A Mirror of Myself

For Renee who blurred all my lines

They had a complicated past. No, they had a complicated situation. No, they were just complicated men.

He’d been burned when Courtney said she could handle his life, but couldn’t. And he’d been burned when Kendall told him she trusted him always, but didn’t. The bridge between Port Charles and Pine Valley was something else entirely. Two motorcycles and two leather jackets headed simply, away from where they came. Fate stopped one of them with a flat tire and the other one with a hero complex, which fate belonged to which man, I always seem to forget.

But they had met like that and become fast friends. Discovering that their lives were so similar, mirror images in a lot of ways, was something of a breath of fresh air for the pair of loners. They traveled together for a while, just buzzing around from one place to the next seeing what there was to be seen. Getting drunk and getting in bar fights, finding twins and splitting them for an evening, or finding a risk and getting high on the rush of it, their travels brought them closer together with each passing mile.

But then things will change, and one night they did.

It was a hot night in Tucson, a tequila night without further interference. The boys were staying at a local bar, not unlike Jake’s. They were sitting at the bar when in walked a woman. She could only be described as a knockout. Bright green eyes, dark brown hair, curls, curves and tits that would make Hugh Hefnor himself do a double take. She was dressed to the nines, but not like the bar bunnies the boys were used to. Her jeans showed off her ass and cut low on her waist. Her shirt was a simple black racer back ribbed tank top. It showed a hint of the skin where her jeans stopped only if she raised her arms or twisted away. Her makeup was light and she wore flip flops in a bar. It was unlike the tight clothes and high heels that seemed to plague all horny women in American from Georgia to Portland. This would not be an easy get, but a challenge was just what these two hard bodies were looking for.

Sadly, e wae was a catch. One of her and two of them.

Slow down now, that part of the story is coming, be patient.

She was also towing an anchor. A nice enough looking girl, a nice all American girl. She could be charmed, but the question was who got the knockout and who got the door prize. Wordlessly the boys looked at each other nodded and each threw their hands out in front of them. Jason sported 2 fingers, Ryan 3. Ryan let out a mumbled curse to match the frustrated look on his face. Jason always threw 2 fingers, but Ryan, the ever over analyzer, thought since he really wanted this one, that this might be the time he’d change it up. But Jason didn’t change it up this time, and Jason was always odds, Ryan always evens.

Jason smiled like the cat that ate the canary and got up from the bar. Ryan settled back to watch Jason on the approach. The man moved like a cat. When Jason had safely whisked the lady off into a private corner leaving her girlfriend looking irritated and impenetrable. Sigh.

"Hi," he said coming up next to the girl who jumped. "I didn’t mean to startle you, but you looked angry and knowing Jason the way I do they’ll be upstairs within half an hour. So," he continued. "I thought you could use a little company."

Her disposition softened. "Yeah I could. Thanks. Mariah is just always doing stuff like this to me. She’s a magnet. Why aren’t you over there fighting him for her? Most guys would be," she laughed.

"We played odds and evens. I lost," he said.

She laughed louder, and Ryan was seeing that the smaller girl had her perks. Her tits for example were very perky. "At least you’re honest. You don’t have to babysit me though. I promise not to go parental on her and bust in on them. I know my place. You should go have fun."

Ryan smiled, lamented. "I only have fun with Jason in a dive like this so I could use the company until they get through."

"This place is like a brothel. Those rooms up there are so gross. I don’t know how anyone would want to take their clothes off in a room like that."

"We’re actually staying here," Ryan told her.

"Ew."

He laughed. "We stay in a lot of dives. We’re not really five star kinda guys."

"I gathered that. You look like you are probably leather jackets and motorcycles kinds of guys."

His eyes lit up. "Yeah exactly. Are we that transparent?"

"No," she laughed. "I saw two bikes in the lot and since I’ve never seen them or you before I figured you were a pair."

"Me and Jason?" he asked.

"No! You and the bike!"

"Oh, ok right." After a moment of silence Ryan noticed that Jason was leading the lady toward the stairs. "Look," he pointed to them.

"She’s such a hooker," her friend said. "No shame at all."

"You want me to take you to bed so you’ll be even?"

She blushed terribly. "No, no. I don’t think that’ll be necessary. Really. But thank you."

The minutes passed easily between them as they waited for their friends to reappear. Ryan almost fell out of his chair when less than10 minutes later Jason appeared at the top of the steps and proceeded to rush down them. Obviously he was panicking.

Jason ran toward Ryan at full speed, slowonlyonly to grab his arm and drag him out the door barely able to gain his footing. When they reached the parking lot Jason went straight to his bike, leaving Ryan to follow. Ryan started to try to put a sentence together but Jason silenced him. "Get on my bike," he said. So he did. And they rode. For a long while, and fast, they rode to no place at all. Finally, Jason pulled them over on the deserted highway and took off on foot across the flat land. Ryan was hot on his heals.

"Jason wait! What’s going on!" But Jason didn’t answer, he just kept walking until his legs started to feel like jelly and then he collapsed, exhausted, mostly in an emotional way.

It took a few minutes but Ryan caught up and he saw Jason sitting his knees drawn up and his arms around them. He slowed and eventually came to rest in the same position right next to him. They sat that way for a long time and though Ryan was going nuts trying to read Jason’s mind he made a decision not to be the first one to speak, and he stuck to it.

"It’s really stupid," Jason finally said.

"I’m sure it is," Ryan said. Jason was silent a while. "Maybe you should tell me though, so we can be sure."

Jason took a deep breath and forced himself to speak against his will. "I couldn’t get it up." He didn’t look at his friend, or at his feet, just out at the miles of nothing in front of him.

"You panicked," Ryan said. He hadn’t intended it to come out sounding like an excuse, but it had.

"No, I didn’t. First I flirted, I didn’t feel anything. Then I took her up and nothing. Then I touched her and nothing. But then when she touched me, when she started working my dick with her hands, then her mouth and it wouldn’t move, then yes I panicked. I think I’m entitled to a little panic."

"Yes, you are."

"What the hell is happening to me? I’m 33 years old and I can’t get it up for a hot body like that one. God, this is not the way it was supposed to work out. I was going to have a woman and a family. I was going to have my work and my bike and never have to chose. I was going to have everything that Sonny wanted for me and now I’m reduced to cheap women and expensive booze."

Ryan looked at his friend. "My company not good enough for you now?"

"You know that’s not what I mean. It’s just that I didn’t think I’d spend my middle aged life on the road. I always wanted to settle down."

"So why didn’t you?"

"I never found the right woman."

"Well maybe that’s the problem. She wasn’t the right woman tonight."

"There have been plenty of women, skankier than her that I put out for. I’m just losing it." Jason held his head in his hands.

"Jason there is nothing wrong with your dick, believe me. It’s all in your head. You just didn’t want that woman, which is a shame since now neither of us got any." Jason wanted to laugh at the joke but couldn’t. "There is nothing wrong with you." Ryan turned to Jason and put his hands on his face, forcing him to look him in the eye. His eyes said everything, gave complete reassurance.

Jason gave a slight sideways smile and covered Ryan’s hand with his as he pulled it away from his face. The touch lingered. The sparks flew and the damage was done. Now it was only a matter of which man would be brave enough to make the first move. See there is something scary about not knowing how you’ll be received, but it’s even scarier when you see yourself being welcomed and all that’s left is for you to admit that you want it enough to go get it.

Their heads came together with a thunk, foreheads bumping as the both headed for a place so unknown that they literally didn’t watch where they were going. Couldn’t be bothered. But now, they would have matching bumps and it was funny, so they laughed. And this was one time that the laughter would reach Jason’s eyes; it often didn’t.

When the laughing died down the smiles remained and Jason took the lead, putting his hand on the back of Ryan’s head and pulling him closer until their lips just grazed each other. Ryan was the first to pucker his lips but Jason followed, and this, this first kiss was electric and over as quickly as it started.

But then there was the matter of a second kiss, because Jason did not release Ryan from his grasp. He held the other man tight against him and kissed him again, harder this time, and Ryan opened his mouth to Jason purely on instinct. It’s what you do when you want to taste someone from the inside.

The kiss was hungry and long. Each man battled for the control that would allow him to take what he wanted. They thrust their tongues together, nibbled, bit and caressed. Ryan sucked Jason’s bottom lip into his mouth and then bit down hard, ending the passionate struggle.

Their eyes stayed locked as Jason’s hand moved over Ryan’s neck and toward his upper back where Jason caressed him in circles. "More?"

"More," Ryan affirmed with a nod. And they kissed again, sweetly although full of passion. "Jason I’m not gay," Ryan said when they came apart again.

But before Jason could answer Ryan had his lips occupied again. "Neither am I," he answered when they finally broke apart for need of air. "I want you though," he confided, reaching for Ryan’s hand which he guided to the front of his jeans over his bulging erection.

"We can’t," Ryan answered, pulling away.

"We can try," Jason insisted. "You taste so good and I know you want me too. Let me touch you." Ryan groaned and then moved so that his legs were apart, granting Jason access to his arousal for the very first time. "You’re hard for me Ryan. Do you think about me this way? Do thoughts of me always get you this hard?" Jason rubbed the erection deliberately as he spoke.

"Yes!" he confessed. "Yes!"

"Tell me what you’ve thought about."

"You."

"Me what?" he said freeing the button of Ryan’s jeans. The action paralyzed the man and Jason asked again. "What about me have you thought? Do you always think about my cock?" Jason pulled the zipper down, and then ped ped waiting for his answer.

"No. Sometimes I think about how you use it to fuck those hot chicks we pick up. I imagine you pounding into their wet pussies and spilling your cum on their tits."

Jason didn’t move. "And…" he prodded.

"But, sometimes I think about your ass. Once I jerked off thinking about fucking your asshole. Your butt is so tight I just want to grab it and spank it and spread your cheeks apart and feel what’s inside."

Jason shivered, but still managed to deliver as promised. He slipped his hand into Ryan’s jeans and through his boxers to land squarely on the hard hot flesh of Ryan’s penis. Jason’s hands trembled and he began to lose his composure allowing his upper body to crash into Ryan who instinctively wrapped her arms around him. Jason began to move his hand, gently up and down over maybe three or four inches of Ryan’s still concealed cock.

When Jason pulled away suddenly and stood up, Ryan looked up at him, terrified of what he might do, but Jason reached down and pulled Ryan to his feet. Standing there Jason seemed so at ease and more than anything else going on in that moment Jason’s easiness was what scared his friend. "Kick your boots off," Jason said, reaching for Ryan’s undone pants again.

Ryan stopped his hand mid motion and held it in his. "You sure?"

"Yes," he answered never hesitating a moment. He didn’t bother to ask Ryan the same because it was obvious he wasn’t as sure. "Let me," he said. It was the best he could do for Ryan’s unease. Just to ask him for what he wanted. Their communication had always been simplistic to say the least. Jason wrapped his arms around Ryan in a tight hug. He let the embrace linger until he felt Ryan hugging back, and then rotating his hips against him helplessly.

Jason took it as a good sign and put his hands down on his partner’s waist so that he could leverage his hips and grind their straining cocks together. Ryan’s head dropped back and he moaned.

"Kick off your boots," Jason instructed and Ryan responded. When they were gone Jason gingerly undressed his friend, pulling his jeans slowly over his lean hips and down his firm legs, caressing his body along the way. Ryan raised one foot at a time allowing Jason to remove the garment. When they were gone he went right back and removed the last piece of clothing separating them. Ryan’s eyes were heavy with question, but he made no move to stop him.

Leaning toward him, Jason took Ryan in a heated kiss to occupy him while Jason would explore his body. Ryan wrapped his arms around Jason’s neck and Jason was left to rub his friend’s back, lower to feel the firmness of his ass. When Jason felt Ryan surge forward searching for friction to relieve the painful throbbing in his cock, Jason pulled back and moaned loudly. Jason quickly lifted Ryan’s shirt over his head and then followed ridding himself of his own shirt.

He laid the two shirts end to end on the hard ground. "Sit," Jason said.

"No," was his answer. "Kick your boots off Jason." Ryan fought off the urge to call Jason by the nickname he had given him, but this was going so well he was afraid he’d spoil it by making it too real. "Let me see you too."

Jason did as he was asked, kicking off his boots and then pushing his jeans and boxers down in one motion. Ryan stared in awe at the hard body in front of him. "My god you’re beautiful," he said on a gasp.

"As hot as I was in your fantasies?"

"Hotter."

"As big as I was in your fantasies?"

"Bigger."

"As horny as I was?"

"We’ll see," he said with a wink.

Jason kissed him and then helped him down onto the ground landing on top. They kissed, moaned, and groped but stayed away from each others’ meat. Finally Jason asked. "You sure?" Confident in the answer this time.

This time he was and he initiated a heated, sloppy wet kiss to get the message across. It was all Jason needed.

He ran his hand from Ryan’s face over his neck, down his chest, then he followed the trail of brown hair from his belly that lead straight to the night’s delight. Seeing the precum that had leaked out he ran a finger over the head of Ryan’s penis to gather it, then he brought it up to his mouth and licked it off. Ryan moaned, and closed his eyes.

Jason palmed the hard mass, rubbing it ever so gently. With the opposite hand Jason stroked his partner’s balls. He used his mouth as well, placing sporadic wet kisses over his body, concentrating finally on one flat male nipple which he abused to his satisfaction.

Ryan seemed to be enjoying the attention. His eyes remained closed, but he moaned in time with Jason’s hand, arching his back to try to get more of Jason’s hand around him. Finally the light palming wasn’t enough. "Jason more. I need mo"
"

Happy to obliged and thrilled that his partner would ask, Jason abandoned the nipple and concentrated on Ryan’s happy cock. He fisted his hand around the large meat and pumped him. It was light for only a moment before Jason began to stroke him deliberately. "Stop Jason. I don’t want to cum."

"I want you to come by my hand." Jason pulled Ryan onto his knees so that they were facing each other. Continuing to jerk Ryan off, Jason also rubbed his balls, feeling that he was indeed close to coming. "You’re ready now Ryan. You’re sac is tight; your cock is huge. I’m going to bring you off and let you come right on my cock," he said positioning himself closer to Ryan.

Barely coherent, Ryan shook his head yes, as Jason continued to beat him off. "Fuck Brownie, I’m coming!" he shouted, spraying Jason with his load, so large that he thought the jerking might not ever stop.

Brownie was Ryan’s nickname for Jason and Jason hated it. Jason had they answer for everything just like an encyclopedia. Ryan started called him Encyclopedia Brown after the kid detective books and later it got shortened and became a pet name between the two friends. Jason never liked the way it sounded until this moment.

When Ryan finally opened his eyes, he looked right into a pair ofctrictric blue eyes, shining at him with a look so proud that his heart just felt like it was painfully full. Looking down he saw that his seed was all over Jason’s body, his stomach all the way over his dick and down his balls. "You are a mess," he observed, still breathing heavy.

"It feels good."

"Brownie I want to touch you."

"That stupid nickname never sounded hot until you said it in that voice," Jason said, reaching out to stroke Ryan’s hair.

"Brownie."

Jason’s hips began to rotate on their own, unable to do anything to stop the way he was feeling, the uncontrollable urge to fuck something. "What do you want Ryan?"

"I can’t tell you."

"You can tell me anything. You’re my best friend."

Ryan took a deep breath and steadied himself, just in case Jason reacted badly. "I want you to fuck me. I want you to bury your cock in my ass."

Jason smiled at the blush that crept over his friend’s beautiful face. Jason ran his thumbs over Ryan’s lips and cheeks in a lover’s caress. "I can’t take you dry. You’ll hurt too bad. I won’t do that to you."

Ryan nodded before saying, "Our cum Jason. We can use it to make your cock slick enough."

Jason thought about it for a minute. "I’d give anything to be in that sweet ass of yours tonight. You really want me this way?" he asked in his first show of fear since they’d begun this dance.

"I do."

"Make me cum Ryan."

He shivered, but responded. He pulled Jason so that he was sitting between his legs so that Jason back was pressed tightly against Ryan’s chest. Ryan bent his legs and hooked them over Jason’s pull them wider apart. He reached around Jason’s hard body to find his wet cock. He pumped Jason with expertise. Jason relaxed, allowing his head to drop back onto Ryan’s shoulder. Ryan kissed Jason’s temple and played in his ear with his tongue. Finally Ryan’s mouth settled on Jason’s exposed neck and he sucked the sensitive skin. Ryan’s opposite hand was around Jason holding him close so that his hand rested on Jason’s belly just above his cock.

It was just a few minutes later when Jason announced. "This is so fucking hot. I’m coming Ryan."

Ryan covered Jason’s cock with both hands stroking him deliberately. Jason came with a loud whimper and Ryan kept pumping him until his was certain the intense orgasm was over. When it was, Jason’s cock was soft and completely bathed in his own cum. Coherent thoughts finally came to Jason when he saw that not only was his cock bathed in his cum, so were his best friend’s hands.

"Put my cum on you," he said. Ryan looked at him questioningly. Jason then guided Ryan’s hands to his own asshole and Jason proceeded to guide him through lubricating it. Before long Jason had Ryan fingering his own hole to get it fully lubed, and the sight was making him hard again. Finally Jason knocked Ryan’s hands aside and pushed him onto his back. "Raise your legs to me," he said firmly.

Ryan complied.

Jason slapped Ryan on the ass hard eliciting a moan from his partner. Jason pried his cheek apart and gazed at the virgin hole, and licked his lips. He used two fingers to push at the tender flesh, but Ryan’s nerves kept him from being able to penetrate him. So Jason did the thing that was hardest for him, that he knew would be most reassuring to Ryan. He talked.

"You aren’t the only one with fantasies. I thought it was just because I was spending too much time with you, but that wasn’t it. I was attracted to you. You are the most beautiful man Ryan and that was before I got you naked beneath me." Ryan began to relax and Jason pushed one long slick finger up into his ass. He used it to both prod and stretch the man. "I had a dream about you sucking my dick and I woke up in a puddle of my own cum. It wasn’t enough though, because just the thought of it made me hard again. I jerked off calling your name. Ryan Ryan Ryan Ryan Ryan."

Ryan moaned and Jason was able to slip a second finger into his ass. He shoved them in and out quickly with a hard rhythm. Jason felt like he was ready now. "Ryan tell me you want me." Ryan just pushed back against Jason’s fingers, begging for more. "No, I need to hear the words. Tell me what you want baby."

"Yes Jason. I want you to fuck me. I want it."

Jason grabbed his own cock, sliding his hand over it to make sure it would still be slick enough, and even gh sgh some time had passed and he knew it would hurt Ryan, he thought it would be enough. Neither of them would be willing to stop now.

He positioned his cock between the hard cheeks of Ryan’s ass and then leaned over to place a wet sloppy kiss on his mouth. Then Jason began pushing against the small hole going only fractions of an inch inside with each rocking motion. Ryan cried out in pain when the head of his lover’s cock finally broke through the tight opening.

"Do it!" Ryan screamed, wanting the pain part over with and the fucking to begin.

"I don’t want to hurt you," Jason grunted back at him, trying to concentrate so that he wouldn’t hurt his partner. His lover now.

"I want it. Do it Jason." But Jason didn’t. "Brownie please. Pound my hole. Please!"

Jason was unable to resist and he grunted before thrusting forward to bury his cock completely in Ryan’s virgin ass. Ryan screamed out in pain but it barely registered to Jason. "Baby your ass is so tight. Like heaven."

Ryan struggled to support his legs, wanting to let his entire body go lax. When he was unable to support himself any longer his legs fell wide open to each side. Jason took the opportunity to lean over his partner and rub his stomach against Ryan’s free cock. Jason laid his head on Ryan’s chest while he worked, thrusting his dick hard in and out of the small hole. Ryan fisted his hands in the short hairs at the nape of Jason’s neck and tried to desperately to breath. The pleasure was too intense.

Jason felt himself coming, but fought it off, continuing to pound Ryan’s ass. He’d never felt anything so incredible before. He’d had sex. He’d had tight pussies and loose ones. He’d had big tits and small ones. He’d even had a few asses, small big and curvy, others small and hard, but he had never had a hard body like Ryan’s beneath him. This was coming home.

Finally the recognition hit Jason. He loved this man. He knew it before. They’d said it. Meant it. But here it took on a new meaning. Jason began to cry as he moved in his lover. Ryan felt the tears on his chest and knew that Jason felt the same way he did.

Only seconds later Jason’s cock got a surge of energy pistoning in and out of the tight space with force and determination. And then Jason spilled his seed, screaming his satisfaction in the form of his lover’s name. "Ryan!" he cried. "My god Ryan."

Jason laid there for only a moment, because when he felt Ryan rubbing his back so tenderly he realize that his partner had not had his satisfaction. So somehow Jason mustered the energy. He pulled his limp dick out of his lover’s ass and moved down Ryan’s body to take his cock deep within his mouth.

Jason had no idea what he was doing, having never been on the giving end of fellatio, but he took as much of Ryan’s manhood in his hot wet mouth as he could. Then he just moved in and out the way he would if it were his cock he used and not his mouth. Pride soared in Jason when he felt Ryan grab the back of his head and start to fuck his mouth. He moved faster and faster until finally he pulled Jason down on his dick so far that he gagged. The gag triggered Ryan’s release and Jason’s mouth was flooded wiyan’yan’s sweet cream. When he knew that the spurting had stopped Jason swallowed his mouth-full of come. Ryan watched him do it and started to cry at the love he saw in Jason’s eyes.

Ryan wrapped Jason in his arms and they stayed that way a long time.

They sat naked Jason between Ryan’s legs with his back snugly against his lover’s chest. Ryan wrapped his arms around Jason’s middle and Jason laid his head on one of Ryan’s shoulders. They watched the sun come up over the desert this way. Saying nothing. There were no words needed. Both men knew love when they felt it. And the sun claimed them that morning inch by inch, the way they had claimed each other in the night.