Secret Identity

Lately, I've been pondering the whole concept of Clark Kent's secret identity probably because I recently watched Kill Bill vol.2. Bill argues that Kal-El/Superman is who Clark really is, while the mild mannered reporter is actually the secret identity. He implies that the bumbling sweet-faced reporter persona is a subtle mockery of humanity and likens it to the Bride's choice to settle down and become a normal member of society rather than stay a cold-blooded super-assasin. Then he goes down. (Not ruining it because look at the title!)

I however, wonder if the Clark/Kal-El/Superman trichotomy(is that even a word?) has more to do with some kind of kink: that Clark finds multiple personality disorder kind of sexy and gets a perverse pleasure out of fooling everyone. So here's a take on it. Sorry about the mpreg, but don't worry it's not really the focus of the story. And to be honest I really didn't address these issues adequately, because, I can't really take it seriously.

****
My Secret Identity

"The last time you came to the Fortress, I manipulated your DNA a bit so that you would be able to bear a child from absorbing Lex's sperm. Kal-El, you are not sick. You are pregnant. You will give birth in about a month."

"What the fuck?" I yelled. My voice reverberated through the Fortress of Solitude, and I thanked the gods of Krypton for my new hiding place. If I were in the barn, that shout would have probably shattered every glass in a mile radius. And put me on barn-mucking detail for a year.

I didn't have this place until I was out of high school. While Lex was on some business trip to the Netherlands this past summer, I had an unbelievably strong urge to fly to the Arctic circle. And there it was, a giant crystal palace gleaming in the never-ending light of an arctic summer. I came inside and met my mother, or at least an artificial intelligence of my mother. She seemed a lot cooler than that Jor-El character. She never said I should take over the world, or marked me with an itchy S on my chest. Or trapped me in a cave for a month. Or had my human father beat me up. Naw, she just made me apple pie when I came to visit (which tasted surprisingly like my human mother's) and gave me lessons on Kryptonian culture. Or so I thought.

"Kal-El, since you have chosen to mate with a male of the species, I decided I should ensure the continuity of our line by making sure you could procreate."

"You could have asked me! Or warned me! Or something!"

"Why?"

"Well, it's common courtesy."

"Common courtesy? I am not familiar with that concept."

"Before screwing around with someone's body, you really should ask them. Get their consent." I said tightly.

"I see." She paused for a moment.

"Kal-El, may I change your genetic structure so that you will be able to bear a child?" She asked.

"It's a little late now. Couldn't you, you know, get rid..."

"I am not programmed to take a Kryptonian life."

"But-technically it's not really..."

The hologram winked out of existence. In a huff, if one could describe an artificial intelligence that way. Sighing, I decided to return to Metropolis. I had a lot of explaining to do.

See, here's the thing. I like having secrets. Maybe it's because I had to keep the biggest secret of my life during my formative sexual years, but living a double even a triple life with those I love makes me feel kinda' sexy.

Sometimes, though, I need a map to keep it all straight. My parents have no idea I've been dating Lex since my sophomore year of college. Pete doesn't know, but Chloe does.

Lex still doesn't know I'm an alien, but I don't hide my powers from him (for the most part.) He thinks I'm a meteor mutant I guess, but he never asks, just like I never ask him why he heals so quickly. Or about his sketchy business practices (though I do stop them when I find out about them.) Pete knows I'm an alien, but Chloe does not.

Only Pete, whom I share an apartment with, knows about my nocturnal superhero patrols. He even helped me with the costume. My parents are clueless, though I believe Lex might suspect something.

It's more than keeping the lies straight. I act completely different with everyone, and it's a wonder I don't have split personality disorder. To my parents I am their innocent son who forgets to get a glass for his milk and always does the right thing. To Pete and Chloe, I am the self-involved but self-sacrificing best friend who's always there in their time of need. To my acquaintances in college, I'm the geeky and goofy giant who turns bright red at a hint of impropriety. For Lex, I don't know. Sometimes when he looks at me, I think I want to be what he sees everyday of my life.

As I landed on the outskirts of Metropolis, quickly changing from my "Superman" costume (which was getting less and less practical with my giant gut and ever increasing thighs) to my "college student" costume, I tried to figure out what I was going to say to everybody. Lex had already made a comment about the "freshman 45" though I was two weeks from graduation and already had a job lined up at the Daily Planet. Pete said he wanted to rub my belly for good luck before his physics test. Chloe just stared. It was Senior Week, and I was supposed to be at the farm in a few hours. There was no way my parents weren't going to notice. Groaning, I ran to my dorm room.

Pete was there, packing for his trip to Nassau for the break. Well, it was more like he was throwing clothes into a bag.

"Dude, where have you been?" Pete asked as tried to zip up his backpack. "Your parents called. They want to know what time you'll be home."

I sat on my bed, cradling my head in my hands.

"And Lex called to. Said he wanted to know what time he was picking you up for the drive to Smallville." I suddenly remembered what sent me to the Fortress in the first place.

Last night flashback:

I was hanging out in the penthouse waiting for Lex to get home from work. We were going to have a romantic night of it: dinner delivered to the penthouse then lots and lots of sex. For the past couple of months, I hadn't been able to eat much of anything, and I know Lex, Chloe, and even Pete were worried about me.

But when I smelled the filet mignon the restaurant delivered, I got my appetite back with a vengeance. I waited and since there was no sign of Lex, I couldn't help myself, I ate it all. But I still needed something to fill the hollow feeling in the pit of my stomach. I drank 3 gallons of milk, but that didn't seem to help. I looked in the fridge, and started taking small bites of anything that looked even remotely appealing. Raw hamburger, Lunchmeat, cheese, raw eggs (the shell was actually pretty tasty) pate, and a frozen pizza (which I didn't bother to cook) but none of it satisfied me.

I found a whole case of caviar in the pantry, and I cracked it open. I'd never liked fish eggs, but something about it's salty fishy goodness called to me. I plopped a whole jar on a piece of white bread. It hit the spot!

When Lex arrived home, the kitchen was bare and I was on the floor, in a complete food coma. He stood in the doorway, seemingly struck dumb by the empty caviar cans and milk cartons surrounding me.

"Clark?" he was understandably a bit hesitant. He probably thought I was going to eat him.

"Yes."

"Are you okay?" He asked.

"Yeah." I tried to get up, but it was difficult. Lex reached out tentatively and I grabbed his hand, thankful for the help. I waddled out of the kitchen and collapsed on the living room couch.

"Umf." I said.

"I see you've gotten your appetite back."

"What do you mean?" I asked innocently.

"Nothing. Just, well you haven't been eating a lot lately. And you kept throwing up. I was worried."

"Stress." I supplied.

"And you've also been putting on weight, and really moody. And then there are the weird food cravings at night. If I didn't know better, I'd think you were pregnant or something." Lex laughed giving me a sidelong glance I couldn't quite read. "But of course that's impossible. Human males don't get pregnant."
Did he know something? It was time to use my patented denial formula. It contains 2-parts irrational anger and 1-part running away.

"What's that supposed to mean?" I asked belligerently, trying to cross my arms over my increasingly large belly.

"Nothing Clark. Chloe and I are just worried about you. " Lex turned away frowning. Oh no he didn't, I internally screamed. I was a pregnant alien and even though he didn't know it, there was no reason for him to attack me!

"I'm just going to say this once Lex. I've been under a lot of stress because of my senior thesis and trying to find a job after graduation. I'm sick of you and everybody else attacking me all of the GODDAMN time. I'm a good fucking son, a good boyfriend, and good friend and I just wish all of you would just get off my MOTHERFUCKING BACK!" I burst into tears and ran for the bathroom, slamming the door so hard it kind of shattered into slivers of wood. Oops.

Terrified, I jumped out of the window and flew to the fortress.
***

"Clark, dude, what's wrong?" Pete said, finally noticing my distress. Bastard! And people tell me I'm self-involved.

"I'm pregnant." I blurted out.

"Yeah. I know. I wonder if she'll look more like you or Lex. " Pete said, sitting down beside me on the bed and rubbing my back.

"What?"

"So what are you going to do about your job at the Planet?"

"I don't start until August anyway...Wait! How did you know it's Lex's baby?"

"C'mon. Who else could it be? I know you've been together since sophomore year. That bizarre Lana-fixation in high school screamed 'overcompensation.' I mean, Lana is hot and all but goddamn. Me doth think the boy protest too much."

"What?"

"Clark, I'm not stupid. I graduated in the top 10-percent of my class, got 1400s on my SATs, and have a very high IQ. Anyway, it makes sense for you to be able to get pregnant. You're the last son of Krypton and all, and I'm sure part of your job is to re-populate the race. And since you like dick, ergo ipso facto..."

"What!"

"Well, I gotta get going. I'm meeting Jayson and Willard downstairs. Anonymous Punany here I come!" He yelled, picking up his bag. He returned a few moments later, with a sheepish look on his face.

"You're not going to pop anytime soon are you?"

"No, I have a month or so I think."

"Well, I'll be there the whole time. Don't wanna miss the birth and all since I'm gonna be the godfather. " And he was gone.

I sat in shock for a few moments, and picked up the phone. I needed to talk to Lex.

****
"Lex Luthor." He announced crisply. As if he didn't know it was me.

"Yeah, um I'm sorry. About last night."

"Yes well. Stress is a bitch." Butter wouldn't melt in his mouth. Sometimes I wanted to kill the smug bastard.

"Yeah. It's a killer." Long pause.

"What time do you want to pick me up?" I asked contritely.

"I'm ready now."

"Okay, give me an hour."

I showered and changed into the bulkiest clothing I could find to hide my weight gain from my parents. It was time for another trip to the big and tall store.

Lex was waiting outside in "my" truck. He wore dark shades and a hat. It was part of our disguise. No one on campus knew I was dating the first prince of Metropolis and I wanted to keep it that way. It made the sex sooo much hotter.

I jumped into my cherry red truck, not even bothering to offer to drive (well, more like climbed in awkwardly because of my stomach which I swear had grown to the size of a beach ball in the last hour) and tried to smile at Lex but the mirror shades weren't very welcoming. It was a long and silent ride to Smallville but I did fall asleep for much of it. I was so tired lately. Being a closeted pregnant alien college senior superhero really took it out of me.

I woke up just as we pulled up to the farmhouse. My parents were sitting on the porch smiling.

"So are you going to come in and say hi?" I asked.

"Wouldn't that be suspicious?" Lex asked. The hat and glasses were gone, and I felt this sharp spike of arousal at the sight of his pale skin in the spring sunlight. Mmm. So horny, I thought.

"Well you drove me all the way here."

"I guess you're right." Lex said.

Lex got out of the truck and made his way to the porch. I however, was finding it difficult. The bastard didn't even stop to help me. Pregnant man here, I thought. Mother-father...ugh Carrier of your child!

Finally, after crawling out of the cab, I walked awkwardly to the front porch. I heard Lex say something that made me stop short.

"...his mood swings are driving me crazy."

"...you know how it is, Lex." My mother said. I tried to keep my face blank, but something was going on.

"So have you thought of what you're going to do about the Planet?" My father asked.

"What do you mean?" I asked innocently.

"When the baby comes?" My mother said.

"What baby?" All three of them threw their hands up and rolled their eyes at me.

"The one you're carrying, Clark. Lara-El called me a few months ago and told me." Martha said.

"Who? I don't know any Lara-El."

"The A.I. at the Fortress. Your biological mother." My father said.

"A phone call? You got a phone call from some women claiming to be my mother? Wow that's really cool."

"Yeah, she called a few months ago and asked for my apple pie recipe. She said they don't have apples on Krypton."

"Krypton. Never heard of it. Is it near Croatia?" I asked looking at Lex out of the corner of my eye. He looked a bit red in the face, like he was going to lose control. I remembered the meter maid incident a few years ago and felt lucky there were no golf clubs around. There was something about Lex in a temper though, that always got my motor running. It'd been awhile since we got it on, and I wondered idly if making wild monkey love would hurt the baby.

"I have had enough, Kal-El." Lex's cold tone was like ice water on a hard-on. "We all know. Your parents know we've been dating I know you're an alien. Your parents confirmed it after I told them we were dating, though I figured it out on the island." Lex turned and grabbed my shoulder, pinning me in place with those beautiful blue eyes.

"I know you have a secret hide-away in the Artic because Lara-El called me a few months ago. I know you've been flying around patrolling Metropolis, which by the way stops until you have the baby at the Fortress. The baby, who is a girl, will be named Lara Lillian Kent-Luthor." Lex pulled me close and managed to smile."
"By the way, we are getting married after the baby is born. Your parents will be there, and Lionel if I can get him out of prison for the day. Pete and Chloe are the bridesmaid/groomsman whatever you want to call it. A fair number of your friends from college will also be in attendance as well as some folks from Smallville. Who all KNOW we've been dating!"

"I know you get some weird thrill out of having a secret identity but it ends now. You'll just have to get your jollies from fooling everyone at the Daily Planet. But the lies to me, they had better stop or so help me-"

Oh, that was a low blow.

"What about you, Lex! You never came out and told me about your own secret abilities. Or about some of your illegal business practices." I got right in his face.

My father gasped and looked like he wanted to hit Lex. Who completely ignored him.

"Why would I tell you anything? You don't even trust me enough to tell me about your origins. Anyway, don't pretend you don't get off on my whole cold ruthless businessman persona."

"Shut your fucking mouth or I'll shut it for you Luthor!"

Now it was my mother's turn to gasp. She'd never heard me use language like that.

"Oh what are you going to do, Alien? Tie me up like you did last year, torture me for hours, and then blame your agro-behavior on something you ate! Oh Lex, Thai food makes me crazy! Puh-lease! It was red kryptonite! I KNOW!"

My parents looked like they were going to die of shock but that didn't deter me.

"I guess I should have known "yes, please, fuck me harder" means stop! You know you loved every goddamn minute of it."

"That's not the point, Clark, and you know it. I love you but I can't take all of the subterfuge, the sneaking around, and the irrational anger if I even hint that you might be different. I am sorry that I investigated you in highschool-

"Investigated! You had a whole room full of pictures, a vial of blood, the porsche and every aspect of my life like some deranged stalker!"

Lex shook his head, and the color drained from his face. There was something sad in his eyes and I flinched when he stepped back out of my personal space.

"I want someone who is at least honest with me. You can't build a lasting relationship on a foundation of lies. Maybe I was crazy to think I could marry you."

I true to recent form, burst into tears.

"So what, you're just gonna knock me up and leave me. You fucking SUCK." I shouted, running, rather waddling into the house and up the stairs to my bedroom.

"I don't wanna be pregnant. And I was supposed to get married! What the hell! Why didn't anyone tell me sooner!" I wailed. The phone rang. I picked it up. For some reason I knew it was the A.I.

"Kal-El?"

"Lara?" I asked.

"Yes. I am truly sorry I did not ask you if you wished to become pregnant."

"Yeah, well it's a little late isn't it? And since when can you make phone calls?"

"I am the last vestige of a superior technology. I can change the very DNA structure of an organic being, create matter from molecules in the atmosphere, and make a close approximation of Martha Kent's famous apple pie. Dialing 10-10-321 is relatively easy compared to that."

"Oh."

"I'm actually calling to speak with Martha. She had some ideas for the Atra-el"

"The what?"

"I think the human equivalent is a "bachelorette" party. Chloe wants to get what she calls an "exotic" dancer, and Martha does not seem adverse to the idea. I thought perhaps we could play some of the games common to a Kryptonian of your caste."

"Games?"

"Yes. There's one where the spouse to be competes with the other guests to see whose the best...I think the word is cocksu-"

I hung up the phone. What the fuck?

Someone had the nerve to knock on the door. Actually it was more like pounding.

"Come in." I yelled.

Lex stood in the doorway. He looked pissed. He looked beautiful. He looked HOT! Before he had a chance to start yelling again, or to explain, or to even take a breath, I was up and kissing him.

Slamming the door behind us, I threw him on the bed and ripped off all of his clothing in a single bound.

"I love you Lex, and I want to have be your husband and have your baby." I said between kisses, bites, and sucks.

"I love you too Clark. And I would be honored to be your husband."

As I bathed every bit of his body with my tongue, and began practicing my fellatio skills (no way I was letting my mom beat me!), part of my brain pondered the changes in my life.

No more secrets. No more lies. I was a gay pregnant alien superhero soon to be reporter and everyone I loved in my life knew the truth. Lex was right: we needed to have an open and trusting relationship.
But that didn't mean I couldn't start fooling the folks at the Daily Planet. Yes mild-mannered reporter by day, superhero by night, mother...uh father...uh parent of Lara and husband to Lex Luthor all the time between.
"Lex!" I moaned as I pulled away from his dick. He gasped in dismay. He was really close to coming.

"I need you to fuck me right now."

Lust replaced the dazed look in his eyes, and I couldn't help smiling as we changed positions and made sweet love.

****
"Lex there are a few things I should tell you, you know, to clear the air." I said as we lay entwined on my bed. Lex was stoking my hair.

"You know what I said about building...and relationships and lies?" Lex interrupted.

"Uh-huh"

"And how I was sick of the whole secret identity thing?"

"Yeah?" I asked, a little worried about this line of questioning.

"I was lying. It makes me hot too."

Oh baby.
And here I thought I should tell him I over-exaggerate the affects of red kryptonite on my personality. But now I could follow through with my evil plan to kidnap Lucas and become the filling in a Luthor sandwich and blaim it all on that demon red-rock. Mmm. Sandwich.
"I'm starving. Do you have any beluga at the castle?" I asked.