A Matter Of Choice

Summary: Grissom reevaluates certain aspects of his life.
Disclaimer: CSI and its' characters belong to Anthony Zuiker and CBS Broadcasting Company. I do not own the rights or claim to do so.
Spoilers: Butterflied season four.
Rating: PG-13 evolving to NC-17. Adults only. Sexual situations.
Feedback: Reviews please! Constructive criticism is welcome via e-mail.
Pairing: Gil/Catherine
Warning: Some angst. Off character behavior.
Author's Note: This story continues from Grissom's last statement in the episode 'Butterflied' that brings his personal musings to head. Partial quote indicated below for the reader's reference.


*A couple of middle-aged men who have allowed their work to consume their lives. The only time we ever touch other people is when we're wearing our latex gloves. We wake up one day and realize that for 50 years we haven't really lived at all…*

Grissom speaking to Dr. Vincent Lurie in CBS's CSI: Crime Scene Investigation episode 'Butterflied' season four.


It seemed ironic how a slip of the tongue or circumstance could open up new avenues to a serious reevaluation of a person's life or purpose. Gil Grissom kept wrestling that in his mind as his fingers ran idle grooves in the dry desert sand. Ignoring the cramping in his legs and the coldness of the ground seeping into his skin, he kept tracing lazy circles through the loosely packed earth. He had no appreciation for the crisp cool night or the brilliant twinkling stars overhead. To him this lone spot that marked his possession on Nevada territory served only one purpose, to define the emptiness digging at his heart.

The Debbie Marlin murder case left him exhausted and frustrated. His final words to Dr. Vincent Lurie came back and stung him as hard as the person they were attended for. The man's parting words of 'I'm still here' churned his stomach sour as Lurie left with his lawyer. Wasn't he just still 'here' too and as empty in certain aspects in his life and unfulfilled? Did he not yearn to love too and relish the warmth of someone as much as Lurie cherished Debbie? His self-justification to seal the Doctor's fate backfired and left Grissom naked and exposed as much as he intended Lurie to feel. His well-disciplined self-image crumbled as easily as the sand he traced with his fingers. He was approaching that pinnacle in age most people found either they obtained their sought for goals or buried their awareness of failure in total denial. For once he had to be honest with himself. He was scared senseless and lonely. The only answer left to him that night concluded with a series of repeated questions. What about him and where did he sit as far as his own personal goals, needs, and feelings in his life? Had his choices through the years been the right ones? Where would he be now if he had done things differently?

Drawing his knees up to his chest, he wrapped his arms around his legs, took a deep breath and leaned back drawing his eyes to the starry filament above. Seeking out the familiar constellations he loved so much brought no cosmic answer, just bitter tears to close out the night. Angry at his vulnerability and weakness, he brushed away the offending tears as he stood up and headed back to his SUV. As always, his cloak of professionalism wrapped around him in the blink of an eye, masking his emotional turmoil. He just needed a solid period of sleep to clear his mind and get his unbridled emotions back in check. But could he? His trembling hands on the steering wheel indicated a very uncertain answer to that question

****

Sara Sidle walked into the interrogation room that her Supervisor vacated so abruptly a few minutes before. She was struck dumb at Grissom's parting words to Lurie and purposely stood out of his sight as he walked rapidly out of the room. Like a ghostly mirage she stayed quiet, blending in with the drab walls outside interrogation afraid to breathe or say a word. Once she could command her feet to move again, she entered the room and pushed the chair Grissom so carelessly shoved aside back in place. She battled her desire to go after him and decided it was wiser to drop it. All through this latest investigation he avoided her like the plague. Besides resembling the murder victim, he made himself clear to her on how he felt about her attraction to him. She still hurt at his blunt answer for her 'to forget it' and leave well enough alone.

Shaking her long dark hair out of her eyes, she turned and let her slender fingers seek out Grissom's vanishing warmth embedded in the chair and gave it a goodbye pat. She walked out of interrogation angry with Grissom and herself for her jumbled feelings. Deciding a cup of tea might calm her jangled nerves she headed to the break room.

"Hey Sara!" a voice called to her from behind echoing around the hallway. She turned to see Catherine Willows' red hair flying around her face as the older woman hurried up to catch up with her. Clutching a clip board under one arm before she lost it in her hurried pursuit of the younger CSI she asked, "Getting coffee?"

"Grabbing a cup of tea actually," Sara replied. "Want to join me?"

"Glad you asked," Catherine enunciated in a hurried tone as they entered the break room. "I wanted to ask if you heard Lurie's interrogation."

"Yes I did and it did not go well." She avoided looking at Catherine as her hands fiddled with a coffee mug. "We have no direct evidence linking him to the murders."

"I was afraid of that. Damn!" Catherine exclaimed as she poured herself a cup of coffee. She pulled a chair out with a noisy screech and sat down. "Grissom didn't pull it off?"

Sara shook her head as she brewed her tea. "No, the good Doctor just sat there as cool as a cucumber. He never even winced." She gave Catherine a sad look. "Grissom went over his head this time."

"What do you mean, Sara?" Catherine asked with that familiar chill of dread when it came to Grissom's methods, especially when he failed to nail a suspect. He had a habit of bending procedure. What did he do now?

"I really don't want to get into it Cath." She curled her fingers around her mug to warm her chilled fingers. "You can ask Brass or review the tape of the interrogation. Look, I better get back to trace. I want to go back over the evidence I got off Debbie Marlin's body." She gave Catherine a nervous smile and fled the break room leaving her tea behind.

Catherine got up out of her seat to call Sara back about the forgotten tea, but stopped mid-stride. If Sara was freaked out to talk about the interrogation, then Grissom must have said something to upset her. She could hunt down Brass but decided against it. She did not have the time. She had to see Warrick about the discarded trash bags that had contained Debbie Marlin's dismembered lover. Maybe they missed a fingerprint or hair to nail the bastard that killed both him and the girl. She dumped the remainder of her coffee and headed to the lab where Warrick painstakingly worked.

Upon arrival to confer with a grumpy Warrick, she was not surprised he had no answers yet. But she was shocked as he informed her of Grissom's abrupt departure from the building. That was not like him. Worried sick, she stalked off to the video lab to review the tape of the Lurie interrogation. She had to see what upset Sara and caused Grissom, in an unfamiliar behavior, to flee the building.

Twenty minutes into the tape she got her answer. Her eyes filled with tears at his reflective narrative. She knew he hated people to interfere into his personal life, but that did not stop her this time. Her feelings for him were far too strong to stay aloof. He needed help whether he liked it or not. The man finally broke for reasons she could understand and he would not brood this time. She became desperate to find him.

Like Grissom she took off too, but not to flee. Grissom was upset and now alone, cowering like a wounded animal. She was out to hunt and Catherine knew where to look.

****

After leaving the desert he drove back to town wandering through the dark streets of Vegas initially taking a route to go back to the lab. Instead, he wound up at Debbie Marlin's house. He felt compelled to go over the crime scene one last time. Like a dog worrying over an old bone, he could not let it go. He would not fail in his job as in other aspects of his life. He did not know if he needed to label it resolution, conclusion, or compulsion. As a drug addict that craved a fix, he needed an answer to shake off his mood.

Turning off the ignition, Grissom dragged out his field kit from the back seat of his SUV and got out. Pulling out a flashlight from his jacket pocket he headed to the alley in back of the residence. He felt he missed finding a vital piece of evidence so he planned to work the scene from back to front. He hoped to find a print or DNA on the garbage can lids or on a torn piece of garbage bag his team might have passed over. His keen eyes also scanned for footprints. Something had to be there! Sliding on a pair of latex gloves he got to work.

He just finished sweeping the alley and prying pieces of torn plastic garbage bag off of the rickety alley fence when he heard a vehicle stop in front of the house. He tried to ignore it until he heard the engine cut off. Curious to whom it might be, he headed to the front of the house casting the light of his flashlight on the parked vehicle. Surprised at seeing the slender figure of Catherine approaching him, he veered his flashlight down toward the ground as not to blind her with the searching beam. She lowered her hand from her eyes and stopped right in front of him. Before he could say a word to her she roughly grabbed his arm and tried to pull him toward his SUV. Stunned, he yelped in pain and shouted "Catherine!

"You're going home Grissom," she growled. "Enough is enough!"

"Cath," he retorted angrily back to her as he pulled of his latex gloves. "Stop it and let go of me! We missed something here!"

"Stop being an ass Gil!" She yanked at his arm again. "Let it go for the night! You have been working this case for over twenty-two hours. Will you please stop being so stubborn and get some rest! You're getting ridiculous and losing your perspective. Just stop it!"

"I can't Cath! You don't understand. We have to nail that bastard for what he did." He tried to pull his arm out of her grip. With a deep warning growl he hissed, "Damn it! Let me go!

"Gil, calm down!" she yelled and shook him hard. Grissom froze, stunned by her aggression and dropped the gloves he was holding. She saw his flushed face drain sickly white in shock. Shaking her head in aggravation, she shot one last plea to him to break his resolve.

"Gil, stop beating yourself over this and taking all the blame. Get over it! We all failed to nail that bastard today. It's not just your fault!"

Instead of a giving her an answer he looked at her with watery dazed eyes and sat down on the grass. Shaking her hand off his left arm, he put his head into his hands and scrubbed his face with nervous fingers. Ashamed to look at her scrutinizing expression, he painfully choked on a sob and blurted out, "No I failed! My life has been a goddamn failure. The only thing I was good at was my job. Now I screwed that up too! God! I'm so sick of being alone! Why? Why me, Cath? I'm no better off than Lurie!"

Grissom's anguish broke her heart and her anger melted away. Kneeling next to him, she tried to pry his hands away from his face. When he refused to budge, she instead wrapped her arms around him and ran her fingers through his hair. When he felt Catherine's arms encircle him in a hug, he broke down and quietly wept.

Catherine just held him as he cried, cooing nonsense words in his ear and rubbing his back in small random circles with her fingers. The man was exhausted and filled with pain. She knew someday he might reach this point. He held everything that bothered him bottled up inside, never expressing himself except in rare instances. It took this frustrating case and Grissom's unique mind to run parallels with his own life to break the dam flooding him with emotion. The age similarity between him and the suspect fit. Also the dark haired murder victim that resembled Sara came to mind. The younger CSI drew to Grissom like a moth to a flame just like Debbie Marlin to Lurie. But in Grissom's case he did not take such attractive bait like Lurie did. He would never indulge to his primitive urges to take Sara for one last youthful fling. The whole scenario just crushed him until he fell apart. She was just grateful he trusted her enough to witness this side of him and not run away from her in shame or panic.

After a few minutes Gil calmed down and took a deep rattling breath. He removed his hands from his face and sniffled. Wiping his tears away with his right hand he leaned his head onto Catherine's right shoulder and murmured a few words. She could not make out what he said, so she stayed quiet just rocking him until he spoke up again.

He finally cleared his throat and lifted his head to look at her. Feeling uncomfortable and foolish clinging to her, he mumbled an apology and tried to detach from her arms. She shook her head and held him tighter. Her eyes only showed understanding and compassion. For once Grissom was not embarrassed by his behavior. Instead he wanted the comfort from this remarkable woman. He stopped fighting her and accepted the embrace with a hug in return.

She loosened her grip around him and dropped her arms. Smoothing a stray hair off his forehead she smiled and softly asked, "Feeling better?"

"A little," he croaked. Relieved at her concerned look, he cleared his throat again and said, "I'm so sorry Cath. I didn't mean to go off on you."

"I am sorry too. It seems we both reacted in anger." She took his hand and squeezed it. Let's start over again. Are you hungry?"

"I could use something. Last time I ate was here." He gestured with his left hand to the dark house in back of him. Twining her fingers through his, he got up and pulled her to her feet. "Cath about my outburst…"

"Shhh, no need to apologize." She gripped his hand hard and in silent communication told him to drop it. "Want to talk about it over breakfast? I'll call in and let the lab know we're off the clock."

"I would like that. I want to talk about it, Cath." He dropped his head for a moment then turned to look at Debbie Marlin's house. "I can't just bury it this time. It will drive me crazy."

"Breakfast at my place then. We will eat, talk, and then I'll set up the spare room so you can get some sleep. I have a feeling you would not get any rest at home. Agreed?"

"Agreed," he reluctantly replied and picked up his field kit. "Go on, I'll follow. Right?"

"Right Grissom, come on then."

Catherine called the lab and was grateful for the drive home alone. She needed the time to gather her thoughts. When it came to Grissom, she felt she needed all her investigation skills. The man was such a complicated mystery to unravel.

****

Catherine greeted her mother with a nervous Grissom behind her when she got home. He might be willing to discuss things with her, but Catherine had to see her mother off first and get her daughter ready for school. Grissom sat quietly in the living room to stay out of the way while Catherine got Lindsey dressed. Afterwards Grissom and the little girl engaged in small talk while she ate breakfast sitting next to him on the couch.

Finally after Lindsey left for school, he leaned back on the couch and closed his eyes soaking in the silent atmosphere for a moment. His nervousness slowly dissipated and he relaxed, becoming more comfortable in his surroundings. To openly talk about his feelings and needs was a difficult thing for him to do. Breaking down earlier in front of Catherine finally gave him the resolve to do so. She did not judge him nor ridicule him. She understood how he felt and did not question or judge him in his weakness. That alone in its significance opened up a gateway for him to purge his troubled anguish. He needed too. For the first time in his life he was ready to try. That decision set him free of his inhibitions.

Hearing the rattle of cook wear in the kitchen startled him out of his deep thoughts. Getting off the couch he headed to the kitchen to join Catherine. She had set the table and was beating several eggs to scramble. To help out, he pulled the orange juice out the refrigerator and set it on the table. Pulling out a chair he sat down and poured out two glasses of juice.

"Do you feel like talking now or wait?" she asked as she poured the eggs into a pan to cook.

He fiddled with his juice glass and set it down. He let out a hesitant breath and then replied, "I would like to explain what happened. But where to start?"

"Start wherever you feel comfortable Gil," she told him between keeping an eye on the eggs and following the conversation.

He brought his right hand to his mouth and kneaded his lower lip in thought. His eyes took on a far-a-way look as he went on to explain. "Right after we processed Debbie Marlin's house, Sara pulled me aside and complained she was annoyed at my order for keeping her outside to go over the perimeter. I did not tell her about the strong resemblance she had to the victim. I felt it would spook her. It did me."

"I noticed the resemblance. I think we all did." She shivered slightly as she recalled Debbie Marlin's dark looks. "But Sara should have not reamed you for telling her to process the perimeter. The rest of us would not mind. It's part of the job."

"Your right of course but lately Sara has had a big hang up with me."

"You mean her attraction to you?"

"Yes and she has been curt with me ever since I told her to forget it. I have no interest in her at all. You know that Catherine."

"I know that Gil and I understand you did not want to hurt her. But no is just that. It means no. She'll get over it. But what does Sara have to do with you getting so upset?"

"That's where everything started going strange as far as the parallels. The whole case got to me as we uncovered evidence and processed it. Sara's resemblance to Debbie Martin was just the first. The second was the whole scenario of the older man desiring the young woman or in my case Sara wanting me. Oh God!" He choked on his words and blurted out, "When I interrogated Lurie I hated what he did, but I was envious of what that sick bastard had!"

At that point Gil broke off and picked up a napkin off the table and angrily crumbled it in his right hand.

She could see the pain registering in his face with his down cast eyes and the tension in his full mouth. She quickly pulled the pan off the burner and came over to him. Laying her hand on his right shoulder she quietly asked, "I saw the interrogation tapes with Lurie, Gil. Does that sum everything up as to what you're feeling right now?"

With a shrug of his shoulders he slowly nodded and dropped the napkin from his hand. Looking up at her with a sad expression he gave her a bitter smile. "The big question Cath. Why can't I fall in love as other people? Better question I should ask myself is; why do I run away from the possibility? Maybe I'm not worth it though I desire it as any other man. My damn hang-ups Cath! Maybe it is just too late."

Moving her hand off his shoulder she cradled his head with her hands and leaned her forehead against his. He heard her sweet voice like a tender caress. "You are the most honorable man I know. You're worth any woman's salt to love and cherish. You just never gave yourself the chance Gil. It was your decision to live your life as you chose. You can change that if you want. It is only a matter of choice. It is never too late in life to fall in love."

He pulled back to look at her with an intense stare. "You believe that?"

She just smiled and gave him a chaste kiss on the cheek. Ruffling his hair she plainly stated, "I know it."

For the first time in days she saw a warm smile curl his lips. His eyes expressed amazement as he lifted one eyebrow. He found his voice and whispered, "Thank you Cath. That means a lot coming from you."

With a whimsical chuckle she smoothed his hair and dropped her hands. Moving to the stove, she placed the eggs back on the burner to cook.

"You are welcome anytime," came her warm reply followed by a quick flick of her wrist as she finished scrambling the eggs. "Now let's eat."

With Grissom having such a ravenous appetite, they both finished quickly. Casual talk ensued through the meal until he finished his second serving. Becoming drowsy from a full stomach, he interrupted her last sentence with a big yawn.

Toying with her fork she took her time getting Gil's attention back. When he finally looked up at her as he leaned back in his chair to sip some coffee, she hit him with a question he swore his ears would never hear.

"Gil, why don't we go out on a date?"

The sound of him choking on his coffee prevented him from answering. With an amused laugh she got up and slapped him on the back several times. When he could breathe again he squeaked out a garbled answer.

She leaned over him with a big smile. "Do I assume that is a yes?"

All he did was pull her head down toward his and gave her a passionate kiss. When he broke it and saw her lips blow out a shaky breath, he whispered a wholehearted 'yes' in her ear and kissed her again.

The only thought in her mind at that point was the endless enjoyment of his soft lips against hers and the tingling response from her head to her toes.

It was going to be one hell of a date to look forward to just from that kiss. That she was sure of.

****

If Gil Grissom had not been so exhausted from lack of sleep over the past twenty-four hours he might have danced for joy. After a roller coaster night of emotional highs and lows it ended with him giving a tender kiss to Catherine Willows. Somewhat removed from actual reality with his brain in a whirl, he never heard the request to get some well-deserved rest. The dazed man had to be dragged into the guestroom and pushed toward the bed. After a quick kiss to his lips, she pulled back the covers and wished him sweet dreams. Staring at the door after it closed, he was tempted to pinch himself to see if this was a dream. Deciding he would process everything later, he stripped down to his boxer shorts and slipped into bed. All thoughts of the Debbie Marlin case were forgotten with the alluring enticement of sleep and the lingering taste of a kiss bestowed.


As Grissom fell into a comforting slumber, Catherine stood on the other side of the bedroom door and brought her fingers to her kiss swollen lips. Not believing what just transpired, she tiptoed back to the kitchen to clean up after breakfast. With precise efficiency she did the dishes and put everything away. She was thrilled what just happened between them and her mind kept reverting back to the feel of his lips against hers. She closed her eyes and envisioned the feel of his thick hair, the scent of his masculinity, and the sight of his deep blue eyes.

All those impressions from that first spontaneous kiss slowly infiltrated into her memory and made her breathing quicken. One simple action predicted a big change in her life and she felt it deep within herself. The tragic circumstances of the Debbie Marlin case in a freakish way opened Grissom's eyes as well as hers to a different future if they wanted it badly enough. She believed Gil desired that as strongly as she. It might be the crucial apex for him to find a healthy balance in his life. That first physical contact with other men never affected her like it did with Gil. Was she falling in love with him? Yes, she was. For years that question stood unanswered between both of them. The morning seemed so much brighter now that they both were willing to explore that answer.

Moving quietly around the house so she would not disturb him with any noise from her daily chores, she worked methodically and finished for the day. Right before she turned in, she checked upon her sleeping guest. Cracking open the door of the guest room, she found him lying on his left side buried under the blanket. She could see one bare arm wrapped around the pillow and the side of his face. Smiling at the sound of his soft snoring, she was pleased he was not restless with troubled dreams, but deeply asleep. She entered the room and watched him for a few minutes. Shaking her head at the temptation to join him, she bent down and put her hand lightly on his head instead. Smoothing the thick brown hair off his forehead she lightly kissed his cheek in parting and left to catch up on some needed rest.

Later that day Grissom slowly woke up and opened his eyes. For a few moments he was confused by the unfamiliar surroundings until his memory kicked in and he recalled where he was. Just as he was about to sit up in bed there was a knock on the door.

"You can come in Cath. I'm awake." He smiled when he saw her head pop through the door.

"Hey there," she said in greeting as she entered the room. "How did you sleep?"

"Like a log," he stated and glanced at his watch. "It seems I slept through the whole day. I should be ashamed of myself. It's already past six."

"I let you sleep in. Feeling any better?"

"I feel better thanks to you. I barely remember you dragging me in the room." He chuckled when he saw her faintly blush. "I must have been out of it."

"You were exhausted and about ready to fall over. Now that you're up, why don't you take a shower before joining me and Lindsey for dinner?"

He nodded in agreement with her suggestion and ran his hand through his sleep-tousled hair. "By the way," he added in a grateful tone before she left. "I deeply appreciate everything you have done for me. Thanks again."

"You would have done the same for me." She held up her hand to stop him from saying anymore on the subject.

"I know Cath." He fiddled with the blanket and appeared shy before he spoke up again. "Instead of the thank you, may I kiss you?"

When she saw his timid expression, she immediately came over and sat on the bed. He scooted over to give her room and took her in his arms. Brushing her soft hair away from her face, he gazed into her eyes for a moment then brought his hands up to cradle her head. His lips met hers with a soft rubbing caress and he savored her sweet taste mixed with the hint of coffee and mint.

He broke the kiss briefly and felt her warm breath on his neck. He heard her whisper his name and responded by lightly nibbling around her chin before he latched onto her lips again. With a soft moan of disappointment, he reluctantly pulled back from kissing her to catch his breath.

"That was better than a thank you," she stammered in a breathy tone.

When he answered he could not believe how husky his voice sounded. "That was the first step of our date."

"If that is a taste," she managed to get out while staring at his lips "It's gonna be a hot one!" Bringing up one hand she mimicked fanning her face.

He let out a hearty laugh and hugged her. Shaking her head she pushed her hand against his chest for him to let her go. He released her and let her up off the bed.

"Get out of bed Grissom, dinner will get cold."

He could not let it go. He gave her an evil grin and asked, "How about dinner for two in bed?"

"Next time Gil. That's a great way to end a date." Laughing at his smirk she added as she left. "Now get your butt up!"

He jumped up so fast he swore his head hit the ceiling.

****

After dinner he went home to quickly change and check his phone messages. He arrived at work early to tell Ecklie he needed personal time off on Friday after he cleared his current caseload. Since he had accrued so much overtime in the last two weeks Ecklie approved his request. This also coincided with Catherine's night off which left them free to go out for the evening. Looking forward to the lure of rediscovery of his social life, he felt confident to tackle the Debbie Marlin case without the emotional implications of the night before.

He felt sure of himself again, honed to a fine point of balance. His personal life did not seem so empty due to the changing relationship with Catherine. Their long-term friendship already established a sound foundation. He now chose to have a life outside his job without the fear of rejection. Since they both understood the diverse nature of their profession and the crazy hours involved, a personal relationship could work. It started a long time healing process with the acceptance that life did not suffer a 'little death' at his age, which he had previously feared. If he desired a full satisfying life beyond fifty all he had to do was work on it. Unlike Lurie, he had nothing to prove in salvaging his vanishing youth or making a grandstand style last hurrah of his sexual virility. Metaphorically the passing of time was not the scary specter haunting his life; it became an asset in wisdom.

By the time Catherine reported in for work Grissom was gone. He had left case files neatly arranged on his desk with a written note for her assign them to the rest of the team. He had returned to the Marlin crime scene solo. She accepted his stubborn nature when working a case so did not call him on his cell phone. That dogged determination of his was one of his best investigative tools in the field. His logical mind when not hampered by moodiness worked brilliantly when it came to finding trace evidence. A happy Grissom meant a successful conclusion to the puzzle. When she discovered a long stemmed red rose lying on her desk, any doubts about his emotional state vanished from her mind. Gil Grissom was definitely happy.

Two hours later when she returned from processing a robbery scene, she discovered an ecstatic Grissom finishing up examining a garbage can in Trace. When she asked what he found, his eyes took on a warm sparkling luster and his cheeks flushed pink with excitement. Whatever he said went right over her head. She was struck dumb on how remarkably alive he looked and vibrant with purpose when he found a piece of important evidence. Her body reacted accordingly and she had to take a deep breath to calm her racing heart. What this man did to her!

"I went back over the alley." She came back off her musing to hear him explain his results. He went on unaware of her mental diversion into fantasyland.

"I decided to recheck the garbage cans." He held up a tape lift with the impression of fingerprints. "I found prints. They are definitely Lurie's."

"Oh Gil, that's great! But what made you think we missed something? I thought we were pretty thorough."

"His habits and behavior tipped me off."

"How did his behavior tip you off? Explain it to me."

"When we searched his house it became apparent Lurie had a compulsion for precise organization and cleanliness. Every possession was arranged in meticulous order." Grissom wiped off the fingerprint dust from his hands and went on. "So was the crime scene, except for one thing. The hair and bracelet link we found. Why leave evidence behind? That was out of character."

"Because the suspect was angry at being used by Marlin and that affected his mind set."

"Exactly Cath, so I decided to recheck the crime scene. Even though the suspect thoroughly cleaned the area of most of the trace evidence, he still slipped up. He broke the bracelet in anger. That tantrum screwed up his thought process and he made a mistake. Look what happened to me on this case. I was upset and missed crucial evidence because I was not thinking very clearly."

"A good parallel, Gil." She sadly agreed, touching his arm in understanding. "Since he was upset that led to a second fatal mistake. He left prints."

"He left prints." Grissom repeated the phrase with relish. "I think that after he completed his dirty work he pocketed the gloves he was wearing. He wouldn't leave them behind." Picking up the lid he put it back in place on top of the garbage can and pushed it down to lock. Only the left side engaged. The lock on the right side of the lid was damaged. The angle of the lid stayed raised on one side and unleveled in appearance.

"He checked the alley one last time before he left. All the cans were in neat tidy rows except for this one. The raised lid stuck out like a sore thumb so he had to fix it. He was angry, so our good doctor could not control his compulsion and let things be. Lurie went back without wearing his gloves and tried to correct the position of the lid. That left four fingerprints from his right hand under the lip and his palm print on the top. That sealed his fate. I bet he doesn't even remember doing it."

"That is his problem. We now have the circumstantial evidence to hold him in custody. Did you tell Brass to issue a warrant for his arrest?"

"Jim has it in his possession and picking up the doctor as we speak." Grissom gave a satisfied pat to the garbage can and pulled off his gloves. "Lurie will be here shortly for a second interrogation. But I'm taking a break first. How about joining me for a cup of coffee?"

She answered him by grabbing his arm and pulling him toward the door.

"Hey!" He laughed. "How come you always drag me out of a room?"

"Shut up Gil. She yanked him a few feet and stopped. "You love it!"

"Ok! I confess! I love it!" He raised his arms in surrender. "I'll follow you anywhere!"

She dragged him out of Trace anyway.

Lurie's interrogation did not go in the favor of the doctor this time. His fingerprints were strong damning evidence that pinpointed his presence recently there in the alley. Any explanation on his part that he emptied the trash and left his prints on the garbage can before Marlin broke up with him did not hold water. The garbage can that yielded his fingerprints belonged to the neighbor three doors down. After Grissom reminded him of that, he refused to answer any more questions and demanded to see his lawyer.

A ghost of a smile flickered across Grissom's face as he studied the doctor before the suspect was removed to holding. As Brass handcuffed Lurie the CSI approached him and quietly said, "I'm still here as you are Lurie, but we're not the same. I chose to go forward with my life and not wallow in the past for the good old days. That's the difference."

The only response he received was a venomous stare from Lurie before he was led off to a holding cell. With the Marlin case behind him, Grissom walked away resolved from the case that troubled him in more ways than he could ever comprehend. With a light hearted spring in his step he moved on to his next case.

****

Nothing more was said on the upcoming date until late on Thursday night's shift. As Catherine conferred with Nick on analyzing a tire print he pulled from the site of a body dump, Grissom wandered into the lab. He listened to the other two CSI's opinions on the manufacturer of the tire for a few minutes before pulling Catherine aside.

"Be ready at five o'clock tomorrow afternoon for me to pick you up. Dress up a bit but bring a pair of sneakers with you."

"What are you up to Gil?" she asked and poked him in the stomach. "Do I have to run a marathon to catch you?"

"No," he chuckled. "You will need the sneakers later on in the date, but not for a marathon. We will start off with a nice dinner but the rest is a surprise."

"All right Gil. I'll play along. But I will have my eye on you."

"Oh that hurts!" he teased putting his hand over his heart. "I thought you trusted me."

"Only so much, Grissom." She measured a small space between her right thumb and forefinger. "When you say have a surprise planned maybe I better run!"

All he did was grin and tenderly push a lock of her hair behind her ear. Running a finger down along her right cheek he whispered, "I know you will love to be caught."

Before he turned to leave she wrapped her fingers around his and softly whispered back, "You're damn right!

He glanced over at Nick and blushed. He forgot the younger CSI was there to witness their teasing banter. Clearing his throat, he quickly vacated the premises but still was within earshot to hear Nick exclaim, "Well I'll be damned!"

He ducked into his office and groaned. Talk about screw-ups. He might as well been caught with his pants down. Well rank had its privileges. Poor Nick Stokes would get the toilet bowl of cases over the next week if he said one word. Confident with his decision he decided a little threat was in order.

****

As it turned out there was no need to spring his threat on Nick. The young Texan was happy to see Grissom 'court' the sexy red haired CSI and promised not to breathe a word about it to the graveyard shift. It was wiser to keep things professional at work while his changing relationship with Catherine was barely off the ground.

It was rare Grissom slept in, but he did on Friday. It was well past three when he awakened. He showered and carefully dressed in fitted black slacks, white shirt, and a black silk vest trimmed in burgundy for their dinner date. Before he knew it he was knocking on Catherine's door punctually at 5 PM, nervous in anticipation of seeing Catherine decked out for the evening. The sight of her when she opened the door turned his legs to jelly.

She was attired in black as Grissom was, but that was where the similarity ended. A long silky skirt accented her trim waist and long legs. She added a coordinating black blouse sewn through with sparkling silver threads to match. The outfit was completed with a wide silver belt and two inch black heels. She reminded Grissom of a starry night sky.

She told him to come in and that was when he noticed her skirt was slit on the side showing a bit of right thigh. She looked beautiful.

"Well don't you look handsome Mr. Grissom," she remarked closing the door behind him. She gave him a quick kiss on the cheek before he followed her to the living room. "Say hi to Lindsey before her ride gets here. She is staying over night at her girlfriend's."

He sat down with her daughter and enjoyed Lindsey's description of her latest school project of making shadow boxes. Just as she handed him a shadow box to examine, her ride showed up. The little girl grabbed her knapsack, kissed her mother, and said goodbye to both of them before she breezed out the door.

Now free to leave, Gil got up and met Catherine in the foyer. As he helped her put on with her coat she asked him where they were going to dinner.

"A place called 'A Little Bit of Italy' on the west side of town. I know you love Italian food and the place is supposed to be somewhat classy." When he saw her eyes sparkle with approval he asked, "Sound like a good choice?"

You passed the test, Gil." She then bent down and picked up a pair of sneakers by the door. "For your surprise, right?"

"I am not saying any more." He tried to hide his smile as he opened the door and took her sneakers to carry.

He hoped she would appreciate his idea for entertainment after dinner. It was a fantasy of his and he came close one time in a strange way to fulfill it in her company on a crime scene. It seemed so long ago. She might not even remember it.

He was anxious to find out if she would. He hoped so.

****

Catherine could not conceive of a more romantic setting for dinner. The dark paneled walls reflected the low light from their table into a soft glow that added ambience to the delicious taste of the food and the firelight crackling in the fireplace. She marveled on how his hair and eyes glowed softly within a nimbus of candlelight that shifted when he made a gesture or gave her a taste of his lasagna. As she took in the intimate atmosphere of their shared dinner she noticed how her blouse shimmered and blended in with the light patterned by his movements. She strongly felt they were a couple now. Both she and Gil were embodied deep within the definition of romance itself, defining those mystical traits of love experienced by couples for centuries.

The conversation during dinner crossed many topics from all aspects of their lives. Grissom relaxed enough to reflect on his shortcomings as well as his achievements. This allowed Catherine to understand his private take on himself. She found a brilliant man who was basically shy and underestimated his own self worth. Being confident with her own self worth due to dealing with the harsh experiences in her own life, she discovered a yin/yang or opposites attraction correlation to their relationship. It was that glue that generated the remarkable chemistry they had between them as working partners. Because that chemistry brought out the best of both of them, she was willing to take the partnership one more level because she already loved him. To fall in love with him would be a small step and not the big leap she feared.

As far as Grissom was concerned he took that leap lock, stock, and barrel well before the Marlin case. He fell in love with her years ago but never yielded to its lure. When she honestly explained their working chemistry and the yin/yang bond between them, he totally agreed. Somewhere between the order for coffee and the check, the desire to make love to her hit him so hard he shivered. The delicate hand he held across the table gripped his hard in acceptance, telegraphing her desire back to him. It was time to leave from their dinner and time for each other. It became the grand time to explore and the grand time to discover.

There was still Grissom's mysterious surprise to attend to somewhere out in the cool desert night. Unbeknown to them it would become the night poets' dream written in their long lyrical stanzas.

****

As they drove west out of Vegas a cool breeze blew across Catherine's face from the open windows of the SUV. The movement of air whipped her hair into her eyes and teased her senses with the tangy scent of earth and wild sage. She knew by the scenery he was taking her out to the high desert where the bright lights of man dimmed in comparison to the bright stars above. A memory stirred and visualized itself behind her mind's eye of a similar night below the brilliant starry canopy.

They had stood resting after a night of collecting discarded bones of an unfortunate victim scattered across the desert sand. He had looked up at the star-studded sky and quoted poetry on the beauty of the heaven surrounding him. She had never seen him so humbled by nature before.

Smiling at the memory she wondered what he had planned. The sneakers were a clue that she would need flat shoes to negotiate the desert terrain. Beyond that she had no clue of what he intended. When he finally pulled over, he revealed his surprise. He had recreated his wish of what he wanted to do that night she stood with him so long ago in the desert. His fantasy was to dance under the stars.

After she changed shoes, he pulled a CD player, blanket, and ice chest out of the SUV. Giving her a lantern to light the way, they both walked off the road until he told her to stop. Looking around she studied his chosen location.

The area he had selected reminded her of a natural amphitheater surrounded by the darkness of the distant mountains. The level ground would be perfect for dancing. After he shook out the blanket and spread it on the ground, she sat down and gazed at the night sky.

Suddenly the sound of soft music filled the air and he pulled her to her feet and twirled her around. Feeling giddy and deliciously childish, she joined him in loud spontaneous laughter for being so foolishly footloose and fancy-free. When their laughter subsided, he latched on to her lips with a sensual kiss. In a welcoming response she hummed low in her throat and bit him lightly on his bottom lip. He tightened his grip on her and broke the kiss. Breathing heavily in her hair he whispered, "I love you Cath."

"Say it again," she whispered in between nibbling his neck.

He cuddled into her and repeated, "I love you and always have. Why was I so stupid not to see it?"

"We were both stupid then," her low voice said into his ear. "But not now. We have all the time in the world."

"That we do," he breathed and kissed her hair. I know that now."

"Let's celebrate our beginning then."

Bending down slightly from the knees he gently let her down and helped her sit on the blanket. He joined her and opened the ice chest. Pulling out two fluted glasses and a bottle of champagne he wiggled a glass. "A little bit of bubbly?"

She gave him a sweet smile and took both glasses so he could open the champagne. The sound of the cork popping surprised him and she laughed at the panicked look on his face as it shot into the air and disappeared into the darkness.

"Now that is what I call a smoking gun," he joked as he poured the sparkling beverage.

"I will have to bag that for evidence. Grissom shot a cactus!" She pointed at him and wagged her finger. "You better apologize to the cactus!"

He laughed and shook his head. "The poor victim will have to wait." Handing her a glass he indicated for her to raise it. "Let's make toast to a new beginning."

She repeated his words and touched her glass to his. Taking a small sip to savor it, she nodded her approval of the smooth taste of the champagne.

He fiddled with the CD player and turned up the volume. The beginning strands of a favorite song of his drifted through the air. She recognized it as an old Sixty's hit called 'Cherish' by the Association.

He stood up and held out his hand. Grasping his fingers tightly she came to her feet. Holding her closely they started to dance, under the brilliant stars on a moonless desert night. He started to softly sing the lyrics to her as she spun off into a dream and courted by starlight. Their feet found an eternal rhythm beyond the melody of the song that he sweetly sang into her ear. When they looked into each other's eyes, the couple imagined they danced through a celestial journey where time became surreal and fantasy became reality. When their feet were tired from dancing and thirst was quenched with pale champagne, they came back to earth with their wishes granted.

He was given his cosmic dance and she was given her romantic date.

One more mutual wish linked the two and it was granted with the next kiss. They were both about to become lovers and give into their desire.

****

He followed her in through the front door and stood behind her, caressing her shoulders lightly as she put down her purse. After helping her off with her coat he turned her around to face him.

He put his right hand under her chin and pulled her head up to look at him. His eyes took on a deeper hue as he removed his hand from her chin and ran it through her hair.

"You are so beautiful," he told her in a voice turning low and husky. "I can't believe you're real."

"I'm real, Gil," she whispered in a sultry reply. "So kiss me to prove I am."

He smiled and took her in his arms. Lowering his head slightly, he breathed lightly on her cheek before he took her lips in gentle kiss.

She leaned into the kiss with a passionate response teasing his lips with a harder pressure and probing tongue.

His breath hitched and he opened his mouth wider in invitation to sample her unique taste mixed with champagne. He felt her hands grip his lower back in an unspoken demand for more so he instinctively pulled her into him, rubbing his growing erection against the soft flesh of her abdomen.

She moaned softly from feeling his touch and broke off the kiss to nibble at his ear. He felt her cup his swollen groin stroking him with her fingers. When his belly infused too rapidly with a delicious heat, he stifled the moan thick in his throat and pulled her hand away from fondling his genitals. It was too much sensation at once. He did not want to lose it in her foyer.

Her hands stopped their wandering and she took a step back to look up at him. He was flushed, breathing in short gasps, and his lips were kiss swollen. He never looked more appealing to her.

"Let's take this where it is more comfortable," she quietly told him. Taking his hand she led him down the hallway to her bedroom. Once inside she took off his coat and threw it on her vanity chair. "Now we get to play out my favorite fantasy."

She took three steps to stand in front of him and placed her hands on his shoulders. Her eyes took on a darker hue when she pushed his vest off his shoulders and slid it down to where it caught at his elbows. Taking the hint he pulled it off the rest of the way and dropped it on the floor.

"Told you we think alike," he said as he unbuckled her belt. "We're playing out my fantasy too. I always wondered what it would be like to make love to you."

She unbuttoned the first two buttons on his shirt before she replied. "Well why don't we find out."

His hands found their way to her blouse and he fingered the material before he quickly undid the buttons. Once he saw her creamy skin revealed and the whisper of a black bra she wore he could not help it. He had to touch her breasts. She flung her head back and let the luxurious sensation of his inquisitive fingers flow through her. Their fantasy then took a realistic turn.

Touching turned to exploring and in no time at all their clothing was slipped off and flung to the floor. She stood naked in all her glory waiting to take off the last piece of clothing to reveal him in his bare masculinity. The sight of him in his white silk boxer shorts drove her crazy. They hung low on his hips due to the tight tenting of his arousal and she was hungry to see them off.

As she moved to remove the last frustrating barrier, he stood frozen in awe, drinking in her breath-taking beauty. He had known her close to twenty years and had seen her flawless skin revealed in all types of clothing. But to see her nude in the prime of her maturity would make the gods weep.

The soft smooth fatty appearance of youth had been burned off to leave her curves refined into a remarkable clarity that bespoke beauty in its utmost degree. Physically she was 'comfortable' in her skin and it showed. Every delectable bit of her flesh covered her delicate bone structure with the confidence of the highest tailoring. She might have been attractive in her twenties, but in her forties she was stunning. Age only blessed her countenance. With her sharp intelligent mind now wise with hard earned knowledge added to the mix, this woman would drive any man to his knees.

Grissom's jumbled thoughts broke when he felt her slide the boxers down his legs and grasp his erection. His knees buckled and he stumbled into her. With a groan and embarrassed laughter he pulled her hand off of his groin and placed it over his racing heart.

"Quite a smoking gun," she commented looking at his groin. "Kick off the boxers, Gil. They will interfere with my investigation."

"Now wait a minute there. I'm the senior CSI here!" He mumbled a few more words and kicked off the offending boxers.

Now that his legs were free, he laid down on the bed. Catherine joined him and ran butterfly kisses around his neck. She then raised her head up and nipped his nose.

"Ladies first," she egged him and then moaned when he latched onto one rosy nipple.

"Not this time Ms. Willows," he managed to say before moving onto her other breast.

He went on to taste her skin and to lap at every curve of her writhing body. When he moved to suck on one delicate ear lobe, she managed to get her fingers around his erection and squeeze him.

With a gasp he let go of her ear and shifted his hips. She pushed him flat on his back and straddled him. It was now her turn to tease.

She leaned over and bit one small nipple. He hissed and arched his back as she had done from his exploring mouth. Moving to the other nipple she teased it with her tongue for a few licks and moved her head over to rub her chin on his chest. She felt him stroke her long red hair that fanned across his neck and he murmured her name. Moving back up she let him give her a long open mouthed kiss, teasing her tongue with his. Her hand moved to his testicles and gently rolled them a few times until she heard his low frantic groan. She took the hint and backed off sensing he was losing control.

She lightly kissed him and asked him if he was too close. By the heat of his arousal throbbing against her thigh it must have been getting painful.

"Yes," he moaned and flipped her on her back sprawling on top of her.

He lifted himself on his elbows and slid his shaft several times over her clitoris arousing her to the point that she bucked uncontrollably on the bed. Whimpering softly, she begged him to get on with it.

He kissed her gently and raised his hips to center his erection between her legs. Nudging her legs further apart, he pushed inside of her slowly until she grasped his butt cheeks and forced him in all the way. She was so amazingly tight around him his body overreacted. His eyes rolled back into his head and he shuddered from the waves of pleasure accosting him. He barely heard her groan of satisfaction as she adjusted to his size and wrapped her legs around his waist.

His breathing had sped up so rapidly he had to lower his head and take several slow deep breaths to throw off the dizziness. It had been so long since he was sexually involved with someone it would be difficult for him to hold back his body's short fuse for completion.

He felt her rubbing his back so he kissed her to assure his lover he was all right.

"How are you doing? Did I hurt you?" he asked her thickly like he had his vocal cords knotted too tight.

"I'm fine" she got out. To prove she was ready for him, her hips gave a hard thrust upward to get him to move.

Agreeing with her nonverbal statement to get going, he pumped his hips several times to set up a rhythm. Once she matched his movements, he angled his thrusts to slide over her pleasure center. Feeling her body undulate beneath his and thrashing about, he knew she was approaching the height of her pleasure. Taking one rigid nipple in his lips, he ran his tongue over the tip pushing her over the cusp. As her body stiffened and she embraced her orgasm, he finally lost control as her vaginal muscles contracted around him and triggered his own release. With a guttural cry he lowered his head into her neck and gave into the sweet burning in his groin. He lost all coherent thought as his cries blended with hers and they rode a wild bumpy wave of ecstasy as one.

She came down from her climax feeling loved and fulfilled by the man who still twitched with post orgasmic tremors nestled in her arms. His warm breath whistled in her ear, soothing and deep as his singing serenade earlier that night. Moving one hand off his back, she brushed his sweat-drenched hair off his forehead. He stirred and lifted his head. He smiled and gave her a gentle kiss and flopped his head back down on her shoulder. He stayed like that for several more minutes then raised himself to his elbows to look at her.

"I do love you Cath, with all my heart. Thank you for showing me I do have a future to look forward to and not alone."

"You're the one who found it Gil. I just want to love you and share our future together from this day on in all things." With an impish gleam to her eye she added on one more comment. "That would include the fabulous lovemaking."

He gave her a dazzling smile and then kissed her all over her face and neck until she broke out laughing. She finally pleaded with him to let her up for air. He gave her one last kiss and rolled off of her to let them both slip under the covers. They kissed again and snuggled together in an affectionate comfortable bliss. A short time later after sweet words of promise were whispered in the dark, the lovers fell asleep entwined in each other's arms.

****

The following night Sara stayed behind in Grissom's office after he assigned his team case files pending from the overflow of the swing shift. When she did not leave with the others, he sat back in his chair to see what the younger CSI wanted.

"Sara what can I do for you? Is there a problem?"

"No Gris. I just want to congratulate you on breaking the Marlin case."

He gave her a sincere thank you and waited for her to go. When she did not leave, he asked her if there was anything else she wanted to talk about.

She paused for a moment to consider asking him if he was all right. It still bothered her to have seen him so upset. This might be her opportunity to get under that cool exterior of his.

"Just one thing, " she carefully said. "Are you all right? I saw you during Lurie's first interrogation. You were pretty upset."

"I'm fine Sara," he honestly answered her and then his eyes took on a strange glitter. "I just needed to find that certain leap of faith."

"So did you find it?"

He saw Catherine watching him from one of the clear glass office walls out of Sara's line of sight. She had heard his answer and gave him a sweet smile of understanding.

"Yes Sara, I found it. It helped me close the Marlin case." He gave her a shooing motion and picked up a case file. "You better go. Warrick is waiting for you."

He saw Catherine blow him a kiss and vanish before Sara saw her. Clearing his throat to keep from laughing, he said goodbye to Sara and went back to signing completed case files.

Sara stood for a moment watching him. When the younger CSI understood nothing further would be revealed, she shrugged her shoulders and left.

The answer to Sara's question made him recall his dating experience the previous night in full detail. He did find what he was looking for. In his darkest hour he found that a beautiful strawberry blonde with her wisdom and compassion helped him find that leap of faith. It was his key to work for a brighter future no matter what age. He only had to be reminded to open his eyes to see it. That faith was within him to realize he could choose or change the path he walked in life. He did not have to be forced to accept what fate dictated. The choice was his to alter the direction he would take.

In the period of only forty-eight hours he found his path and it was blessed with love and so much more. As far as Gil Grissom was concerned he was one lucky man.

When he signed his next case file it was with a hearty flourish.


**FINIS**