The Long, Lonely Road Ahead

The following events take place after Hotch’s divorce but prior to JJ’s giving birth.

Yes, I know it’s a Mary Sue in some ways, but it was fun to write, so I’m throwing it out there for you to read and see what you think.

The Long, Lonely Road Ahead

Chapter Nine

I slept through the morning, the afternoon and the night until the next day. I woke up here and there when Pen walked through the apartment, but once she left sometime in the afternoon, I went back to sleep and just kept on sleeping. I had nightmares the entire time, nightmares of my childhood, and of Darrel, and the things he did… and the things some of the other men my mother lived with sometimes did. I would wake suddenly, gasping for breath, trying to escape the nightmare, but I would get dragged down into it again just as soon as I closed my eyes. When I finally awakened and could force myself to stay awake, it was early in the morning on Tuesday. Pen was still asleep, but sometime while I was sleeping Santa came—it was Christmas.

I didn’t celebrate Christmas; I hadn’t been raised Christian or Jewish, or anything else, by my mother and my father didn’t remember things like that. So my brother and I would order in some Chinese food and play video games or whatever, and that was it. Sometimes we went to our Aunt Addie’s, but I was already too old to think about presents and Santa at that point. All I wanted by then was university tuition and my own place. But Pen loved Christmas. She loved the tree, and the lights, and the gifts. She loved the fruitcake and the eggnog, and the music… she loved it all. Every year, we exchanged some kind of small, silly gift and a homemade card by mail, because she loved the holiday so much.

I sat up on the couch and rubbed my eyes, stretching hugely. I felt exhausted, despite sleeping for almost 24 hours. Next to my couch was a small coffee table, on which sat three things. One was my computer and on it was a sticky note from Pen: I fixed it for you! Thanks Pen, I thought. I didn’t think my laptop would survive the beating it took, but I guess because it was in a bag it wasn’t hugely damaged. I opened it and turned it on, just to test it. While it was booting up, I looked at the two other items. The second item was a new cell phone, that had another post-it note on it: Courtesy of the FBI. I shook my head and opened up the package to find a brand new Blackberry. Wow. I couldn’t afford one of these back home. I just hoped my Bell package would work with it. I turned it on, and shockingly it was already set up. “How the hell?” I muttered, but didn’t look a gift horse in the proverbial mouth. If it worked, it worked.

The third item was a card in an envelope. I opened it; it was from Aaron. It was a fairly traditional Christmas card, but all it said inside was, “Call me when you get up, Aaron.” And then he’d left me his phone number. I punched his number into my new blackberry and it came up as Aaron Hotchner, which told me someone had already put his number into my new contact list. Hmmm. It rang once, twice, three times and then he answered.
“Aaron Hotchner.”
“Hi, Aaron. It’s Terra.”
“Terra. Are you okay? Is everything all right?”
“Oh, ah, sorry. I forgot it was so early. I just got your note and the phone… so I called.”
“No, I’m glad you called. I’m just not very awake yet.”
“Well, call me back when you’re up, then.”
“I’ll do that. And Terra?”
“Yes?”
“Merry Christmas.”
“Oh, right. Merry Christmas to you too, Aaron.”
“I’ll call you back in a couple of hours.”
“I’ll be here.”
“Bye.”
“Bye.”

Pen wandered out of her room just then.
“I thought I heard voices,” she yawned. She did up her robe and stretched. “Hey, you’re up! How are you feeling?”
“Like death warmed over,” I said. I got up and padded over to the bathroom. “Coffee?”
“Of course,” she said, yawning again as she headed into the kitchen. When I came out, coffee was already beginning to brew. “So, Merry Christmas!”
“And to you,” I said, sitting back down on the couch and wrapping myself in my blanket. “I see Santa’s been here.”
“He has! Isn’t that amazing?” she said, waking up a bit more. “I think there might even be a something here for you!”
“I know there’s a few things here for you,” I said. “And thanks for fixing my computer, eh?”
“It was the least I could do for you after what happened,” she said, pulling out some mugs. “I got us some strudel for our Christmas morning breakfast. It’ll go great with the coffee.”
“I’ll stick with the coffee for now, if that’s okay,” I said, as she poured me a cup and handed it to me.
“Two cream, two sugar, right?”

“Mmm, yes, please.” I sipped the hot brew thankfully. “I had nightmare after nightmare while I was sleeping, eh? Not a good way to spend, what? 24 hours?”
“You were completely out,” she agreed, sitting on the couch next to me. “Scooch over. Seriously. Hotch came by to see how you were, Morgan and Reid came by… Prentiss and Rossi both called. But you were dead to the world. You didn’t wake up for any of it,” she told me. “I mean, you tossed and turned and moaned and stuff…”
“Oh god, really? Aaron watched me moan in my sleep?” I was mortally embarrassed.
“Oh, don’t worry. He thought it was cute.” She waved her hand at me in dismissal. “What is going on between you two anyway?”
“Well,” I started, “this is part of your Christmas gift from me. Ready?”
“Let me have it.” So I did. I told her all the gory details and she oohed and aahed at all the right parts. I didn’t know whether it was right for her to see her boss in this light or not, but it was too late now. She was my favourite cousin, practically my sister, and I always shared everything with her. “You know,” she said later, when we were on our third cup of coffee and had devoured the strudel, “when we were looking up this Darrel guy, Reid showed us the tattoo and Hotch told us he’d seen it somewhere too.”
“At which point, you knew exactly what had happened between us the night before,” I said with a grin.
“I did, yes. You might want to think about having it removed,” she said seriously.
“It reminds me of where I come from and what I don’t want to be ever again,” I told her. “Although I have been considering having it reworked into a new design. Something more representative of who I am now.”
“Good idea,” she said. “Well, thanks for that great gift! How about we open the rest of the prezzies now?”
“Let’s,” I agreed, as she knelt down under the tree and started to hand out the gifts, one for me and one for her. We ended up with about five gifts or so each, with perhaps a few more for her. She had friends here, after all.


“Some of the team bought you small things,” she admitted. “They didn’t want you to have nothing under the tree to wake up to this morning.”
“Did you tell them I don’t do Christmas unless I’m with you?” I asked her, as I opened a present from her. “Oh, what a great t-shirt! Thanks! It’s so cool!”
“Yes, I told them, but they only sort of believed me. I guess if you’d been Jewish or Muslim or something they would have just understood. But they don’t really get someone who isn’t anything, y’know?”
“I’m me,” I said, putting down my gifts. “It’s good enough for me, eh?”
“I know,” she said, opening up one of her gifts from me. I’d brought them all the way from home. “Oh, how lovely!” She held the earrings up to the light. “Such beautiful glass!”
“Hand made by this guy I know,” I told her and she held them up to her ears. “Just your style too.”
“Perfect. Thanks! I love them!” she said, giving me a hug. Suddenly, a phone rang. It sounded like an old-fashioned telephone.
“Is that your phone?” I asked and she shook her head.
“Maybe it’s your new phone?”
“Hmmm.” I reached under all the wrapping paper for my new blackberry, and sure enough, it was ringing. Aaron Hotchner. “It’s him!”

“Answer it!”
“I will! Hello?”
“Hi Terra. It’s Aaron.”
“Hi Aaron. How are you?”
“More awake after a shower and a couple of cups of coffee, thanks. How are you?”
“Pretty much the same, thanks.”
“I came by yesterday, but you were still asleep.”
“I know. Pen told me. She said I wasn’t, uh, sleeping very soundly.”
“A lot of people who go through such traumatic events have nightmares, Terra. It’s not unusual.”
“I know. So, having a good Christmas?”
“I talked to Jack this morning. He’s having a good time with the toy train set I got for him,” he said and he sounded so wistful I wanted to cry for him.
“Why don’t you drive up to visit him?”
“I don’t think I’d be very welcome. Hayley’s mother’s never really liked me or what I do.”
“I’m so sorry, Aaron. Hey, hold on second, eh?” I turned to Pen and put my hand on the receiver. “Hey, would it be okay if I asked him to come here?”
“Um, better not. How about you two get together today?”
“You won’t mind?”
“Of course not!”

“Thanks Pen,” I said, and then took my hand off my phone. “Aaron? Did you want to get together today? Do something for Christmas or something?”
“Aren’t you spending it with Penelope?”
“We’ve had our Christmas morning thing and we’ll be meeting up again for dinner, but I’ve got the afternoon free, if you want me… uh, if you want to see me,” I said. Pen was laughing behind me and I shot her a dirty look.
“Sure. That would be good. I think we need to talk anyway,” he said and I groaned inwardly. It would be one of those afternoons. “I can come and get you.”
“Sure. I need to shower and dress, but I can be ready in about half an hour.”
“That’s fine. I’ll pick you up outside Penelope’s apartment building in half an hour.”
“I’ll see you then.”
“I look forward to it.”

I looked at Pen as I got up off the couch. “He wants to talk.”
“Oh dear,” she said, taking my coffee cup from me.
“Yep,” I sighed and headed to the shower.
“What are you going to tell him?”
“Well, the truth I guess. More or less. I mean, he knows more than I tell him from my behaviour anyway, so what good is trying to hide anything, right?”
“That makes sense, I guess,” she said, putting the dishes in the dishwasher. “Well, while you and the bossman talk, or whatever you plan on doing… I’m going to catch up on my holiday emails and planning for New Year’s Eve.”
“Right. What are we doing for that?”
“I don’t know yet, but I’m pretty sure it’ll involve a lot of alcohol, pretty party dresses for you and me, and perhaps some very gallant gentlemen. Oh, and lots of great music!” she said, turning on her laptop at the kitchen table. I nodded.
“Sounds good. Just let me know,” I said as I closed to the door to the bathroom and started the shower.