Memories in Future Tense

Title: Memories in Future Tense
Author: Elf Maiden
Rating: NC-17, angst
Summary: Mulder has returned but what has he forgotten?
Spoilers: Requiem

Memories in Future Tense

He couldn't sleep, but then that was nothing new, but ever since his
return, he found it more and more difficult to get any sort of rest.

His brain was in hyper mode, he just couldn't switch off.

It wasn't that Scully's couch was uncomfortable, it was very soft,
the cushions just right, but no matter which way he moved, he just
couldn't sleep.

He didn't want to turn on the television in case the noise woke
Scully. She'd been looking tired lately, no doubt worried about him
all the time he'd been missing. If she'd felt anything like how he
felt when she'd been gone, he knew it would not have been pleasant.

He needed to do something, anything, rather than stare at the ceiling
all night. The coffee table in front of the sofa was littered with
the files from their latest finished case. It hadn't really been an
X-file, just some boys playing pranks, but Mulder sensed that Skinner
didn't want him exerting himself running down aliens just yet.

He could finish off the paperwork and surprise Scully with a rare
weekend without having to do all his filing. She never complained
about it, but he thought it would be a nice gesture for her.

Whistling softly to himself, he began to sort the files in some
semblance of order, starting with the witness reports. He put them to
one side and then began on the photos and expense reports. As he
lifted the expenses folder, a small book fell out and landed on the
table with a soft thud.

On a label stuck to the front cover was Scully's neat handwriting.
"Field Notes: Case X-2571", the case they'd just finished.

He hadn't realised that Scully wrote her reports in longhand before
transferring them to the computer. But what an excellent way to
surprise her. He could type in her notes and she could have a well
earned rest.

He took the book over to the desk and booted up her laptop, but he
didn't turn on any lamps. The glow from the screen was bright enough
for him to read the book and he opened the first page.

After reading the first line, he knew he should have stopped reading,
but he didn't, he couldn't. It was obvious after the first line that
this book was nothing to do with a case. It was Scully's journal.

None of the entries were dated, but he could almost guess from each
entry, when they'd been written, because it was all about him.

---"I dream about him every night, nightmares of what they might be
doing to him, how they might be hurting him. I wished they'd taken
me instead, so that he won't have to suffer. He's suffered enough
already, I'm afraid of what he'll be like when he does come back.

But most of all I'm afraid that he'll never come back."

Mulder read through numerous entries like that one, all about her
worries and fears for his safety, until he came to the entry about
his return.

---"Mulder's back. I cried when Skinner told me, great oceans of
tears that just wouldn't stop until I'd seen him for myself. He seems
to be okay physically, but he has no memory of the abduction and
what happened to him during it and no memory of the month before it.

He doesn't remember us and I don't know how much longer I can bear it.
To see him and not be able to touch him. To him, I'm just the same
old Scully, nothing different. But everything is different now, why
can't he see it?"

Mulder read on, feeling like a voyeur, but still unable to put the
book down. Did Scully mean what he thought she meant?

---"How can he not remember? How can he not know? Can't he see it in
my eyes every time he looks at me? The way I feel about him. I want
to tell him, but the doctors want him to try and regain him memory
on his own, so I have to bit my tongue when all I want to do is blurt
out to him that I love him, and he loved me once."

Mulder's heart skipped a beat as he read on.

---"Every time he touches me, it's like I'm on fire, whether it's his
hand on the small of my back or a chaste kiss on the forehead. I don't
want chaste kisses. I want him to devour me, I want him to kiss me
all over, every part of me. Just a look from him gets me so hot that
I can hardly bear to be in the same room with him. Why hasn't he
noticed? He doesn't remember that before he was taken, we were much
more than partners and friends? How can I tell him, when he doesn't
even remember that we made love?"

Mulder turned the pages, feeling a slight stiffening in his groin
which he tried to ignore. They'd been a couple? They'd been lovers?
For how long? It was something he'd always wished for, hoped for,
but he didn't remember anything like that actually happening.

---"I don't know how much more of this I can take. Just being with
him all day, I'm in a constant state of arousal. I have to take
spare underwear to work because I get so wet just thinking about
him."

Mulder's eyes almost popped out of his head on reading that. His
erection was straining against his boxer shorts and he took a deep
breath before reading on.

---"I promise myself that as soon as I get in, either home, or in
whatever motel we find ourselves in, I'll have a nice long soak in
the tub to relax, but it never works. As soon as I'm in the water,
my hand is between my legs and I come so hard I almost black out.

It isn't much of a release, though, because I'm always disappointed
that Mulder isn't there. I want it to be him caressing me, I need it
to be him. I have to tell him soon, but how, when he doesn't remember?"

Mulder closed the book, but the image of Scully pleasuring hef
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while she thought of him refused to leave his brain. He'd had no idea
she felt like that. How could he not have noticed? Was he so worried
about his memory loss, that he couldn't see what was right in front
of him the whole time?

He padded to Scully's door and pushed it slightly. The blind was
down, but he could see enough from the filtered light from outside.

Scully lay on her back, her right arm across her middle, the left one
flung out across the other side of the bed. As he watched, her left
hand began to move, as if she was searching for something.

It was a hot night and Scully had forgone her usual pyjamas for a
light cotton nightie with spaghetti straps. She turned over and
Mulder was treated to a view of her shapely leg as she threw it over
the covers, the nightie bunched up around her hips. Mulder stood
by the door holding his breath. Should he wake her? And say what?

That he's just finished reading her journal and he was aroused by it,

so how about it?

Scully moaned in her sleep and Mulder's cock jerked. He watched as,
still sleeping, Scully's right hand found its way between her legs
and began to rub softly. He could hear her breathing heavily and he
wondered if she was dreaming about him.

He moved closer to the bed, watching her face, but as he moved one
of the floorboards creaked. Scully's eyes flew open and she reached
for the gun on her nightstand.

"It's me, Scully," he said loudly.

"Mulder? What is it?" her voice sounded husky, desirable. God, he
wanted her. Wanted her like he'd never wanted anything in his life
before.

"I couldn't sleep." It came out almost like a squeak.

"So you decided to wake me up as well?" she smiled at him and patted
the bed beside her. Mulder stood where he was. If he moved any closer
she would see the reason why he couldn't sleep.

"Mulder?"

"I was going type your report, Scully, but it wasn't a report. I
thought it was, but even after I knew it wasn't, I kept on reading.
I shouldn't have read it Scully, but I couldn't seem to stop myself."

"So now you know," her breath hitched as though she was about to cry
and Mulder felt an even worse heel than before.

"Scully, I'm sorry I read it. I don't know what else to say."

Scully sat up on the bed, wiping her eyes with the heel of her hand.

"Oh, Mulder, I'm not upset about that. In a way, I'm glad you read
it, so now you know how I feel. I'm upset that you don't remember us."

In two strides, he was on the bed and hugging her.

"Scully, I don't remember, but I do know what I feel about you. I
love you Scully, I've always loved you. And reading that journal
tonight, I know that you love me too."

"You read -- everything?" he could imagine her blush, although in
the darkness he couldn't see it.

"Everything, Scully."

He pushed her onto her back, lying down beside her and caressing her
cheek. It was soft, velvety. She sighed at his touch and closed her
eyes.

"When you woke me, I was having a dream," said Scully. "About you."

"Was I touching you?"

"Oh, yes," she moaned and turned over to face him. "Make love to me,
Mulder. Please. I want to feel you inside me."

"Are you sure about this, Scully?"

"I've never been more sure of anything. Unless you don't want to?"

Mulder took her hand and placed it on his crotch. "Oh, I want to."

He pushed her onto her back again and kissed her fiercely, a clashing
of mouths and tongue and teeth. She moaned and arched up to meet him.
Mulder pushed the straps away from her shoulders and caressed each
breast in turn. The nipples hardened instantly and he was surprised
how large her breasts seemed in his hands. Were they always so big?

He bent his head down, kissing her jaw, her neck before finally giving
in and suckling her left breast. Scully squirmed like a wildcat
beneath him, cradling his head, holding him there.

"Oh, God!" she squealed in his ear. "Oh, Mulder, please," she begged.

He moved his hand lower, across the curve of her abdomen until he
reached the top of her underwear. One hand slid inside to the curls,
she was wet and ready him.him.

"Now, Mulder, I want you inside me!"

He didn't need a second invitation, and quickly divested himself of
his boxers, leaving them on the floor. He scooted to the edge of the
bed and pulled down Scully's panties, at the same time kissing her
leg all the way down to her ankles, and then all the way back up to
her groin.

He placed a kiss on the triangle of soft curls at the apex of her
thighs and she almost bucked off the bed completely. Mulder didn't
think either of them would be long and he made his way to the top of
the bed again. He kissed her long and deep, before he felt Scully's
hand guiding him inside her.

"Oh, God, yes!" said Scully with a profound sigh, which sounded like
relief. He moved slowly, but Scully was having none of that, she
put both her legs around him and pulled. He had no choice but to
go with her rhythm.

The sensation was almost unbearable and he could feel himself losing
it, but Scully didn't seem to be coming yet. He tried to hold on,
but it was no use, a combination of not having been with a woman for
so long and just the fact that he was inside Scully did for him and
he came suddenly and violently inside her, his heart hammering against
his chest.

"Oh, Scully, I'm so sorry."

"Don't worry about it, Mulder."

But he did worry about it, that was just him. He rolled over onto his
side and kissed her. Somehow his hand found its way between Scully's
legs and he placed a finger inside her, then two. She groaned into
his mouth and ground her hips against his hand. He could feel the
muscles contracting against his hand, with every contraction of
Scully's his cock gave a little twitch of its own.

Suddenly her legs tensed and she pulled away from his kiss, wailing
like a banshee. "OHHHH! OHHHH! YES! OH, GOD!"

Mulder held her while she seemed to have one orgasm after another,
he thought there were about three in all. It was a while before the
spasms subsided, and he cradled her in his arms until they did.

"God, Scully, I don't think I've ever seen you come this hard before."

"What did you say?"

He was about to repeat the sentence, when he realised that he could
remember their last time together. Just before he was abducted,
Scully hadn't been feeling too well and came into his room. She would
have come in anyway, but they'd always booked two rooms ise ase anyone
in the bureau should find out about them. She'd felt better after a
nap, and they had made love well into the night.

"I remember, Scully. I remember us."

She cried then, flinging herself into his arms and laying her head
on his shoulder. He stroked her hair, trying to soothe her, but
she suddenly pulled away from him and held her abdomen, as if in
pain.

"Scully? What is it? What's wrong?"

"Nothing's wrong, Mulder. Here," she took his hand and placed it
on her tummy. "There did you feel it?"

"Scully? What's going on?" He felt something, a fluttering against
Scully's tummy, a slightly rounder tummy than what he remembered.

"The baby, Mulder. That was the first time it kicked. It was waiting
until its daddy came home."

THE END