Dirty Little Secrets: Revisited
Dirty Little Secrets: Revisited
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Dirty Little Secrets: Revisited
Author: Fire Top
Rating: NC-17 (Got to keep it consistent)
Spoilers: Everything up to Noel to be safe.
Disclaimer: I don’t
own them nor am I making money off of this.
The West Wing and its character’s belong to Mr. Sorkin, and NBC.
Summery: Can Josh
just move on?
Authors Note: I
couldn’t just leave Josh alone. I
couldn’t let him get off that easily.
Nothing works out that way. So
here we have part 4. Part 5?
But stories do have a way of writing themselves.
eventually. Please send all comments
good, bad or otherwise to sdsqrd@hotmail.com.
Yes the e mail has changed…stupid Yahoo.
And thank you all for reading this!
Josh’s POV
I really wish Toby would find a way
to abolish congress. Life would be so
much easier for everyone. I check my
mail. I’ll look at it after I get
comfortable. I s can can’t believe some
of these congress people. Why can’t they
just agree to something because it is right and good?
it? Jeans and an old tee shirt.
I look over by my bed.
I forgot. I needed a new bulb for
the night light. It’s already after
nine. I’ll just have to sleep with the lamp
on and get a bulb tomorrow. I really
wish I could get over this fear. I feel
very childish. Maybe I’ll talk to the psychologist
about it at my next appointment.
Let’s see the mail.
envelop with no return address on it. I
toss the rest on to the table and look at the yellow envelope.
forwarded here. The writing is neat and
in purple. It looks familiar but I can’t
place it. Could it be a love letter?
It’s kind of heavy.
I open it and a h ofh of 8x10
glossy black and white photos tumble out.
Oh god, oh god, oh god, oh god!
Toby’s POV
Someone
needs to turn off that alarm. It’s
Saturday morning for crying out loud. I
roll over to look at the clock by my bed.
“Yeah.”
“Toby, I
need your help.” Donna’s voice sounds
panicky.
I grab a
pair of pants. “What’s wrong?”
“Josh had a
today. He never showed for it.
answer. I’m at his place now and I’m
knocking but there is no answer. I tried
my key, but he has the chain on so I know he is in there.
I’m now
looking for a shirt to wear. “I’ll be
right over.” I hang up.
My suspicions
are confirmed as I get to Josh’s place.
We weren’t surprised when he told us that he moved.
home. It is similar to his old
place. Just a block in the opposite
direction. Josh has also turned a bit
paranoid in the months following too.
According
to Donna he won’t close the door to his office if he is alone.
a crack. That is unless one of us is
with him. At home he has three different
locks on his door. He is also carrying a
flashlight in his bag now. The other odd
thing is that he seems to have an aversion to Advil.
I know this
because he was sitting in my office and complained about a head ache.
find some Tylenol instead. It’s st
st
as if his body remembers what happened but it won’t tell his brain.
Donna has
the door open. Well as open as it can be
with the chain still on. She is calling
Josh’s name.
I join Donna in calling Josh’s name
once or twice. There is still no
answer. I look over at Donna.
Uhg.
kitchen. A pool of
vomit and urine. This can’t be
good. “Go find him.”
towels.
There are only four places that
Josh could be. The bathroom and hall
closet is empty. I’m looking around the
extra bedroom when Donna yells my name.
I run into the kitchen.
“What?” She interrupted my
search. I really want to find Josh
now.
She doesn’t answer me.
with purple writing. No, it can’t
be. I use a paper towel and lift the
envelope up. Underneath are pictures.
I feel the world spin and I grab on
to the table. “Donna.
Tell him what’s going on. I’m going
to find Josh.” I go to Josh’s room.
Are those pictures ever going to
stop haunting us? I couldn’t sleep for a
good week because those pictures haunted me.
I still wake up sometimes with nightmares about what Josh went through
with that woman.
I don’t bother to call out Josh’s
name anymore. Now that I know what he is
hiding from I don’t expect him to answer.
That I can say is the only thing I can expect in regards to this
situation. I realize that he isn’t going
to be in plain sight and I start by looking under the bed.
Nothing but some dust bunnies.
bed.spanspan>
Next is the closet.
to glow. Could he?
I slowly stto rto remove the
clothing from the pile. “Josh?”
I need you to answer me. Are you
in there?” I uncover most of him.
He is huddled in the far corner of
the closet. Knees to his chest his eyes
closed and a flashlight on in a death grip.
“Josh. You need to answer me.”
He opens his eyes and looks at
me. He looks so scared.
this. Could he be remembering all of
this now? He moves his finger to his
lips. “Shh.”
“Can’t let her find me.”
“Who Josh?”
“Her.
You gotta leave. She’ll hurt you
too.”
“Josh, you are safe.”
“No, not safe.
will know. There are pictures.
I take a breath.
She’s gone. I promise you.
you?” She’s normally a calming figure in
Josh’s life.
“No. Not Donna.
“Do you trust me?”
“You’re Toby.
“Good.
and that she should go home. Then it
will just be the two of us. Is that
okay?” I have to get him out of the
closet. He needs help.
me. It will be easier in the long run.
“You won’t tell her I’m here?”
“No.
Josh seems to think this over
before agreeing. I close the door and
put a piece of clothing in front of it.
This way if Josh bails I’ll know right away.
Donna is pacing in the kitchen with
the phone to her ear. “He just came
back.” She says as she passes me the
phone.
“Hello?”
“Toby.
“Yeah.
I think he remembers what happened.”
“Do you
want me to call his therapist? Have him
meet you over at Josh’s place?”
“No.
office. It’s probably the place that he
will feel the safest. I doubt he will
come out of the closet otherwise.”
“Donna told
me about the pictures. She is going to
bring them in.”
“Good.
females. He won’t even let me tell Donna
where he is. I asked him and he was
scared.”
“Okay.
females.”
“Thanks
Leo.”
“Take care
of our boy.”
I calmly
explain the situation to Donna. She is
more than willing to head in first with the pictures.
rejection hurts. Once she is out of the
apartment I go back to Josh.
I’m happy
to see that he is still in the closet with the flash light on.
would be helpful in the world of politics.
I’m hoping that I can apply it here.
“Josh?”
“Can’t. “She isn’t “No. “Josh, you “No, never Okay, this “Toby.” “Good. kI “I promise
here Josh. It’s just you and me.
Spiky hurts the worst.”
are safe.”
safe.”
isn’t going according to plan. Step
one. I got to get him to trust me.
know.
you that she isn’t here. And that she
won’t hurt you. Do you believe
“She can
find me here. Please leave me.
Josh is
almost hysterical. I think that it’s
time tve ove on to Step Two. I got to
get him in a safe environment. “So let’s
go some place that is safe.”
“No place
is safe. She can find me.”
“Josh do
you know where you work?”
“The White
House.”
“Correct.
“Can’t she
knows I work there. She calls me there,
sends me notes.”
“We can
make sure that she can’t get in touch with you.
The Secret Service won’t her her in the building.
phone calls or letters without it being screened first.
“Everyone
there will know.” Josh starts to cry
now. I am really scared.
“Okay.
are going to be. “Does that sound okay?”
“She knows
my car. She watches for me.”
“We’ll take
mine. We will also pack some clothing
and you can change in the lockers downstairs so that you won’t have to stay
here.”
“Yes less
time I am here the better. Got to get
away.” He starts to get up.
I put a
hand on his knee to stop him. He jerks
away. “Pull out some extra
clothing. I need to make a phone call.”
“You’re
going to tell her where I am.” Josh
backs up into the closet again, like a terrified animal.
“No.
you. That way she can’t get to you.
He nods and
I call Leo.
Leo’s POV
This is never
going to leave us alone, is it? We will
never escape. He will never escape.
shooting, like the press briefing. At
least this isn’t as public. Although I
think that if it was it would have left us alone by now.
I pick the
phone up once again and place a call to the secret service.
waiting at the door. They will escort
Josh and Toby to Toby’s office. They
will also make sure that there are no females in the corridors.
cost is clear for Josh.
I know that
I am going out of my way for Josh, but he needs us.
He has no father left. Even that
was public for him. The president and I
have been trying to fill that roll for him.
But it’s hard. There is just
something about Josh that makes you want to help him.
more.
“Secret is
in the building Mr. McGarry. He is being
taken down to shower.” The secret
service man in my office tells me. I
look up. There is so much that needs to
be done.
“Tell Toby
to call me when he can.” The man nods as
I pick up my phone. I first call his psychiatrist.
I put my head down on my desk.
I’m getting too old for this. But
I can’t stop now. I need to tell three
more people about this latest set back.
I don’t
know which one is going to take this worse.
Scratch that. I know for sure it
will be the man in the next office over.
Sam is going to be bad too. I
call Donna and have her tell CJ. That
saves me one more headache.
Toby’s
phone call allows me to procrastinate telling the leader of the free world
about this. I tell him that Sam still
doesn’t know. He tells me not to
worry. I wish it were that simple.
Jed’s POV (weren’t expecting this one where we?)
Leo looks
like shit when he walks into the oval.
He doesn’t look like this often.
But it is scary when he does.
It’s worse than shit. It looks
like he is contemplating, fighting with himself, debating on whether to take a
drink or not.
I hope he
doesn’t
He slowly
walks in. “Are you busy sir?”
“Not at the
moment. Is there something I can help
you with Leo?” I stand up.
I watch him
fall into a chair. I go to sit in the
one next to him. “When is your next
meeting?”
This is
definitely not good news.
“Charlie?” I call.
“Nothing.
you are free.” He answers.
me. Charlie is a good kid.
“Okay.”
moment. Once the door is closed I look
back at my friend. “What is it
Leo?” His head is resting in his hands
which are on his knees.
“There were
pictures. We told you about the
pictures. We thought we got them
all.” He is talking softly.
“Leo.”
“What pictures? Who mailed
them? Who got them?”
He looks up
at me. He has tears in his eyes.
That woman. The one who, did the
thing.”
No.
“Where is he?” I ask.
because of me. And then that thing with
the woman. I knew something wasn’t
right, but I kept pushing him. Making
him continue working. Not giving him the
chance to ask for help. Not looking
deeper into his problems. I should have
brought it up with Leo and Abbey.
Abbey would have noticed that
something was wrong. She still doesn’t
know what happened. This was one of the
few things that I have kept from my wife in all our years of marriage.
time. But she is here now.
on. Josh is the son that she never had.
She always wanted a boy.
more than Josh will. But Josh is closer
to our daughters and that brings him closer to our heart.
“Josh is
with Toby now. Josh is showering and
then it’s to Toby’s office. His psychologist
is going to be meeting him there soon.”
“Who else
beside you and Toby know of this?”
“Donna.
“Leo.
have to. I can make a phone call.
“No
sir. I can do it.
“Are you
going to be okay?”
“I don’t
know. I, I have to tell Sam.
Toby. There is also how the pictures got
to him. I don’t know.”
My friend
is falling apart right in front of me. I
can’t think of anything to do to help him.
Help him or Josh. I’m the leader
of the free world and I can’t help two of my friends.
I should
tell Abbey about this. I don’t think I
can keep this quiet. But there are some
things that I need to do first.
“Leo. I hate to say this but do
you think that Josh is going to be able to work?”
“Oh
god. I didn’t even think of that.
office. Need to come up with a reasonat hat he isn’t here.”
I put a
hand on my friends shoulder and he stops rambling.
to Josh. What did we do when Josh was
first attacked?”
“Ed and
Larry ran the office. With Donna’s help
of course.”
“Then
that’s what we will do. As for Sam, page
him into the office. We can tell him
when he gets in. Let’s take this one
step at a time.” I say this for his
benefit as much as mine. “I need to tell
Abbey what happened. She doesn’t know
the truth but I have to tell her now.
Are you going to be okay? Or
should I stay?”
“Go.
Sam’s POV
I glance
over at Toby. He looks worse than I
feel. Dr. Bartlett is cleaning the
scratches on his face and neck. At least
his nose stopped bleeding.
I move my
line of vision over to where Leo and Josh’s psychologist are standing. Donna
and CJ are getting us all some coffee. I
really want to be over there hearing what’s going on but being I can only see
out of one eye I’m more than content to stay here.
It’s a good
thing that I came in when I did. Toby
couldn’t have handled Josh by himself and I couldn’t see anyone else, except
maybe on of the guards, help. As it is,
Toby and I look like we were just on the loosing end of a bar fight.
today. It has to be a miracle.
I take a
deep th.
Bartlett just looked back over at me.
This is probably what would have happened 8 months ago if Josh was fully
functioning when we cornered him in his office.
Josh. I wonder what’s going to happen to
him now. He isn’t going to be okay to
work here anymore. At least not for a
while. He didn’t even recognize his
doctor. His mind was still stuck back
eight months ago. I thought that we were
done with it. I know the doctor said
that this might happen, that he would one day remember what had happened.
all. But Leo and Toby thought it was better
to leave well enough alone.
I knew they
were wrong. But no one listens to me
much here. And now we could have hurt
Josh more than we could have helped him.
“Let me see
your chest.” The first lady pulls me
back to the present. I put the ice pack
down and unbutton my shirt. Where did
that black and blue mark come from? “You
should probably go for some x-rays. Make
sure nothing is broken.” She is looking
at both of us.
“As soon as
we know what’s happening with him.” Toby
motions to his ce.
Toby and I had to man handle Josh before the psychiatrist decided to sedate
him. Josh is currently passed out on
Toby’s couch.
I look at
the first lady. She isn’t happy.
hurt, that Josh is sedated in the other room, or the whole situation that we
lied to her about Josh and his stay in the hospital for a month.
My opinion
is that it’s all of the above.
It seems
that everyone is back. They are
converging where we are. I look up at CJ
wine ene eye. She shakes her head as she
and Donna hand out the cups. This isn’t
going to be good. The psychiatrist goes
back to Toby’s office and closes the door.
“Josh is
going to be taking some personal time.
Dr. Sullivan knows of a place out west that might be able to help him
with everything. If not everything then
to at least deal with some of it. We
don’t know when he will come back or if he will come back.
now.
“I’m going
to charter a private flight to take Josh out there.
trip. We aren’t to have any contact with
Josh. Any contact will be initiated on
his end. I will be getting updates
everyday.
“Donna, Ed,
and Larry are going to run Josh’s office again.
They did fine the first time and I think that they will do well
again.
“CJ, you
Toby and Sam will come up with something to say to the press.
traumatic stress disorder. Use that.
“Abbey, how
are they?”
“Toby and
Sam should get some x-rays. Just to make
sure that there is nothing broken.” She
is disturbed by this.
I think we
all are. I take a look around.
professionally about this but still worrying about Josh.
I don’t
know Leo looks like all the wind has been knocked out of him.
shoulder. “You okay?”
He shakes
his head. “I have to tell the president,
then call in Larry and Ed and tell them what’s going on.
on.” His voice just travels off.
“CJ and I
will work on a statement to the press.
Then I’ll give those two a call and let them know.”
“I’ll go
with you to talk to my husband.” Dr.
Bartlett puts a hand on Leo’s shoulder as Dr. Sullivan comes back out of the
office.
“It’s all
confirmed. All we have to do is get
there. This is where they want us to
land if it’s possible. They will have an
ambulance there waiting for him. I’m
going to go and get him settled.”
“Let me get
the flight taken care of. There will be
a detail.” Leo walks to the other side
to make the phone calls. Dr. Bartlett
goes with him for support.
“The
facility knows. They are okay with
it. They are used to the extra
security. They deal with high profile
faces all the time.” I think this is
said to waylay all our fears. “I know
that Mr. McGarry told you not to contact Josh while he is away.
doctors to make sure it is okay for him.
Don’t expect an answer back right away though.
on Josh’s condition. If you excuse me
there are some things that I need to take care of before we go.”
I don’t
like this. Not being in touch with
Josh. It doesn’t seem right.
angry at him. That all we want is to get
him better. We tried to explain that to
him before he was sedated, but he wasn’t very receptive.
I steel
another glance at Toby. This has
bothered him too. He doesn’t like Josh
being out of our line of site. We’ve
kind of formed our own little family here.
The president and Leo are our fathers.
The senior staff and our assistants, we are all like siblings.
for that month.
hard to bear. We won’t be able to talk
to him, or visit him when ever we want.
All we are going to be able to do is write letters.
Before I
know it there are tears in my eyes and CJ has me in a hug.
A hand
rests on my shoulder and squeezes it. I
know that grip. I look up as does the
rest of the circle the four of us are in.
“They are taking Josh if you want to say good bye.”
We turn
around to see Josh strapped in a wheel chair.
His head has fallen forward and there is drool coming out of the corner
of his mouth. I kneel down by the chair.
again.
I watch as
the rest of the family says some parting words to Josh’s lifeless form.
Dr.
Sullivan starts to wheel him out to one of the side exits.
Josh into the waiting car.
The closing
of the door makes me jump. How come this
all seems so final? Will I ever see Josh
again? If I do will it be the same Josh?
There goes my best friend and there is nothing that I can do for
him. He is hurt and scared and I am
stuck here. This is just like last
time. I don’t like this feeling of
helplessness.
I’m still
standing there after the car pulls away.
Toby puts a hand on my shoulder.
hospital. We can discuss the statement
on the way.” He leads me away from the
driveway and from what might be my last memory of Joshua Lyman.