Loveless Relationships

This is not mine, and I am not making any money. God bless our souls if television was really like this. I suppose I should have mentioned the following fact to my readers before I posted this. This is not a fluffy, loving, happy fiction. John and Rodney's relationship (or lack thereof) my never recover. This is a very dark fic. Read at your own risk.

Dr. Rodney McKay knew that something was wrong when Colonel John Sheppard pressed his lips to his own, and he felt nothing. Kisses were supposed to induce physical and mental responses. Rodney McKay felt neither anger nor joy.

John Sheppard pressed his hands to Rodney’s back and pulled their bodies closer together. John’s hands roamed Rodney’s back, eventually rubbing at the skin underneath his blue shirt.

While John opened his mouth and licked at Rodney’s lips, Rodney had to think about what to do next. Usually, a kiss such as this would have initialized Rodney’s kissing autopilot. Unfortunately for both parties involved, his autopilot had not worked in some time.

Rodney realized that it would be an appropriate time to open his mouth and immediately felt John’s tongue stroke his own. Then John pulled their standing bodies even closer. Rodney understood John’s intentions when he felt a hardness at his hip.

“Rodney,” John gasped breathlessly. He put his hands on Rodney’s hips and moved to communicate further to Rodney what it was that he wanted.

He began to undo the button and zipper on John’s pants, finally knowing what to do with his hands.

As Rodney relieved him of his tight pants, John began to kiss and nibble on Rodney’s stubbled jaw and neck. When he made his way to Rodney’s ear, he hissed, “I need you,” and then gently grabbed at Rodney’s groin.

Suddenly, as if grabbing him there sent a message to his brain, Rodney’s autopilot kicked into gear. He let his groin do all of the thinking, and it rubbed itself against John’s hand like a pet seeking the soothing attention of its master.

John undid the fastenings on Rodney’s pants as well. He pushed both boxers and pants down around Rodney’s knees. “Don’t,” he commanded as Rodney continued to rub himself against the colonel.

Rodney flushed a shade of pink as he realized that he was trying for something that he did not deserve.

“Take off your shoes and get on the bed.”

Rodney complied and laid on his back, waiting for what he knew was coming. He put his head on the pillow and tried to make himself as comfortable as possible.

Now totally naked, Sheppard reached for the lotion on the bedside table. “Bring your knees up.”

The numbness that had previously enveloped him like a warm blanket was suddenly torn away. They had talked about doing this, but Rodney had always vehemently voiced his discomfort with doing it by screaming such things as, “No, no, no! I can’t! That’s just wrong. Not to mention probably really painful and unhealthy! No! Not in a million years!”

Rodney could say nothing now. He just laid still and hoped that John could read the fear and panic in his eyes as he raised his knees.

He flinched when he felt a cold lubricated finger between his buttocks. “Wait a second –”

“Shut up, McKay, and be still.”

Rodney steeled himself and did not flinch again as fingers worked to make him ready for what was coming. He felt a cold sweet wash over him.

He was really not ready for this. Being with John this way had its ups and down, usually downs, but he had never before felt scared. No that wasn’t the right word. He had indeed felt scared as the Air Force soldier took what he needed from Rodney, but they had never done something that could potentially cause him to end up in the infirmary.

Rodney was feeling true, gut-wrenching terror.

John was on top of him, between his legs, and Rodney tried to calm his hyperventilating breathing.

He felt the first finger enter him but he could not stop the muscle from contracting, trying to keep the invader out. He stifled a scream . . .