The Science of Seduction

A/N: Just a bit of fluff to finish off on. Thank you all for reading :-)

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"Sherlock?"

"Hmm?"

"When did you start... thinking about me. That way. I mean... it didn't just happen, right?"

"Oh. After you found out I used your marmalade."

"You're kidding."

"I never kid."

"All right, how?"

"Well, you were very obviously upset by something, and the only thing that had happened between us was you seeing me naked in the hallway the night before, I just couldn't see why that would upset you, you're a doctor, the sight of a random naked person shouldn't affect you on a personal level, and your army experience should at any rate have acclimatized you to living in close proximity with a large number of men. Then when I became ill you were perfectly capable of caring for me as a doctor, but seemed reluctant to spend any extended amount of time in my company, an attitude that deviated from your usual rather caring behaviour towards me whenever you perceive me to be in some way vulnerable. So I thought..."

"Yes?... Sherlock, you thought what?"

"... that you were fed up with me."

"... okay... but that still doesn't explain..."

"Well, when I felt you were... withdrawing from me... I kept wondering why you were so bothered by seeing me naked. So I thought about it, about you. I believe... I may have accidentally cross-referenced with the fact that I also saw you naked, well partly, when your robe fell open."

"Accidentally."

"Well, it was hardly relevant for a rational analysis."

"So how could you of all people 'accidentally' -"

"I believe my thought processes were affected by my fever."

"Okay... that actually makes sense. And...?"

"When I thought about you I became... aroused. Sexually. Thinking about you."

"... what, just from thinking...?"

"Yes. That's never happened to me before."

"So that was it? You pictured me with my knob hanging out and decided you'd have me?"

"It was an -"

"If you say 'experiment' -"

"- but -"

"- how many times -"

"- I can explain -"

"All right, explain."

"You weren't the subject."

"... what?"

"Of the... experiment. It wasn't you... it was me."

"... why?"

"I have never..."

"... never what?"

"Been aroused by anyone. Sexually. I told you."

"You've really never...?"

"Not before you, no."

"Not even..."

"... what?"

"Irene Adler. You were interested in her."

"Intellectually... yes."

"I knew it. But not... physically?"

"Not physically, no."

"So this 'experiment'...?"

"This ... has never happened before. I have no reason to believe it will ever happen again. In other words it's a unique opportunity."

"Opportunity?"

"To... see how far I could go. I began to... examine my own physical responses."

"You were... Wait. That lube gel you just happened to have..."

"Yes."

"Oh. Right. So you weren't..."

"... what?"

"Planning on getting me into bed as part of your 'experiment'?"

"Of course not!"

"Thanks. I think. Why not?"

"Why... I don't understand. Would you rather I had been?"

"Let's just say I wouldn't have been entirely surprised by that approach, coming from you."

"Oh. Well, you always say you aren't gay, and you always seem upset when people assume..."

"... fair enough..."

"... so it would only serve to make you upset with me. And I thought... I thought I was about to lose you."

"... lose me?"

"The marmalade, John. You were distant... angry with me, and then you were avoiding me... It seemed a natural conclusion. But your reaction was more extreme than the situation would normally warrant, it's not the first time I've appropriated your stuff after all, so I thought..."

"... You thought I'd finally had enough? You thought I was, what? Leaving Baker Street? Leaving you?"

"... yes."

"So you... When you made tea, did the shopping, all that...?"

"Yes. I was trying to get you to stay."

"Right."

"... John?"

"Yes?"

"Why were you... distant? Was it over the hallway incident, or because I nicked your marmalade?"

"Sherlock, considering all we've been through do you honestly think I'd let a damned jar of marmalade break the camel's back?"

"Break... Oh. Right. So it was the hallway? Why?"

"Well, because... after that night wh-when you lost your sheet... well, you're not the only one who started having... thoughts."

"Oh... Really? Why?"

"I dunno... it just happened, I suppose."

"But why would that make you avoid me?"

"Because... Jesus, Sherlock, you have no idea, do you?"

"If I did I wouldn't ask."

"Look, it's... I was hoping it'd pass. You're my friend. You're not supposed to think about your friends like that."

"Aren't I? Why not?"

"Well, because it's... it's the sort of thing that can ruin a friendship."

"Oh. Does that mean we're not friends any more?"

"No, that's not what I'm... Anyway, it's too late now, isn't it. We'll just have to try and... well."

"... John?"

"Yes?"

"I would like for us to still be friends."

"So would I, Sherlock."

"But... but I would also like for us to have sex."

"... you would."

"Yes. I enjoyed it very much, I'd like to do it again. You are very... satisfactory."

"Oh... thank you. I suppose."

"And you're... safe."

"I what?"

"I can trust you. If I should... I know you wouldn't take advantage in any way."

"You know, just when I think I'm about to punch you -"

"Punch me? Why?"

"- you go and say something like that."

"What did I say?"

"Never mind. It's all fine."

"... really?"

"Really."

"... so can we...?"

"I... Look, Sherlock, this is all... I'm going to need some time to... think about things."

"... I see."

"But I'm not... I'm not saying no. I just can't say yes here and now. Do you understand?"

"... not really."

"Of course you don't. Listen... I promise I will think about it. All right?"

"... promise?"

"Mm-hm."

"John?"

"What?"

"What are you doing?"

"Just holding you."

"Oh."

"Is that a problem."

"N-no. It's... nice. Pleasant. Very."

"You think so?"

"Definitely. Although you might be able to make it even more pleasant if you move your left hand down another three inches."

"I swear you'll be the death of me -"

"I wonder what the long-term effects of regular sexual activity on the human psyche would -"

"Sherlock."

"Yes, John?"

"Shut up."

"... yes, John."