Available Heart

Disclaimer: I don't own anything you recognize, everything belongs to someone else, including the plot and story line. And I am making zero profit.

Author's Note: This was inspired when I read Dr FooFoo's story, and is written and posted here with express permission to do so. All credit goes to Dr FooFoo and the legal owners of CSI

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Greg’s been standing outside Nick’s house for over half an hour now, and it’s just started to rain. It was another one of those arguments, another stupid fight, and he can’t even remember what it was about. It happens all the time, one of them says something and the other gets defensive and every time Greg swears he’s done. And it’s been three days since this one, and he’s not sure exactly why he’s here now, except that he couldn’t let go. And then he realizes he doesn’t want to be out here, he wants to be in there. And he’s not even sure if Nick will let him in this time, but he’s gotta try it anyway.

Greg storms to the door and knocks with all his might and thinks maybe he’ll walk away, but it’s too late because the door is open and there is Nick with a look on his face that says it’s really, truly over this time.

But Greg won’t accept that, won’t let it happen, so he brushes past Nick and across the room, arms crossed and trying to figure out how to tell Nick all the things he’s thinking and feeling, and then he’s worrying that maybe this time Nick will really and truly say no.

So he acts rashly, and he strides over to Nick, denying himself the chance to think about it and then he’s pushing him against the wall and kissing him in the way he knows Nick can’t refuse.

And Nick gives in at first, Greg can feel him softening, accepting, opening up. But then suddenly Nick is pushing against Greg’s chest and muttering all the reasons they shouldn’t be doing this and Greg isn’t going to let him talk him out of it. He isn’t going to let him say these things because now he knows, he knows what he wants and what he needs and he’s hoping that Nick will get the message without Greg having to spell it out because he’s never done that before because he’s never felt this way, and he doesn’t think he even knows how.

He shakes his head and says, “I don’t know what happened before, but I know what I want now, and I know where I want to be…And it’s not outside your house in the rain, wondering whether or not you’ll kick me out if I knock.” And Greg can tell by the look on Nick’s face that he doesn’t get it, that he still hasn’t got it, and so Greg hopes maybe this time Nick will understand if he just shows him.

He fingers the hem of Nick’s shirt and watches as Nick gives into him, and so he grabs his hand and drags him down the hallway, to his bedroom that smells and looks and feels like Nick, and Greg loves it in that room though he’s barely had the chance to experience it. For a second Greg enjoys that he’s in the room, that Nick’s in the room with him, but then Nick starts murmuring that it is serious this time, and Greg hopes that maybe, maybe he is telling the truth. And he’s so excited to hear those words coming out of Nick’s mouth in reference to them that he starts to rub Nick’s chest. He unbuttons his pants quickly, deftly, he doesn’t want Nick to think about this, not now, not when they’re so close.

Greg can’t take rejection, he never has been able to and so he’s never invested himself in anyone. But somewhere along the line he started to invest himself in Nick. Nick, who’s got his eyes closed and is whispering Greg’s name over and over again. A familiar flash of worry runs through his mind, the one that says that Nick is only in it for the sex, and Greg tells it to shut up because he doesn’t want to care, as long as Nick is in it at all.

And then Greg gives into the pleasure of being able to reduce this man to a pile of mush, of the power he has over Nick in a real physical way, and he pulls open the fly of Nick’s jeans and starts to tug them down, using touches and soft sounds to keep Nick distracted, focused on what Greg is doing to him so he can rid himself of his clothes and move further, faster, making sure Nick can’t refuse him. And then he pushes Nick onto the bed and straddles Nick’s hips and reaches over to get the condoms off the bedside table when he feels Nick rub his thighs. He’s humming in delight before he realizes he’s doing it because it’s not often Nick takes the initiative and touches him back. And oh, God, the sound encouraged him so he continues and now he needs to have Nick inside him.

He finds the condoms and focuses on putting one on Nick, he just couldn’t stand it now if there were any delays. And then it’s on and Nick is pulling Greg down to his chest and panting into Greg’s ear and Greg knows that now, at least, Nick is too far gone to say no. Now Greg can give in. He rubs himself against Nick, soaking up the feeling of having him between his legs, having his heat pressed up against him, just in case they never do this again.

Greg rolls over, pulling Nick with him and writhing against him when he finally feels his weight settle on top of him. He pushes his hips up, encouraging Nick, trying to get Nick to feel what he feels, to understand that Greg is showing him what he wants, what he needs. And then Nick is inside him and Greg is lost because Nick is already moving. Greg opens his eyes and watches Nick lose control, watches him give himself to Greg until Nick leans over and captures his lips in a heady kiss and Greg can’t help but marvel at how attached he’s become to the man. And so he kisses him back, hard and insistent, willing himself to give into the pleasure and forget everything else. And then suddenly he realizes it’s been a while since he breathed and he’s starting to feel a little light headed so he pulls his lips away and pushes against Nick in a rhythm he knows will send them both over the edge.

God, but Nick feels good, so he wraps his legs around him and uses his heels to pull him closer and can’t help but close his eyes at the pleasure. He arches into Nick, savoring the feeling of him on top and inside and just everywhere. And he’s so close, so very close. Just. A little. More. And then Nick’s lips are on his and he’s never done this before, never kissed him this close to the end and the thought that maybe Nick is serious, maybe they are serious, makes him lose complete control and he’s gone, his body pushing up and into Nick, his mind blank as he gives himself over to the climax. He’s vaguely aware of Nick sucking on his neck as he spills himself between them.

But he knows that Nick is close too, so he rocks into him fast, trying to be with him, trying to get him to experience the waves of pleasure Nick has just given to him. And then he watches when Nick goes over the edge, watches his face screw up in pleasure and his eyes shut tight and his body tense, and he holds through the first waves, holds onto him for dear life. And then Nick is heavy on his chest, face against his neck and panting raggedly. He slides off of Greg and Greg feels the loss of his body heat deep in his soul and he knows he’s going to make a fool of himself. So instead, he gets up and cleans up and doesn’t climb back into bed until Nick has found himself again and that look of pleasure and calm and satiation is gone. Then he climbs in next to Nick and presses up against his side.

Suddenly, Nick’s arms are around him and his lips are against his neck and he’s whispering nonsensical words of love and devotion and yearning into his ear and Greg’s heart breaks silently. Nick’s post-coital endearments are new, but add that to the fact that Nick won’t take charge, won’t make a move, won’t ever be the one to approach Greg after an argument, and all hands point to the fact that Nick is really only in it for the sex. And Greg knows now that Nick knew all along what the letters and the phone calls and the making up were about but that it’s not important for Nick, that Nick will only put in enough effort to make sure Greg will still go to bed.

Greg listens as Nick’s breathing deepens and evens out, and then he pulls himself away, dresses and walks out the front door. He’ll take whatever Nick will give to him, sure, but if he doesn’t pretend they have a relationship, it’ll be easier when Nick finds someone else. If he sticks to routine and goes to the clubs and pretends he’s just another anonymous person with an available heart, maybe it’ll be true when Nick says goodbye.