Spirals of the Mind

Title: Spirals of the Mind
Author: JadeHeart
Archived: If anyone would like it, please ask me first!
Fandom: Highlander
Rating: NC-17
Warnings: angst, bad language
Timeline: Not sure exactly when but Darius and Tessa are still alive at this point.
Characters: Duncan/Tessa/Darius/Kaiya (OC)
Feedback: Feedback is always welcome!
Summary: The crossing of lives and loves; they come and go.
Author’s Notes: I have decided to attempt writing something for this programme and I do not claim to know everything there is about it. I am taking a few liberties here in my view of how Immortals can come to be (parentage-wise); it seemed a little peculiar to me how it was explained via the movies. It’s been a very long time since I had seen this series and even then I didn’t see all of it, so forgive my errors in canon, but I would still be interested to hear what readers think!
Disclaimer: I do not own the characters, they belong to the creators of ‘Highlander’ , nor am I making any profits from this.


Chapter 1

Duncan felt the tug in his mind and drew his sword, carefully making his way through the tunnel to the other side. He saw the glint of light on a sword, and called out his challenge. There was silence for a moment, then the scrabble of movement and the sound of running feet into the distance.

He paused and carefully moved forward again, out in to the open air, tunnel to his back. There was no sign of the other immortal he had felt. He heard a soft sound and spun to his left, sword at the ready. A huddled shape lay on the steps at the side.

“Hello?” he called cautiously, wary of a trap.

When there was no movement or sound, he moved forward, kneeling over the still lump, reaching out a hand to turn the person over. Even in the dim lighting he could see the metallic glint of blood glistening on and around the pale hand that clasped the throat, and the wide open pain-filled eyes.

“Hold on!” Duncan said quickly, putting sword away and gathering the girl into his arms. “Just hold on!” and he set off at a run towards the barge. He clambered down, nearly tripping, and deposited his burden on the couch.

“Let me see,” and he prised the cold fingers away from the wound. He viewed the gaping wound, muscle glinting and moving, coated in blood.

“My God!” he exclaimed. “Hold on and I’ll call an ambulance! You’ll be alright.” he lied, knowing how serious the wound was and doubting her survival.

As he made to move to the phone, a blood stained hand gripped his tightly, the face turned to him, and a ruined voice rasped out. “Wait.”

“I can’t,” he said, making a vain effort to break the grip. “You’ll bleed to death.”

The hand remained firm, holding him fast, steely eyes bore into his. He was confused – then he moved forward and begun to wipe away the blood carefully. As he did so, it seemed that the wound wasn’t as bad as he had at first thought. Perhaps the sheer quantity of blood smeared across the wound had fooled him. The girl made an attempt to sit up and he helped her do so.

“I’ll bandage this up for you.” he offered.

“Thank you.” she replied, her voice stronger.

Once he was done, he asked, “Do you want a coffee?”

“Tea, please.”

He bustled around. “Want to tell me what happened? Did you get mugged?”

He knew that wasn’t really the reason, but he couldn’t understand why an immortal may have tried to kill her – that meant there was more to her than met the eye. She looked at him over the rim of her cup, steam billowing around her face and making her seem ethereal, combined with the pallor of her face.

“Because of what I am.” She closed her eyes and her brow creased in concentration. Suddenly Duncan felt the familiar warning buzz and looked around, searching with his senses. He made to head upstairs when her voice halted him. “You won’t find anyone up there.” The tug was fading – nothing more than an afterimage in his mind was left.

He looked back at her, for the first time noting the long coat she wore, and now he could see the glint of a sword hilt. He stared. “You?” She tilted her head to one side in acknowledgement to his query. “But I didn’t sense you before.”

“Lucky for me most times. Unfortunately, it works both ways.”

Duncan sat down and indicated her bandaged neck, “So that will heal?”

“Yes, though slowly.” she grimaced. “It can be quite debilitating.”

Just then there was a clatter on the stairs as Tessa arrived. She paused when she noted the visitor on the couch. Duncan rose to greet her with a kiss, and led her to the couch.

“So who is your friend, Duncan?” Tessa asked.

He looked over at her.

“Kaiya.” she supplied.

“That’s an unusual name.”

“I doubt it’s been around for the last 4000 years or so.” she said dryly.

“You’re not a young immortal, are you?” he asked, suddenly suspicious.

Kaiya noted Tessa start as she realised there was another immortal in the room. “Oh, no, pretty old. Old enough to know my way around, and the pitfalls.” she said, reaching up to touch the bandage.
“But I didn’t sense you before. How did you do that?”

She grimaced. “Believe me, it’s entirely unintentional. That ability is a little skewed for me. It comes and goes – it’s very distracting. I’ve learnt to work around it, though it gets close sometimes.”

“But why? I know that one of my friend’s reacts to an Immortal’s presence by sneezing. It’s like an allergy for him.”

“That’s novel. No, it’s nothing like that for me so I can only speculate as to why it is.” she said, leaning back comfortably. “From everything I know, all immortals are foundlings, no mother or father. They also can’t have children.”

“That’s true, as far as we know. And as far as the Watchers know.”

“Oh, yes. Them.”

“You know about the Watchers?”

“I’ve spotted them a few times. No doubt they’ve got records on me, but I generally try to keep most things private. Anyway, as I was saying – no parents, no children, seems to be the general rule.”

“Yes.” Duncan agreed.

“Well, I had parents.”

“Foster parents?”

“No, I had it on good grounds that they were my birth parents. I can’t imagine why there would have been any need to lie about it. So, that’s one discrepancy. The second, is that I was pregnant.”

“What?” Duncan exclaimed.

“You had a child?” Tessa asked.

Kaiya shook her head, “No, but I was pregnant.”

“That’s impossible!” Duncan said, pacing.

Kaiya shrugged, “Impossible or not, it’s the truth. My belief is that I wasn’t immortal, but maybe my child was.”

“We don’t have parents.” Duncan stated.

“None you know of.” she clarified. “What if when an immortal is born, the mother dies, leaving a foundling. It makes some sense. The child is connected to the mother before that time, and perhaps whatever makes an immortal drains the mother at the time of birth, killing them.”

“That’s horrible!” Tessa exclaimed.

Kaiya looked at her. “Perhaps, but it gives the child life.”

“Why do you think this?” Duncan asked finally, sitting next to Tessa, who reached out and took his hand.

“As I said, it’s only speculation based on my case. I had birth parents, I knew them. I was pregnant, my child was killed before it was born, and then I died. After that I have lived since, but our ‘sixth sense’,” tapping her temple, “doesn’t work properly for me, and I take longer to heal.”

“What happened?”

“Raiders came. One stabbed me in the stomach. I was very near my time, I felt my child die. They held me down, cut me open, and ripped my child from my belly. They then cut my throat.” Tessa’s eyes were wide with horror.

“What next?” Duncan asked.

Kaiya shrugged. “I eventually woke up. My throat had healed, the wound across my stomach almost so. Our homes had been torched, most burnt to the ground. No-one else was left alive. I then began the start of my wanderings, which have continued ever since.”

“How did you learn about what we are?”

She half smiled. “Through trial and error. I met some Immortals, some good, some bad. If someone tried taking my head, they were bad; if they didn’t, they were good. It was easy to stay on the outskirts of all the happenings. My ‘spider sense’ would rarely give me away, and if it did I evaluated things at the time. I’ve managed well enough up till now. Tonight was the closest I’ve come to nearly losing it all for thousands of years.”

“Just how old are you?” Tessa asked curiously.

Kaiya paused, and they thought she wasn’t going to answer, then she said, “About 4000 - give or take. Time loses meaning after a while.”

“4000 years old! That’s incredible!”

“You’re not Methos, are you?” Duncan queried.

She laughed. “Oh, no, though I’ve heard of him. Never met him, but then if my senses aren’t working right, I might have done and never known it!”

She then sat forward and took the bandage from her neck. Tessa and Duncan could see that only a thin red line was still visible. “Thanks for the help.”

“Are you going to be around Paris for a while?”

“Oh, probably, it’s been a while since last I was here.”

“Would you like to come and meet a friend of mine?”

“I generally try and stay clear of other immortals. I find it safer that way.”

“He won’t harm you, he’s a priest at a church here. His name’s Darius.”

“Darius?!” she exclaimed.

“You know him?”

“We met – a long time ago. A long time ago.”

“Then come and see him. You can stay the night here, we’ll go tomorrow.”

“Okay. That would be nice.” and they settled in for the night.

The next morning saw them walking the streets of Paris in the grey mist. They approached the church, and Duncan felt the familiar buzz. He glanced at Kaiya, and saw a smile light up her face.

“You can sense him?”

She laughed, “I do get attuned to some people. Darius is one. How could I not recognise him!”

Duncan pushed the door open for them and they entered, walking down the aisle towards the alter. There were only two old parishioners praying on the pews. The robed figure at the end of the aisle roused itself and turned with a smile.

“Duncan!” Darius greeted him joyfully, and then paused in mid-stride as Kaiya stepped into the light. His eyes widened as memory flashed upon him; a bright, young looking face, apple blossom petals falling around and resting on the cowled head, tears glistening in her eyes.

“Kaiya!” he said heartfeltly.

She smiled brightly at him, stepping forward to clasp him in a hug, squeezing him tightly. He had to force himself to release her before he lost all decorum, and roused his parishioners suspicions of his celibacy, but he found it more than difficult to relinquish his hold now she had returned to him after so very long. He then noticed Duncan waiting at the side, and for a moment thought his friend could see through him but then realised he was being foolish.

“So you two are old friends?”

“Yes, come to my quarters so we can take some tea.”

“Not more of that mouldy stuff?” Duncan complained.

Darius smiled as they entered and sat. He gave them real tea to appease Duncan.

“So where did you two meet?” Duncan asked.

“Ironically enough, here in France. It seems fitting in some way that this where we meet again.” Darius answered.

“Now, Darius, you know I don’t truly believe in your God.”

Darius smiled, “I know, but it didn’t stop you converting.”

“Appearing to convert.” she clarified.

“How?” Duncan asked, curious for the story.

“I had figured out that the safest way for me to move around was as a travelling monk, so I tonsured my hair, kept it short, wore the cowl and kept my sword hidden underneath. I could pass myself off then as a fresh-faced boy. This kept me more than safe for many years. Then one time I bumped, literally, into Darius here.”

“Imagine my surprise when first I felt another of our kind, in the form of what I thought as a young boy, only to find out later it was a girl who actually was a great deal older than I!” he smiled warmly at Kaiya, remembering those times.

“I joined Darius on his wanderings then, for quite some time. He then settled at a monastery and I stayed a little longer, before leaving and went on my way. We met up – what, twice since?”

“Yes, twice. Briefly, barely enough time to have a meal together before you were off again.”

“You know I’m a nomad at heart, Darius. I won’t stay in one place very long. The longest I’ve ever remained in one place was that monastery.”

Duncan sensed the warmth between his friend and Kaiya, the comfortableness that was between them. In some ways it reminded him of Tessa and what he felt when with her, which seemed ridiculous.

“Well, I must ask your leave.” Darius said rising. “I have to prepare for this evening’s prayers, but do come again.” He reached out his hand to Kaiya. “Don’t leave it too long. Now you are back in Paris I expect to see a great deal more of you.”

Kaiya took his hands with a smile. “I promise. For as long as I’m here.”

*************

“I’m going.” she said, looking off into the mists surrounding the cemetery.

“Where? When?” Duncan asked, his throat closing.

She shrugged, a motion that he had found endearing, and now yanked at his heart. “I don’t know. Now.”

He spun around to face her. “Now? You can’t. I mean, don’t go yet. Stay longer. Just a little while more.”

She shook her head resolutely. “No. It’s time.”

Duncan reached out and gripped her arms at her side tightly. “Don’t – please. Stay.”

She made no move to break his grip but looked him straight in the eye. “No.”

He released his grip. “Kaiya,” he said, dropping to his knees in the dried, dead leaves. “Stay. For me. I…..I love you.”

He dropped his head at this admission, so didn’t see her close her eyes in pain, but did feel her hand come to rest gently on the top of his head. He wrapped his arms around her waist, resting his head on her stomach. She wove her arms around his head and neck, clasping him to her.

“I know you care for me, Duncan, but you love Tessa truly. And I love another.” At this statement Duncan glanced up, surprised, as she had never said anything before. “You are not free, neither am I, and neither of us would truly wish ourselves to be.”

“I can’t bear to think of you not in my life.” Duncan whispered hoarsely. He buried his face in her waist again.

“You will.” she replied. “Think of me sometimes.” and she slipped from his grasp before he had realised.

He stayed on his knees and watched her slim shape disappear into the mist, leaving nothing but a memory.

Kaiya blinked back tears. Her heart did long to remain with Duncan, he had become very special to her, more than she would have thought possible. But what she felt for Duncan still did not compare to what she felt for Darius. She entered the church from the back, stepping quietly to where Darius stood in the shadows.

“You are leaving?” he asked, surprising her as he had given no indication that he had known she was there. He turned to her, the compassion on his face almost undoing her. She rapidly blinked to prevent the tears from falling.

“Yes.” she replied softly.

“But you love him.” he said as a statement.

“Yes, but not enough.” She reached out a hand to him, which he enfolded in both of his. “Goodbye, Darius. Look after him.”

“I shall.” he promised.

She stepped forward and lightly placed a kiss on his cheek, then stepped back just as quickly. “Take care.” and their hands withdrew with aching slowness, a though each was unwilling to lose that final contact and severe the connection fully. Then, as their fingers finally separated, she turned and walked away.

******************
Duncan stared at the chessboard for a long time, his friend Darius sat in silence opposite him. It had been more than six months since Kaiya had departed. Finally Duncan sighed and stood, gathering up his coat.

“I’m sorry, Darius. I just can’t concentrate.”

Darius smiled understandingly. “That is alright, old friend.”

He walked with Duncan to the door of the church, standing on the steps as Duncan shrugged into his coat and hunched his shoulders against the cold.

“Have you ever regretted it?” Duncan suddenly asked.

“What?” Darius asked, caught off-guard.

“Sequestering yourself in the church, taking a vow of celibacy? Have you ever been tempted to give it all up?”

Darius looked into the distance. “Once. A long time ago.”

Duncan looked interestedly at this friend, sensing a story he knew nothing about. “What happened?”

“I met someone.”

“A woman?”

Darius smiled at the amazement of his friend. “I am still a man, my friend.” he said with quiet amusement.

“I know that. I just never thought it would be a woman who would tempt you. Maybe your old life, adventures, historical battles, but not a woman.”

“She wasn’t just any woman, Duncan. She was extraordinary; beautiful, with a wealth of knowledge, she was passionate about learning, a wonderful debater. I remember the day she left – the apple blossoms were falling, the sun filtering through the branches, bathing the path where we stood in a dappled light that accentuated her beauty even more. My heart broke when she said she was leaving, going away. I knew the chances of seeing her again were remote. As she walked away from me, I nearly ran after her, to break all my vows, beg her to stay or beg her to let me go with her. Anything, but let her walk away from me.”

“Why didn’t you?” Duncan asked seriously.

“I may have loved her, but she had never indicated anything beyond friendship to me. How could I force my feelings upon her if they were unwanted? And what had I to offer her – a defrocked monk? So I let her go, with my blessings.”

“And now? Do you still regret you didn’t tell her, go with her?”

“Sometimes. She’s my only regret in this long life, but I would never unwish it. For knowing her, and sharing that portion of my life with her, is also one of my greatest treasures.”

Duncan was silent for a moment. “You’re right. I’ve been regretting meeting Kaiya, but I shouldn’t be. It was my doing how I feel about her, and she was right when she said I loved Tessa more. I do, and I don’t want to give her up ever.”

“You can love many people in your life, Duncan. Each have their place in your life, your heart, and your memory. One should never damage another.”

Duncan put his hand out. “Thank you.”

Darius clasped it with a smile. “Any time for you, my friend.”

Duncan made his way home to the barge and clattered up the ramp. Tessa stood at the bow, long coat, scarf and wool hat protecting her from the cold. She half turned as he approached and placed a kiss on her cheek, before pulling her to his chest and wrapping his arms about her.

“I love you.” he said. “You know that, don’t you?”

She turned her head to him. “I know.”

“I was talking with Darius and realised something. How foolish I had been.”

“About what?”

“I think you know. You once asked me if I loved Kaiya and I lost my temper, got defensive about it. But you were right. I do love Kaiya – but I love you a great deal more, and in a very different way.” He tightened his grip on her. “Darius said you can love more than one person at one time, and none should diminish the other in your heart. Kaiya understood that better than I did. I’ve been feeling guilty for having feelings for her, for believing I was slighting you, but I don’t want to be with her as I want to be with you. I love Darius, but that doesn’t affect what I feel for you. I was feeling all that guilt because Kaiya’s another woman, yet it’s not really any different to my feelings for Darius. So I’m sorry for behaving so badly lately.”

“You’re forgiven.” Tessa said, turning in the circle of his arms to reach up and kiss him softly.

He looked down at her, a suspicion forming. “You had already figured all this out, hadn’t you?” he finally said accusingly.

She tried to look innocent, but failed as a smile spread lovingly on her face. “Oh, Duncan, Kaiya spoke to me after she left. I knew, but I knew you had to come to terms with it in your own time.”

“You women!” he growled to her, hugging her to him. “Always conniving together.”

“We just know more about these things.”

“So you’re okay with it all?” he questioned.

“Yes, I will admit I was worried and jealous at first. If you were going to leave, I imagined that it would be to go with someone like her. But I knew she obviously loved someone else more than what she felt for you.”

“Do you know who?” he asked curiously.

Tessa shook her head. “She never told me, and I wouldn’t have asked. It was obviously something very private. Why?”

“I’m just curious. She’s lived for so long I was wondering if it was another immortal.”

“It might not be.” Tessa said.

“No, it might be a mortal, but with all the moving around she does, it wasn’t like there was someone with her.”

“Perhaps she lost them a long time ago.”

“And still loves them this much?” Duncan said, half sceptically.

“It happens.” Tessa said sternly.

“It could be. We’ll probably never know.”

“Do you think we’ll see her again?”

“I doubt it. She’s been around this long and I’ve only bumped into her once, and Darius mentioned they had only met a couple of times. It’s a big world out there, and she knows how to stay hidden.”

“I guess I wont meet her again then.”

“No, guess not.”