The Touch of a Man

***I do not own the characters in this story, nor do I profit in any way from their use.


Zander stumbled as the bouncer escorted him through the door and out into the street. This was the third bar he’d been kicked out of tonight and he still wasn’t drunk enough. Each night was worse than the night before. He would go out drinking, moving from bar to bar as he was asked to kindly, or in most cases not so kindly, leave the premises. He did this every night hoping against hope that when he passed out, he wouldn’t wake up the next morning. But he always did. People like him always survived. It was only the good ones like Emily that didn’t.

Almost a year had passed since Emily left him. He still couldn’t think of her without crying. Her sweet face and beautiful smile were burned in his memory. He laughed bitterly when he remembered how he felt the first time she left him. The gutwrenching pain that had been his constant companion was actually nothing when compared to the hell he was in now. At least he had hope then; now there was none. Emily was alone in the cold, dark ground and he was here in this life desperately trying to escape.

He had not even known she was sick until a couple of weeks before she died. Drug withdrawal, that’s what he thought she was going through. And he was trying to be strong for her. After all the heartache they had gone through before they found their way back to each other, he didn’t plan to let anything stop him from enjoying a life with Emily. He knew it would be a difficult struggle for her to get off and stay off the drugs and he wanted to help her any way he could. Even when her illness could no longer be hidden and she had to admit the truth to him and her family, he pushed his anger at her deceit aside and became a pillar of strength for her during her last days. Now, he was tired of being strong. In fact, he was tired of being. If only he could just not be anymore.

Zander looked up from the sidewalk and sighed with relief. Finally, a bar he hadn’t been kicked out of tonight. Shoving his way past the throng of people mingling near the entrance, he staggered to the bar and ordered a double shot of Tequila.

“Sorry, buddy. Looks like you’ve had enough already. Why do you keep doing this to yourself every night?”

Zander glared at the bartender with bloodshot eyes and spat out, “None of your damn business. Just give me the fucking drink.”

Looking at him with sympathetic eyes, the man shook his head. “It’s not gonna happen. Just go home and sleep it off, man.”

Standing up and grabbing the bartender’s shirt, Zander pulled him halfway over the bar and started yelling incoherently. “Give me a fucking reason . . . don’t make me kick your ass . . . do what I tell you dumb son of a bitch.”

“Let him go, Zander. I don’t want to have to take you to the station tonight. We’ve done that too many times already.”

Zander turned and faced the man with the smooth, deep voice, letting go of the bartender in the process. “Taggert, I should have known it was you. You just can’t stop harassing me, can you?”

Lieutenant Marcus Taggert appraised Zander with the practiced eye of a professional. He had clearly consumed far more than his limit, but even more noticable was the young man’s unkempt appearance. His face was haggard and his clothes hung loosely from his once solid frame. “Zander,” he said gently, “when was the last time you ate anything?”

Hearing the concern in Taggert’s voice, Zander felt his lips start to tremble and tears welled up in his eyes. The numbness was disappearing and he could sense all those painful emotions he was desperately trying to suppress rising to the surface. Frantically, he started shoving Taggert in the chest so he could slide by him and make it to the door.

Shaking his head, the police lieutenant wrapped his arm around Zander’s waist and started pulling him to a table. “Come sit down with me and we’ll get some food. You’re almost out on your feet and you need something in your stomach.”

Experiencing the touch of another human being for the first time in months, Zander’s body started shaking and his eyes looked wildly into Taggert’s. “Leave me alone! Why are you fucking with me? What do you know about this, about any of this,” he sobbed. “What are you trying to do to me, Taggert? Aren’t I suffering enough for you? Surely I must have paid by now for whatever bad things you think I’ve done.”

“Zander, I don’t want to hurt you. I’m trying to help you. And, please, stop calling me Taggert. My name is Marcus.” Using a soft whisper to try and calm Zander down, the muscular black man tried to think of a way to get him out of the bar without making him even more hysterical. Finally he just thought fuck it, reached one arm down behind Zander’s knees and the other around his back, and picked him up. Striding through the bar with Zander in his arms, Marcus noticed the other patrons staring at them with undisguised curiousity but no one dared to say anything. Zander was so stunned that he didn’t say a word until they were outside.

“I don’t understand. You don’t even like me. Why are you doing this?”

Setting him down, Marcus looked into the pain-filled eyes of the broken man in front of him and smiled. “Gia made me promise to look after you when she took that internship in D.C. She cares about you and she knew that you wouldn’t take care of yourself. There are still people in this world who care about you, Zander.”

Suddenly, no longer able to contain himself, he collapsed on the sidewalk in a heap, weeping and wailing at the top of his lungs. It barely registered on his consciousness when Marcus picked him up and put him in the cab, climbing in after him.

Zander awoke with a start. His heart was pounding and he couldn’t see much of anything because it was dark. Jumping to his feet, Zander began to feel around for a lamp just as the overhead light came on and a vaguely familiar voice said, “Hey sleepyhead. It’s about time you woke up.”

“Taggert. What are you doing here?”

“I live here, and I thought I asked you to call me Marcus.”

Zander just stood staring at him for several moments and then the memories came flooding back. “How long have I been asleep?”

“Only about twenty hours,” Marcus said laughingly. “Come on in the kitchen. I fixed you a steak. Hope you like it cooked medium well. I fixed you a salad too because you are definitely in need of a major vitamin fix.”

Zander contemplated the scene in front of him and wondered what he should do. Suddenly his stomach growled. Looking over at Marcus, he grinned sheepishly. “I guess it wouldn’t do any good now to say I’m not hungry.”

Both men laughed awkwardly as they sat down and started eating. Thinking about how surreal this whole experience was, Zander kept his eyes focused on his plate and didn’t speak for the first half of the meal. Finally, he looked up and asked, “Aren’t you worried about what everyone in the bar thought about you carrying me out last night? I mean, aren’t you afraid that it looked like we are . . . involved?”

“Involved how,” Marcus smirked.

Cheeks flushing, Zander nonetheless persisted. “Involved physically, as in you and me, us . . . don’t you care that the people in the bar might have jumped to the wrong conclusion and thought that you were bringing me home to, well, fuck me?”

As soon as those words came out of Zander’s mouth, the whole mood in the room changed. Marcus lost his smile and stared across the table. Mesmerized by the dark intensity in those brown eyes, Zander’s jaw dropped when Marcus shot back, “What makes you think I didn’t?”

“That’s ridiculous,” Zander managed to say when his mouth finally started working again. “You’re straight. I’m definitely straight. Quit messin’ around. Who knew you had this strange sense of humor?”

Marcus stood up to his full 6 foot 1 inch height and stated emphatically, “I’m not kidding. If those people think I brought you home with me because I want to fuck you, they’re right. At least, they are partially right. I was worried about you and I wanted to make sure that you were okay. But, I definitely want to fuck you. There’s no doubt about that.” Seeing that Zander was about to fall out of his chair from shock, Marcus knew he would have to proceed a little more cautiously or the boy was going to bolt for sure.

“Sorry if I am confusing you, Zander. I am attracted to women, and I’ve been involved with some very special women. But sometimes, I just need the touch of a man. It’s different somehow and, shit . . . I don’t know how to explain it.” Marcus slammed his hands down on the table in frustration.

“You like men,” Zander paused for a long moment before continuing, “and you like women? So, you’re like bisexual?”

Marcus laughed at the incredulous look on Zander’s face. “I don’t label people that way, myself or anyone else. I used to but not anymore.”

“What do you mean?”

Pondering the best way to tell Zander about his relationship with Jesse, a former colleague and maybe the love of his life, Marcus took a couple of steps toward Zander. The look of fear on the young man’s face reminded him to go slowly. This was all new to Zander.

“Jesse was a guy I used to work with on the force. Tall, white guy with beautiful blue eyes and red hair. I think his family was Irish. Anyway, one day I realized I was totally attracted to him and it was freaking me out. We’d known each other for several years and had been friends for a while. I was scared to death that he would find out what I was feeling. One night we went out to get a few beers and ended up back at his place to watch the fights. Next thing I knew he was on his knees in front of me with my cock in his mouth. It felt so incredible and I just couldn’t stop myself from grabbing him by the hair and yanking his head back so I could thrust deeper. I’m sure I only lasted a few seconds. Jesse swallowed every drop. It was the sexiest thing I’ve ever seen.”

“Well, that’s not so strange,” Zander rationalized. “I mean we like it when women give us blow jobs so it’s not so different.”

Marcus took two quick steps toward Zander and leaned over his chair. Reaching down with his right hand, he traced Zander’s mouth with his thumb. “Oh, it’s different,” he murmured softly.

Zander felt his cock harden the second Marcus touched him. “Oh God,” he thought to himself, “what is happening to me?” Trying to cover his reaction, Zander pulled his mouth away from Marcus’ thumb. “So, what happened then?”

Marcus turned and walked away from Zander toward the door. Lost in thought, he paced back and forth as Zander watched. Finally, he took a deep breath and walked back toward the table. “I loved Jesse but I wasn’t ready to abandon my rigid ideas about people and relationships. He was always telling me to open my mind, become enlightened, but I wouldn’t listen. We were seeing each other but I wanted the nature of our relationship to be kept from everyone and it caused a lot of tension between us. Finally, Jesse said he refused to keep acting like we were some dirty little secret that had to be hidden away. He told me that he would be around when I was ready to act like an adult. For two months, we avoided each other. The last time I saw him, my partner and I were providing backup for a reported robbery going down at a jewelry store. Jesse and his partner were first on the scene. By the time my partner and I got there, Jesse was lying on the ground with a bullet in his chest and the perp had fled. He died in my arms.”

Zander looked at Marcus, really looked at him, and wondered why he hadn’t noticed it before. Marcus had the same sadness in his eyes that Zander saw every day when he looked in the mirror. All this time he had been thinking the guy was just another asshole on a huge power trip like his former employer, Sonny Corinthos. “So, this obsession with Sonny?”

Marcus scowled at the mention of the local mob boss. “I threw myself into my work after Jesse died. It was the only way I could survive. As for Sonny, I have no respect for him. Lots of people who come from the streets and have nothing manage to grow up and become decent, law abiding citizens. He took the easy way out and he should have to pay for what he’s done.”

“You won’t get any argument from me on that score,” Zander said with a smile. “You know I got no love for the man.” Getting up from the chair, he walked over to Marcus and pulled the man’s hand up to his mouth. “I wanted to do this before but I was scared,” he admitted in a whisper. Tracing his mouth with Marcus’ thumb, Zander stuck out his tongue and licked up and down before taking the entire thumb in his mouth and sucking on it.

Marcus reaction was immediate. He pushed Zander against the wall and reached behind him to grab his ass and lift him slightly off the floor. Pulling Zander’s crotch against his, Marcus rotated his hips in a circular motion.

Zander moaned as he felt their cocks grinding against each other. His eyes widened and then closed as he felt Marcus’ lips brush against his, softly at first and then more insistently. He groaned when a warm tongue parted his lips and swept into his mouth. Zander responded with some tongue movement of his own and the kiss became more and more intense. Finally lack of oxygen caught up to him and Zander pulled away, breathing heavily.

Marcus nipped at Zander’s ear with his teeth before soothing it with his tongue and whispered, “I want you Zander. I want to take away your pain and give you pleasure. I want to be deep inside of you, feeling your body pressed against mine. I want to take you hard and fast, pound into you, make you come screaming my name.

Zander was so turned on he could only keep repeating, “Oh God, please.”

“Is this what you want too, Zander? If you don’t I really need to know now because I don’t think I’ll be able to stop later.”

Crying softly, Zander answered by burrowing into Marcus and kissing his neck. Leading him into the bedroom, Marcus sat him down gently on the bed and pulled his t-shirt over his head. The rest of his clothing followed and then Marcus removed his own clothes as well. Telling Zander to lie back, Marcus knelt on the floor between his legs and took a hold of his cock. Stroking it firmly, he reached out with his other hand to fondle Zander’s balls.

Zander cried out when he felt Marcus touch him. His hands wrapped themselves in the sheet beneath him and his back arched off the mattress. He heard Marcus whisper, “don’t fight what you’re feeling, just give in to it.” His cock had never felt as hard as it did when Marcus licked the underside of the shaft from base to tip. He almost jumped off the bed when he felt his cock inside of Marcus’ hot, wet mouth.

Moving Zander’s cock in and out of his mouth, Marcus jerked it down by the base with his hand and sucked every downstroke. It wasn’t long before Zander exploded. Marcus milked his cock gently until the spasms had subsided and then he got up, pulled Zander up to the head of the bed, and got in beside him.

Zander was overcome and couldn’t stop crying. Marcus held him and rubbed his back, whispering soothingly to him. Finally, he looked at Marcus and asked, “Do you still want to do what you talked about earlier?”

Marcus raised his eyebrows and grinned devilishly. “You mean do I still want to fuck your brains out?”

Looking apprehensive, Zander finally gave voice to the fear that was bothering him. “Will it hurt?”

Nodding his head, Marcus explained, “a little. But that’s what lube is for.” Watching Zander struggle to decide, he started to feel like he was pushing too fast. “We don’t have to do anything else, Zander. Holding you like this is enough.”

Zander smiled. “I want you to hold me too; afterwards. I know you’ll take care of me and I want to be with you. Okay?”

Marcus sat up and reached into the drawer of the bedside table for some lube and a condom. Rolling on his side, he pulled Zander’s back up against his chest. He put some lube on his fingers and pushed Zander’s top leg forward a little bit. “This may be a little cold at first.”

Zander caught his breath as he felt a finger probing gently at his anus. It moved lightly in and out, in and out, until Zander began to push back against it a little and then it went deeper. Soon, one finger became two fingers and they were plowing in and out of his ass, faster and faster. Zander thrust back against the fingers as hard as he could but it wasn’t enough. He had to have more. “Take me now. God, what are you waiting for?”

“Patience boy,” Marcus chided adding another finger to the first two for a couple of deep thrusts before pulling them all out of Zander’s ass with a loud pop.

“No,” Zander cried moving backward to try and find his source of pleasure again.

Marcus just laughed and pulled him up on his knees. “Lean forward, grab the headboard and hang on ‘cause you’re about to get the ride of your life.” Marcus put on the lubricated condom as he watched Zander get into position.

Grabbing the headboard tightly with both hands, Zander waited nervously. He felt Marcus pulling his butt checks apart and then something hot, hard and huge was ramming into his asshole.

Feeling Zander’s ass tighten, Marcus rubbed his hand up and down Zander’s back to get him to relax. When he felt the muscles relax a little, Marcus aligned the head of his cock with Zander’s anus and shoved hard. This time, the tissue stretched enough to let the head though. Holding still to allow Zander’s body time to adjust to his size, he again rubbed up and down the spine gently. “Are you okay?”

“It burns,” Zander answered softly.

“I know. Give it a few minutes and that will go away.” Continuing to rub Zander’s back, he began thrusting in and out gently. After a few thrusts, his cock was halfway inside. Inch by inch he disappeared into Zander’s ass until finally his cock was buried all the way. Struggling to maintain control while marveling at the tightness of Zander’s ass, Marcus made small movements at first, barely thrusting at all.

Zander could hardly believe that a man’s cock was inside of him. It hurt like hell when Marcus first entered him and it felt so big that he thought there was no way it would all fit. But, now that it was inside him, that big cock was starting to feel pretty damn good.

Marcus could feel Zander pushing back against him so he began thrusting for real. Reaching around in front, he grabbed Zander’s cock and stroked it hard, beating him off in rhythm to their fucking. He could feel Zander start to shake and he thrust deep and held himself there as Zander came with a shout. Putting one hand on each side of Zander’s ass to hold him firmly in place, Marcus sought his own release. Since all of Zander’s muscles were so relaxed now, there was no resistance and Marcus thrust hard and deep. The mattress creaked loudly as the rhythm got faster and faster. Marcus was hitting Zander’s prostate with every thrust and he could hear the moans of pleasure beneath him. Finally, Marcus slowed his rhythm, gave three more deep thrusts, and came deep in Zander’s ass. Collapsing on his side, Marcus pulled Zander down with him and he held him tightly against his chest. With his cock still buried inside that luscious ass, he and Zander fell into an exhausted sleep.

Marcus woke up the next morning to a hand stroking the side of his face. Zander smiled briefly and kissed him on the mouth. “You look dressed and ready to go. Are you leaving?”

Zander nodded and lifted himself off the bed. “Yeah, I’ve got to go.”

Reaching out to grab his arm, Marcus said, “Wait, Zander. I hope you don’t regret what happened last night. It was incredible to me. I haven’t been involved with anyone for some time and I’m definitely interested in pursuing a relationship. But, it’s up to you. Maybe you just want to pretend like none of this ever happened and you’ll try to avoid me in the future. Or are you going to say we can just be friends because I guess I can try and do that. Just let me know what you want. If you want to . . .

Zander interrupted Marcus’ rambling with a long, thorough kiss. “Were you ever planning to let me speak?” Marcus just smiled in response. “I don’t know what I want yet. All I know is that last night was the first time since Emily died that I’ve slept through the night without drinking myself unconscious. Two days ago, I wanted to die. Today, I want to live. The pain of losing Emily is still inside me but I no longer want to run from it. I want to remember the good times we had.”

Pausing to give Marcus another quick kiss, Zander continued. “You’ve done this for me. I don’t know how I feel yet. It all happened so fast. But, I do know I want you in my life.”

Marcus pulled Zander to him for a quick hug and said, “Take your time. I’ll be here for you when you’re ready.

Watching Zander leave, Marcus was happier than he had been in a long time. Maybe the good guys do win once in a while he thought as he drifted off to sleep again.