Breaking The Cycle

Over the next seven months my husband the king turned our once loving marriage into an abusive marriage. He hurts me, he hits me, punches me, slaps me. He punches me in my stomach, and my sides, and on my back. He yells at me, calls me hurtful names and after he hurts me he sends me gifts and appologizes to me. My husband can be so sweet to me and he can be so harmful. His abuse really became unbareable for me when one day Anne Boleyn and I ran into each other. She had the audacity to call me by my name and not my tittle. 

"How dare you call me by my name. Just because you are my husbands' whore does not give you the right to disrespect me. Know your place, if you know what is best for you. I am your Queen and you are nothing but my husbands' play thing". I said to her. She has surely gone to far. I will not stand for her rudeness. As I walked away I can hear the courtiers laugh at her. I was not in my chambers for ten minutes when Henry burst through my chambers door. 

"Where do you get off telling Anne she is a whore!" he yelled at me. 

"She called me by my name and not my tittle. SHE has disrespected me Henry". I defende myself. 

"Katherine you embarressed her, she is a laugh stock now!" he cared more for his whore's false feelings than that same whore disrespecting me, his wife, his Queen. 

"I do not care, why are you not being reasonable. She is a whore who plays her game well. Why can't you see that!" I said and his eyes widen. He rushed infront me and slapped me, and slapped me again, and again until my nose started to bleed. He stopped and rubbed his forehead and turned away from me. I started to cough. He quickly came to me. 

"I am sorry, I do not know what is wrong with me. Please forgive me. Please". He said as he wiped the blood from my nose. The look he had on his face was the same look he had when he was a young boy. This was my Henry. My heart. I forgave him just like I always did. Perhaps he will be kinder to me. My face was so very sore that he secretly had Dr. Linacre to come look at me. Henry made sure to be there while he examined me. He immediately put me on bed rest for a week. Lady SiVad mixed the powder Charles sent her in water and gave it to me. It relieved the pain, but the bruise was still there. I had to lie and say that I ate bad berries that cause the discoloration on my face. Doing my bedrest I began to think about the first years of our marriage. Henry was so sweet and kind to me. He gazed at me when I was married to his brother Arthur. Arthur was such a sweet and kind person. He loved me and I loved him. Although he was very weak, that did not stop him from spending time with me. On our wedding night, the closest we ever gotten to consumation was a deep passionate kiss. He placed himself between my legs, we continued to kissed. Then suddenly he grew tired from weakness and could not perform sexually. He could not even stiffen. He became selfconscience, and I assured him that all was well. He was only thirteen, he did not know what exactly to do. We decided to wait another night. Soon, we waited another, and another. Arthur weakness was slowly swallowing him whole. We never consumated. After six long months, my sweet gentle husband was called to eternal rest. Upon hearing of his death I was in the chapel praying for his very soul. I wept for the longest of time. My friend Maria consoled and comforted me. As the weeks after his death went on, I learned of even more hurtful news. My mother, Isabella, Queen of Castile had past away in her sleep. Once I was alone in my chambers I broke down. I cried in my pillow and cried myself to sleep for many nights. It was too much to handle, I was alone and felt abandoned. Henry comforted me, he sent me roses and little notes telling me to be strong, and reminding me of who I was. The strong Spanish Infanta. I am the very reason for the Tudors legitamite claim to the throne. Henry VII needed a member from a powerful royal family to marry into. So that his commoner's blood will mix with legitamite blood in order to have a strong claim. On top of my mothers death my sister Juana and my father Ferdinand fought for the throne of Castile. Ultimately Juana won, and because of my family's fights, my high status decreased. King Henry VII, even considered marrying me. Sometimes I would catch him starring at me. One night he even kissed my cheek longer than he needed to. Not long after my mother's death he sent me away from court. On one occaision when he visited me, he became drunk and force a kiss on me. He would not stop biting at my neck and breast, until someone walked in on me fighting him. After that, I was moved to a even less of a house hold. I was practically living in poverty. I would have not survived if Henry did not secretly write to me. He always told me of the going ons in court, or just writting privite notes telling me he missed me dearly and hated to see his father hurt me. He also secretly sent me money and roses, along with pomagrantes. On one night he came to visit me. I was sure to tell him not to risk himself for me. He would always say 'I am the prince of whales, what could my father possibly do to me'. His eyes was filled with longing and I knew he loved me. But he was only 16 and I, 22. I must admit that Henry's letters to me made me fall for him. I did love him, but not the way he loved me. I did not know how much he trully loved me until he kissed me one day. We were alone and were in the middle of a card game. I was so desperately needing to be loved by someone, anyone, allowed myself to sink into his touch. The kiss was so passionate his lips trailed down my neck and onto my cleavage. Henry's hand trailed up my dress and into my under linen. He touch me and I lapped up every bit of his pleasure. His kiss deepened and his finger pushed I to me. I, still a vigin, had never felt anything inside me before. I moaned low to his touch and he massaged his finger and I felt as if I was floating. My legs was weak and hotness formed in my stomach. Before I knew it I felt my lower region explode. I gasped and pushed him away. That's when I saw he had loosened his breeches and his penis was exposed. I continually appologized to him. I had allowed him to touch me in my most sacret area. I was so starved of affection that I used a sixteen year old to satisfied needs I did not know I had. I started to cry at what I had done, I acted like a common whore. I let him touch me in my most weakest time. My mother would be very disappointed in me. Henry stood up, his private area was still exposed. He came to me and tried to calm me down. I still was crying and still appologizing to him. I sobbed that I acted like a whore and should be punished. It was only the right thing to do. Henry kissed me again and I pushed him back in shock. 

"Katherine, do you not see. I love you. I am to be the next King of England. I want you to be my Queen." he whisper as he cupped my face with his hands. 

"Why would you want me, I have shown you dishonorable behavior". I whispered between sobs. He kissed me once again and held his head close to mind. 

"I have fallen inlove with you. You are so much more intelligent than other princesses. You are a brilliant millitant woman and I could not have asked for a better woman". He said, then he took my hand and touched himself. "This will only belong to you, and only you". He said. We kissed again and he fixed his breeches and said he will secretly send me a hundred crowns a month. It was not much but it was enough to feed my ladies and myself. And a year later, true to his word Henry became King and announced that I am to be crowned Queen of England. Our first years he kept his promise and remained faithful to me. But the loss of our precious children began to take it's toll on both of us. The first sign of his infidelity was separating our chambers. Then his visits to my bed chamber became lesser. Then the joy of my life happened when my precious daughter Mary was born. Henry was pleased that we finally had a strong and healthy child. He began to spend more time with me and our daughter was showered with the best. However two more failed pregnacies impacted our lives. He came to my bed rarely and prefered those of his mistresses. He spent his time with women while I spent a lot of my time in the chapel with God. I know he blames me for our children, perhaps this is my punishment for letting him touch me early on. Maybe I am still being punished by being abused by the very man who fought so hard to have me. Now sometimes I think he would not care if I live or died. God said he will help me when I help myself. As I think about our early days, I am led to a decision. A decision that may determin the lenth of my life, or extend it.  

Two weeks later, I went to Henry's office. His groom announce me in. Henry was sitting at his desk reading a piece of paper. 

"Katherine, what brings you here?" he asks me. He rose from his chair and walked infront me. He leaned down and kissed me. I gasped for he has not kissed me in two months. He noticed my gasped and cupped my face in his hands and looked deep into my eyes. He caressed the side he slapped me on and kissed it. 

"Are you well", he asked softly. I nodded. 

"Yes husband, I am very well". I said. He kissed the cheek he slapped again.

"What is it that you need?" he ask, suddenly I found myself afraid. I shook inside and tried so very hard to speak. 

"Husband, I..." I could not do it. Henry was there waiting on me to finish my sentence. 

"Henry, I wish to spend time with you". I lied. He smiled softly and nodded. I was not ready to loose him. Something inside him was hold me back. Maybe it's my Henry. The Henry I fell in love with. The following day, we went to mass and took a walk in the gardens. Then he and I went riding. It was so long since I rode a horse. I thought I had forgot to ride but it came back to me once he helped me on the horse. As we rode people waved and cheered. After, we had a private picnic. Then he kissed me and my neck. 

"I love you Katherine, never forget that". He said. Then I saw him. My Henry, my sweet Henry. Not the harmful man who hits me. I melted as he leaned over to kiss me. 

"I love you too Henry". Soon after, we left for the palace. When we returned Henry did not leave my company. Which was very surprising. He usually went to his office or accompanied his friends.    

"Katherine, I forgot how much you like these moments." he said. I smiled and gave him a quick kiss on the cheek. That night he surprised me by comming to my bedchambers. We lay together in bed for a little while, and Henry blew out the candles. Then he touched me, his hands were as gentle as the first time. I felt myself moistening and he moved closer and positioned himself on top of me. He sat on his knees while between my legs. Then he took his night shirt off and threw it to the floor. He wore nothing under it. Then he staddled my legs and slid his hands up my chemise. He slowly pulled off my under linen. Henry gently pulled my chemise over my head and threw it with his, on the floor. He spread my legs apart and positioned his hips between my legs. I laid back and gave myself to him. He gently pushed himself inside me and relaxed his body on top of mine. Henry's hips slowly moved back and worth. We made passionate love, something we have not done in years. His thrusts becam more longer as his whole lenth deepened inside me. His pace sped up and waves of absolute pleasure entered me in a deep stage of ecstasy. I let out a soft yelp with every thrust. The pit of my stomach became hot and Henry's pace quickened. His hips then smashed in mine and my bed started to make noises and creek. Then suddenly I climaxed all over his waist. It was so much that our slapping noise was louder along with Henry's wails of pleasure. After about ten minutes of vigorously thrusting his wails ended with one last long and loud wail. I felt his warm seed fill me. He calapsed on top of me, we were both soaked in sweat. We each breathed hard in each others face. As Henry pulled himself out of me, he and I spooned and he held me close to him. His hot breath on my neck. 

"I...I love you so much Katherine. So much". He breath. As I lay there I smiled. Hopefully I will become with child. 

King Henry 
I have completely forgot how much Katherine pleased me in bed. As many mistresses I have, including Anne, none of them came close to the pleasure Katherine gave me. I truely love her, but I need a son, and Anne can give me many. I have spilled my seed into Katherine, hopefully she becomes with child.  

"I love you to husband, you and Mary are my life". She responded. We kissed one last time and sleep took us peacefully. 

Febuary 1535
My courses eneded a couples days ago and I had the unfortunate task of telling the king I did not show any signs of pregnancy. He did not get angry, but he as usual paid more attention to Anne. This was not the marriage I was raised to endur. I knew Henry would have been more kinder to me if both of our sons would have lived. I have given him a beautiful strong and healthy daughter, yet he thinks I am not worthy to be loved by him. He is such a complicted man. I will speak to him on behalf of my daughter, I will feel better if he allows me to visit Hatfield Court. I decided to walk in the gardens for a little while. They comforted me so much. The weather is beautiful. The sun was shinning and the cold brisk air blew through my onyx flowing curls. My ladies were in my company. I enjoyed the colors of the garden for another half hour, and left to speak with Henry. As I neared the kings office, I took notice that Henry's groom was looking very nervous. He bowed to me and stepped back.  

I turned the door knob, and as the door slightly opened, I hear his laughter with Anne Boleyn. I push the door open and Henry quickly got up. I tilt my head to the side and watched the man I loved straighten his clothes. 

"I see you are with your whore". I said, I did not even care anymore. 

"Katherine..." Henry said but I cut him off. 

"You are dismissed Lady Boleyn." I said calmly. She curtsied deeply and left. 

"Why must you do this to me". I asked. I was so angry, I wanted to slap the taste out of his mouth.

"Katherine what is it, I am busy". Henry said annoyed. 

"Aparently you are not busy enough for your whore, but you are all of a sudden to busy for your wife or our child.". I said with a raised voice. "When are you going to see that she is using you". I said angryly. 

"Anne loves me, unlike you she doesn't anger me". 

"Anne does not love you. I love you, your daughter loves you. Why can't you see that".

"Leave Mary out of it! Your only jealous of Anne and I.  We love each other and you can not stand it". He irately seethed I only looked at him. I am so angry that it hurts. 

"Sinse I have been in this kingdom, all you people ever did was hurt me". I said with unshed tears in my eyes. His eyes widened. 

"You people?!". He repeated. 

"Yes, YOU people. Sinse Arthur died, your father almost took me." Henry gasped loudly. "Then, in my weakest moment I let myself fall for your silly lies about you loving me. You have manipulated me from the very begining!" I said, hurt evident in my voice. 

"That is not true". He defended himself. 

"No, you knew I balanced your legitamacy on the throne and you used me to get it by marrying me. Now years later, the very same manipulation you used on me, Anne Boleyn is using it on you!!!" 

"I never manipulated you, I truely loved you. I always loved you, even after you lost MY SONS!!!" I could not believe what he said. 

"I knew it". I whispered as a lone tear rolled down my cheeks. "I knew you blamed me for our childrens deaths."

"Katherine" he said softly. I slowly shook my head. 

"I devoted my life to you. I did my very best to please you Henry. Even when you left to campaign war agaist France. I was pregnant and Scotland invaded, I crushed the Scotland invasion. But I lost my precious little girl trying to protect a king who mistreats me. I love you, I truely love you but I can not allow myself to be hurt by you any longer. I refuse to stay married to a man who...hits me, commits adultry, and is easily manipulated." My voice was calm and filled with hurt, as I told him. 

"What are you saying". He dangerously whispered. 

"Henry, you and Anne deserve each other. I wish to end this marriage. I want a divorce". I said. Then I calmly exited the room. When I entered my bed chambers I dismissed all my ladies. As soon as they were gone, I let my tears flow. 

King Henry

I had to sit down and take in all that was said. So it is true. My father did try to take Katherine, I thought Anthony Knivert was exaggerating what he say when he walked in on my father forcing his kisses on Katherine. She thinks I do not love her, and that I only used her to complete my claim to my throne. Ofcourse I knew she was needed to complete my legitamacy but I really did love her. Now she has asked for a divorce. Have I been so nasty to her that she wishes to leave our marriage. Perhaps she has found a lover? No, she would not bring herself to do such a thing. This is what I wanted right? I am now free to do as I please. Why do I feel so guilty? I had not even noticed Anne comming back in my office. 

"What is wrong". She ask taking me from my thoughts. 

"Sweetheart, Katherine has asked me for a divorce". I said as Anne walked to my desk and set down. Her eyes widen and I smiled as I held her hand. 

"This is only the beginning my love. Soon we shall be married and you will bare my sons". I said as I leaned over and kissed her passionately. 'This is what I wanted?' I thought to myself as I continued to kiss Anne.

Febuary 10, 1535
Queen Katherine 

It has been two days since I ask my husband for a divorce. I was sure he would be angry but he was not. He is openly courting Anne Boleyn. I can not believe how much my husband fell from grace. I rose from my chair and walked in my bed chamber. I sat down at my vanity, as I look at myself in the mirror I touch my face. I study myself, I am still a beautiful woman. I have recently made my 38th birthday. I don't have any rinkles or sagging. I will be a single woman soon and perhaps a man of great nobility will have interest in me. I believe I can move on after Henry. He put me through so much. Perhaps the divorce is God's way of pushing me toward someone else. Someone who will respect me, maybe oneday I shall have another child. I have heard of woman my age giving birth to healthy children. I sigh as I got up and started my day. I soon headed to Mass, after I prayed to God and made the sign of the cross. I ran into the Duke of Wiltshire. When he saw me he bowed 

"Your Majesty".

I walked near him and he rose up. 

"I know what you are doing to my husband the king. Your comeuppance will be swift, Sir Thomas Boleyn". I threatened. He looked at me angrily. I knew he wanted to speak but I did not give him permission. So I continued. 

"You are a very wicked man. Have you no shame for whoring your daughters to the king my husband". I said in a low tone. Thomas Boleyn clinched his jaw. I was half hoping he would say something so I would punish him. But that would be unGodly of me. I saw a vein in his far head. I decided to leave him be and go on with my day. I went to go to the garden when Lady SiVad spoke up. 

"Your Majesty, if it pleases you I believe you told me that you have never been to Brookfield. It is only a couple hours south by carriage". She said with kindness. I thought about it for moment. If I remained in the palace it would remind me of my husband and his whore. Yet, I would be the first monarch to enter Brookfield. 

"It is very nice of you to invite me to your home, Lady SiVad. I am hononed to except the invitation to the luxury community of Brookfield". I said. 

"Thank you, your majesty. You told me that you have never been there before. I would be honored to bring you there, my lady. It is still early, we can spend the day there and return by dusk". I nodded, inside I was excited to go to such a community. 

Thomas Boleyn

I am seething with anger. I was doing what was best for my family. If offering my daughters to the king will get the Boleyns power and brings us closser to the crown, then so be it. I can not believe what that wretched woman said to me. I hear the whispers. They say that my daughter is a nasty usurper, trying to take a crown she does not deserve, and she deserves to have her head chopped off. The so called true Queen gave the king five stillborn and sickly children. Three of which were sons. If Katherine of Aragon can not give England a son then she needs to step down and let a better woman take her place. If anything, I'm doing England a favor.

King Henry

Wosley has made me a happy man. He said that the divorce papers shall be ready in two months time. All Katherine and I have to do is discuss the reasons and terms for the divorce. I will cross that bridge when I get there. Only two months until I can marry my love. Anne will look so beautiful in the queens jewels. Sometimes, I still have Katherine's words in mind. I think I would know if Anne was using me only to gain power. Anne is to much of a good and sweet person to use me. Katherine says I'm easily manipulated. I shall prove her wrong when I cradle my son in my arms.