Libido

Disclaimer: I didn't invent these characters and don't own them. No copyright infringement is intended by their use in my stories and I derive no financial benefits from my writing.

Libido - Part 1

“Carter!” The Colonel called her name. They were pinned down by hostile Jaffa and he'd asked her for something. She couldn't think what it was that he wanted. “Carter!!” She looked at him, confused. “C-4!” Suddenly her mind reawakened and she realized that she held the arming device in her hand. She nodded to him. He gave her a glare that might have shriveled the skin off a lesser woman, and she hit the button. Just as the Jaffa rushed them, the charges detonated, clearing a path to the Stargate. Daniel ran ahead, madly pressing glyphs into the DHD, the 'Gate spinning. Teal'c and the Colonel mopped up, zatting any stray Jaffa, and she just stood there, uncertain what she was doing, where she was and what she was supposed to do next.

The 'Gate whooshed sideways and Daniel pressed in the IDC to alert Stargate Command that they were coming in hot, as the sound of more Jaffa arriving reached their ears. Before she could rouse herself, the Colonel grabbed her elbow and jerked her to her feet. “What the hell are you doing?” he snarled. She blinked at him, unable to focus. He half dragged her toward the 'Gate. Together they entered the wormhole, arriving back at the SGC safely. Standing by her side, the Colonel hissed, “What is wrong with you?”

“SG1, report!' General Hammond waited for them at the bottom of the ramp, looking from face to face. Daniel had grime all over him from the attack. Teal'c was sporting a nasty looking staff weapon burn across his bicep. The Colonel, his hands and BDUs filthy from the firefight, looked as if he was ready to kill the next man he saw. Major Carter, usually none the worse for wear, looked dazed.

“Welcoming party, General,” the Colonel piped up. The General's lip twitched with derisive, but silent laughter. “The natives weren't too happy to see us, sir. Some Jaffa decided to make sure we got the point.”

“And the ruins, Doctor Jackson?” the General asked his archaeological expert.

“Didn't get that far, sir,” Daniel responded. “We barely had time to make it back to the 'Gate, before they opened fire on us.”

The General looked at Sam, waiting for her to provide further information. Instead she just blinked nervously. Jack jumped in. “Carter planted some C-4. It gave us the time we needed, sir.” General Hammond nodded briskly.

“You better get that looked at, son,” he said to Teal'c, motioning for the SFs to take the team's weapons.

“That I will, General Hammond,” the big man said, dipping his head slightly.

“Alright, people, go see Doctor Frasier, then 1300, my office, for debriefing. Dismissed.” Jack sketched him a sloppy salute. Sam, who usually managed a proper one, just nodded and walked out of the 'Gate room, her superior officer looking after her strangely.

In the infirmary, Janet finished with Colonel O'Neill, when he took her aside and told her, “Doc, I think there's something wrong with Carter.” Janet listened wide-eyed to the Colonel's concerns, making some notes.

“I'll keep that in mind, sir,” she said, knowing that the Colonel would never tell her something was wrong with someone under his command unless he was really worried. She worked up Daniel and Teal'c, saving Sam for last, dismissing the guys so she could take her time with the Major.

After running through the usual battery of tests, Janet decided to draw Sam's blood herself, noticing that her friend was particularly distracted. “So, what are you up to this weekend, Sam,” she asked.

“Oh, a little of this, and a little of that,” Sam replied.

“What happened here?” Janet asked, taking one of Sam's hands in hers, examining her fingertip.

“I sliced my finger when I put the .... um ... explosive cap on the ... C-4,” Sam said, hesitating. Janet noticed that the Major seemed at a loss for words, unable to follow her own line of thought.

The little doctor began to pepper her friend with questions, designed to make Sam focus and respond. It was a casual test for mental acuity, something Janet would never have bothered with, if the Colonel hadn't warned her. And when she was done, she was alarmed to realize that Sam scored well below her normal level of acuity, which was usually extremely high, and even below what was considered normal for an average person. The Colonel was right. Something was definitely not right with Samantha Carter.

When all the tests were complete and Sam was dressing in clean BDUs, preparing to attend General Hammond's scheduled briefing, Janet put her hand on the Major's forearm to get her attention. “How are you feeling, Sam?” she asked. It was an unusual question for the CMO to ask after a full medical examination.

“Fine, why?” Sam asked, busy buttoning her BDU shirt.

“Well, you seem distracted. In fact, you seem ... off.”

Sam shot the doctor a sharp glance. “Is there something wrong?”

“No, not really,” Janet said, flipping through Sam's file. “But your acuity is way off, Sam, and that's never happened... ever.” Sam glared at her friend harshly, but Janet just returned the gaze mildly. Finally, and unexpectedly, Sam slumped into a chair, breaking off her attempt at intimidation. “What is it, Sam?” the little physician asked, her concern evident.

“I have been distracted,” Sam said, obviously miserable about it. “I lost track of what was happening today and nearly got us in deep shit. If the Colonel hadn't kept at me, we would have been fucked.” Janet couldn't decide if she was more disturbed by Sam's loss of concentration or by her characterization. Sam never used profanity... it was completely out of character.

“Have you been under unusual strain, lately?” Janet asked unnecessarily. It was somewhat of an absurd question, since all SG teams were under extreme duress during their missions... but Sam was a seasoned veteran of the Stargate program. It was unlikely that standard operating procedures would have caused aberrant behavior like this.

Janet watched in astonishment as Sam hung her head. “No,” she said in a tiny voice. Then, almost a whisper, she added, “Yes... yes, I have.”

Just then the Colonel stuck his head in. “Carter... briefing!”

It didn’t take a genius or a clairvoyant to see that whatever was bothering Sam was something she couldn’t or wouldn't discuss on base, for whatever reason.... but Janet wasn’t an ordinary MD, and she recognized trouble when she saw it. Before Sam left for her debriefing, Janet invited her for dinner, hoping to work around to getting answers for her very pressing questions by the time the wine was drunk.

Sam, who should have realized that Janet was manipulating her, and would have commented on it wryly, if she’d been her normal, perceptive self, went to the debriefing and showed up for dinner unsuspecting. That in and of itself put Janet on the alert. There was nothing... absolutely nothing ... in the woman’s scans and tests to indicate an agent, bacteriological, viral, technological or biological which might have put Sam into this tailspin. The causes, Janet thought, might be psychological, but before she put her friend on limited duty and fixed her file with a permanent black mark, Janet wanted to do some digging on her own.

By the time they opened the second bottle of shiraz, neither woman was feeling any pain, and Janet pounced... somewhat indelicately, but pounced nonetheless. “So, what’s up with the long face, Sam?” she asked.

“Huh?” Sam lurched around to face her friend.

“You’ve been moody as hell, forgetful, distracted... what the hell’s going on?” The little physician fixed her friend with a sharp, but sympathetic look. She was absolutely amazed when Sam began to tear up. Janet expected denial, or maybe even anger, but tears? No.

With shaky fingers, Sam wiped the moisture from her cheeks. “I’m f-f-f-frigid,” she said, as if she’d just announced her imminent death.

Janet nearly spit out the mouthful of red wine she’d just sipped, before she got herself under control to respond appropriately. “Frigid?” She looked at her friend meaningfully. “I wasn’t aware you were seeing anyone.”

“I’m n-n-n-not,” Sam said.

“Then....” Janet gestured, a kind of tell-me-more thing with her fingers.

“I can’t....” Sam dropped her eyes and blushed. “I can’t... you know.”

“You can’t....?” In her slightly drunken state, Janet took a moment to think. “Oh! You can’t have an orgasm? You can’t come?” She smiled, pleased with herself for figuring out what Sam was talking about, but as she looked at her friend, her smile flattened. Sam was crying again.

“Yeah,” she said softly between tears.

Janet pulled together what was left of her professional demeanor. “I assume you’ve taken the appropriate steps to ascertain the veracity of this assumption....?”

Sam gave her friend a sideways glance. “Janet, I’m a scientist.”

“Soooo?”

“What?”

“How did you come to this conclusion?” Janet found herself on the edge of a laugh attack, when she used the work “come”, but refrained with admirable restraint.

“I... did what I had to do...” Sam said evasively.

“Masturbation?” Sam nodded. “Did you try porn?” Another nod. “Mechanical assistance?” Sam gave her friend a hard look, but she nodded nonetheless. “What about a zipless fuck?”

“What?!?” This time it was Sam who nearly spit out her wine.

“A zipless fuck,” Janet reiterated. “You know, a quickie, a one-night stand, a faceless, largely meaningless, sexual encounter with someone who will provide pleasure with no strings attached.”

Sam started to shake her head no... but Janet was watching her like a hawk, and Sam decided that if she was going to hash this out, she might as well be honest. She nodded. Janet’s eyebrows rose in surprise. Sam had a zipless fuck... huh! “And?” Janet asked.

“N-n-n-nothing,” Sam said, her bottom lip starting to quiver. “I just couldn’t come.”

“What about kink?” Janet suggested.

“Kink?”

“You know... latex, S and M, role playing... that kind of thing.”

“I’ve been surfing the ‘Net to see if anything ... you know... got the juices going.... but .... no.”

“Girls?” Janet said softly.

“Been there... done that.” Janet’s eyebrows rose again. By way of explanation, Sam offered, “You know, college... drunken dare...” Sam looked off, remembering. “No... I like cock too much.” And then, as if she’d just realized what she said, her hand flew to cover her mouth. Both women laughed, but as the merriment subsided, Sam’s expression changed to melancholy again. “At least, I used to...”

“So what you’re saying is, you can’t seem to have an orgasm and it’s distracting you?”

“That about sums it up,” Sam agreed.

Janet thought about it. She was certain there was more to it, but she didn’t think she could push her friend much further, wine or no wine. She tried one more tack. “When did this start?”

Sam thought a moment. “I’ve been thinking about that, Janet... some time after we returned from P3R-118. I think that mind stamp fucked me up.” Sam sighed dramatically and stared at her wine.

So, thought Janet, there it is. P3R-118 was where Sam and the Colonel forgot who they were and the only thing left of their real selves was the deep attraction they felt for each other. Both of them were terribly upset when they returned. The Colonel went away to his cabin for two weeks and returned relaxed, but Sam remained in Colorado Springs, tinkering around in her lab, telling anyone who asked that she WAS having fun. In retrospect, Janet thought, she probably should have insisted that both of them get some counseling at least.

Janet decided that the problem Sam was having wasn’t just that she couldn’t have an orgasm. It was that she couldn’t have an orgasm with the one man she truly wanted.... and therein lay the problem. She considered how to broach the subject with her friend and was immediately stymied. The frat regs prohibited Sam and the Colonel from anything other than the most professional of relationships, but Janet knew that both of them cared deeply for the other. And now Sam was having psychosomatic symptoms which threatened the safety of her team and her own career, if she didn’t do something. Janet thought for a moment more and then decided to try something different, something daring with her friend.

“Have you thought about asking for help from a friend?” she asked.

Sam looked at Janet as if she had two heads and painted herself blue. “What? Who? How?” she spluttered.

“Maybe all you need is a really good, close friend, someone who truly cares about you, someone who has nothing but your best interests at heart to ... er... give you a hand,” Janet said. Sam looked at her doctor suspiciously. She began to formulate another series of questions, but the little physician interrupted her. “How about Daniel?”

Sam was suddenly silent. She opened her mouth to speak and then shut it again, looking for all the world like a fish gasping for breath. She tried again, but couldn’t formulate a verbal response. Finally, she eked out a sentence, “Do you think he would help?”

Janet’s face broke open a big, sympathetic smile. “Oh Sam, Daniel would do just about anything for you.”

“Even that?”

“Yes, honey, even that. You just have to find a way to talk to him about it.”