were in a completely private place,” Wash said, remembering River’s words. The tune danced through his head once more – what was it? He held up his hands defensively as Jayne began to move towards him, only to be caught back by Kaylee once more. “Look, we just came to collect you two kids on Mal’s orders,” he said carefully. “As soon as we realized what we were seeing, we stopped looking.”

Kaylee wrapped her arms around her lover’s waist and grinned up at him. “It ain’t nothin’, baby – we might’ve even taught ‘em a thing or two. No harm no foul, my Pa always used to say.” Jayne began to relax, to Wash’s immense relief…he wasn’t sure how Zoë’s opinion of him would hold up if he ran away screaming for mercy. “Why don’t you two just head back to Serenity, and we’ll catch up later?” she suggested, completely unembarrassed at having been caught in such a situation.

“See you two back on board,” Zoë said calmly, turning to leave. Wash followed silently, hearing the mechanic begin to soothe her irate lover once more. It was still the strangest thing he’d ever seen, the two of them together - who would have thought?

Suddenly, he stopped dead as the name of the song River had been humming came to him and he began to laugh. “If you go down to the woods today, you’re in for a big surprise.”

“What?”

“…never mind.”


~*~END~*~
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