The Banana Split Club

Disclaimer: I do not own CSI. The characters all belong to the wonderful people at CBS. I merely borrow the characters for entertainment.

No bananas or tarantulas were harmed in the making of this story. Enjoy GSR lovers!

A challenge of hot proportions!

1. Must be GSR (duh)
2. Must start or end with the phrase "You wanna put that where? I don't
think so!"
3. Must have a celebration that all the CSI must attend
4. Both Sara and Gil must drink too much
5. They must do something embarrassing in public.
6. Brass must take them home to Gil's
7. Sara must laugh at his childish boxers
8. He counters that it is Wash day
9. Sara must confess a secret
10. Must at least hint towards smut
11. Must use an unusual hangover remedy
12. Have fun


"He'll go Catherine, I promise."

"No Greg he won't, haven't you heard him say he doesn't do parties?"

"Look, everyone likes parties, even guys as dull as Grissom."

"You will only get him to go if he doesn't know he's going."

"So be it. Now I need a male conspirator."

"Male?" Catherine gaped at Greg as if he were an alien speaking Martian.

"Yes, Grissom might not get he has an attractiveness to women, but he does know when they are plotting against him."

"Ok just because he found out that I was setting him up with Terri on that case, doesn't mean I can't get him to a party." Defended Catherine.

"Uh no thanks, not even Nick or Warrick do I trust. There is only one guy that can pull it off?"

"Who Maxwell Smart?"

"Same suit, but no, Captain Jim Brass."

"All right but when you need a woman don't call me."

With that she walked from the lab.


Chapter 2

"Grissom" He said as he picked up the office phone.

"Hey Gil, look I have it on good authority that Greg is throwing you a surprise party at the Moose Club."

"What? I thought that I made it clear no parties. How did you find that out Jim?"

"Greg asked me to get you there."

"Well at least I have one good friend."

"Yeah well I hate parties too. Look I'm taking the boat out on the lake Saturday, you interested in coming along? They can't find you on the water."

Grissom almost said no but then he saw Sara giggling with Greg in the hallway and reconsidered.

"I'll bring the bait and the beer, call you later Jim. Hey and thanks."

"Sure thing Bugman."


Chapter 3

Grissom met Brass at the dock at 5am. He was happy to see Dr. Al Robbins with him.

"Hey guys!" A cheerful Grissom waved.

"Aw Bud light and Coors, you're prepared. And I take it that cooler holds the bait." Brass took the case of Coors and the three men made their way up the ramp.

Brass's boat was a 1986 Bay liner Contessa. It was left to him in his father's will and he went sailing whenever he could. The boat had enough room for four adults to sleep on, a fully loaded fridge, and fishing gear to suit even the most experienced fishermen.

An hour later the guys were sitting in lounge chairs on the back deck, beers in their hands and fishing poles in the other.

"So Gil, enjoying your birthday so far?" Al said with a smile.

"Ah yes fishing with the boys. Only roach racing compares to this."

"Well if it were anyone else I would be offended, but considering your love affair with bugs, I am honored." Brass said with another sip of his beer.

"Speaking of love affair, what is your current status with Sara?"

Al knew that asking was a bold move but he thought of Sara like a daughter and Grissom was his best friend.

"You know where that question is going, Al. Sara and I work well together. She is a gifted CSI and not a bad early entomology study."

Al and Brass looked at each other and at the same time said, "Avoiding the issue!"

"Hey I thought we were out here to catch fish, not my sex life." Said an embarrassed Grissom.

Brass laughed. "Ah so the cooped up scientist has thought about being in bed with our little Sara.

With that both men laughed, while Grissom debated diving off the boat and swimming back to shore. Brass rose and headed to the front of the boat. When he returned he had a scowl on his face.

"What's wrong Jim?" Grissom said standing up.

"There's a yacht not too far from here that looks adrift. We're going to have to board it to check for dead bodies, robbery etc."

Grissom grabbed his backpack, he knew this would be a short lived break. Ah well always on call even miles from a phone. Brass began the move to board.

Chapter 4

Brass pulled his gun as he boarded the ship. Grissom followed, and Al brought up the rear in case they needed a doctor. The deck was clear no sign of anyone. As they moved to the back Brass pointed at bloody shoe prints leading below. He silently signaled for Grissom and Al to hang back while he went below. A moment later Grissom and Al heard what sounded like a muffled gunshot. Drawing his gun, Grissom raced into the cabin, it was dark. His heart began to pound.

"Brass?" He whispered not sure where he was standing. The lights suddenly came on.

"SURPRISE!!!"

There all decked out in colorful party gear was his team, Warrick, Greg, Nick, Catherine, and Sara. Brass in the middle a triumphant look on his face. Greg was holding a champagne bottled that popped like the gunshot.

"What the hell's the matter with all of you guys? I could have shot you!" Grissom fumed angrily.

"No way Gil, you might be a clever scientist but a cop you aren't. No bullets in your gun. I emptied it." Brass grinned proud of his work.

"I told you guys I hate parties. Why can't anyone respect my wishes?"

Catherine walked up to him, more angry then she had ever been at him.

"Listen Gil we are your friends. We went through a lot of trouble to do this and you are going to have a good time. No one deserves a party more than you ok? So grab a margarita from the bar, say thank you and then shut the hell up about avoiding parties!"

Sara moved in for her shot.

"Yeah otherwise I'm not giving back Tijuana." She said with a smile.

"Sara, what did you do to my favorite Tarantula?"

"Let's just say she is being held for ransom. Now come to the bar."

Defeated Grissom followed Sara to the bar. She was drinking amaretto sours, he chose bourbon and coke.

"So Nick you wanna tell him what he's getting tonight?" Warrick said with a smirk.

"Well aside from being drank under the table by Sara, we have all chipped in and gotten you this."

He handed Grissom an envelope. The room fell silent. Reaching in his pocket for his glasses he carefully tore at the sealed lip.

"What? You guys can't be serious? I have waited my entire life to...I don't know what to say...."

Catherine interjected, "It was Sara's idea if anyone should be thanked it should be her."

"How did you know Sara?" His eyes full of wonder.

"When you were teaching at that seminar we first met at, I heard you talking to Logan Channing the entomology professor in Glasgow. I overheard you say that it had been a childhood dream of yours to study there and attend the conventions. Since then I have seen brochures in your office but you never go." Sara said looking into his blue eyes.

"I've always wanted to, my mother and I watched every TV special about it. I've read hundreds of books. But since I was put in charge of the night shift, I filed the dream away."

"Well I got everyone together and we got you the ticket to Scotland, a room at the McFarland Manor, the month of September off courtesy of Ecklie, and Professor Channing will be anxiously awaiting your arrival at the gate when the plane touches down."

A tear streamed down his cheek. And if anyone knew Grissom they knew it was damn near impossible to move him to tears. He reached out quickly and slammed Sara to him in a bone-crushing hug, then followed suit with the rest.

Warrick whispered to Nick "You got that triple bourbon ready to go?"

"You know it man."

While Grissom talked to Brass about the wonders of Scotland, Warrick replaced his drink with the triple. Greg was in charge of switching Sara's. Scotland wasn't the only dream coming true tonight.

Chapter 5.

Three hours later, and at least four bottles of rum and bourbon, Grissom asked Sara to dance. He was trying to play it cool but he was feeling the strong effect of the alcohol. Sara was a little worse off then he and followed him to the floor. Neither one could tell what the song was.

"Sara." Grissom managed to say.

"Yes Buggy Boy." She broke into fits of giggles.

"Would you be mad uh up upset if I bit your neck?"

More giggles. "Oh a vampire buggy..sure thing." More giggles

He bit her neck far harder than he could control. Sara shrieked than giggled again.

She ran her hand down to his belt, surprised to find it undone.

"Hmm that's a big banana there. I like them dipped in chocolate."

Greg overheard this revelation and ran for the fridge. He grabbed Warrick and Nick on the way. His grandfather loved chocolate milk and he knew that it was well stocked. They poured all twelve bottles into the small raft on the deck. Greg ran in to where Sara and Grissom were attempting to ravish each other standing up.

"Sara, Grissom, Nick fell overboard, I need help saving him. Hurry."

Trying to be absolutely serious in their drunken haze, they walked hand in hand to the deck. Grissom grabbing the half bottle of rum from the counter. When they rounded the corner, Warrick tripped Sara with an oar who promptly fell into the raft's chocolate pool. Grissom saw her fall and raced toward the raft.

"Sara, wait I'll help you!"

Paraphin wax near the raft helped Grissom's rescue turn into a giant milkshake. Sara giggled wildly and rubbed chocolate in Grissom's face. The bottle of rum still firmly in his hand.

"Well I got chocolate for your banana, Grissom you look like a Santa that I get in my stocking." the image made her howl with laughter.

"You are a bad girl Sara Si Si Sidle. I will have to feed you all of this banana and take you over my knee."

He quickly pinned her in their private pool, undressing her was harder than he thought. She couldn't stop laughing and she was slippery. Finally rid of their clothing, Grissom did indeed dip his banana. And Sara tasted the sweetness of her dessert. Driven by passion and a now empty bottle of rum, they added whipped cream into the mix and somewhere in there Sara giggled about chopped nuts.

"Nick you are a pervert!" Catherine laughed at the site in the raft.

"Hey I'm sending them each a copy of the party, because neither one will believe this!" The video camera continued to roll.


Chapter 6

Three hours later a drunken Sara and a buzzed entomologist emerged from their love raft. Brass helped Grissom to the shower and Catherine returned to help Sara. Nick, Warrick, and Al had taken Brass's boat back to shore. Greg was sound asleep in the bunk and Catherine and Brass were enjoying a night cap on the deck.

"That was some party. I've never seen Grissom drunk before." Catherine said with a smile.

"I have but he spent the night babbling about Sara, then passed out on the deck of my boat."

"Wow something about boats I guess. We better go check and make sure they didn't fall out of the shower."

Entering the bathroom, Brass stopped in his tracks as he saw Grissom pinning Sara against the shower door.

"Uh Cath I think they need more time. Ever smoked a cigar before?"

"Um no and prefer not to."

"Ah but this a Havana Cherry. come on it's a night of firsts."


Grissom and Sara finally stumbled out twenty minutes later. Both seemed lost in a world no one could see. Brass docked the boat back at the Shoreline Country Club. He hugged Catherine and waited till she left, then lead Grissom and Sara to his Blazer. He thought he was going to be nauseous listening to the two of them kiss and giggle but he managed to get them in the back seat.

"Brass can you take me and Sara to my house?"

"Yeah I'm going."

Brass made sure that they had gotten inside all right. He made one last note on video and then left the tape on Grissom's VCR, locked the door and left.

They made it to the bedroom their passion growing and clothes flying.

"Sara I want you so bad!"

"I want you too, take me all over your bed."


His hands firmly grabbed her breasts, his mouth hungry for it. She straddled her legs for him and he didn't waste anytime sinking hard into her. He had waited so long to make love to her that his manhood wouldn't be stopped.

"Oh Griss I'm going to explode!"

"Go ahead honey, let the juices flow. Say my name honey, I want to hear you shout it."

She was in such ecstasy that she ripped the flesh on his back, her hands covered in his blood. It only threw her further over the edge. As his climax hit, he slammed one last time into her and bit her neck again.

Finally rolling off of her he pulled her to him and they slept.

Chapter 7

The morning after.....

"Wake up honey, I want to see those perfect brown eyes when I bring you to climax again."

Sara's eyes fluttered open. When she saw that she was staring up at Grissom and that both of them were naked she recoiled.

"What the hell happened to us last night? The last thing I remember was drinking that shot of rum? How did we get here?"

"I am just as confused, though I do remember you screaming my name. And something about a banana. Other then that I'm drawing a blank."

"Geez Grissom, now you'll never talk to me again. You'll throw me out and hide in your office forever."

"No sweetheart, I knew before I took that first drink last night that I wanted you. No one has ever cared for me the way you do or paid attention to me. Sara you made my greatest dream come true."

"You really love Scotland huh?"

"Yes Sara but you are my greatest dream. I love you."

She waited before she said anything. She wanted his words to burn into her heart. Then she leaned up and kissed him. The kiss that should have happened five years ago.

"I love you too Grissom."

"Good now can we go eat? I have stuff to cook pancakes."

"That sounds heavenly."


Chapter 8

They walked into the kitchen. Grissom had gone first so Sara could use the bathroom. When she emerged she began laughing hysterically at the site of Grissom.

"Pepe Le Pew? You have a skunk on your boxers?"

"Hey don't knock Pepe, he is the world's greatest lover, he's just under appreciated. Besides all that it's laundry day so I didn't have time to wash my Speedy Gonzales shorts. Also a great lover."

"I see, ok well I have a secret to tell you."

"Wait let me guess, you have Tweety on your bra and it is purple to match those two enormous bites on your neck?"

"Nope close, I have pink panties at home with Daisy Duck and Minnie Mouse, and a red thong with Betty Boop."

He quickly turned off the stove and ran at Sara. Picking her up and throwing her down on his couch. His erection very evident. As they began to kiss Grissom looked toward the VCR and noticed a tape with a neon orange sticker. Getting up from a protesting Sara he reached for the tape.

"Sara and Grissom, watch alone."

He inserted the tape and pulled Sara into his lap. The gang came on minus Brass, Al and Grissom. Nick talked first.

"Grissom you are my hero man. All the stuff you do to keep this lab going and keep us out of trouble. Love you man. This is a tribute to you from your original night crew."

Camera faded, opens to Warrick.

"Hey Griss just wanted to say thanks for always having a heart and keeping it real. Next to my grandmother you are my best friend. When you get home, look under your bed. It's a gift from Nick, Greg and I."

Grissom paused the tape and headed to his room. Underneath the bed he found a black box. He carried it into where Sara sat on the couch.

The card on top read, "Grissom, this time you wanna catch more honey than flies. Hope this helps excite Sara for you."

In the box was a bottle of liquid latex, body paint, honey flavored body oils, ten different kinds of condoms and a pair of handcuffs."

Grissom turned a bit red but when he saw the look of hunger in Sara's eyes he almost came in his shorts. He needed to see what else was on the tape however, so he unpaused it.

Fade to Greg

"Now that you know what kind of gifts we left for you, we hope that Sara can still walk when she returns. Anyway thanks for being tough on me and giving me a shot in the field. I got better hair but you've got better eyes. Sara says so all the time. Peace out Rock stars!"

Fade to Catherine

"You have been my best friend for ages, I can't think of anyone who knows more dirt about me. Thank you for always being there for me and Lindsey. Best wishes to you and Sara. Happy Birthday Gil."

Fade to Brass

"Well Gil it was easy enough getting you here but you are one lousy friend. You get drunk and take advantage of the first woman you see. Ah well it's about time. Thanks for all the times you had my back. You are a great friend. Happy Birthday!"

Fade to Robbins

"I would give my left leg to see you and Sara happy, Gil. (Holding up his prosthetic to the camera, lots of laughter in the background) No but seriously you are a funny, intelligent, bug obsessed man, everything Sara wants in a guy. Best wishes and Happy Birthday!"

Fade to Sara

"Well here I am on the deck of this beautiful yacht, thank Greg for that. What can I say about six years of friendship? It's been the toughest years of my life! But I love you Gil Grissom and I hope that one day we can be happy together. Oh and by the way, Tijuana says hi."

She held the spider up to the camera. Grissom leaned in and kissed her square on the mouth.

"I love you Sara. My heart will never belong to anyone else but if you hurt my baby spider I will let Ecklie recruit you to his personal assistant."

"You would not!"

"Try me babe."

"Ok Greg is watching her. She's fine, we can get her later. OH MY STARS WHAT IS THAT?"

Grissom turned to see himself and Sara rolling naked in chocolate syrup. And there was nothing left to the imagination

"Oh Grissom dip that banana in me again!" Sara's scream from the raft growing louder.

Sara blushed redder than blood. Grissom hadn't looked at her yet. They watched the entire tape in silence until the end where the boat was docked.

Fade to Brass

"Nicky made sure that I ended this tape before giving it to you. We hope you had a great time, we all did. Don't worry no one knows about you and Sara but the people on this boat. We have taken an oath and you are both part of The Banana Split Club. Thanks for the laughs guys. Uh Gil don't forget to keep the peel on if you get my drift. See ya round!"

Fade to white fuzz

"Well I guess that explains the banana. So chocolate is more than dessert to you? Oh Sara the things I can do to you with Hershey syrup and a bowl of fruit."

The red burned radiantly on her face.

"I think I am getting a hangover."

He went to the kitchen and grabbed a glass and filled it a quarter of the way with cherry 7-Up and lime kool-aid. He made her guzzle it then grabbed her upside down and held her that way till her face was filled with blood.

"It's an unusual hangover method but it works every time."

He had also brought something else from his trip to the kitchen. He leaned in and whispered in her ear. Sara stared at him in awe. And as the door closed on the day but opened a new chapter for Grissom and Sara, these final words could be heard from Sara.

"You wanna put that where? I don't think so!"