Found

Disclaimer: I don't own the Magnificent Seven, not making any money, just cheap thrills.

Warnings: Angst, Slash

Italics and/or // indicates Sarah

Rating: FRT

Found
Chapter 9


Chris woke with a start, his eyes immediately going to the man in the bed. "I'm so sorry Ezra," he whispered. Taking the lax hand of the injured man in his, he brought it to his lips, brushing a kiss over the knuckles. "I'm going to help you through this baby, if you'll let me," he promised. A small smile blossomed on his face as Ezra moved towards him in his sleep. Chris hoped the unconscious movement was a sign that the other man could accept his love.

//Be patient love, his soul has been badly hurt.//

"How do I help him pretty lady?" he asked, her presence not surprising him this time.

//Love him, show him that you still find him worthy of your love.//

"Of course I do," Chris vehemently insisted.

//A ghostly chuckle echoed around the walls. I know you do love, and he is worthy of you but he doesn't believe that, nor will he trust easily. You must show him, prove to him that he deserves to be loved, trust will follow.//

"How?"

//Actions speak louder than words my love, and you have always been a man of action.//

Chris' smile was bittersweet as memories of nights spent in her arms flashed through his mind, showing him the truth of her words. "I miss you so much Sarah. When I lost you and Adam I didn't know how I would go on, didn't want to go on, truth be told."

//I know love, we both miss you too. Our time is past though, it is time for you to move on.//

"With Ezra," Chris whispered, a soft smile on his lips.

//Sarah smiled, yes love. He is your future. Shhh, she hushed him as he began to speak. I know you haven't stopped loving me. I will always have a place in your heart, but there is room for Ezra too. You have been given a wonderful gift, my love, not one, but two great loves. Treasure him, love him, be sure he never doubts his place in your heart.//

"This is the last time I'll talk to you, isn't it?"

//I will always be here love, watching over you both, but no we won't talk again until you join me in the next life. Someday we will all be together here, me, Adam, you and Ezra.//

"Ezra?" Chris asked, he hadn't expected that.

//Of course, he is a part of you love. You have a gift Chris, a rare gift indeed. Placing a hand on his chest, she looked into his eyes, willing him to see her.//

Chris stared, in spite of the conversation he'd been having with her, he was still shocked to see Sarah kneeling in front of him.

//Sarah smiled. A gift Chris, she repeated, those you truly love do not just enter your heart, they become a part of your soul. I am a part of your soul Chris, so is Adam and so are Ezra and Vin.//

"Vin?"

//Yes, he is a part of your soul, but not like me or Ezra, more like Adam. Didn't you ever wonder why you can almost talk to him without words?//

"Well yeah...are you saying that it's because he's a part of my soul? If that's true though, then why can't I do that with Ezra, why couldn't I do it with you?"

//Always needing proof, Sarah smiled. As I said, the feelings you have for Vin are more like those you have for Adam. They are, for lack of a better description, more pure, simpler than those you have for me and Ezra. You used to be able to communicate with our son much like you do with Vin, remember?//

Chris nodded, he had forgotten that until now, but she was right. Even when Adam was a baby, he had seemed to instinctively known what his son needed. He'd only been able to figure out what Sarah needed about half the time. "So you're saying because the feelings I have for you and Ezra are those of a lover it complicates things?"

//That's it exactly my love.//

"I like the idea that you're all a part of my soul, but..." he trailed off, trying to find a way to say what he needed to. "It hurt so much Sarah, like a part of me had been ripped away; I don't know if I can do it again."

//You didn't understand then Chris, if you had it wouldn't have been so hard. Though, I won't deceive you, it wouldn't have been easy either. I wish I could have explained it to you, but until you opened yourself up to love again I wasn't able to. I know love that it felt as if you had lost part of your soul, you didn't though, I promise. We have always been with you, and if Ezra or Vin cross over before you they will continue to be a part of your soul, as long as you don't shut them out.//

Chris gasped, his hand moving to his chest as if he could somehow stop the pain that suddenly grew in his heart. "Is that what I did to you and Adam?"

//You didn't know, Sarah quickly soothed. We will never stop being a part of your soul and now that you have opened yourself to love again you will know it. All you need to do is think of us and you will feel our presence. No, you won't be able to speak to us or see us, but you will know we are there and if you let it, that sense will bring you comfort.//

Chris blinked and Sarah was on her feet. Leaning forward, she placed a soft kiss on his lips. A smile on her face, she drew away, glancing between him and Ezra.

//I must go now love, remember those who are a part of your soul are never truly lost to you. Love him Chris, he needs you...take care of him.//

In the blink of an eye she was gone, as if she'd never been there. Glancing at Ezra, he was surprised the man still slept. Maybe it was a ghost thing. Chris snorted, when had he started believing in ghosts? The moment you heard Sarah's voice whispering in your ear, came the silent answer. He nodded, knowing it was true. It was amazing how easily he had accepted that she was real, but then he had always trusted Sarah; why would death change that?

Sensing somebody staring at him brought him to consciousness. Green eyes blinked open, their owner working to focus on his surroundings. Something was different...memories returned, wringing a gasp from him. Turning his head, he smiled at the blond staring down at him, eyes filled with concern and something else he wasn't sure he could name. "Chris?"

"Hey," Chris whispered. "How are you feeling?" he quietly asked.

Ezra wasn't sure how to respond, couldn't seem to think. The feel of Chris' warm hand holding his own, the other gently brushing the hair from his forehead, left him confused. Why was his boss holding his hand? "No! Please, no," he whispered, unaware that he'd spoken aloud.

"It's all right Ezra, you're safe now."

"Am I?"

"Yes, that bastard is in jail and he won't ever get the chance to hurt you again," Chris vowed.

Ezra shuddered, it was certainly a relief to know that Doug couldn't hurt him now. He wondered, however, what Chris would expect from him. Did he plan to take up where his ex-lover had left off? "How long must I remain in this institution?"

Chris smiled, "A couple more hours. The doctor just wanted to keep you overnight for observation."

"Good, I won't need to facilitate my own release from this abysmal locale. It will be a relief to return to my own home."

"Actually Ezra, you can't go home just yet."

"Why, pray tell, not?"

"Your place is still considered a crime scene," Chris explained. "I thought you could come to the ranch until the FBI releases the scene and lets us clean it up."

Ezra rubbed his head, he wasn't sure how long he'd been missing but he was pretty sure it'd been more than just a day or two. "Shouldn't they have already released it?"

"As long as you were missing they didn't want to release it, just in case they had missed something. Now that Lawerence has been caught, they'll probably want to go over it one more time to make sure they got everything. I'm sure they'll allow you back in by tomorrow, day after at the latest."

"I see, I suppose it would make sense for me to accompany you to the ranch."

Chris could tell he was reluctant, though he wasn't sure why. "I want you to stay at the ranch Ezra, but you don't have to. I'm sure Josiah or Vin and Buck would be happy to let you stay with them, if you'd be more comfortable."

Ezra frowned, "I'm not sure I could withstand Josiah's well intentioned assistance."

Chris chuckled, "He can be a bit hard to take sometimes."

"Yes he can."

"Do you want me to ask Vin and Buck?"

Ezra thought it over, a part of him wanted to, but he didn't think it would be fair to his friends. They hadn't been together that long, truthfully they were still in that honeymoon period. Factor in the recent ending of Phillip Spencer's trial, something he knew had been hard on both of them, though thankfully it hadn't taken long for a guilty verdict to be reached. No, he couldn't in good conscience inflict his own problems on them when they were only now finally able to relax. "No," he quietly replied. "I will come to the ranch, if you're quite sure it isn't a problem."

"It's never a problem to take care of the people you care about Ezra," Chris sadly responded. It hurt, knowing the trust the younger man had given him last night was no longer there, but it wasn't entirely surprising.

Ezra wanted to ask him precisely what he meant by that, but he never got the chance. The door opened, admitting an aide, carrying a breakfast tray. She had barely left the room, when the nurse came in to take his vitals. Her appearance was quickly followed by another aide, come into the room to take care of the housekeeping chores. Not willing to discuss his private life in front of strangers, Ezra focused on eating the vile concoction they dared to claim was food. Just as he finished his breakfast and the aide left the room, the doctor entered. Though it delayed his discussion with Chris, he didn't mind as it meant he would soon be freed from the confines of the hospital. The moment the doctor left the room, Ezra was throwing back the covers. By the time he was released the rest of his team had arrived at the hospital and were intent on accompanying them back to Chris' ranch. After a day spent with his friends, Ezra had nearly fallen into bed, the conversation he'd meant to have with Chris forgotten.



Buck had been watching Chris and Ezra for the past month. The more time that passed, the more concerned he became over the chances of them ever finding their way to each other. At first he had been amazed by Chris' uncharacteristically slow pursuit of Ezra. He had been sure that he would have to remind the man, probably more than once, that after what he'd been through, their undercover agent needed to be handled with patience. It had been a pleasant surprise to be proven wrong. Unfortunately, it didn't seem to be working out like they'd all hoped. No matter how patient Chris was, Ezra continued to keep him at arms length.

He knew that Ezra had been put through hell by Doug Lawerence. He hadn't expected the man to just fall into Chris' arms, but he couldn't understand why Ezra wouldn't even give Chris a chance. Vin had warned him to stay out of it, Buck grinned, of course his lover had known the warning was wasted. If only he could find the key that would convince Ezra to give Chris a chance. The sounds of a heated argument drew him from his thoughts.

The argument itself wasn't important, something about a claim on Ezra's expense report, SOP really. No, the important thing was the key! Buck watched the emotions playing over the undercover agent's face as he argued with Chris. First came fear, as if he expected to be hit at any moment. The fear was closely followed by amazement when he wasn't physically or verbally quashed for arguing. When Chris finally agreed that the expense might be valid, Buck saw something that told him there was a chance; in the depths of the emerald eyes flickered a small flame of hope.

"What are you up to Buck?" Vin whispered in his lover's ear, grinning when the older man jumped.

"Damn it Vin, don't sneak up on me like that."

"Answer the question."

"I ain't up to nothing," Buck denied.

Vin shot him a disbelieving look, "Sure you're not. Stay out of it Bucklin, they need to work this out on their own," he warned again.

"I'm not going to interfere sweetness, but I do need to talk to Ezra. Excuse me," he mumbled. Pushing himself to his feet, he followed Ezra into the break room. Stepping over to the coffee pot, he poured himself a cup. "Can I talk to you Ezra?"

One eyebrow went up, "I believe you are doing so Buck."

"Funny," Buck smirked. "Seriously Ezra..."

"Would there be any point in saying no?"

"Not really," Buck admitted.

"Proceed please," Ezra graciously responded.

"I think I know why you've been keeping Chris at arms length."

Ezra stiffened, he should have known this would be the topic of conversation. "That is not your concern."

"You're wrong there Ez, it's my concern because you're both my friends and it ain't right to let that bastard keep you apart."

"I don't know what you're referring to Mr. Wilmington."

"Don't you?" Buck scoffed. "Look Ezra, I know Lawerence did some pretty bad things to you and that's left you afraid."

"Why would I be afraid of a man who is in jail?"

Buck ignored the question. "I know you love Chris and even though he's been taking things slow, you'd have to be blind not to notice his feelings for you. I think what scares you is what he'll do with those feelings."

Ezra swallowed hard, damn the man for being so perceptive. "Really Mr. Wilmington, I have seen Dear Abby's column in the newspaper and you look nothing like the dear lady."

Buck smiled, the scathing tone telling him more than anything else that he was on the right track. "Hell Ezra, she's a rank amateur compared to me. I saw it today when you were arguing with Chris, just can't believe I didn't spot it before."

"What are you blathering on about?"

"You're afraid he'll try to control you, just like Doug Lawerence did."

The words seemed to suck all of the air from the room. For a moment, neither man moved. Ezra turned, bolting for the door, only to be stopped by a large hand suddenly pushing against it. Turning, he stared up at the man who towered over him. It was funny really, but he had never realized until that moment just how large a man Buck was. Swallowing his fear, he drew upon a lifetime of training as he tamped down on his fear. "Remove your hand from the door," he coldly ordered.

"Not until you agree to listen."

"Listen to what? Your amateurish attempts at psychoanalysis? I don't think so Mr. Wilmington."

"To the truth," Buck countered. "Just listen Ezra and I'll never bring it up again, I promise."

He could get past Buck, if he really wanted to, he wasn't helpless after all. A small voice whispered to listen, and as he had done most of his life, he obeyed the small voice which sounded remarkably like his father. "Fine, I'll listen."

Satisfied, Buck stepped back. "When you were arguing with Chris you expected to be hit and when you weren't it amazed you. I realized then that what you're afraid of, is loving a strong man like Larabee. I think you need to understand something about Chris, he is controlling on the job because that is his job and he's very good at it. But, that is the only place he is controlling." Buck grinned at the look of doubt, "Don't believe me do you? You ever wonder why he never went for Mary Travis?"

"I suppose he didn't find her attractive."

"He doesn't, but it's not her physical appearance that turned him off, it was her trying to manipulate and control him. Chris won't tolerate a lover who tries to control him."

"I see," Ezra whispered. His heart sank in his chest, Buck's words seeming to confirm his fears about Chris.

"He doesn't want a lover who will let him control him or her either. You've seen pictures of Sarah, does she look like a woman who could be controlled?"

Ezra shook his head.

"You bet she couldn't, and if she had Chris would have dumped her in a heartbeat. Chris and Sarah used to argue all the time about everything from which beer was best to who should be president and he loved it."

"He did?"

"Sure," Buck grinned. "Can't have make up sex if ya don't argue," he teased. "Look Ez," Buck turned serious again, "love Chris or don't, but you don't need to fear him. He wouldn't ever intentionally hurt you and the only time he'll try to control you is when it comes to work. That's his job as team leader, can't really blame him for that."

"Are you sure Buck?"

"I'm positive Ezra, you can trust Chris. I'll even make you a promise, if he ever intentionally hurts you tell me and I'll personally teach him a lesson he won't forget."

Ezra stared at him, his eyes shimmering with unshed tears. He knew how close Buck and Chris were, how important that friendship was. "You'd do that for me?"

"In a heartbeat," Buck gently confirmed.

"Thank you Buck. I," Ezra paused, "I'll give him a chance."

"Good, and Ezra, I guarantee you won't regret it," Buck grinned.

Ezra dipped his head, rewarding Buck with one of his two fingered salutes. Opening the door, he quickly walked through the bull pen and into Chris' office.

Chris looked up, ready to berate whoever had walked in without knocking, not that he really minded. Something about the look on Ezra's face stopped him. "What is it Ezra?"

"I wondered if that dinner invitation was still open?" Ezra quickly asked, afraid he would lose his nerve if he hesitated. Ezra felt his knees go weak as Chris' smile lit up his face.

"I'll pick you up at seven?"

Ezra smiled, and if Chris sensed something of his nervousness he said nothing, “I look forward to it.”

Chris watched him go, fighting the urge to jump up and claim his lips right then. He didn't know what Buck had said to him, but he thanked God his old friend had chosen to interfere. As he reached for the phone to make a reservation for tonight, he wondered what he could do to thank Buck for his help.


TBC

SOP= Standard Operating Procedure

The next chapter will include their first date, but the muses have decided they don't want to tell me anymore at this time, so I must stop. Please feed the muses with reviews and maybe they'll give me the details of the date. ;)