Letting Go

Letting Go

Word Count: 2527

Summary: Rodney can't let go enough to sleep. John helps him. WARNING: mild D/s

A/N: This is actually the first story that I wrote for SGA. I'm just getting around to posting it now. Thanks to wee_boo for the beta read.

John hesitated outside the door to the lab. Twenty-four hours after their miraculous last minute rescue by the Daedalus and Rodney should have still been unconscious. Instead, he was here, bent over his computer, the light from the laptop's screen illuminating a face haggard with exhaustion.

Other than Rodney, the lab was quiet, the rest of the scientists scattered to their bunks or the mess, trying to come down off weeks of unrelenting work and the drugs that they'd been pumping to stay awake. But not Rodney - he was still working, though god only knew what on.

He contemplated leaving Rodney to his work, knowing that Beckett wouldn't give him any more drugs. Eventually, he would just collapse in exhaustion, and then John could make sure that he got some well-earned rest in their bed, where he belonged. Just then, Rodney rubbed a hand over tired eyes and then rested his face in his hands, and John realized he couldn't stand to watch him like this.

Entering the lab, he was disturbed when Rodney didn't even look up, just waived a hand in dismissal. "Unless you've brought coffee, get out."

"Jesus, Rodney, I don't think you need any more stimulants. Why aren't you all tucked up in bed like the rest of the boys and girls?"

Rodney looked up at that. "Are you kidding me? I have an almost fully charged ZedPM here, and you want me to sleep?"

Gently resting his hands on Rodney's shoulders, John pulled him to his feet. "Yes, and it will still be there in the morning. Now, come along quietly, okay?"

But Rodney stepped out from under John's hands and started gesticulating wildly. "What kind of moron are you? There's so much work to do - I can't stop now..."

Recapturing Rodney's shoulders, feeling the heat through his shirt, John tugged him towards the door, refusing to relinquish his grip even when Rodney tried to slip free again. "I'm a moron who wants to go to bed with you. Now, are you going to come or do I need to drag you to the infirmary and get Beckett to knock you out? You need sleep, Rodney."

"No, I need more time. The Wraith will be back, and we don't have the slightest clue on how to integrate this with the technology we understand. Just bring me coffee and I'll be fine."

John almost - almost - believed him. But Rodney wasn't threatening to make him into a lab rat yet, or coming up with a million gloom and doom reasons for him to stay in the lab. "No, Rodney - I mean it. You need to sleep, badly, or someone is going to get hurt."

Rodney made one more abortive effort to slip free, but when John's hands tightened on his shoulders even more, he sighed, a little more of his clear exhaustion showing in the curve of his spine, the way his eyes tightened at the corners. "Fine. I'll go to bed and then you'll leave me alone?"

"Once you're asleep, yes, I'll leave you alone."

"Fine." This time, when Rodney shrugged John's hands free, he let him and followed him silently out the door.

All the way back to his quarters, Rodney ranted on about all the things he thought he should be doing - trying to find ways to use the ZedPM more efficiently so it could be used to its full potential, repairing the damage to the city, meeting with Hermiod to see what information he could get with from the alien. But his normally expansive gestures were smaller than normal, and his voice was flatter, confirming just how tired he was.

When they got to Rodney's quarters, he finally turned to look at John. "I'm not the only one who needs sleep, Major, so you should go to your own room. I'll see you in the morning."

"I've had sleep. And if you think I'm leaving you alone, Rodney, you're out of your mind, regardless of how big your brain is."

He wilted a little, then took a deep breath and for the first time there was some of usual flare and spark. "You're not coming in, Shepperd. No way in hell after that stunt. I thought you were - we all thought you were dead and now you think you can just invite yourself into my quarters and what? Pretend it never happened?"

"Oh, it happened, all right." He grabbed Rodney's shirt and pushed back while thinking open open open as hard as he could at the doors. Atlantis cooperated, just like she usually did, and the door opened for him, letting him push Rodney into his room. "It happened, and tomorrow you can yell at me all you want, but you need to sleep before you collapse. If you don't, you won't be able to do justice to ripping me a new asshole like I know you want."

Rodney went limp under his hands, eyes dropping to the floor. "I can't."

"Can't what, Rodney? Rip me a new one? You've done it plenty of times before, I doubt you'll have any trouble this time."

"Can't... sleep." And Rodney flushed, the tips of his ears turning red. "I've tried, but every time I close my eyes, I see you... and then I see that bomb that I built, knowing that this time you're going to die and there isn't a damn thing I can do to stop it."

"Oh, Rodney," John sighed and smoothed his hands over Rodney's shoulders and down to his hands. Leaning forward slowly, he pressed his lips to Rodney's, just a small kiss, but it was enough.

Rodney made a small sound, and then wrapped his arms around John and pulled him close, opening his mouth and inviting John to kiss him harder, deeper. Saying with the kiss the words that John knew he'd never bring himself to say out loud, like "I love you," and "You scared me," and "Don't go." John did the best he could to answer back with his own mouth. "I love you too," and "I'm sorry," and "I'm here now."

When they finally broke apart, they were both panting, but Rodney had a familiar manic gleam in his eyes. "That's it! I know how to -"

John cut him off with another kiss, then broke it. "Rodney, sleep. It'll still be there in the morning."

"Are you kidding me? I need to wake up Zalenka, we need to - "

He resumed pushing Rodney back to towards the bed, ignoring the raised voice, the way that Rodney kept trying to push past him. "Rodney, you're going to bed, if I have to tie you there!"

Suddenly, Rodney stopped, muscles going tight under his hands. "Rodney?'

Rodney raised his face so that John was looking directly into exhausted eyes. "You wouldn't dare."

"I wouldn't?"

"No, you wouldn't." But there was something about the way Rodney was holding himself, something that screamed to John that Rodney was lying. Rodney sucked at lying.

John leaned in close and whispered directly into Rodney's ear. "Is that what you want, Rodney? For me to tie you down and wear you out so that you can't think anymore?" Rodney's breath caught in his chest, just for a second, and that was all the answer John needed.

This time, when Rodney tried to push him back, John grabbed his wrist and twisted, till it was pulled up between Rodney's shoulders, with Rodney pulled up close to him, his back to John's chest. John halfway expected Rodney to fight him, to struggle and swear and try to get loose, and if he was at all serious about it, John had already decided to let him loose.

Instead, Rodney went limp, his breathing shifting to something much deeper and slower. For one interminably long minute, they hung there, as John tried to wrap his head around it. He'd played these games before, but he had never suspected that Rodney had, and if he had, he'd always figured that Rodney would have been on top.

Giving him one last chance for an out, he whispered in Rodney's ear. "Tell me to stop."

Instead, Rodney hesitated, then shook his head no.

"Okay," John breathed, then he released Rodney's arm. "Okay. Strip, lie face down on the bed."

Rodney didn't argue, just slowly started to strip out of his clothes. As he did, John went to Rodney's vest, which was hanging on the back of his door, methodically going through the pockets to see what he could find to use. There was a metric crapload of stuff in the pockets, but the only useful thing he could find was a couple of short pieces of rope, and then he spotted Rodney's pack.

Pulling out the first aid kit they all carried, he found the ace bandage kept inside and smiled. Now he had a plan.

When he turned back to face Rodney, he found him naked, standing at the edge of the bed, watching him. "What are you waiting for, Rodney? I told you face down on the bed."

This time, Rodney did as he was told, and John smiled. Going around to the head of the bed, he said simply, "Hands," and was gratified when Rodney held out both to him in tight fists. He took the time to gently straighten the fingers and massage them till they were both relaxed and Rodney was practically purring under his touch.

Then he quickly bound them together using the ace bandage. He made it snug, and tried to remember back to using rope for this. He couldn't just wrap it around, because Rodney would be able to slip free. He wrapped between the wrists, and twisted the ace bandage to go the other direction.

"Try and get this loose, Rodney." Obediently, and almost spookily quiet, Rodney twisted and pulled on his wrists, trying and failing to pull loose.

"That's good." Taking two of the rope ends, he tied them around the bandage and then around the legs of the bed, securing Rodney tightly. "Pull."

Rodney pulled, and when that failed to get loose, went completely limp. John smiled and stood back up, quickly shedding his own clothes. "Gonna make you feel good, Rodney. Gonna get that big brain to turn off for a while." Picking up one of the pillows, he moved down till he could kneel between Rodney's legs and shove the pillow under his hips, lifting them.

Rodney's body was tight and tense and unhappy, and John leaned forward so that he could massage his shoulders and upper back. As he found knot after knot, he worked them until they released. Rodney groaned and sighed as the tension dissipated. "Oh, god, that feels so good, John."

"Man, I can't believe you were still upright with your back like this. How were you even walking?"

"Like we had any choice, Major. You do what you have to do to survive."

John's hands paused, and then he leaned further forward so he could whisper in Rodney's ear again. "Yeah, you do."

Rodney craned his head around and looked over his shoulder. "Survive, John. You seemed to have forgotten that part."

John bit his lip. He wanted to argue, but there was no point. He'd done what he'd needed to do and there was no other option at the time. And he'd do it again if he had to.

Instead, he bent his head and kissed the spot right below Rodney's jaw that never failed to shut him up. The muscles in his shoulders and biceps went tight as his arms jerked against the bonds holding him down.

"Relax, Rodney. You can't go anywhere. Just relax," John whispered, as he slowly slid down his back, kissing and tasting as he went.

When he got to the beginning of the cleft of Rodney's ass, though, Rodney tensed and pulled hard, trying to get his hands free. "No, don't - I haven't showered..."

"I don't care. And unless you really mean for me to stop, you don't have a choice." Without waiting for further objections, he kissed the top of the cleft, and started to move further down.

Soft kisses and gentle bites were laid generously as he moved closer to his goal. He loved tasting Rodney like this - rich and musky, tight heat that opened just for him. Swiping his tongue over Rodney's entrance, he smiled against skin at the sudden gasp and "Shutting up now," that he got in return.

Carefully, he pulled Rodney's cheeks apart so that he could get even closer, darting the tip of his tongue into his hole, feeling it twitch beneath him. The noises that Rodney made were music to John's ears, gasps and groans, and he kept going till Rodney's hips were moving, humping the pillow.

Finally sitting up, he ran a soothing hand down Rodney's back. "Oh, fuck, John - don't stop. Please, I really mean it - I was so close..."

"I know you were, but I want to fuck you. You want that, don't you?" As John was asking, he grabbed for the lube on the night stand and slicked up the fingers of his right hand.

Rodney was twisting as far as his bonds allowed, rocking back up on his knees. "Oh, yes, please, fuck me. God, John..." and then he was hissing, as John slid two fingers into him. He didn't do much more than slick him before John pulled back and covered his cock in lube. Rodney's voice rose in desperation, and John didn't hesitate, pressing his cock to Rodney's entrance.

It was tight, and hot, and as John wrapped his hands around Rodney's hips it was all he could do not to just slam home. But he'd barely stretched him open, and even now John wasn't willing to hurt Rodney. Instead, he held Rodney still and inched his way in.

Rodney was alternately demanding and begging that John hurry and fuck him already by the time he was buried to the hilt in his ass, and John paused to make sure that he was adjusted. Then he changed the angle he was at, pulled back and slammed back in.

Pulling at the ties, Rodney tried to push back into the strokes, but soon gave up in frustration. John was waiting for that, though, and reached down to slip his slick hand around Rodney's hard cock. "C'mon, Rodney. C'mon, let it go for me," he whispered, pulling hard and fast.

"Oh, fuck, John," Rodney swore, and then he was pulsing over John's hand. As he went boneless under John, he slipped in that extra little bit, and that was all he'd needed. He let the feeling that had been building go, and he was coming, hard.

Once the white lights in his vision had cleared and he felt like he wasn't going to collapse, John slid out of Rodney and curled to one side. "Rodney? How you feelin'?"

His only answer was a snore.

John smiled and closed his own eyes. He was going to rest for just a moment and then he'd untie Rodney.