Path of Forgiveness

CHAPTER NINE - KISS FROM THE PAST

Darkness had fallen, and the rain outside had turned to a light drizzle. I sat at the window in my hut, looking at the drops of rain splashing into the puddles and making ripples. That’s how my life felt right now... rippled. At least when I had no memory I felt a sense of peace. I was scared, yes, but I didn’t have all this knowledge of my past weighing down my soul.

There was a knock on my door, and it jolted me out of my thoughts. I debated on staying silent for awhile, I didn’t really feel like talking. But everyone knew I was here, and that would be rude. “Come in,” I said as I rose from the window sill.

The door opened, and Varia stood in the threshold, her clothes and hair wet from the rain outside. I just stood there, my heart in my throat.

“Eve... about what I said...”

“No,” I said, and held up my hand to stop her. “You were right to act like that, I did things to you that are unforgivable. I understand your anger towards me, and I understand if you want me dead.”

“I don’t...” Varia started as she walked towards me. “I don’t want you dead.”

My eyes searched hers for a minute, but all I saw was sincerity. I didn’t understand it at all. “How can you not?” I whispered as my eyes fell to the floor.

Varia shook her head and whispered, “I really don’t know.”

I looked back up as she did, and our eyes met. “I’m so sorry.”

“I know you are.”

There was silence between us for a moment. The rain outside hit the roof of the hut, breaking the silence. I crossed the room and sat on my cot, and she did the same.

I tucked my chestnut hair behind my ear and took a breath before speaking. “I don’t know whether to be glad that I don’t remember, or to hate it.”

“When I realized you lost your memory, something broke inside me. I kind of felt like you got off the hook, that you weren’t tortured by your past anymore. You stayed here to make amends with me, but without your memory there was no way you could do that. And the Amazon Nation had already pardoned you, and I had already began to forgive you, but I knew without your memory then I would never truly be able to move past it. And I know I needed to, because your one of my fellow sisters.”

I stared at her for a minute, dumbfounded. “I’m... what?”

“You’re an Amazon Princess, Eve. Queen Gabrielle gave you her rite of cast when you were a baby. I don’t think they ever told you, even as an adult. But I think you need to know, because one day you will be Queen.”

I blinked, still stunned. I shook my head to clear out the rushing thoughts and questions that filled it. “I murdered my own sisters,” I whispered, shocked.

“You didn’t know then,” Varia said.

“That doesn’t excuse it, and you know that.” I looked at her, “How did you find out?”

Varia’s hand slid over mine on the bed, and I involuntarily twitched. She took her hand away automatically, probably thinking it frightened me. She answered my question, “When Queen Gabrielle’s tribe came to stay here, to join us, they brought scriptures that talked of it happening. I was reading them because I wanted to know more about Xena and Gabrielle, I didn’t think I would find anything like that in there.”

I looked out the window again, though this time at Xena and Gabrielle’s hut across the way. “Why do you think they never told me?”

“I don’t think they thought it was the right time, especially after your trial here for your crimes. I don’t think they wanted to put more guilt on your conscience.”

I let out a small laugh, though it wasn’t even remotely funny. “They need to stop trying to protect me from myself.”

“I agree,” Varia said, and I looked back at her. “You’re a grown woman, Eve. You’ve taken complete responsibility for what you did in your past and you’re trying to make it right. Your handling it better than I know I ever could, and they need to realize that what me and you are going through, is not their problem. They need to stop trying to shelter you, or we both will never get past this.”

I stared into her eyes, and asked a question I probably shouldn’t have. “What exactly are me and you going through, Varia?” My words were heavy with meaning, and I could tell she knew.

Her eyes flickered around the room uncomfortably and I continued, “I know you feel it too, but this seems so wrong. After everything I’ve learned, it makes no sense for either of us to feel this way.”

“I...”

My eyes pleaded with her to acknowledge it, but I was denied. She stood up and refused to look at me and I could tell that before I lost my memory I denied my own feelings. Maybe I should have kept it that way. “I need to go, it’s getting late,” she said.

“Varia...”

She turned back to look at me, “Eve, please. I can only deal with one thing at a time.”

I nodded, respecting that. Now was not the time, but I didn’t know when it ever would be. It must be very true that you can’t help who you fall for, because both of us are not a match made in heaven. But yet it was there, and I knew we could both feel it. I’ve seen it in her eyes. But how could we ever get past what I did to her?

“Goodnight, Varia,” I said, giving her a small smile.

“Goodnight,” she said, returning my small smile with one of her own. And then she left, leaving the hut gracefully, closing the door behind her.

I laid back on my cot and stared at the ceiling. If all this stuff happened between us, and we both felt the way we did, does that mean that we are destined? I didn’t know if I believed in destiny, but nothing else seemed to make sense.

“Livia,” came a voice from inside my hut.

“Eve,” I corrected, automatically. Then I sat up straight as I realized someone was in my room.

Standing before me was Ares, God of War. My breath caught in my throat, did I know him? He seemed to know me, on a more personal level. But I guess if I was a blood thirsty champion of Rome, it would make sense that I would have at least communed with him.

“What do you want?” I asked, and I felt a little fear go through my body. Maybe it was because I don’t remember ever speaking to a God before, but it was intimidating.

“I want you back,” Ares said as he advanced towards me.

“What?” I asked in disbelief.

“I saw you, stripped and tied up in the middle of the battle like nothing more than a weakened peasant. That’s not you, you’re stronger than that.” He stepped even closer still. “You can’t say you don’t miss it. The sound of battle, the look in your opponent’s eyes right before you execute them. You were the greatest warrior Rome had ever seen, and you were a great ally to me. I want that back.”

I stood up, to face him. “I don’t remember any of that. And from what I’ve been told, I was nothing more than a murderous monster. Why would I want to go back to that? I’m flattered that you came to me, I don’t think I’ve ever had a God come to me before, but I’m going to have to pass.” My heart was pounding in my chest but I tried to keep my voice steady.

He looked at me in question, “What do you mean, you don’t remember?”

I didn’t answer, I felt no need to give a God more power over me. I knew I had said to much already, but I didn’t know how else to answer him. He touched my face, and it felt like fire going through my body. I remembered that feeling, it was a completely different one that I had with Varia, but it was lustful just the same. I pulled my face back in horror when I realized that we must have had something in the past.

“You don’t remember a thing,” he said, and a smile formed on his face. I didn’t like that look, it couldn’t mean anything good.

I backed up, but he kept advancing until he had me cornered against the wall. My heart has leapt into my throat, and his face was so close to me that I could feel his breath on my lips. “Join me, Livia.”

“Eve,” I said, my voice cracking. I was starting to tremble a little.

He touched my face again, tracing my jaw line with his finger. “We were so good together, we took the world by storm. The empire was bowing at your feet, and you were to become my Queen. Leave this life, you don’t remember it anyway. Join with me and fulfill your destiny.”

His lips came down to meet mine... and I remembered. I remembered everything. A flash of me kissing him so many times, of standing over Varia as I killed her sister, of going on a murderous rampage when my Mother came back to find me, of being cleansed and becoming the Messenger of Eli...

I gasped and ripped my lips from his, just as my mother burst through the door. “Get away from her!” She yelled as she drew her sword in Ares’ direction.

He turned to look at my mother and let out a sigh, “This doesn’t concern you, Xena.”

I turned on my heel and ran over to stand behind my mother. I couldn’t speak, everything seemed to be reeling in my head, memories from my lifetime, some which were long forgotten by me before this.

Xena repeated her warning, her sword still drawn, “I swear to you, if I ever see you or your lips near my daughter again, I’ll find a way to kill you.”

Ares chuckled, and gave me a wink. I shuddered instinctively. “Sure, Xena. Whatever you say.” He said in a nonchalant voice as he stepped closer to her.

She pressed her sword right up against his chest and growled, “Go.”

“This isn’t over Xena,” he said while smirking, right before disappearing in a bright blue light.

“It never is,” Xena mumbled as she watched him go.

TBC....