Reoccuring Visions

Chapter 9



Ianto tries to heal with out Jack…



Ianto was in the hospital for three more weeks as his back healed. Thanks to the tree he healed quickly on the outside, but on the inside, he was a million tiny pieces. Avalon was the one who took him home. He didn’t even make it to the door way before he collapsed in a fit of tears. Avalon nudged him inside and on the couch, she was not going to put him up in their bedroom, it was still so raw for him. Avalon ran up to the bed room to fetch him some sleep pants. After getting him to change, he looked into her eyes, and very calmly began to speak.

“I want you to kill me Avalon.” He said.

“I…” She was speechless for a moment, “No Ianto, you are not taking the easy way out, besides Jack still has to come back.” She said, running her fingers through his hair.

“I don’t think he is coming back Avalon, it’s been four weeks, the longest he was out was a week.” Ianto said.

“Have faith Ianto.” She smiled and kissed his forehead, placing his phone near him. “If you need anything, at anytime, call me ok?” She looked him in the eyes. “If Jack doesn’t come back, I promise you I will not let you live with that forever, no one should.” Ianto knew what she was talking about. “Just make it through today, and tomorrow we will see about drugging you, to help you with this.” Ianto nodded, falling into a pain killer induced sleep. Avalon left and walked back to the house, trying not to cry. She had been good so far, a few tears here and there but she knew she was due for a big cry. She opened the door and walked in, the Doctor was waiting for her with a glass of Essence. Avalon took off her over coat and jacket and sat down, tossing a silver stop watch on the table.

“What’s that?” the Doctor asked, he looked like he had been crying recently.

“This is what was happening to Ianto…” Avalon watched him pick it up and look it over, suddenly gasping.

“You have a Time Lord in there don’t you?” the Doctor asked.

“Not just any Time Lord…the Master…” Avalon let that sink into the Doctor’s mind.

“He survived?” The Doctor asked, still moving his hands over it.

“Yes apparently, I don’t know how he did it.” Avalon replied, refilling her glass. She drank it down, fighting the sadness away; she had Ianto to take care of and a team to guide. “Why did you leave me and leave that temptation for me?” She asked calmly.

“I wanted to make sure you would stay mine, you are my last piece to Galafrey, and I had to keep that at all costs.”

“It almost cost me my life Doctor! You left me all alone, and then left your energy for me to get high on!” She suddenly got up opened up a closet door and closed it. She tossed a pillow and blanket at him. “You are sleeping down here. You almost cost me my life, my safety, my being, my job. I lost almost everything that I had because of your bungee cord tether. I know you are sorry, and you have seen the light and this is not a good time for you to talk but we needed to. I loved Jack just as much if not more than you. You know what Ianto asked me to do to him?”

“No…” the Doctor said softly, still looking at the watch in his hand.

“He asked me to kill him, because he didn’t want to live with out Jack. I have to watch him everyday, die a little…he hasn’t even seen Jack…” Avalon looked at him. “You aren’t even paying attention! God Damn it Doctor!” She picked up her keys and started walking out of the house.

“Athanasia, please don’t go…It’s so lonely here with out you.”

“Maybe you should have thought of that before you royally fucked up and screwed me.” She walked out the door, letting it slam behind her. She in took a deep breath and let it out slowly as she began to walk towards Jack and Ianto’s house. The drizzle that has been going off and on all day suddenly turned into a down pour as she continued to walk. Finally she arrived, completely soaked to the bone, at the house. She let herself in to check on Ianto. He was still asleep but she knew he would wake soon. Avalon took the time to go to her guest room and hang up her wet clothes before she changed into a dry, loose satin tunic and some black satin pants. She pulled her hair up into a messy looking bun and headed back to Ianto. Ianto was moaning in pain as she came back, sweat beading across his forehead. Avalon touched his face gently, wiping the sweat away. He woke with a start as she took her hand away, screaming Jack’s name. Avalon knelt beside him, a look of concern across her face.

“I had his hand Avalon, I had his hand but I couldn’t pull him up, I couldn’t pull him out of the darkness.” Ianto burst into a flood of tears as Avalon held him. She felt him wince as her hand ran down his back.

“It’s ok Ianto.” She spoke softly in his ear.

“I don’t know how, I don’t know how to live with out him…” He sobbed saying over and over.

“Come on, let’s get you cleaned up a bit and I will go get us some good greasy food, some ice cream and booze and we will sit here, watch what ever you want to watch and enjoy ourselves.” Avalon said smiling through tired eyes.

“Don’t you have the Doctor to be at home with?” Ianto looked at her; his eyes were red and puffy.

“The Doctor and I are not on good terms right now Ianto, so I am here to make sure you are ok.” She ran her fingers through his hair.

“Where is Jack?” Ianto asked.

“He is still at the Hub…” She could tell what he was going to ask next, just by looking at him. “Do you feel like going right now?”

“Yes.” Ianto said, sitting up. Avalon helped him into his car as she began to drive back to the Hub. Ianto was silent the whole way there, as they parked and went down to the Hub. When the final door opened, Tosh, Gwen and Owen were there, working.

“No activity.” Tosh said to Owen, apparently an answer to an earlier question. Avalon took Ianto’s hand and began to lead him to where Jack lay. Everyone looked but no one said anything, and Ianto liked it that way. Avalon grabbed a chair on the way and set next to Jack for Ianto to sit on. She then nodded at him, and spoke softly in his mind ~I will be around the Hub, just call when you are ready to go home~ Ianto looked at her and nodded. Avalon walked away and into her office. Ianto sat there alone with Jack for a while, not saying a word. Then he slowly stroked his face as only a lover would or could do. His hand traveled down his chest, not noticing that the wound had closed up, slowly tracing over abs, feeling the course hair as his body began to shake. Jack’s skin was so cold, it should be warm, and he should be moaning in pleasure saying Ianto’s name. Ianto moved his hand up and ran his fingers through Jack’s hair, stroking his ear as the shaking became worse. Then Ianto’s hand trailed down to Jack’s hand, as he molded Jack’s fingers around his own, seeing his wedding ring. The flood gates opened a long, gut wrenching, heart breaking cry came out. Avalon got the rest of the team into her office to let Ianto be alone. Ianto just cried, he had planned everything out that night, he had wanted to get reconnected to his husband, but now he could never do that. Ianto screamed and cried once more; beating the wall and the steel gurney Jack was on. How many weeks, months, or even years before he was able to die? He had lost everything because of this place, Lisa and now Jack. He stood up slowly, climbed on top of Jack and held him, kissing him softly, as if he could breathe life into him, like he had done to him when Lisa had gone crazy. Ianto rocked back in forth, putting Jack head next to his heart. He was inconsolable; his tears had soaked Jack’s hair and clothing, making him feel more cold. Avalon poked her head out to check on Ianto, seeing him still grieving; she stepped back into her office.

“What are we going to do? I mean it’s been four weeks and Jack isn’t back and everything is up in the air, thank god we haven’t had a real emergency with anything.” Owen said.

“Are you saying you couldn’t handle a real emergency if it came up?” Avalon asked.

“Yes we could handle it but with four some times five people it gets a little difficult.” Tosh said.

“Don’t count on Ianto coming back for a bit, if he ever decides to come back…” Avalon said, closing her eyes seeing if Ianto was still ok.

“Why wouldn’t he come back, I mean he is always needed here.” Gwen said.

“Why would he want to come back and be reminded every second of everyday about Jack, if he doesn’t come back? If Jack doesn’t come back Ianto will die of a broken heart. Have you not heard him, it is heart breaking…” She pushed her tears down again. “Gwen knows first hand what Ianto is going through and so do I.”

“But the Doctor came back to you…so how would you know?” Owen asked, resent coming through.

“I was married about 50 years ago, to a man named David. We had a three year old daughter named Alexandria. It was at the height of the IRA activity.” Avalon paused to catch her breath. “I was in London at the time, spending time with some university friends, and I was coming home that day. David decided to take Alexandria out for a drive when he was gunned down by some people, and Alexandria was screaming. They took her blanket and smothered her. My parents called me when I was at the airport and told me. Just begin to think about how I reacted.” She said, wiping away a few tears but no big break down, yet.

“Did they ever figure out who did it?” Tosh asked.

“No.” Avalon said shortly.

“So we are down to four people…” Gwen stated.

“Count me out, at least on missions…I need to stay with Ianto, I promised him I would. I will still be here if you need to talk or need another doctor.”

“So we are down to three?” Tosh said sighing.

“Count me in.” A voice said. Avalon turned and saw the Doctor.

“You don’t have to Doctor.” Avalon said.

“I want to, Jack would want that.” The Doctor said.

“Alright you four talk about what you need to do. Jack’s office is off limits to everybody except Ianto.” She said standing up, heading to the door. “Understood?” The team nodded and so did the Doctor. Avalon walked out of her office and stopped watching Ianto climb off of Jack, kissing him passionately, desperately. She walked back to the medicine cabinet and pulled out the syringes of red and white liquid, placing them in her bag. She also got a few other medicines for Ianto, stuffing them in her bag, along with her prescription pads. Ianto stood there, looking at Jack, as Avalon came up to him.

“You ready Ianto?” She asked, placing a hand on his shoulder. Ianto couldn’t let go of Jack’s hand.

“Please let me die Avalon…” Ianto said quietly.

“I can’t Ianto…I can’t.” She said softly. The Doctor walked out of her office and over to her.

“Athanasia, may I have a word with you, in private?” He asked. Avalon nodded, looked at Ianto, who nodded back as he stayed by Jack. Avalon walked to a private part of the Hub, and looked at the Doctor.

“What do you want to talk about?” She said curtly.

“I am sorry about what I did to you…I was wrong to do that…” He looked into her eyes, “You can feel them can’t you, their hearts beating as one…”

“It is very faint…he is slowly coming back. I want you to stay here and monitor him, when he wakes up he will need to sleep put him in the bed under his office, until I come and get him. I am going to stay with Ianto to make sure he doesn’t harm himself.”

“Then why do you have syringes in your bag?”

“Because I do, I also have medical supplies as well to care for him. Anyways I accept you apology, will you watch Jack, he should be waking later this evening. Oh if he asks about Ianto, tell him that he is safe and that he needs to get some sleep. If you have any questions call me.” She said pushing past him. Avalon placed her hand back onto Ianto’s shoulder. “Come on, let’s get back to the house, we can pick up food on the way.” Avalon said, Ianto nodded and kissed Jack passionately before walking away. As they got to the house with food, Avalon’s PDA went off. She checked it quickly and nodded out of sight of Ianto. The food was laid out before them as Ianto began attacking the food. He had been on a liquid diet for three weeks, Avalon realized as she took a bite of food. Tears began to well up in her eyes as she thinks about the times the three of them would sit around and watch TV, eating junk food and drinking to their hearts content. Those days were gone for now, she blinked her tears away. Ianto laid his head on Avalon’s shoulder, holding her close. Avalon sighed gently and began to run her fingers through his hair. As the rugby match was finishing up, Avalon slowly stood up and turned off the TV while grabbing Ianto’s hand to get him to take a bath.

“Where are we going?” Ianto asked, as Avalon helped him stand up.

“We are going to get cleaned up; sponge baths aren’t getting it done.” She began to walk toward the stairs, grabbing her bag on the way. They slowly walked up the stairs, as Ianto stopped seeing a door.

“I can’t go in there Avalon…that is a private place, only Jack and I are aloud in there and he…” Ianto trailed off. Avalon wrapped him in a hug and spoke to him softly.

“Let me in Ianto, let me help you…” Avalon said. Ianto stood there for a good long while, looking at the door and then to Avalon who kept him steady with her arms around him. Ianto slowly took a step forward towards the door as Avalon put a hand on his lower back to steady him. He subconsciously pulled away from her hand as he thought of his back.

“Please don’t touch my back Avalon…” Ianto said softly. Avalon pulled her hand away and slowly trailed her hand to his. Ianto grabbed it and held on tightly as he continued to move forward. Once he was close to the door he stopped; the door knob just inches away. Ianto began to shake, “I can’t do it Avalon, I just can’t…” He said softly.

“Ianto you have to, you can’t live on the couch for the rest of your life…” She softly pleaded with him. Ianto slowly reached out his hand to grasp the door knob. He gripped it tightly and turned the knob slowly. It slowly swung open and they walked slowly in. The curtains were still open from the day they had left because of the rift activity. The bed was perfectly made, as Ianto had made it before they left to go to the Hub a month ago. Ianto gripped Avalon’s hand harder as he continued into the room. Avalon followed him as he walked over to the curtains, closing them and pinning them closed. He stood there for a moment, his head hung low as he let go of Avalon’s hand and collapsed in to the curtains, wrapping them around him. Avalon watched him as he began to cry again, wailing about the curtains. She felt the dam that she had holding her tears begin to break. She calmly walked over to Ianto, sat next to him, wrapping herself in the curtains and began to cry and sob and wail a little bit about the loss of Jack. Hours seemed to go by but it was only a few minuets as the air in the room became still and silent. The room seemed to be mourning as well, oh if they could talk. Avalon slowly laced her fingers in his as she stood up. Ianto’s face suddenly turned to pain as he tried to get up on his own. Avalon swooped down and helped him up to his feet. The two of them slowly walked into the bathroom as she had Ianto sit down in the chair in there. Avalon turned on the bath and began to add bubbles to it to help them to calm down. As the bath began to fill up she walked over to Ianto and began to undress him slowly. As she pulled off his shirt, he grabbed her and began to kiss her passionately. Avalon melted into the kiss, moaning softly. Ianto helped her with his pants kissing her more and more. Avalon got a bit of her wits back and made him turn around; Ianto subconsciously stepped away from her. She slowly placed her hand on his exposed hip, following the lines of the tree. She slowly moved down his thigh, as her other hand was on his neck. Ianto seemed to melt against her hands, as Avalon slowly began to take off his back bandages, as she saw the raised long scars running down his back. Ianto turned around and kissed her, desperately, pressing his naked body against Avalon’s clothed one. She pulled away for a moment to turn off the bath, and then turned back to him. He began to pull and claw at her clothing as it flew everywhere. Soon they stood there naked, breathing heavily; Avalon’s tattoo began to pop through her skin. She was the first to move, grabbing his hand pulling him towards the bath. She then helped him in, before grabbing his hair care products. Avalon set them beside him before she slid her lithe body into the warm water, next to Ianto. Ianto placed his hand on her stomach softly, rubbing it. Avalon sighed as he did this, melting into his touch. Ianto moved in front of her kissing her ear and neck softly. She began to run her fingers through his hair when he began to moan.

“Oh god Jack…” He said, as Avalon slowly stopped. She then deliberately ran her hands up his scars. Ianto pulled back instantly and looked at her. Then he realized what he did. Not saying a word he slunk back to where he was sitting.

“I need to wash your back Ianto.” She said to him. He sighed and pulled away from where he was sitting. Avalon moved there and pulled him back to her. Slowly, carefully she ran a sponge over his back, cleansing it. She then took a bowl, filled it with water and poured it over his head. She did it again, and then put some shampoo in his hair, cleansing it. After washing it out, she put conditioner on; let it soak in before washing it out. Avalon then pulled the plug on the bath and helped Ianto out of the tub and into his sleep wear before laying him down in the bed. She changed back into her clothes, picking up her bag. Avalon then walked over to him and began opening up bottles, handing pills to Ianto for him to take. One by one they were swallowed as Ianto’s eyes were getting heavy. She kissed him good night and tucked him in as he fell asleep. Avalon made her way downstairs, putting everything away. She sat down and began to watch television. Hours seemed to go by mindlessly as she realized what time it was; she got up and made her way to check on Ianto. As she arrived at the door, she heard some sounds coming from inside, they sounded like crying, desperation coming though as it suddenly stopped. Avalon slowly walked inside and saw Ianto on top of the covers, his hard cock out where any one could see. She stripped off her clothing and crawled between Ianto’s legs, then she placed her legs on either side of Ianto’s hips, slowly grinding against him.

“Let me in Ianto; let me help you, let me try to heal you.” She whispered into his ear. Ianto let out a defeated moan, feeling her body heat against his own. Avalon slowly lowered herself onto him, moving quickly as she suddenly fell into Ianto’s open, projecting mind. She cursed herself for letting it happen but maybe she needed to show him how, how he can cause extreme pleasure to some one. When she got in she saw a light at the end of total blackness. As she ventured toward the light, she began to feel extreme death and sadness all around her. She hurried as fast as she could, finally finding his nodes. She slowly touched one and then another, as if showing him what to do. Ianto suddenly orgasm, as she was suddenly taken out of his mind. Avalon lay beside him as she whispered into his ear. “Treat me like you would Jack.” Avalon laid on her chest as Ianto recovered. It wasn’t long until she felt the cold lube against her skin and the sound of Ianto masturbating behind her. Ianto slowly pushed against her anal opening, Avalon relaxed as he entered her, burying his huge, hard cock in her. No wonder Jack was with Ianto, besides the fact that he was loving and caring, he was really nice in bed. Ianto wrapped his arms around her waist and pulled her into his lap as he moved in and out of her. Avalon began to moan his name lowly, as Ianto became faster. What seemed like hours upon hours of pleasure, Ianto came inside of her again, both of them collapsing on the bed. Ianto rolled off of her and under the covers falling asleep. She smiled and got dressed knowing her time with him was done. She picked up her bag and got redressed before letting Ianto sleep. She ended up falling asleep on the couch after turning on the TV. She suddenly awoke to some one lightly nudging her, she turned to face the person and saw Jack.

“What are you doing here? You should be resting. Where is the Doctor?”

“I have been sleeping for a week, and the Doctor is at your house.”

“Oh fuck!” She suddenly jumped off the couch, “He needs his medication! Wait right here.” She grabbed her bag and looked in it, noticing that all her syringes were in there but his medication was not. She ran up stairs to a darkened room, light barely seeping in from the bathroom windows.

“Ianto? Are you ok?” She asked.

“Yeah…I saw you were on the couch when I woke up so I just grabbed the medications and have been taking them.” Ianto said flicking on the light. She bit back a gasp as she saw Ianto. His eyes were sunken in, along with his cheeks, his hair was messy and a scruff was growing on him. He had lost so much weight suddenly that his clothes hung on him loosely.

“You haven’t eaten in a week have you? Were you at least taking your vitamins?”

“Yes and yes, but I am not hungry…all I want is Jack…” He replied back

“Ok, well I will make you some food ok? Get some color back into face.” Avalon smiled as Ianto nodded. She slowly walked out of the bedroom and down the stairs. Worry covered her face as she passed by Jack.

“What’s wrong Avalon?”

“Ianto hasn’t had food in about a week…” She suddenly felt sick to her stomach. She pushed it down and continued to speak, “I will make a tray that you can take up there to him.” Suddenly Avalon grabbed a trash can and threw up. As she pulled back up she began to feel something stir inside and it scared her. Hiding her fear, she began to make Ianto breakfast, along with some things that Jack could eat. She looked at Jack and smiled.

“Something is stirring in the darkness still…” Avalon said as she put toast in the toaster.

“Yes” Jack said walking over to her, “Are you ok? How’s Ianto?”

“Yeah, I’m fine just must be something I ate a bit ago. Anyways Ianto needs to eat.” Avalon said pulling out the toast and buttering it.

“No, I mean how was he while I was gone?”

“He was in the hospital for a month, as his back healed. Then I brought him home, he still had not seen you. I went home, got mad at the Doctor for what he did to me and left, came back over here. Ianto was screaming that he had your hand but couldn’t lift you out. Then I took him to see you and then I let him have his time alone with you. Then we came home, ate food, watched rugby; then I took him to the bathroom and got him cleaned up and asleep. Then I came down here to the couch and fell asleep.” She started to put everything on a tray as Jack placed a hand on her shoulder. She stopped what she was doing and turned to him.

“Yes Jack?” Avalon said. Jack wrapped his arms around her and held her close, as she reciprocated the hug.

“Thank you for taking care of him, Avalon.” Jack said pulling away from her. She smiled and decided not to tell Jack that Ianto had asked her to let him die, to have her kill him. Avalon finished up the tray and turned around to Jack.

“I am going to head up there instead but I want you to follow behind me and I will give you some sign to come in and see Ianto.” Avalon said as she felt sick again, but she was able to fight it. Jack agreed and Avalon made her way up the stairs. She walked in to the bed room and smiled softly at Ianto.

“Hey Avalon.” He said smiling at her as she set down the tray in front of him.

“You feel like going to work out today?” She asked, “At least get some sun?”

“No, Avalon, I just want to lay here and wait for Jack.” He replied

“Well, please yourself then, but you must eat your breakfast.” She said standing up, getting ready to head out of the room when there was a knock on the door. “Come in.” She said to the knock. Suddenly the door opened and there Jack stood, looking at Ianto. Ianto pushed his breakfast to the side and flew out of bed, heading towards Jack. Jack wrapped his arms around him and kissed him passionately. Ianto kissed back with the same amount of passion, as tears fell from his eyes. Jack began to run his hands up and down Ianto’s back, when Ianto pulled away, almost violently. Avalon picked up the tray and set it on a table in the bedroom, before clearing off the bed for them. Jack looked at Ianto, staring into his eyes.

“What’s wrong Ianto?” He asked.

“I…I can’t let you touch my back…no one can…” Ianto said.

“Why Ianto?” Jack asked as he took a step forward to close the gap between them. Ianto stepped back with every step forward Jack took until he was up against the bed, a complete and total wreck of emotions. Jack stepped to him and wrapped his arms around him, holding him protectively, one hand on his waist, the other at the base of the neck as Ianto shook and sobbed.

“I failed you Jack, I should have protected you…” Ianto let out a big sob, “I failed you.” Was all Ianto would say, over and over. Jack looked at Avalon for advice, while she was jotting down a few notes. She looked up and met Jack’s gaze, hearing his voice in her head.

~Avalon…what am I suppose to do?~ Jack asked. Avalon blinked a couple of times getting use to the link.

~Ianto is very sensitive about his back…it is a very jagged and raised set of scars.~

~What about the tree I thought that was suppose to help?~

~It healed him quickly but it also became a manifestation of his grief. He still needs to heal inside Jack.~ Jack nodded and the link was broken. Avalon got up and left a note on the table with breakfast for Jack to read. It was a list of things on how to care for Ianto. She nodded at Jack, who was still holding a sobbing Ianto, took her things and left the house. When she arrived home, the house was darkened and a candle lit path was before her. Avalon followed it up to her bedroom to find a very naked Doctor in her bed waiting for her. She smiled as she began to take off her clothing but the Doctor got off the bed and stopped her. He then proceeded to take off her clothing for her, leading her to the bed once she was naked. They then began to make sweet, passionate love, as if they had been away from each other for a long time. By the end of it all, Avalon was sleeping softly, her eyes puffy from crying, caused by countless orgasms. The Doctor’s arms were firmly wrapped around her, keeping her close to him as if he meant to do it for all time.