Atonement

Title: Atonement
Author: Mandy
E-mail: kitty_amazon@yahoo.com
Rating: NC-17
Category: S
Spoilers: Season 4t
Key words: JMPR, Angst
Summary: In a turbulent confrontation, Jarod reveals a terrible secret to Miss
Parker.
Disclaimer: The characters Miss Parker, Sydney, Jarod, Broots etc. and the
fictional Centre, are all property of MTM and NBC Productions and used without
permission. I'm not making any money out of this and no infringement is
intended.


Atonement
by Mandy


She was acutely aware of the looks she was receiving. Sneaking ey car caressing her body, pausing on her breasts and lingering on her legs. She didn't
return the stares.

In the smoky club a comedian stood onstage, desperately trying to attract
the attention of the patrons with failing jokes, jokes he was the only one
laughing at. Miss Parker ignored him, accepting the drink a waitress offered.
From the gentleman across the room, she explained. Parker didn't look, simply
drained the glass in one gulp and passed it back. The waitress left, and Miss
Parker kept smoking. Such a bad habit, she knew, yet this morning she'd taken it
up again.

The comedian left the stage and a band replaced him, and they proved to be
much more popular with the audience, some couples danced. A few men approached,
yet veered away again at her expression. Another drink from the man across the
room, this one she nursed, still not looking. She wasn't in the mood for the
whole flirt and seduce thing, if she did take anyone home with her tonight it
would be because she had grabbed him on her way out the door. Maybe she'd just
flash her panties and see who followed.

"You know, it's very hard to try and pick you up when you won't even look at
me." A accented voice said, male and amused. Parker looked up slowly, running
her eyes over the man who towered above her. Tall, dark and handsome was an apt
description, his skin golden and his hair soft, black and slightly curled. The
accent was Italian, matching the looks.

"Fuck off." Parker replied simply, and lowered her head to stare back into her
drink. The man sat in the chair opposite, and Miss Parker felt the first
stirring of annoyance.

"No... I don't believe I will." He told her, causing Parker to glance up at him
sharply. Another shadow fell across the table, and Miss Parker began to shake
inside. Not now, please, not now, she couldn't bear it.

"The lady told you to leave." Jarod stated, his dark eyes glinting dangerously.
The man sneered, twisting his handsome face into something cruel.

"I don't think that's any of your business!" he hissed. Then to Parker's
amazement, Jarod pushed aside his jacket, revealing the butt of a gun poking out
of a holster. The man left quickly, while Miss Parker's head swam. Since when
did Jarod carry a gun?

They sat opposite each other in silence, each wary of the other's
intentions. Parker felt bereft, suppressing the urge to touch where her own gun
should have been. Jarod watched her, his face closed to her like never before.
It was like he wore a mask, his face so blank and cold.

"Come." He said suddenly, stag ang and holding a hand out to her.

They left without paying the bill, Miss Parker feeling dizzy and confused
as he led her to a car, not hers. He pressed her against it, impersonally
running his hands across her, searching for a weapon. She gasped in protest when
his hands slid under her shirt, but he ignored it, running his hands under her
bra and across her breasts. Miss Parker felt a cold, clammy sort of arousal grow
inside her, heightened when he roughly pushed up her skirt. She moaned when his
hand slid inside her panties, knowing he must feel the dampness there, yet he
said nothing. Like it had been all their lives, nothing said.

He turned her around, searching her back and butt and legs and boots.
Nothing, and she didn't know weather to be glad or disappointed she wasn't
wearing the flick blade she sometimes kept in her bra. Only then did Jarod step
back, opening the passenger door of the car and pushing her inside. Parker
shivered, wondering why she wasn't asking questions, wasn't thrusting him away
from .. w.. wasn't attempting to imprison him.

"You're cold." Jarod said, noticing her shiver as he slid into the car, wrapping
his jacket around her and turning on the heater. Parker inhaled deeply, smelling
his scent on her skin, rain and musk. She felt oddly comforted, pulling the
jacket tighter around herself as Jarod began to drive.

She didn't know how he had found her, alone in Boston, despairing over the
death of an old friend. It was silly to have gone to the funeral, it would just
heighten the suspicion of betrayal the Centre had been feeling lately. Not
telling anyone where she was going, sneaking out in the night liket, nt, not
even talking to Sydney or Broots about it. But concern and tears had taken over,
tears over the loss and concern over... well, the death had not been of natural
causes to say the least.

Darkness crept into the interior of the car, city lights fading away as
Jarod drove and drove. Miss Parker was aching with a guilty kind of hunger,
trying not to think about Jarod's thoughtless hands on her body, shifting
uncomfortably in her seat. She thought about turning the radio on, but decided
she liked the silence too much. Just her and Jarod, not talking, not teasing,
not fighting. It felt strange, but good, like a long lost friend and warm hugs.
She smelled the jacket again, and tried not to smile. She knew he liked rain,
and not because he told her. She knew because she did too, raindrops on the face
meant you were still alive and free.

Snow began to fall, and Miss Parker lit a cigarette, opening the window a
crack and watching a snowflake drift down to her leg. To her surprise Jarod lit
a cigarette of his own, dragging back like he'd been a smoker all his life. She
stared, but didn't say anything. It was probably something to do with the way he
was behavnow,now, probably a Pretend he couldn't quite shake off.

He took her to a cabin, resting high in some hills. Trees tried to claw at
her as they walked inside, Jarod didn't seem to notice, his long stride leaving
her hurrying to catch up. Inside smelled smoky, a fire burning low in the hearth
and a lamp flickering on the pine table. Jarod threw wood on the fire, a great
kettle hung over it. Parker wrinkled her nose in distaste, but didn't say
anything.

Jarod took her hand, leading her up a short hall to a modern bathroom, a
shower looming invitingly. He turned on the water, adjusting its heat for
several moments, before turning back to Miss Parker. The coldness in his eyes
excited her, making her tremble as he undid her shirt, carelessly tossing it
aside. She tried not to blush as he removed the rest of her clothes, watching
his large hands dealing with tiny buttons or delicate lace.

When she stood naked before him he examined her, turning her this way and
that under his scrutinising gaze. Jarod said nothing, no flash of approval or
desire showing in his eyes, but the bulge in his pants spoke for him. At last it
seemed he had looked his fill, and he set about removing his own clothes. She
examined his body as he had her own, feeling her guilty excitement clamour for
attention, her body flushing with arousal. She had not seen or heard from him in
two months, but she knew, tonight they would make love. No, not make love, a
voice in her head whispered, tonight we'll fuck.

Jarod pushed Parker under the warm water and put his hands on her in a way
designed to arouse. With clinical detachment he excited her to fever pitch,
while the the time she wondered about his coldness, gasping his name as he
pleasured her. And when she thought she would break he pushed her legs apart and
surged into her, lifting her against the wall with her legs around his waist as
she cried out again and again. And when his own release came, it was a muffled
gasp against her neck, the slackening of his body as he eased her feet to the
ground that told her.

She held him tightly against her, stroking his hair with one hand and his
shuddering back with the other. Jarod's composure returned slowly, and he raised
his head just as the mask closed over again, giving her a fleeting glimpse into
the agony underneath. She puzzled over it as they towelled each other dry and
walked next door to the bedroom, before Jarod lay her on the bed next to him and
she forgot everything.

*

She awoke slowly, noticing he had tied up her wrists with soft muslin
sometime during the night. She found that by concentrating and being careful,
she could work one hand free, but hesitated over removing the other binding. He
had liked her vulnerable, his pleasure over it had broke through his mask of
coldness. He had kneeled above her and watched her test the bonds, his eyes
glowing in the moonlight, possessiveness stamped on his face. He had liked her
vulnerable to him like that.

Now he slept beside her, his face gentle in sleep. She took a moment to
study him, startled slightly when his dark golden eyes opened. His gaze drifted
over her, excitement flaring in his eyes as he saw the remaining ties on one
hand. With infinite delicacy he sat up and retied the other hand, a slightly
accusing expression drifting over him before he turned watchful once more. He
pushed away the sheet from where it rested on her hips, studying her nakedness.
He liked her vulnerable.

The binds were tighter this time, and as he walked away she knew it would
be much harder to free herself. Not that she wanted to. Instead she waited,
hearing him move around the cabin, imagining him naked and uncaring.
After an hour he came back, standing at the foot of the bed and staring. He was
obviously aroused, his body flushed and hard, but he made no move towards her.
Parker broke out in a cold sweat, shifting uncomfortably, drawing up her legs, a
feeble attempt to hide her nakedness. She wasn't surprised when he grasped her
ankle, pulling it down to the end of the bed, where more muslin ties waited.

When she was completely helpless he sat down, trailing one finger down her
breast, her stomach, between her legs. She moaned and arched up, pain shooting
along her nerves as she yanked on her bindings. She grew annoyed, his teasing of
her body grated on her nerves, his obsession with her vulnerability sending
cobwebs of fear and doubt into her mind. And still, that cold, clammy, guilty
arousal, tinged with a sense of dirtiness. She ached. It was the most erotic
thing she had ever known.

suddsuddenly he was on top of her, pushing inside of her, so a sharp edge
of pain heightened pleasure. He was hurting her and she liked it. She liked it
and she wanted more. She wanted more and he provided. He hurt her, over the next
hour, ranging from pleasure so painful she cried out, to agony as his body
assaulted hers. And she wanted it.

And when he had finished, leaving her breathless and dizzy and surprised,
he collapsed on top of her, burying his face in her neck. She felt his body
shake, felt his tears staining patterns of remorse on her skin.

"I'm sorry god I'm sorry..." Jarod whispered, his hand fumbling to untie hers.
When they were free she held him close, preventing him from moving away when he
tried.

"I hurt you. I hoped never to hurt you, I always promised myself I wouldn't but,
god, I always wanted to. I always...always..." he trailed off, and Miss Parker
held him and stroked his back as he sobbed against her, holdingo heo her like a
lifeline.

They made love, fumbled kisses and sweaty bodies pressing together
hungrily. Jarod switched off the lights and drew the curtains.

"I don't want you to look at me." He whispered, pulling her to him again and
groaning. All coldness was gone now, leaving only a violent need disguised in
tender touches, and Miss Parker murmured muffled forgiveness against Jarod's
salty skin.

*

When she awoke again it was almost dark, the bed empty. Parker rose,
drawing the blanket around her, smelling sex and sweat on it and her. She found
Jarod in front of the dying fire, staring at it blankly. In his hands he held a
red notebook, open. When she saw the contents, she gasped.

"I killed her, you know." Jarod's broken voice shattered the silence. "I did
not pull the trigger, but I may as well have."

Parker kneeled beside him, taking the book from his hands, turning the
pages. Newspaper articles flashed before her eyes, bold headlines. And
instantly she understood. Staring at the face of her dead childhood friend in a
clipping, she understood.

"You used her as bait. You used her as bait to catch a goddamn rapist!" Parker
hissed, feeling a violent rage build inside her. She didn't see the tears on
his cheeks.

"I didn't know! I thought I had every variable provided for!" Jarod sobbed, but
Parker didn't hear, flicking through page after page of damning evidence.

"What did you do? Did you fuck her, Jarod, to get herhelphelp you? Did you tie
her up like you did me? Make her cum until she couldn't say no to anything? Or
did you confide, Jarod, spill all your dirty little secrets and use your
avenging angel act to guilt trip her into playing your filthy game?" silence,
dark and brooding, fell between thas Pas Parker waited for his answer.

"I... I told her I was an old friend of yours... and that you had always talked
of her as... as such a wonderful person, I knew I could turn to her for help..."

"And then?" she could see it in his eyes, there was something more.

"And then I screwed her fucking brains out!!!" Jarod yelled, his tears falling
faster, leaving stains of agony on his bare chest. "I fucked her and called
your name when I came, but she didn't notice! I had her wanting me so bad she
would have done anything for me!"

"Even die for you?" came Parker's chilling response, and Jarod began to cry,
great heaving sobs that shook his whole body. Miss Parker left him there,
returning a short time later, wearing her clothes, holding car keys, his car
keys. She stared down at him with pity and scorn as he shed a flood of tears,
feeling a slight tickle of remorse, which she subdued instantly.

"You are no longer a part of my life Jarod. Every package you send me will be
thrown out unopened, every phone call unanswered. From this day on, Jarod, you
and I never knew each other as children, were never friends. I am only the
person who hunts you. I will give you a day, and then you had better be gone,
Jarod, for mark my words, I will destroy you. You've played with my life long
enough, this time you went too far. Our bizarre relationship is over... and so
are you."

For hours Jarod sat alone, breathing in the deep sense of finality Miss
Parker had left behind. Finally, heeding her comments, he dressed, preparing to
hike to the nearest farm to try and find a lift. He lit a cigarette, a nasty
habit he had picked up from his Pretend, his temporary partner in the force. He
had idolised that man, even simmed being him, which of course led to his current
nicotine addiction. And his fetish for tying women down.

Before he left, Jarod picked up the red notebook discarded earlier,
turning to the last page. It had a clipping from a national newspaper, showing
a photograph of a handsome man in uniform, his partner. The headline read
'BOSTON COP CHARGED WITH RAPE AND MURDER.' A man he had idolised. A man he had
simmed being. A man who's presence he hadn't quite been able to shake off.
Jarod left, leaving the fire hot with new life, feeding hungrily on the red
notebook he wanted to forget ever existed.

The End.