The Twisted Trojan Mystery

Disclaimer: I do not own CSI. The characters all belong to the wonderful people at CBS. I merely borrow the characters for entertainment.

Conrad Ecklie sat at the head of the table, looking around at the six faces that surrounded him. One of these people would be the culprit. When Jim Brass finally entered the room, Ecklie shut the door.

"I'm sure you're all wondering why you're here. As you all know our lab's inspection was this morning. I have good news and bad news. I'll start with the good news first."

The team let out a groan. But Ecklie undeterred picked up his papers and began to pace.

"We rated very highly on sanitary protocol, our lab is rated top in the country, and all paperwork was properly filed surprisingly enough."

Catherine kicked Grissom under the table. It was a firm reminder that she had yet again saved his behind and organized the mounds of paper on his desk. Rubbing his shin, he winked at her when Ecklie wasn't looking.

"Now the bad news. During the final inspection of our ladies' locker room, an item was found of some interest."

Everyone began to look around the room at each other. Grissom remained quiet and unaffected but finally spoke.

"Are you going to tell us Conrad or are you waiting for the coroners to start autopsies on us?"

He reached into a box and pulled a large bag of condums out of it.

It started with a giggle from Catherine, then a choked chuckle from Greg, a second later, everyone was laughing furiously. Grissom didn't laugh but showed his amusement.

"All right enough! This is my lab and I expect it to be run with dignity and repect. Now I want to know who the owner of this bag is."

The room fell silent.

"Just as I figured. Your devotion to hiding the truth will get you nowhere. I have talked to homicide and brought Jim Brass in to lead this investigation. The ladies will need to share the men's locker room again like we used to. Brass I expect you to be diligent and unswayed by any of these people. As always I want the evidence presented with a cool hand."

"Ecklie why the hell do you want me on this? Let Gil lead the investigation."

"Grissom is not excluded as a suspect. The condums might belong to him."

Everyone turned to look at a flushed Grissom, again the room exploded into laughter.

"Geez I have no idea how any of you solve homicides this way. I will be in Miami at the Toxicology and Criminalistic Summit. Brass I'll be in touch. Dismissed."

Ecklie was the only one that left the room. Sara turned to Greg.

"Well you are the most likely suspect, Greg."

"Me?"

"Yeah you talk about dates like Grissom talks about bugs, at great lengths and more talk than action!"

Both Grissom and Greg piped up in defense.

"Hey!"

"Those aren't mine Sara, besides they were found in the women's locker room, that rules the men out. I'm sure dating that medic you needed them huh?"

It was Sara's turn to blush and she didn't dare look at Grissom. The snap she heard indicated he had broken his pencil. Through clenched teeth he said,

"Brass and I will work on this. The rest of you have assignments, I suggest you get on them. Nick you can take my place with Sara on the Cambridge case."

Uh, Griss, I thought Ecklie said you were still a suspect?" Countered Nick.

"Ecklie is leaving tonight, and I can assure you that I am not the suspect. Brass hasn't worked forensics in five years. He can tag all the evidence. Any complaints?"

Nothing.

"Good get going."

Brass and Grissom worked in the lab fingerprinting the bag. When the bad contained no prints, each condum had to be dusted. Grissom began sorting. When he was finished he began listing the types to Brass to copy down.

"13 Trojan Lime, 22 Trojan Creme, 9 Trojan Ribbed, 3 Trojan Ultra Sensitive, 26 Ecstacy Gold, 19 Turrgid Rough Rider, and 17 Trojan Tuxedo. 109 all together. Damn Jim! Whatever happened to a cheap 25 cent lambskin you keep in your wallet?"

"Times change my friend, sex isn't just sex these days. Hey you mind if I take a lunch break? Ecklie the brilliant one he is pulled me from a double."

"Yeah it will take me some time to print these anyway."

"Be back in roughly an hour."

Sara walked into the lab 48 minutes later.

"Hey Rubber Man, I'm here to help."

"Sara you aren't allowed on this case. And I am not nor have I ever been rubber. "

"Neither are you and besides all that, homicide pulled Brass out, something about Arnie Wilson the drug kingpin. And don't tell me you are a virgin, even as clueless as you are about woman, you can't get around adolescent hormones."

He stared at her as she put on a glove and picked up one of the tuxedos. Just the sight of it in her hand made his manhood come alive.

"I can promise you these aren't mine. I am partial to a man with Ecstacy Liquid Lovers myself."

Sara didn't even half to look up to feel the heat from his blush.

"Uh more of the mile high club requirements? What exactly does the liquid lover do?"

She couldn't help but tease him a little bit. How many chances did she get after all?

"No that was a Vanilla Burst King George. Not exactly the flavor I go for. The liquid lover lubricates from these pockets and makes the sensation better."

"Sara! What the hell do you do in your personal life? No wait don't tell me."

"I'm just teasing you Grissom sheesh. You act like this bothers you. It's only sex ya know?"

"Sara with you it's never just that. In all the times I have pictured us-"

He broke off when he realized what he had said.

Not hiding her thrill or amusement, Sara smiled and stepped closer to the flustered entomologist."

"When you pictured us doing what?"

"Nevermind Sara, let it go."

"Not getting off that easily, or at least I hope you won't. Just what have you envisioned? Yeah I think one of these tuxedos would look nice on you, Grissom."

Feeling the heat between them, her breath just inches from his face, Grissom made a sharp turn to move out of the way. Unfortunately his foot was caught in an extension cord and he fell toward Sara. It was only a matter of a minute before he realized what had broken his fall.

"Grissom you are a clutz! And what's worse is you nearly killed me with your enthusiasm! I can see the headlines now. "Sara Sidle murdered in the evidence room with a large erection, when clutz boss Gil Grissom lost control."

"That isn't funny Sara. I landed wrong on it and now it hurts."

"It wasn't a picnic for me I tell you!"

Looking at each other and the situation, they erupted with laughter. Sara had the giggles so bad she didn't realize he had stopped. Before she could catch her breath his lips were pinned to hers. Her shirt pulled up to her neck. He kissed the soft skin between her breasts. Sara gasped at the feel of his beard on her skin.

"Grissom."

"Shh don't talk Sara. I want to enjoy this. Come too far to stop now."

She never realized what a powerful lover he could be. So much repression and quiet nights alone had molded this fierce desire into him. Her hand reached the growing pulse between them. He was bigger than she had imagined. The feel of her hands made him feel like a primal killer and he found himself biting her neck.

They had just managed to free themselves of their shirts, when Sara heard laughter in the hallway.

"Uh Grissom maybe we should take this somewhere else."

He almost growled in frustration but agreed. Making sure both of their clothes were decent. They stood up, the hall was empty. As they headed out, Sara looked back at the table of condums.

"Which one should we take?"

With a devilish lick of his lips he said. "One of each."

She laughed and did as he said. He locked the bag in his office, two minutes later he ran back in. Maybe two tuxedos. He thought to himself. Rushed out the door and ran to meet his night full of destiny.


From the trace lab, Nick slapped a $20 in Warrick's hand. Catherine, Brass, and Greg laughed at the figure in the chair. This was a mastermind.

"I knew you had a wife and I always wondered how you did it. But when you planted the rubbers, I knew you had this twisted romantic side. Looks like your plan worked, Grissom looks like a teenager and Sara will be walking stiff for a few days. Genious pure genious." Catherine smiled deeply, a new respect filling her.

Catherine and Brass left smiling like cats after a salmon dinner. Warrick and Nick decided to hit the arcade on the strip so Nick could get his 20 back. Greg tagged along to referee.

Conrad Ecklie leaned back in his chair. Now that he had gotten Grissom with Sara, he would woo Catherine Willows into a date. He smiled as he rubbed his finger over the square package of his King George Wide Cut. Soon he thought, very soon.