Delusions

A pounding head was the first thing Jon was aware of as he floated up, toying with the idea of becoming conscious. Add to that a mouth full of cotton, a stomach that wasn't too happy, and muscles that ached all over.

Then there was something warm and soft wrapped around him. Too big to be Porthos. Not hairy enough. Smelled better too.

He stopped there. Thinking hurt. A groan escaped.

"Would you like something?" A cool hand on his face accompanied the low voice.

"Water," he managed to get out. "And aspirin." The soft warm something began to move. He made a protesting noise, reaching for it.

"I'll be right back."

He let it go, waiting for an eternity for it to return. Feeling something try to prop him up, Jon struggled to rise.

"Drink this."

One sip and he gagged on the bitter taste.

"Drink it all. You need it."

Obeying the low voice, he gulped it down, falling back with another groan. He was pulled close to the soft warm something, and he drifted off to sleep as the cool hand rubbed his back.

Hoshi …

His memory returned.

"Hoshi …" Jon struggled against the soft warm something. How could he lie here after what he did to her, when she was out there, alone, hurting … "… needs help …"

"Hoshi's fine," the low voice said. "Go back to sleep."

"No! She's not fine." He thrashed about, trying to get free of the sheets. "Not after what I did … I'm sorry Hoshi … I'm sorry …"

"Shh. Hoshi's fine. She forgives you." The cool hand stroked his head, drawing him back to the soft warm something.

"How?" Jon choked out. "How can she?" He sobbed into the comfort of the soft warm something, falling into a deeper sleep.

"She loves you."

----------

Bells. Wedding bells pealed as they left the church; Hoshi was beside him, more radiant than any bride should be, and he was in awe over his incredible luck in convincing her to marry him. They tumbled into the car laughing, amidst good wishes, birdseed, and the deafening sound of bells. The door closed on them and she was in his lap, kissing him senseless.

"Mrs. Archer …"

She giggled, cutting him off with another kiss. His hand reached to caress a breast through the heavy brocade of her gown, his raging hard-on pressed up against her hip. If he didn't take her now it would be a very embarrassing walk into the reception …

Hoshi was saying something, but he couldn't hear her over the bells …

----------

With a start Archer woke up, his door chime echoing in his head. He called 'Come' just to get it to stop instead of any wish to actually see who was there.

"Cap'n. Came t' see how you were feelin'."

Swinging his legs over the side of the bed, Archer put his head in his hands. "I'm hung over, Trip, how do you think I feel?"

"You sure tied one on last night. No wonder you feel like hell."

"Shut up Trip. That's an order." Hauling himself to his feet, Archer made his stumbling way to the bathroom, ignoring Trip trying to ignore the fact that his Captain was buck naked and had an erection bobbling in front of him.

The sound of the shower starting up drowned out Archer's next words.

"Sorry, Cap'n, what was that?" Trip moved to stand outside the bathroom door.

"Did you find Hoshi last night?"

"Yep." Trip looked around the room, not finding any evidence that she had spent the night. He guessed Archer didn't know.

"How is she?"

"She's fine."

"Did she need to see Phlox?"

"Naw."

"I thought maybe … I might have hurt her physically."

"Nope." Trip sighed. "I think you better talk t' her yourself."

"I will." The water cut off and Archer came out, rubbing his hair dry. Trip was relieved to see a towel around his waist. "Do you know where she is?"

"She's got the next two days off. I don't know where she is right now."

"Find her for me, will you? Ask her to meet me in the observation lounge in an hour. I think you should stay with us, for her sake."

"Alright." Trip left Archer looking out the window, lost in his own thoughts.

----------

An hour later Jon was still looking at the stars, contemplating his future, but now in the observation lounge. Starfleet would have to be told, of course; he supposed a Vulcan ship would take him back to Earth for the court martial. A prison term, and then what? Jon found that he didn't particularly care; it was Hoshi he was concerned about, Hoshi that he kept coming back to.

The door hissed open behind him, muffled footsteps approached.

"You asked to see me?"

He turned to see Hoshi, but no Trip. "Where's …"

"I asked him not to come."

"It would be better if he was here. Or would you like someone else? Malcolm?"

"No one, Jon."

The use of his first name set him back. She should be furious at him, but instead she just stood there, staring at him with those bottomless eyes, calmer than she had a right to be.

"Sit down, please." Off balance as it was, Jon gestured to one of the many sofas. Hoshi sat down as he paced back and forth.

"I'm going to see Malcolm to file a report about my conduct last night, but I wanted to see you first. I want to apologize, Hoshi, my behavior was inexcusable, I took advantage of your willingness to assist me in my recovery."

"Jon …"

He ignored her, continuing. "I forced myself upon you; that I thought we were married is no excuse. Just because …"

Hoshi rubbed her temples, tuning Jon out. If she didn't tell him he didn't rape her, he would go to Malcolm, file that report, and get shipped back to Earth in an instant. But if she did, he'd want to know why she didn't stop him. She couldn't let him go to jail just because she too embarrassed to say she loved him.

The next thing Jon knew he was flat on his back on the floor, uncomfortable pressure against his groin and throat, Hoshi's face inches away from his.

"You didn't rape me, Jon. If I had wanted to stop you, I would have."

He could only watch, stunned, she got up and dusted herself off. "There's no need to go to Malcolm, or find the other bottle of Bourbon. You did nothing wrong. And if you do go to Malcolm, I'll deny everything."

With a slight smile, she turned and walked out the doors, leaving Jon on the floor, his world once again turned upside down.