Bad Boy

He had tolerated a lot of things from Robbie. Trying to make Stephanie trip and fall during dance competitions. Feeding him sugar so he had a sugar meltdown. Last week, he tolerated it when Robbie insisted on using, of all things, that cake-frosting caulking gun gone awry. He didn’t care how delicious the man said his abs were- that much sugar should not have been anywhere near him. This, however, was making the usually calm and collected Sportacus very annoyed. He stood on the door of the air ship, looking out over the town.
Blue and white cell phone up against his ear.
He’d gotten the thing some time ago, from Pixel. He had said that they needed some way to contact him other than just writing and shooting it up to ship, or when they were in trouble. He gladly accepted it.
What was making him annoyed was the distinct lack of response from Robbie Rotten. He knew the man picked up his phone. He’d done it before. So Sportacus had had to destroy one of Robbie’s inventions- a quiet machine- for the good of the town. And Robbie had understandably been annoyed, okay. But trying to make it up to someone who would not pick up their phone was beyond frustrating.
He huffed slightly and snapped the phone shut. This was ridiculous. Robbie was acting like a little kid. It was endearing sometimes, but now it was just a pain. When he thought about it further, Sportacus realized that the man was very much like a child. Only, the negative aspects of childhood and almost none of the positive. He furrowed his brow a little at that thought. The more he thought, the more examples kept popping up. Refusal to even try vegetables or fruits simply because they were healthy, the tendency to want to lay around and do nothing, the temper tantrums when he didn’t get his way…
Robbie Rotten was very much like a small child in a grocery store.
Sportacus looked down at the ground from his air ship. The billboard was in sight. He closed his eyes and rubbed his temples.
“Alright,” he said finally, sounding resigned. “Time to do this.” He turned around and went back into the interior of his air ship.
“Robbie’s gonna kill me afterwards…”


“Robbie…”
“Nnngh. Didn’ do it… wasn’ me…”
“Robbie, wake up. Nap time’s over.”
Robbie blearily opened one eye and slowly focused on the blue blur standing next to him. He opened both eyes and glared.
“What are you doing here? Come to destroy more of my things?”
“Robbie, don’t be like that,” Sportacus sighed. He could already tell Robbie was whipping himself into a frenzy. There’d be no stopping him.
“Don’t be like that? Don’t be like what?”
“Like a stubborn little kid,” Sportacus replied, giving him a look.
“I am not!” and Robbie stamped his foot for emphasis. “And don’t try to change the subject! I want you out of here! I’m not gonna have your stupid high kicks and sports equipment go smashing through more of my stuff, so leave already, you stupid elf!”
Sportacus narrowed his eyes.
“Robbie, no. Calm down and listen.”
“I won’t!” Robbie yelled, and threw a slice of stale cake that had been sitting next to the chair at his mustached face. Sportacus grabbed it before it hit him in the face, and dropped it to the floor. He looked at his frosting-smeared hand and shuddered slightly. He turned and walked towards the bathroom.
“Hey. Hey! Where do you think you’re going? Who gave you permission to use my bathroom, huh?”
Sportacus took a deep breath before turning around to face Robbie. The look he sent the man stopped Robbie in his tracks.
“Stay here. I’ll be right back.” And he turned back around and closed the bathroom door.
There was a minute of stunned silence, other than the sounds of running water, before Robbie finally came back to his senses and threw himself at the door, demanding the sports elf get the hell out, and pounding and kicking and scratching at the door. After another minute, Robbie had exhausted himself and he stood panting. The water shut off, and Robbie involuntarily stiffened. The blasted elf hadn’t said a single word. Was that odd? Normally he’d be trying to reason with Robbie… he’d never gotten the silent treatment before. He huffed to himself. It wasn’t so bad, if only he’d leave his house.
“Did you hear me, Sportaflop? Get out already!” The door clicked and swung open.
“Yeah, I heard you Robbie,” Sportacus said, and stepped out, hands now sans frosting. “I heard you screaming like a little kid in a grocery store. I can guess what about, but…” he shrugged. Robbie was floored. Was that Sportacus being… insulting? It somehow made him angrier.
“Then get the hell out! I don’t want you!”
Sportacus sighed, and leaned against the door frame.
“Yeah, except I know that’s not true. You mumbled my name in your sleep, Robbie.” Robbie paled. “You’re too much like a stubborn toddler, you know that? It’s almost funny.”
Robbie thought he would see red. Of all the insults… he was just about to open his mouth to insult him back, when Sportacus beat him to it.
“All in all, I’d say you’re a pretty bad boy, right?”
There was an entire moment where time froze. Robbie’s eyes got impossibly wide and he froze. Sportacus seemed to not notice.
“I don’t know what they usually do here, but when I was little and I was bad, I got spanked. How about you?” he said casually. Robbie made a strangled sound in his throat, and bolted. Spartacus rolled his eyes and pushed himself off the doorframe, following at a leisurely pace.
“Running just makes it worse, you know,” he called out. Of course, he could hear the man trip over things in his haste and follow those sounds. Robbie wasn’t the most graceful of people. He finally came across the man balled up under a table and holding his shin, trying to not make noise. He strolled silently over, from behind Robbie. He crouched down to eye level.
“I didn’t even say anything yet and you’re already running,” he said, and was highly amused when Robbie yelped and jumped, trying to scoot away.
“Ah ah,” he scolded, and pushed the table away fairly easily. Robbie looked like a cornered animal.
“We can do this the easy way, or-”
Before he could finish, Robbie had bolted again, diving for the cover of his costume machine. Sportacus looked exasperated.
“That way then,” he said, and flipped over to where Robbie was trying to cram himself into an inaccessible place. “You’re making this way more difficult than it has to be, you know.” He grabbed the taller man in a bear hug and dragged him out.
“Let me go, you maniac elf!”
“Nope,” Sportacus replied, ignoring how Robbie attempted to kick him while he carried and dragged him over to the fluffy orange chair. Robbie froze and shivered when he realized that was the destination.
“U-um…” he started. Sportacus paused.
“Yes Robbie?”
“…. not there… “ he mumbled. Sportacus appeared to think about this for a moment.
“Alright,” he finally decided. “The bedroom then.”
He tried to not chuckle at the indignant shriek from Robbie.


“Now then,” Sportacus said, holding Robbie under one arm. Robbie immediately started squirming to get free. Sportacus held him tighter, frowning.
“You’re determined to make it worse, aren’t you?”
“Fuck you!” Robbie snapped.
“Strike two,” Sportacus said calmly. Robbie’s eyes widened and he stilled.
“Now…”
He sat down on the edge of the bed and swiftly moved him over his knees. Robbie yelped again and tried to scramble away, protesting. Sportacus easily pinned him.
“I am stronger than you, remember?”
“JERK!” Robbie yelled, getting frustrated.
“I won’t count that right now,” Sportacus informed him. “You know, I’m doing this because you insist on acting like a little kid. Even the kids in town act better than you do, or at least try to. You just keep on acting bad, Robbie. Ready?”
“Let GO!” Robbie yelled, and kicked his feet. Sportacus sighed and brought his hand down. Robbie yelped and went still.
“Say you’re sorry,” Sportacus said. “And promise to try and be good.”
“I can’t be good!” Robbie protested.
“Then… say you’re sorry, and you have to try… a banana.”
“FUCK THAT!”
Sportacus hit again, twice, and Robbie cried out.
“No!” he yelled, and thrashed as hard as he could. It nearly threw Sportacus, because he hadn’t been expecting it, and it was rather awkward doing this with someone who was a good deal taller than him. He narrowed his eyes and kept a tighter hold on Robbie.
“Robbie, it’s my job to make sure everybody in Lazy Town is good. I tried to get you to cooperate, but like I said, you’re stubborn. It’s cute a lot of times, but I’m not going to let you just run amok,” He brought his hand down again and Robbie flinched, obviously switching to a different tactic of trying to keep silent instead. “You can’t just keep trying to cause trouble. So, you’re getting punished. Understand?”
Robbie clenched his jaw shut. Sportacus sighed, and hit slightly harder, hard enough to sting. Robbie flinched again, tears springing to his eyes, but he refused to make a sound.
“We’re going to be here for awhile I see,” Sportacus said, sounding bored.
“I hate you,” Robbie muttered. Sportacus paused, disturbed for a moment, before he shook it off.
“You don’t mean that.” He said, completely sure. His free hand was resting lightly on Robbie’s lower back.
“Now, are you going to say you’re sorry?”
“…. nnn.”
“I can’t tell if that’s yes or no Robbie. And I’m not going to stop until you actually say sorry, you know.”
Robbie hissed furiously and thrashed once in frustration. Sportacus sighed.
“Fine then,” he said. Robbie yelped.
“Wait!”
“Nope.”
He brought his hand down again, and started a rhythm. Robbie yelled for awhile in the beginning, but after awhile it died down as the sting settled in. After a minute of this treatment, it finally became unbearable.
“FINE!” Robbie sobbed, shivering with the humiliation of it. Sportacus didn’t pause this time.
“Say it, Robbie.” he said, still damningly calm. Robbie flinched and yelped slightly at the next strike.
“I-I…” he whimpered. “I’m s-s-sorry…” He nearly sobbed in relief when the next strike didn’t come. Sportacus exhaled loudly and relaxed his grip on Robbie. He hauled the man up onto the bed, laying on his stomach. He noticed the tear streaks on his face and he felt slightly guilty, but he pushed it back. No use feeling bad about it now.
“Hey,” he said gently, and wiped the remaining tears from Robbie’s face with his hand. Robbie just scowled at him and turned his head away, sniffling miserably. Sportacus smiled slightly at the back of his head, and leaned over him, kissing the side of the man’s face.
“Don’t be mad,” he murmured, and enveloped him in a hug. Robbie tried to scoff, but it ended up as a slightly more miserable sniffle.
“Why shouldn’t I be?”
“Because I love you?” Sportacus offered, snuggling next to him. Robbie managed to scoff this time, but he still smiled slightly.
“That’s not very much compensation,” he complained.
“I’d be insulted if I believed you,” Sportacus countered, and grinned. He kissed the back of Robbie’s neck and was immensely pleased when the man shivered because of it.
“Now, about that banana…”
He laughed when Robbie twisted around in an attempt to smack him in the head, and grabbed his wrists.
“I’ll make it up to you!” he promised, confronted with Robbie’s glare.
“Oh?” he replied. “Like how?”
Sportacus grinned harder.
“Oh, no,” Robbie said, tugging his wrists from Sportacus’ grip (or attempting to). “I know what I want.”
“Yeah?” Sportacus murmured, absorbed with kissing the inside of Robbie’s wrists and down his thin arm. Robbie shivered, but he was determined to stay in control.
“I want to be on top.”
Sportacus stopped abruptly, lips still pressed against the warm skin of Robbie’s arm. He looked up.
“No.”
“Why not?!”
“I said I’d make it up to you, not that I was going to let you choose how.”
“That’s not fair!”
“Yes, it is,” Sportacus finished, and continued to kiss down Robbie’s arms. “Besides, I decided you don’t have to eat a banana.”
“… Really?” Robbie said hesitantly. Sportacus smiled slightly and nodded, planting a light kiss on the lower part of Robbie’s neck.
“Instead, you have to play a game.”
“I hate games,” Robbie muttered. Sportacus chuckled and licked Robbie’s skin lightly.
“I know,” he continued, pleased with every shiver of pleasure Robbie made, despite his best efforts not to. “But it’s either the game, or the sports candy. And I decided on the game. Unless you want the sports candy?”
He smiled at Robbie’s pouty expression. That was a no.
“Alright,” he started, sitting up but with his grip still on Robbie’s wrists, and leaning over him. “Here’s the game. It’s touch hide and seek. You hide somewhere in here, and I have to find you. When I do find you, you can’t run for it. But…” he smirked slightly. “If you twitch when I touch you, I get a kiss. If you don’t twitch, you win.” He shrugged. “Pretty simple.”
Robbie looked at him skeptically.
“That’s it?”
“That’s it,” he confirmed. Robbie thought for a moment.
“Alright. Deal.”
Sportacus grinned and let Robbie up.
“You’ve got one full minute.” He pressed a button on his watch. “Now.”
Robbie bolted out the door, and Sportacus leaned back on the bed, watching.