Shivers

She shivered in her sleep, sometimes so much, it woke him up. He would cover her small body with more blankets but it didn’t seem to help. His arm would wind protectively, and possessively, around her waist and he held her, waiting until the chills subsided just a bit. He didn’t know what to do for her. Anytime he mentioned getting her brother so he could have a look at her, she would give him a look that said he was to never do such a thing.

“I don’t need Simon to take care of me anymore,” River told him softly, still able to see him perfectly despite the darkness of his bunk. “I have you now.”

Jayne wasn’t so relaxed with that answer. “But I don’t know what to do for ‘ya,” he said.

River rolled her eyes and smiled at him. “You’re not stupid, Jayne. Hold me,” she ordered gently and he complied, his arms wrapping tightly around her and squeezing her body to his. “You’re the only medicine I need.”

He smiled despite still being worried about her. “You’re still shivering,” he pointed out to her but she shook her head.

“It will stop soon,” she said, burrowing underneath the layers of blankets.

“You’re just saying that to make me stop frettin’,” Jayne accused and could practically hear her smiling in the dark.

“You’re getting to understand me so well,” she said, almost teasing, but it didn’t bother him. He knew that she was just trying to distract him from worrying about her though he couldn’t help it. He always worried about her, no matter what was happening. She was always in the back of his mind, whether he out with Mal and Zoë, pulling a job, or he was sitting in the cargo bay, lifting weights, or sitting in the mess hall, cleaning his weapons collection. At first, it had scared him, not used to thinking about anything but him but now, he couldn’t imagine what life would be without her, what sleeping in his bed without her would be, despite her keeping him up most of the nights with her shivering.

Jayne finally sank down onto the bed again behind her, pulling her back to his chest and brushing her hair over her shoulder, he buried his nose in her neck, making her laugh softly as his touch tickled her. She shifted a bit, to get herself more comfortable, and they laid silently, relaxing in one another’s presence. He closed his eyes, getting high off of her scent. She smelled like apples and it was an aphrodisiac for him. He couldn’t get enough of her sweet aroma. “I hate that I can’t help ‘ya,” he finally admitted softly.

River placed her hand on his arm and rubbed it back and forth, almost in a soothing matter. “You help me.”

He shook his head, moving his head down and resting his forehead on the back of her neck. “I can’t help you like Simon can.”

With a slightly annoyed sigh, River turned over in his arms and to face him, her eyes piercing into his and he was almost nervous by the look she gave him. “Jayne,” she said firmly, taking his face in between her hands. “I don’t need another Simon in my life. I need you.”

He stared at her, unsurely. No one had needed him before. Sure. Mal needed him to watch his back and Kaylee sometimes needed him to help her fix something but for the most part, Jayne was on his own and he liked it. But with River staring at him, even through the darkness, he could see the seriousness of her words. “You need me?” He asked, almost hoarsely.

Despite her coming to sleep in his bed every night, he still had doubts. At first, he thought she was just doing it to piss her brother off. Then he began to think that maybe she was doing it because out in the black, options for company were slim. Zoë and Wash had one another, Mal and Inara were far too busy caught up in the intricate dance which had become theirs, Kaylee technically had Simon, though he had yet to admit it, and Book had his bible. Everyone had someone, or something, to keep them warm with thoughts and dreams at night. At first, Jayne thought that River was just lonely. It was bound to happen to a young woman trapped on a ship in the middle of the ‘verse. But she kept coming back and she didn’t hide it from anyone, placing kisses on him in the middle of the mess hall where anyone could see, hugging him tightly and leaping into his arms when Zoë pulled the mule back into the bay after returning from some sort of run with Mal.

He hated to admit that he had his doubts about her feelings because River could sense every little doubt and feeling he had about it all. And she didn’t like it one bit. She wasn’t sure what he needed to hear, what she needed to do that proved to him that she wanted to be with him because it was what she wanted. She wanted him because he made her calm, made her feel safe.

River placed her hands on his cheeks then rested her forehead against his. “Of course I need you, Jayne. I love you,” she whispered. She heard his sharp intake of breath but she continued before he could say anything. “And do you know why I sometimes shiver when I sleep? Because I think about waking up without you next to me and all I can feel is an abyss of coldness.”

“I ain’ t goin’ nowhere,” he finally managed to stutter out and she smiled, shaking her head.

She placed a kiss on his lips, still cupping his cheeks in her hands. “Neither am I.”