He Needed Me

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Chapter 8

They sat in the library, Rose rubbing her hands together, “So, is it the rack or the iron maiden?”

He rolled his eyes as he flopped back in a chair. He rested his chin in his hand for a moment, trying to gather his thoughts. He really didn’t want to face this yet, but in a way he’d promised and he really would be avoiding her if he tried to put it off. Plus he knew she wasn’t going to let this go, not if she went to all the trouble of finding out about Rassilion. It was a little known law of his people but quite a while back they’d set up rules for mating outside of the species. Even if Rose rejected him, the fact that there was a possibility of his interest made his explaining himself mandatory.

Rubbing at the back of his head, “You’ve probably noticed I’m a bit telepathic.” He gave her a quick glance to see her nod, her expression serious and attentive, “We’re all like that, Timelords. Because of that, when we’re with someone it’s not just a physical connection but a mental one.”

Mock pouting, “You don’t think I’m smart enough.”

Refusing to be sidetracked now that he’d started, he just lightly flicked her nose, “Timelords aren’t built for more than one person. When...if I’m with you, it’s only you. That’s it.” He clicked his teeth but pressed on, “Until you die I’ll only see you.” Grimacing, “Although at this late stage in my game your death...probably kill me.” She stiffened and he noticed, scratching at his ear but not seemingly concerned about the fact that he could die, “We try to have a mate within our first or second regeneration. I’m more than nine hundred, Rose, give or take and people of my age are usually scholars and teachers. We don’t take mates and we’re set in our ways.”

Rose snorted, “You are at that.”

Ignoring the running commentary, “We’re not out in space exploring and meeting fantastic people...fighting monsters and saving the universe...” Shrugging, “I’m odd that way. Even before the war I traveled the universe and back, refusing to be led quietly to a community on Gallifrey where I could be ‘looked after’.” She frowned, “With my age, my mind gets a bit imbalanced. Makes only sense that after that many regenerations something’s going to go a bit odd. We had small communities where our minds would be stabilized and monitored.” He shuddered, “Not for me.”

Something clicked in her mind, “That’s why your change went a bit wrong, as you put it. Are they all going to do that?”

He thought for a second before slowly nodding, “One way or another. Might not be as dramatic but...”

He shrugged a bit to himself. His gaze sharpened on her, holding his breath for her reaction. She just grinned after a moment, “I’ll be sure to have more tea on standby, then.”

“Yep.” Popping his ‘p’, a grin crossed his face for just a moment before his tone turned
longing, “Timelords were connected to one another, it was like having a bit of background noise always going on in my head. It was beautiful Rose... beautiful...like listening to a sunset...no real thoughts so much as feelings and...I can’t explain it in your terms, you don’t have the words.” He sniffed and forced back the regret, soldiering on, “Had I regenerated when they were still...their thoughts and feelings would have kept me grounded, helped me to get used to this body...” He frowned to himself and trailed off for a minute, lost in his thoughts. Rose didn’t interrupt, knowing he’d refocus in a minute. He blinked twice and suddenly he was back on, “Sorry. Regenerate. Wait...mates.” Sighing and giving his head a bit of a shake, “So, that’s part of it and here’s the rest. A mate can be a stabilizing force but it’s tricky. Essentially if you accept me and I accept you, we would form a mental bond. No ceremony or ritual, just a nearly instantaneous psychic connection. I would know you, everything about you inside and out and...” He grimaced, “...and you’d know me.” Rose narrowed her eyes a little, seeing that aspect made him truly uncomfortable, “It’s permanent. There’s no breaking it or reversing it or changing your mind.”

“Kissing?”

He started playing with his hands, twiddling his thumbs and crossing his fingers over and over again, anything not to look at her, “I told you that I wanted a mate. You had said yes, even if you had no idea what you were getting into. At the time had you kissed me the bond would have been instantaneous. It takes intimate physical contact and a willingness from both sides.” Mumbling as the thumb twiddling picked up speed, “And I’d been more than willing.”

Frowning, “But not now?”

His brown eyes flicked to her face for a split second and she easily saw her answer there. Clearing his throat uncomfortably, forcing himself to put his hands back in his lap, “Right, so here’s the other trick.” She raised both eyebrows in surprise. There was more? But then she noticed his subtle blush and realized this was going to be good, “Timelords are, um...well anyone from Gallifrey really...see we may be incredibly long lived but we weren’t terribly...there wasn’t a whole lot of us a while back so we had to get creative, genetically speaking, for the good of the species...”

He covered his face with his hands as his entire face turned red instead of just his freckled cheeks. Rose pursed her lips before pushing herself out of her chair and slipping into the loveseat. He froze as she sat down next to him, giving her a wary glance. She just smiled and pulled him into a hug and he relaxed almost instantly, “Just tell me.”

He talked as quickly and quietly as possible, just loud enough so she could hear it all and wouldn’t
have to repeat it, “If you and I ever...you’ll get p-pregnant. Very. Pretty much a guarantee the first time. We’re different species but our genetics are a close enough match. My...um, the fertilized egg is protected because of...no pill or contraceptive in the universe can help and instinctively I’ll be beyond crushed if you try to get rid of it.”

She pursed her lips, ignoring his hesitations. He was almost sounding prudish right now which she would never have associated with him. But she knew from experience some cultures were just that way about certain things, “First of all, if I were pregnant I’d never get rid of ‘im. Now, for my own curiosity, nothing on your side either?”

He shook his head against her shoulder and hid his face, “I’m allergic to pretty much everything they make concerning c-c-condoms and the...uh, s-spermicide is ineffective.”

Getting just one little dig in, “So you’ve got super sperm, then?” He groaned and she had no doubt he was blushing to his toes. He started toying with her hair with the tips of his fingers, nervous. He’d mentioned once and only once that he’d been a dad, which meant he’d been married, maybe even ‘mated’ if that’s how they put it. He’d said all the Timelords were gone now, which meant his kids and family and such. Traumatic to put it mildly. She felt horrible for him but it left her with a burning question. Would he ever want to even risk having a family again if it meant possibly losing them? Nibbling on her lower lip as she thought of what he said, “You said by instinct you’ll be crushed...do you not want kids?”

He looked off distantly, remembering. He’d been married once, though never mated. He’d had children, grandchildren, and so on and had loved them all. They were all gone now and he tried not to think about it but he couldn’t help imagine a child with his brown eyes and Rose’s gorgeous locks, “Course I do. More Timelords in the univ-...”

Rose jerked back to stare hard into his eyes, “No. Not talkin’ bout some noble thing or nuthin’.
Kids. Family. With me? Do you want kids?” She was not going to let him avoid the issue. Not about this. Not when this could be their entire future together.

He was a master of avoiding issues. He could have even lied to her face. But as much as he wanted to protect her from himself, her love for him had made him a bit selfish. He swallowed hard and gave her the blunt honest truth, “With you more than anything.” Frowning, “But there’s an awfully big, big chance they’ll be stillborn.” She stiffened and his frown deepened, “We’re alien to each other, Rose, even if I look human. I’ve literally got time flowing through my veins. Can’t be half human, half Timelord. Not possible. Humans can’t handle what being a Timelord means. Have to be more Timelord than human or...” He shrugged sadly, knowing the odds were very good that even with a mate he would still be the last of his kind.

“With you and me in the mix I’ll take those odds and we’ll beat ‘em.” He grinned a little, though sadly. She could see, almost feel, his loneliness. He honestly wanted this but he was more than willing to cast his own desires away to protect her. And to be honest she was just as willing to protect him from herself. Her lower lip trembled just a little, stroking his temple, “I can’t kill you to be with you.”

His brow furrowed just a little, eyes distant before he met her gaze again. This should be where he accepted that and just walked away. But what came tumbling out surprised even him, “If that’s your only hesitation don’t let it stop you.” His eyes widened and he slapped both hands over his mouth. Rose couldn’t help but giggle but with determination she forced first hand back to his side and then the other.

She gave him a challenging look, pushing him to continue and stop thinking so much, “C’mon then.”

“I’ve lived for so long, Rose, but my happiest memories are with you...well, barring a few others when I was much, much, much younger but...” He grinned, “...you get the point.”

She smiled and rested her forehead against his, deciding it needed to be all out there from both sides, “Yeah, got it. And I don’t know all that the TARDIS did but I’m pretty sure I can drive her now...and I can feel her in the back of me head a bit.”

He squeezed his eyes shut, shaking his head against her, “I’m so sorry, Rose.”

Grinning and shrugging, “I’m not.” His eyes shot open, staring at her, “You’re not so special now so there.” She stuck her tongue out at him for good measure and a chortle escaped him, unchecked.

A serious expression morphed his face a moment later. He’d promised companionship and a trip, not to turn her into something else, “I didn’t...I promised to show you the universe...it wasn’t supposed to...be like this.”

“There you go again, thinkin’ too much.” Running a finger down his nose, “So you didn’t want to get in my pants from the get go then?”

He looked absolutely horrified, “NO!!”

Sighing when she realized he was taking her way too seriously, cupping his face, “Hey, just a joke. Doctor you had nothing but honest intentions from the start...so did I.” She frowned a bit, “Well, up till you took me to see me dad.” He blinked at her in surprise, “That’s when I knew...” She smiled slowly, “That’s when I knew you loved me. Suspected it with the whole Dalek adventure but I knew for sure then.” He swallowed, “Knew you had to love me for doin’ what you did. Probably before that even but it’s when I knew I love you.”

His brow furrowed, voice hoarse, “How?”

Her chin trembled, voice teeming with emotions, “Cause my heart broke when you died.”

He rubbed the pad of his thumb along her chin, studying it as he shook his head, “Oh Rose...Rose you’re so wrong.” She frowned at him, confused. He steadfastly refused to meet her eyes, studying her chin and her lips, “I wasn’t honest...I loved you from the start.” Her breath caught in her throat, hearing from him for the first time the words she longed for the most, “I never ask twice. Never come back after I’m refused. But I had to try a little harder, had to be sure you really would refuse...I wanted you with me so very much.” He frowned, “But you were so young...still are and...it’s not right-...”

She put a finger to his lips, “You’re never gonna find someone your own age so don’t even start that argument. You love me and I love you...that’s all that matters.”

“Sometimes love isn’t enough.”

Grinning a bit, “It is for us.”

He couldn’t argue about the danger of traveling with him. He knew she lived for it. Couldn’t say anything about her family since it was obvious she was willing to leave them behind forever for him. But there was one more thing. Throwing in every argument he could think of. Had to be sure. Her regretting it later would just about destroy him, “I’ll never age in this body, Rose. Not till I almost die and regenerate again. I’ll change someday Rose. I might be old and wrinkly.”

Shrugging, “So will I one day. Doesn’t bother me if it doesn’t bother you.” Smirking, “Sides, you’re all old and wrinkly on the inside. Don’t care.” Laughing, “And who knows...might be ginger next go round.”

He met her eyes then, “Are you sure?”

She met him back stubbornly, not wavering, “It’s better with two...especially us two.” He grinned a little, she seeing acceptance in his eyes for the first time. She pulled him back into that hug with a grin, thinking about all the confessions and truths that had passed back and forth. Wow, she could be a mother before the year was out. Her own mum was going to have a fit. Sticking her tongue in her cheek, “So that barefoot and pregnant comment wasn’t exactly off, then?” He stuttered so badly he couldn’t get a coherent word out, obviously horribly embarrassed and she nuzzled his ear, “Relax, Doctor, I’m just teasing.” She pulled back and cupped his face, not moving in to kiss him but reassuring him, “I’m not the one with domestic issues, remember? I know you’re alien to me and me to you and some things were going to be different. And I’m perfectly alright with it.” Giving him a smile, “And if being a mom is the sacrifice for being with you then I’m ready if you are.” His brown eyes looked so hopeful she had to smile sweetly, brushing his cheek with her fingers, “So, now that I know it all and you know it all can I kiss you?”

He swallowed heavily, the blush fading, and repeated in a whisper, “Are you sure?” That guilty little voice in the back of his mind that was telling him repeatedly he should not be even considering this had shut up a long time ago.

Gently running a hand through his hair, “I promised you forever and I meant it. I’ve been sure for more than 2 years...are you?”

He nodded ever so faintly, if possible falling more in love with her than before. He selfishly wanted this more than anything and he cast aside his reservations of chaining her to his worthless hide for the rest of her life. Swallowing dryly, his voice quiet and hopeful, “Yes...”

Smiling sweetly, brushing the pad of her thumb against his lips, “I love you, Doctor.”

He closed his eyes and swallowed before meeting her gaze and whispering the words that he hadn’t dared to utter out loud in forever, “Rose Tyler I-...” He looked skiddish for just a moment but she was still here and so was he and he rushed to say it before he couldn’t, “I love you.” He nearly gasped as the futures spanned out before him once more, his mind awash with possibilities. But they were no longer the lonely path that he had always seen. It was the pair of them. Fighting, living, and loving...together.

She moved towards him slowly to not scare him, his arms still at his sides as he watched her with apprehension. She ever so lightly brushed her lips against his and he inhaled sharply. His mouth opened in a gasp and she covered his with her own, coaxing him to respond as their eyes drifted closed. She tangled her fingers in his locks, holding him tightly. And she felt it. His presence, his very essence settled into her thoughts and mind. He was enormous and dynamic and she feared for just a moment she’d drown in him. But his ‘touch’ was feather light and gentle, caressing against ‘her’ as if in greeting. But it was more than a caress. She saw him. He was ancient and strong and brave and forever. She saw all of him and he was as wonderful as she’d believed him to be. He was right, there were no words for describing it. It was like she could feel her own soul and his had settled in next to it, melding the two of them together. She could feel his want, his sadness, his fear, and the constant loneliness that was abating for the first time in forever. All the negatives were drifting back, leaving a timid fluttering of happiness and joy.

He pulled her close, desperately so, and held her as tightly as possible. He could feel her. All of her. Waves upon waves of her. She was inside of him, inside his mind, encompassing all of him in a layer of comfort. How one tiny human girl could stretch so far he didn’t know and didn’t care. She was a beautiful symphony of emotions and feelings and those feelings were all for him, filling up all the empty spaces in his damaged soul. A mate. He had a mate. Finally he felt someone in his thoughts after going so long without. It had more than devastated him, the passing of his people. It wasn’t just a destroyed home or the loss of all the family and friends he had known. It was the void in his mind, where soft thoughts and feelings had mingled with his own, torn from him with their passing. He’d felt so utterly bereft and alone and he thought he would never, ever find it again. And then he met Rose. His beautiful, special Rose and he just knew he was never going to be alone again.

Tears ran, unbidden, down his face and she tasted them on her lips as she peppered his cheeks and forehead with reassuring kisses. Stroking his temples with her thumbs as he shuddered silently against her, “You’re not alone, Doctor. Never again.” He nodded quietly, unable to say anything that wouldn’t turn into a sob. He just held her and silently wept in joy. Reinette had called him a lonely angel, alone then and alone now and she hadn’t been wrong. Even in a crowd he’d felt so alone. But not anymore.

Wrapping her arms around his neck, she nuzzled his temple and held him, knowing it was that closeness that he needed the most. Slowly he became less aware of her presence in his mind and more aware of the warm wiggling body in his lap. She moaned and pressed closer as she felt a surge of desire. He flipped them so suddenly she gasped in surprise and delight. A soft almost growl rumbled in the back of his throat as he assaulted her lips with his own, letting her know there was another sort of closeness he wanted. Another wave of desire surged through her, hot and heavy, and after a moment she realized it wasn’t just her own. She threaded her fingers through his hair and held on as he kissed and nipped her lips, still holding her tightly.

That feeling of want she’d felt from him was quickly becoming red hot molten, sparking her own passion. His mouth that he used for so many things was proving to be very talented and she moaned appreciatively. With mischief her fingers trailed slowly down his chest before finding her prize and lightly caressing him. He pulled back to gasp in a breath of air, panting as he turned dark eyes on her. His growl was for real this time, just one word, “Bed.” She just smirked and nodded, squealing as he scooped her almost effortlessly into his arms and carried her there.

***

Rose silently ran a finger along the Doctor’s light smattering of chest hair, the man in question sleeping soundly. He was curled up tightly to her, his face buried in her hair and his arms wrapped around her possessively. There were two things she’d admired about him outside of the bedroom: his whit and his stamina. It was good to know they were useful behind closed doors as well. Creative, passionate, and utterly satisfying. It had been a long time since she’d hurt in all the right places and she was enjoying it immensely. With a smile she could honestly say she had no complaints. Nor regrets.

Absently she reached down to press lightly against her abdomen. She wondered if there was a tiny Timelord there yet. She wouldn’t tell him, at least not yet, but the thought of being pregnant with his child was both scary and exhilarating. She’d dreamed of carrying his baby, of the two of them being a real couple and now it looked as if it might come true. And silently she vowed she would do anything and everything in her power to make certain their child came safely into the world. If that meant bed rest and staying in the vortex until it was time then so be it but she was going to make damned sure that since she only had one life to live, he was not going to be alone after she was gone.

He was content. She could feel it, and it only amplified her own feelings. She leaned a little closer to kiss the top of his head, just because she could as she wrapped her arms around him. She wasn’t especially sleepy but she wasn’t about to take for granted that he’d sleep the night away or that he wouldn’t be pestering once he woke up. She closed her eyes, listening closely and could feel his two hearts beating at a steady rhythm against her body. Sighing softly, “I love you...” She leaned in close and whispered his true name against his ear.

His mind whispered in her’s, . Sleep claimed her quite easily after that.