Sidle Thoughts

Thanks go to Clueless at YTDAW for inspiration for the title, and for being my first beta!

I don't own Sara Sidle, or Gil Grissom from CSI, nor am I making any money from this. If I did own them? They'd be together already. :)

Sidle Thoughts
by Barba


What is it that scares you so much about me?

I know you care about me. You know I care about you. Why couldn’t you do it? I know the work thing can’t be all of it.

Don’t you trust me? Can’t you try? We’ve known each other a long time.

I trust you. I trusted you with a piece of me and my past that I’ve never told anyone. I was vulnerable to you, and that…scares me.

Do you think this is a mere crush? If it were, it would be over by now.

Do you fear physical intimacy? Or just physical intimacy with me?

If you’d let me, I could make you feel so good. But you have to let me. Not that I’m some sex goddess, but I can hold my own. And yours, too.

I’ve no doubt that you have skills of your own that have nothing to do with the lab. And I’m not talking about the iron stomach you must have to ride all those roller coasters.

You’re a roller coaster all your own, emotionally. I’m never exactly certain where I stand with you. And ironically, that is a draw in itself, even though it also drives me crazy.

I’ll admit, I’ve wondered what kind of lover you’d be. Is there a lion under that calm exterior? Would you lift me up and push me against the wall? Tear off my panties, and satisfy both of us in a fast and hungry fashion? Or would you be calm and slow, teasing me, tasting me, and making me beg? Would you allow me to pleasure you? Get on my knees, and take you in my mouth, listening to your sounds of need? Would you even make sounds? Would you let that encounter complete? Come in my mouth? I think I’d like that. I’ve never allowed it before, but I’d let you. What would you look like after that? Flushed and sated?

Would you let me kiss you? Not necessarily after pleasuring you, but anytime? A kiss done well can be almost as good as sex itself. First, a gentle meeting, getting to know the feel of each other’s lips. Then gentle sucking and nibbling. Finally, a meeting of tongues that causes tingling all over my body.

What would you feel like inside me? Would you prefer to be on top, in control, or have my body atop yours, my small breasts dangling toward you? What would your face look like? Would you talk to me? I don’t mean dirty, though that would be all right, too. Just…I don’t know…love talk. I’d definitely talk to you. Tell you how good you make me feel. Tell you how beautiful you are. Tell you how much I love you. I would give a lot to hear those things from you.

But I can wait. I’ll wait, because I love you. I’ll wait until you get the nerve to tell me there’s nothing between us for you, or until you finally admit that there is something. I won’t wait forever, though.

Meanwhile, I’ll still have my fantasies.