A New Beginning

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Fighting



            "But it's my lab." Rayne said starring at Malcolm. "Why am I not allowed in my own lab?"



            "Because you aren't well. You have extreme memory loss and you know nothing about the animals that are being kept there." Malcolm said standing toe to toe with her.



            "But you said I've been studying these animals, I've been writing interaction protocols for the colony since the first time I got here. I must have made notes, I must have developed some sort of relationship with these animals." She insisted.



            "No." Malcolm said sternly, "It's too dangerous. On top of your memory loss your pregnant, and the Commander doesn't want you put in harm’s way anymore."



            "Well what am I supposed to do!" She exclaimed. "Just walk around not knowing anyone, not knowing anything, not even allowed to have my own children alone with me in my own house!" She exclaimed.



            "Elizabeth and I are doing everything we can to figure out what was done to you and how to reverse it. It is our number one priority, but you have to be patient." He said.



            "YOU be patient." She said turning on her heel and leaving him not able to talk to him anymore. Malcolm sighed and headed towards the Commanders office to apprise him of the situation.

 

Disappearance



            "OH MY GOD!" Jim explained, "How could no one tell her about the Sixer's and Lucas."



            "Wasn't really the first thing on my mind, Shannon." Taylor snapped at him for raising his voice.



            "She probably went with them willingly if she didn't know anything about the situation." Elizabeth said. "Since they did this to her they might have had a story prepared about being some sort of field research team."



            "I really don't give a damn what happened or how it happened, right now we have to track them down and get her back." Taylor said raising his voice.



            "Well that shouldn't be to hard." Malcolm said. Everyone looked at him when he said that. He cleared his throat slightly, "She has a tracking chip, embedded in the back of her neck. It's under her hair line so no one saw the wound and it healed with no one noticing"



            "Malcolm, why in the hell do you know that, and how did it get there?" Taylor said putting his hands on his hips starring at the researcher.



            "It was her idea, and not knowing who in the Colony was feeding information to Mira we thought it best not to say anything." Malcolm said.



            "I'm sure as hell not, what makes you think I didn't need to know this!" Taylor said.



            Jim quickly got between them before Taylor ripped Malcolm in half. "Okay, breach of protocol is bad, and everything but the important point here is that we have a way to track Rayne."



            Taylor starred at Malcolm and pointed at Malcolm's face, "I'll deal with you later."



            "What's the frequency?" Shannon asked as they rushed out of the office to the communications center.

 

First Meetings



            Lucas came into the tree house where Rayne was being held and closed the curtain behind him. Rayne turned and saw him standing there, "Who are you?" She asked not really afraid of anything that had happened just thinking it all very strange.



            Lucas smiled seeing that she had no idea who he was. It was perfect. "My name is Lucas." He said looking at her. "We met before, but it seems like you have some trouble remembering."



            Rayne looked at him for a moment, "You look familiar. Maybe we have met?" She said trying to remember.



            He knew it was his eyes, they were his father’s that everyone always noticed and pointed out. She of all people would recognize them. "Don't worry, it'll come back to you, I’m sure." He said looking her over. "So what do you remember?" He questioned.



            She sighed, "Only what people have told me, and shown me." Rayne moved to sit down still frustrated with the entire situation.



            "Tell me." He said moving over and sitting down next to her.



            "Well, apparently we're 85 million years in the past from when I thought we were. I'm the lead zoologist in the colony. I have two children with one on the way, and I'm married to Commander Taylor whose twice my age." She said listing everything off. "So how about you? What's your story?" She asked.



            He smiled, "Not nearly as interesting I’m afraid." He said. "I was a researcher in Terra Nova too." He said. "I was recruited to find a way to communicate with the future in between pilgrimages. I didn't get the chance to finish my research though."



            Rayne cocked her head, "Were?" She said, "What happened?"



            Lucas just smiled at her, as it was like working with a blank slate he could fill in with whatever he wanted.





Searching

            Commander Taylor stood next to a tree starring out as the sun began to set. They had a perimeter set, and they were ready to defend themselves for the night but the signal they had been following moved. They wouldn't reach it until the following day now.

            Jim Shannon walked up and stood beside him looking at the breath taking view out over the valley. He could tell that Taylor was deep in thought and he still held to the same opinion he had when they left the colony. "You shouldn't have come out here with us." He mentioned to Taylor. "I don't know Lucas as well as you do, but I get the distinct feeling that your following Rayne outside of Terra Nova is exactly what he wants." 

            "I have no doubt of that." Taylor said. "Rayne is out here somewhere, with only a rough idea of who she is, of this place, of our family. Lucas is going to take advantage of that. I can only pray that he comes at it from a different angle then he did last time." He said remembering how their son Nathan came to be. "To make matters worse she's pregnant. She's a tough customer but there is only so much physical abuse she can take before something happens to the baby, or her, or both of them. Lucas certainly won't care either way."

            "Why is he doing this to her?" Shannon asked. "This is the 3rd time he's taken her, the first time he snatched her right out of the colony and almost succeeded in killing her. Honestly I don't know how she survived that."

            "Because he's not going for the jugular like he started out Shannon. He wants to hurt me, to break me and take away everything I hold dear, before he kills me. He's going for the heart. Which means Rayne's been his target since it first came out that we were together." Taylor explained. There was a quiet moment before Taylor said, "I think the worst thing I could have ever done was ask her to marry me. The worst thing she ever did was say yes."

            "That's not fair." Shannon said, "To either of you. This place, Terra Nova is about starting new. Creating a new life for the human race, for each other. Why should you and Rayne be excluded from that new beginning?" Jim asked. "Especially when you fight so hard to keep Terra Nova safe and the dream of it from dying."

            "Because." Taylor said with a sigh, "There's one choice it's all going to come down to that I'm going to have to make sooner or later." He turned towards Shannon, "It's going to be Rayne or Lucas. Two people I love with everything in me, and I'm going to have to decide which one goes and which one stays."

            Jim looked at him, "You already sort of made that decision haven't you?" He asked.

            "Actually," Taylor looked back towards the sunset, "I think Lucas has made the choice for me. Too many times to count."

 

Attacks

            "Clear out! Everyone fall back!" Mira shouted as the Sixer's were locked in battle with the Terra Nova guard that had hit them at day break. Even though the Sixer's knew the area better, they were out gunned and outnumbered.

            Rayne, found herself in between two people that she had to make a choice between. Lucas was standing on the far side of the clearing in the direction that all the Sixer's were evacuating, and there on the other side stood Taylor with his riffle aimed, Rayne was directly in the middle. "RAYNE!" Taylor called trying to get her to fall back to the Terra Novan line.

            She looked at Taylor a moment, before she looked back at Lucas who motioned for her to follow him. Rayne looked back at Taylor a moment and he could see in her eyes which direction she was going to go. When she turned to start to run to Lucas, Taylor quickly switched the setting on his riffle and hit her with a sonic blast in the back that threw her to the ground.

            Lucas narrowed his eyes at his father, never having expected him to attack Rayne with a sonic weapon. Then a smile swept his face and he disappeared into the thick jungle with the others as they retreated.

            Jim stood eyes wide next to Taylor not having believed that he just shot Rayne with a sonic blast either. She lay motionless completely knocked unconscious. "Get the medic." Taylor said to Jim who instantly fell back to the rovers to get the field medic.

 

Return Home

            Back in the Colony, Elizabeth finished tending to the wounded and went back to check on Rayne again who was sedated. They were having trouble keeping her comfortable and it seemed like the best way to insure she stay still.

            Jim was standing in the doorway and Elizabeth walked over to him, "How is she?" He asked in a low voice so he wouldn't disturb her.

            "What in the hell happened out there Jim do you have any idea how dangerous . . ." Jim reached up holding his hand in front of her trying to get her to calm down and remind her to keep her voice quiet. Elizabeth sighed a little frustrated with the entire mess. "She has a cracked rib and deep tissue bruising. The baby is fine, although I don't know how."

            Shannon sighed in relief as that had been the worst fear, and Taylor had been devoured by guilt since it had happened. "There wasn't any choice, it was that or lose her in the jungle with the Sixer's again." 

            Elizabeth's eyes went wide, "You mean we did this? We shot her with a sonic riffle?" She said in awe.

            "Taylor did." The Doctor's jaw was decidedly earth bound when she heard that. "She was going to go with Lucas when she had a chance to fall back to our lines, she wasn't going to come with us willingly."

            "Oh. Okay and somehow that justifies endangering the baby and her? Jim if she had fallen, if there had been internal bleeding, if any number of things went wrong we would have lost them both and you were all to far out from Terra Nova to get any critical help." The Doctor ranted. 

            "But she's okay, and she's back with us, and you and Malcolm have developed a treatment to restore her memory." Jim said wanting to remind her that somehow, despite everything, it all turned out in the end for the best. "you know about how high Malcolm is on my list of favorite people, but that tracing device was probably the best thing either of them had thought of."

            "You had one of those installed, remember? It's really the only place they were using them." Elizabeth reminded him. "Tends to take a person’s freedom away."

            "In this case it's the only reason Rayne is back here. A little banged up but back with her family." The ethics of the entire situation were becoming somewhat askew and they were both having a hard time rationalizing it.

 

Newborn Sons

            Taylor came into the nursery finding Rayne asleep in the rocking chair holding their new baby boy close. She had been running herself ragged since he had been born a month ago, with their two children and the lab. He smiled a little and walked over carefully taking Cory from his mother’s arms and moving him to the crib. Instantly Rayne shot up from the chair and Taylor turned around, "Woh, woh. It's alright. It's just me." He said in a soft voice so as not to wake up the children. "Come on." He said taking her hand and leading her out of the nursery.

            Putting her in their bed he pulled the covers up over her as she had fallen back asleep almost before her head hit the pillow. He smiled a little and smoothed her hair back off her face, before turning off the lamp on her side. Their previous nanny didn't work out, but they were starting a new one on Tuesday to her help Rayne out so she could still tend to her duties and not kill herself in the process. 

            Taylor walked out and went into the kitchen to find something to eat having just gotten in from the long day. He'd had an unspoken agenda for a while now, as he was on a nonstop search to find Lucas. He was OTG on his own two sometimes three times a week now, tracking down his wayward boy. He had to put a stop to this, and do it soon. He was so proud of Rayne, everything she had gone through, everything she had done. She was so very strong.

 

Research Outposts

            "What do you mean she's missing?" Taylor said looking at the monitor. "This was supposed to be a three day trip so she could help you study this thing, now your telling me she's missing?"



            "She's not missing, she left." The doctor on the screen said. "She said she was going to track the migration of these animals while they were on the move. I thought we were going to discuss it further or make a plan but she was gone before dawn without a word to anyone."



            "Migration patterns . . . that could take weeks. Are you sure that's what happened?" Taylor asked thinking that odd. "Do you even know how far the migration of these animals goes?"



            "No. Which is why she wanted to find out." The doctor answered.



            "For Christ’s sake." He said under his breath, "We have equipment for this. We have tracers, and trackers, and every other bit of technology we could fit through the damn portal."



            "I know, we do, and she's using them but she wanted to see it."



            "Fine, let me know if you hear anything." Taylor hissed before turning the monitor off. This was a disaster. If Rayne went off in the field chasing animals, there was no telling when she'd be seen again. He couldn't believe she would do this when she had three small children at home that needed their mother.

 

Surprise Returns



            A year passed by and there was no word from Rayne and no trace. Many had decided that she had fallen prey to the countless predators in 85 million BC. Taylor had become somewhat goal oriented only, working each day his focus on the colony and it's welfare, and of course his children were his other main concern and seemed to be the only joy he found.



            It wasn't until one night he came home after his shift was over, and it felt like something was off. It was well past time the children were put to bed, and the nanny was sleeping in her room. He took out his sonic pistol and slowly went through the house checking to see what it was that was off. He came to the nursery, and slowly reached in flipping on the light.



            Taylor stopped cold when he saw Rayne sitting in the rocking chair holding a sleeping Cory in her arms. He was stunned, hardly believing his own eyes. Rayne stood up and walked over to the crib putting Cory down and pulling the cover over him. Taylor walked closer still in an awed silence not believing it was her.



            When Rayne turned and looked at him he was just looking her over as if expecting this to be another dream and she was going to disappear. However unlike his dream, her appearance had changed. She had a scar now that was at least 14 inches in length. It ran down the side of her neck and down over her chest to her shoulder. But it didn't matter, it wasn't what was concerning him most right now. Reaching up he cupped her face in his hands looking into her eyes making sure this was really happening and she was really here. When he felt her solid in his hands he quickly pulled her into a anxious furious kiss which she returned in kind.



            "Oh, God." He said as the kiss parted resting his forehead against hers, "I thought I'd never see you again." He whispered before they began to consume each other’s mouths again.

 

Where Have You Been?



            Taylor stood against the wall in their room as Rayne had just taken a very hot shower and was now drying off, and brushing her hair. "I thought when we married you agreed you wouldn't take off like this anymore." He said his arms crossed over his chest.



            "I didn't plan it." She said coming out of the bathroom with her hair up in a clip and a towel wrapped around her. "It just sort of happened."



            "Just sort of happened?" He said looking at her as she walked passed him to get a nightgown to put on. "Rayne, you've been gone for 11 months. There was no trace of you, no sign, no one’s heard from you, another month and you would have been declared dead." He said following after her. "And maybe it's slipped your mind but we have three kids that have been without a mother the entire time you've been gone."



            Rayne stepped in the closet disappearing for a moment before coming back out wearing a mauve colored nightgown. "Nathaniel, I don't know what to tell you. I can't explain what happened, it just happened." She said. "I followed the migration path and it led me out much further then I intended to go."



            "And this?" He said pointing to the scar on her shoulder, "I've had my share of wounds and I can plainly see how extensive and severe this one was. What happened?" He questioned.



            Reaching up she covered the mark with her hand and sighed, "Valasaraptor." She said.



            "What's that?" He questioned not having heard the term before.



            "They aren't indigenous to anywhere near Terra Nova, they won't come here any time soon." She said reassuring him. "I was careless. I could have lost my head."



            Taylor just starred at her and shook his head, "Damnit Rayne, I have a mind to take you over my knee." He said in frustration. "This isn't your life anymore, you can't just go off and follow a whim whenever you want to. It was supposed to be a 3 day research job, and 11 months later you materialize in our kids room looking like you've been nearly cut in half."



            She raised her brows when she said that, "You have no room to talk about scars, Commander Taylor." She said reaching out and tapping his side where Washington had put over 60 stitches in. "You look like something was taking you away for a snack."



            "The difference is I wasn't alone, and my unit was in range and knew exactly where I was." He argued. "You, as usual, were disregarding rules and protocols and went off by yourself. again!"



            They were both quiet for a moment before they were suddenly entwined in each other’s arms in a passionate embrace, hungrily devouring each other’s lips having missed being close to each other for so long. The kiss parted a moment as they caught their breath, slowly moving towards the bed their hands all over each other. "Any other scars I should know about?" He asked.



            "Not as pronounced." She admitted as they turned, "You?"



            "Nothing new." Then they consumed each other’s mouths again as they fell back onto the bed together, their bodies anxiously rubbing against one another as their clothing began to fall away to the floor.

 

Under My Skin



            Taylor's mood improved by 150% in the following weeks after Rayne's return. Some were confused as to why he wasn't angrier with her for disappearing like she had abandoning her husband and children like that. But Nathaniel and Rayne seemed to be perfectly alright, and happy to be together again.



            She didn't go back to work right away, instead she wanted to spend time with Willow, Nathan and Cory. They were growing up so fast. Willow had beautiful thick dark hair already and Rayne took great pleasure in brushing it and putting bows and flowers in it. Cory and Nathan were a little younger, but very smart. They were maturing rather quickly and Rayne had suspicions that it had something to do with Malcolm's utero treatments.



            It was clear that Rayne had missed her children a great deal, they and Nathaniel were all that was on her mind. It was alright for a while, but Malcolm was starting to get impatient. She hadn't inputted any of her data that she collected or turned in her summery or journals. He couldn't really threaten her with cutting off her funding when she didn't have any.



            "She can just come in the mornings, or in the evenings." Malcolm said to Taylor, "But I need her back in the lab working. What’s the point of going out for nearly a year gathering data if it's not being properly put into our system. It's not useful to anyone just sitting on data cards and in pages of her journals."



            "Will you give her a break, Malcolm. Hell, I'm her husband and I can cut her some slack, what's your problem?" Taylor asked a little astonished "You've been in Terra Nova this long without the information she collected, I think you can wait a little longer."



            Malcolm sighed and rested his hands on his hips. "Is she going to come back to work?" He questioned.



            "Yeah. She's still the lead zoologist in Terra Nova, but I think she's entitled to a small sabbatical. Our kids haven't seen their mother in a long time and the most important thing right now is for her to spend time with them. Relax Malcolm." Taylor said giving him a look. "Her report can wait."



            "Her medical work-ups turned up some interesting findings, and I would really like to know more about the animal that attacked her." Malcolm said honestly.



            "It can wait." Taylor said in a more stern tone. "Just let her get accustomed to being home again."

 

Garden Games



            Rayne was lying in the thick grass surrounded by blooming flower plants looking up at the clouds in the sky stretched out. Taylor had come looking for her and half smiled when he found her. She looked so relaxed, and happy. More than she had been in a long time, before they were married. Her time out in the field from all the madness seemed to be what she needed to sort things out. He was angry that she'd left without a word or a trace, but it was overwhelmed by the fact he was so happy she was home.



            He walked closer to her, "Swinging on a star?" He said knowing it was one of her favorite songs.



            She stretched her arms over her head crossing her ankles smiling. "I was bored. The children are in school. I didn't know what to do with myself." She said softly. Taylor moved over and sat down next to her on the ground. She smiled and looked up at him her hands folded across her stomach. "Everything seems so clear now. It's not so big and . . . I can see everything better than I did before."



            "Some time away from everything, from all the madness is probably what you needed. You've been through a lot." She looked at the clouds another moment before she sat up and slid over closer to him.



            "I'm sorry." She apologized sincerely. "I've been such a big cause of worry and concern for you. I can take care of myself in the wild just fine. This is really the first serious injury I've ever had." She said motioning to the scar that she was somewhat embarrassed about. "I don't know why I felt so helpless when I was here in Terra Nova before. With Lucas."



            "Lucas hasn't been in his right mind for a long time, and what he's done to you over the past few years is unacceptable and unforgivable." Taylor said sternly.



            "You didn't think so when it was just you he was after." She stated plainly.



            Taylor looked at her before pulling some grass up finding a piece of sweet grass and chewing on it. "He could have been part of this family." he stated, "He could have known his brothers and sister, and even gotten to know you. But instead he chose to do everything he could to destroy this family. He's gone out of his way to confuse and torture you. It's just . . . inhuman what he's done."



            Rayne cocked her head slightly, "He's still grieving." She said softly. "People grieve in different ways." Taylor looked at her not believing that it sounded like she was defending him. "some people find a way to move forward and live every day, some people never quite know how to do that. You focused on your work, on coming here to Terra Nova, Lucas didn't know where to direct his pain and anger. Somehow it settled on you, then on me."



            "That doesn't make it okay, Rayne." Taylor said.



            Rayne sighed and rested her head on his shoulder, "I know. But I'm just so thankful that rage has been focused on us, and not the children." Taylor looked at her having had the same thought and wrapped his arm around her kissing her head hugging her close.

 

Rabbits In Season



            Rayne sat at the kitchen table her face flat against the glass her hair draped over her face. Taylor came in having been told that he should go and check on her by Shannon. "Rayne?" He said walking in seeing that something was wrong. He put his hand on her back, "Are you alright? What's wrong honey?" He asked. Without moving her head she held up a data card. Taylor wasn't certain what this was about but he opened the files. He half smiled, "Oh sweetheart." He said sitting down next to her.



            She raised her head and looked at him, "that's it" She said, "We're sleeping in separate rooms with sonic land minds in case we try to get into one anthers beds"



            "One of these days, we'll actually plan for this to happen." He said with a smile placing his hand over hers holding her hand.



            "I've only been back for two months." She said in disbelief.



            Taylor thought for a moment, "Well we've spent every night together since then, and . . ." He half smiled leaning closer to her, "quite a few mornings and one or two afternoons."



            She narrowed her eyes slightly when he pointed that out, "You're right. I'm cutting you off." She said not serious at all considering she would also be cutting herself off as well. He chuckled a little and lifted her hand kissing her knuckles.



            "Besides being surprised by this news," Taylor began. "Are you happy?" he questioned.



            Rayne smiled a little bit, "You know, I was always worried when we found out I was going to have a baby before. But I'm not anymore. It's sort of  . . . sudden and out of the blue." She looked at him, "But . . . I think I'm genuinely happy that I'm going to have this baby. I'm actually excited about being a mommy again."



            Taylor smiled hearing that. It seemed her time away had somehow reduced if not eliminated Lucas's hold on their lives. Their thoughts. There every emotion and how they reacted and felt to events in their lives. Leaning over he cupped her head in his hand and kissed her deeply. They smiled and shared the moment of joy at the news she was once again carrying his baby.



            "I hope it's a girl." Rayne admitted, "That way Willow isn't completely out matched by her brothers."



            The commander laughed and kissed her again before standing from the table, "I've gotta get back to work honey. It's about time to pick up the kids isn't it?"



            "Medical work ups for all the kids today. They're staying a little late." He gave a nod before kissing her again.



            "I'll be home for dinner." He said before quickly heading back out walking on clouds that he was going to be a father for a fourth time.

Newest Pilgrims



            "They're coming up to the gate, sir." One of the military soldiers said coming into the commanders office.



            "Good, get it open and get those people inside." Taylor ordered. The solider gave a salute and left the office passing Rayne on her way in. "Hey honey."



            "Did you know about this?" She asked waking towards him holding her PLEX.



            "Know about what?" He asked putting down what he was doing and taking it from her reading the transmission. He sighed, "No, I sure didn't."



            Rayne crossed her arms and sighed in frustration. "How can they do this? How can they enforce this?" She asked.



            "They can't. They're expecting me to." Taylor admitted.



            "Are you going to?" She asked looking at him, "Are you going to fire me?"



            Taylor looked at her a moment not sure how this even came to pass. He pulled out his com and called for Malcolm to come to his office even though they were in the middle of a pilgrimage this was something that needed immediate attention. "The portal is still going to be open until tomorrow, we can get this figured out and straighten back out before then."





Tell Tale



            "I didn't approve any such report about Rayne going back to 2149." Taylor said looking between Malcolm and Elizabeth. "They have no idea what is going on back here, or are they in a position to judge wither or not she is unfit to carry on with her duties."



            "Commander" Malcolm was bold enough to begin, "She has suffered enormous and multiple traumatic instances. She was barely keeping up her duties with her family responsibility at 3 children and now with a 4th on the way, I don't see how she's going to have time to work the hours in the lab she needs to work."



            "She was recruited as the best zoologist in 2149. Now you’re telling me you want her out of work?" Taylor said astonished.



            "I don't want her out of work, I'd rather she stay and keep performing as well as she always has, but there just aren't enough hours in the day. She may have come here as the lead zoologist, but her priorities have changed now. As well they should have." He admitted.



            "You know what Malcolm. I'm going to let you explain this all to her personally. and when she feeds you to a carno and throws whatever’s left to a slasher pack, I'm not going to say a word." Taylor warned.



            "I'm not saying that she should stop working all together," Malcolm said quickly, "Just instead of being a field researcher, she would be limited to teaching others to be zoologists."



            Taylor motioned towards the door, "Be my guest in explaining it to her, Malcolm. You're on your own here." The CSO clinched his jaw realizing that this wasn't going to be easy obviously finding no help from Taylor, but then turned and left the office. Taylor's attention turned towards Dr. Shannon. "What can I do for you doc?"



            "I wanted to talk to you about Rayne." She admitted.



            "It would be a great surprise if you wanted to talk to me about something else." Taylor said.



            "Well, there's your physical next week if you'd rather talk about that." Dr. Shannon suggested.



            Taylor half smiled, "That's alright. What did you want to talk about?"



            "I should probably be talking to the both of you, but Rayne is not really happy with anyone right now." She said, "She's sort of hold up in her lab, working with the animals." She cleared her throat slightly.



            "Be honest doc, would you be in a better mood if word came that you were relieved of practicing medicine?" Taylor asked her. It was obvious that the doctor wouldn't be, "So why do we expect any different from Rayne?"



            "It's about her wound." The Doctor began getting back to the point of her visit, "I'm concerned about some of the scans I took."



            Taylor furrowed his brow, "I thought it was healed. All that was left was a scar."



            "On the surface it's healed, some of the scar tissue below the surface I'm thinking needs to be reexamined. Possibly removed." She said seriously.



            "Is it serious doc?" He asked standing up from his desk.



            "No, not right now I'm just worried that it might be in the future. She did a phenomenal job of stitching her own wound but it was extensive." She said, "It wouldn't take long to remove the damaged tissue and I could remove the scar itself in the process. I know it has been some concern for her."



            Taylor sighed and thought for a moment, "Well, it might help her a little bit to get rid of it. Personally, I sort of like it, but it's clear to me that it bothers her." After a moment he gave a nod, "Talk it over with her, probably lead with the fact you'd remove the scar."



            Elizabeth gave a nod before heading out of his office. Taylor sighed, this was an absolute mess. He wondered who had sent reports about Rayne back to 2149, even though at the moment his main suspect was Malcolm. He'd been concerned with the hours that she'd been working but not to the point of trying to remove her from her position.

 

Self Identified



            Rayne was sitting outside in the garden on the bench under the stars and the massive moon after she'd put the children to bed. Taylor came home to find that she had fixed him dinner, but was more concerned with seeing how she was doing. He found her out in the garden and walked out sitting down next to her. She had her knees pulled up to her chest and her arms wrapped around them.



            "They're sending a new zoologist on the next pilgrimage." She said starring at the ground, "I'm to stay on in an 'advisory capacity' whatever that means."



            Taylor nodded a little having heard the response before it went back to her. "This could be a good thing, honey. You haven't had another real zoologist working with you in a while. This time you don't have to spend so much time in the lab. Another qualified person can shoulder some of the work and you can spend more time with me and the kids . . ."



            Rayne sighed and stood in frustration from the bench. "I feel like the entire point of my coming back here is just gone." She said starting to pace, "First I was brought in from the field, then I wasn't even allowed outside the gates to study or research animals even in close proximity to Terra Nova, NOW, I’m not even going to be allowed to be a lab researcher."



            "Rayne, I know that a lot of things have happened, a lot of things have changed but . . . ." Taylor began.



            "EVERYTHING has changed!" She exclaimed feeling angry that she was being fired or at least severely demoted. "I was the top of my class, the first to be chosen for a internship, first choice for recruitment to Terra Nova, I've documented and written protocols for most of the animals that had been encountered here. Now it's like all of that means nothing." She said looking up at the moon a moment before she sighed and covering her face with her hands. "I love you, I love our children I wouldn't trade our family in for anything . . . ."



            Taylor stood and reached out taking her by the shoulders knowing she was confused, frustrated, and feeling helpless. "I know honey." He said rubbing her arms.



            "I didn't ever imagine I was going to be . . . . I'm not meant to be a housewife." She said looking at him, "I can't just stay in all day with nothing to do."



            "Raising the kids is something to do." Taylor said a little insulted.



            "That isn't what I meant." She said starting to turn away but he held fast to her shoulders pulling her back to him and embracing her tightly. "It's not like I can transfer or get another job."



            "You can keep teaching." He suggested. "All the kids love you, and you teach them so much."



            Rayne rested her head against his chest and closed her eyes.





Babies



            A week after their new daughter River Cara arrived, Rayne found herself having to trade up nannies again. Sometimes Rayne saw things she didn't like and she had a short temper when it came to the care of her little ones. Willow, Nathaniel, Cory, and River were all born relatively close together and they needed someone who understood their needs and had patience. At first Rayne wasn't sure she should bother if she was going to be a stay at home mother, but Taylor talked her into it wanting her to have help so she wouldn't get so run down.



            The festival was coming up in a few days and all of Terra Nova was preparing for the celebration. Rayne was having a hard time being sociable with the other colonists, still devastated by the news from 2149. Her focus now was on her children and raising them here in Terra Nova.



            Taylor had never seen her in such a depressed state before, frustrated and feeling helpless to change her situation. But he was thankful she could still find some happiness just being with their children, and even the other children in the colony. The Taylor's family had grown extensively rather quickly, and Rayne had been through more than anyone else should have to be in a lifetime. It was hard for her to want to even go to the harvest festival, but as the Commander's wife she had little choice.

 

Negligible Intimacies



            Rayne's nightmares from after she had been abducted by Lucas and Nathan was conceived seemed to return from out of the blue. It had been years since it had happened, and she and Taylor never spoke of who had fathered their son. He was theirs, and Taylor was his father. That's all there was too it. However Taylor was also Lucas's fathers and the way he made her look into his eyes when he violated her, seemed to connect them somehow in her subconscious. She would wake up in the middle of the night in a cold sweat and sit up in bed. So shaken by the dreams she had, Rayne had to turn on the light and make sure who it was that was lying beside her.



            Sometimes Taylor would wake up when she did, but she quickly shook her head, turned off the light and then lay back down facing the wall not wanting to tell him what had startled her awake. It was a source for his concern but there was nothing that he could do about it if she didn't want to let him in.



            Since Cara was born, Taylor found that when he returned home, Rayne was usually already in bed asleep even though she had prepared supper for him. He wouldn't wake her up knowing with four kids to look after and still teaching a few times a week, she was worn out and needed her rest. When he tried to visit her to spend time with her during the day, she flat out refused to leave the kids and be alone with him. It was clear before long that she was avoiding him and it was a shock to his system.



            Unable to stand the nightmares any longer, Rayne turned to the one other person in Terra Nova who knew the truth about her son. She explained to Elizabeth how when she slept she flashed back to when Lucas used Jason as bait and abducted her for a full week before she got free.



            "It's all the stress, Rayne." Elizabeth said seriously, "You feel like your entire world has been turned upside down, like you have been . . ." She searched for the word she was looking for, "Violated by the science department and research development in 2149 and your mind is connecting it with Lucas."



            Rayne covered her eyes with her hand feeling so tired, not wanting to hear this but it seemed she had no choice. "I can't even look at Nathaniel without thinking about Lucas." She said seriously looking at the doctor. "It's not his fault and I haven't associated the two in years, but all of a sudden I can't separate them."



            "Have you talked to Commander Taylor about this?" The Doctor asked. Rayne shook her head no.



            "I can't. I can't flat out remind him about any of this, then he's going to get upset about it all over again and then things between us are just going to become more awkward." She explained.



            "Rayne, this is classic post traumatic stress disorder." The doctor said, "It's taken a while to come about, but I am surprised you didn't suffer it much sooner with everything that has happened these past few years."



            "PTSD." She said looking at the Doctor in disbelief. "You think I have PTSD."



            "I don't need to list off to you the countless tragedy and trauma’s you have suffered since before you were married, Rayne. Somehow you've managed to come through it all, and still be an excellent wife, mother and researcher. You're very strong, but sometimes all of that will just pile up until the pure pressure of it breaks through." She sighed seeing that Rayne was still not ready to believe it. "You have options. I can put you on a medical treatment, that involves medication and therapy."



            "No." Rayne said almost immediately knowing that she couldn't talk to anyone about all this stuff, they wanted to keep it all private and under wraps and with good reason.



            "Then you need to talk to your husband and try to work through it with his help." Elizabeth said in a definite tone. "Otherwise things are just going to get worse, and you won't be able to develop coping skills to counteract the effects."



            "I don't want to tell Nathaniel that I have PTSD, it's going to worry him and just put more pressure and stress on him." Rayne argued.



            "Then don't. Don't tell him that was my diagnoses. Instead just tell him about the dreams your having, and why you've been avoiding him like you have been. He'll understand." Elizabeth said.



            Rayne cradled her head in her hand and sighed again.



 

Explanations



            The Commander sat with Rayne in their room listening to everything she had to say. She had waited up for him this time, and wanted to talk. When she had finished, he thought a moment before speaking. "Why didn't you tell me about this when it started?" He asked looking at her.



            She looked away embarrassed that she was telling him now, "I didn't want to burden you with it, when you have the colony to run." She said honestly.



            Taylor sighed in frustration as he stood and paced, "no, instead you avoided me like I had the plague and not telling me what was wrong."



            "It was something that we agreed not to talk about ever again." Rayne reminded him, "and we haven't. I don't know why it's coming back to haunt me now, but I didn't want to break that promise."



            "Rayne, for Christ sake. I'm your husband." He said stopping and looking at her. "How do you think it makes me feel to know you have been suffering like this, and I've been oblivious to it? You're supposed to be able to come to me, I'm supposed to be able to help you." He sat down next to her again and cupped her face in his hands, "I told you when we found out, and when we decided about Nathan, that it wasn't your fault and I don't blame you. The blame goes where it belongs and that's with Lucas." He stated looking into her eyes, "Honey, you have no idea how much it upsets and frustrates me to be in charge of keeping everyone in Terra Nova safe, and seeming to fail the most with my own wife. When you keep things like this from me, I fail you."



            "No you don't." Rayne said horrified when he said it, "You've never failed me, and it wasn't your fault either. You couldn't stop what happened, they didn't give you the chance too. I didn't give you the chance."



            Taylor just looked into her eyes a moment before kissing her and her face before pulling her into his arms holding her tight. If there was any way to erase all the bad things that had happened to her he would have in a heartbeat.



Rayne closed her eyes resting her head against his shoulder hugging him back. How did things ever get so crazy in their lives?

 

Haven't Forgotten You



            "How many more you think they're going to have?" Lucas asked Mira. "Two brothers and two sisters. All safe and sound in Terra Nova with their loving parents." He said maliciously.



            "Who knows. She's young and they've obviously been hard at it." Mira said wishing that they hadn't come around to this subject again. "She's not going to be the lead Zoologist in the colony for much longer, she's been demoted."



            "Good. I'm glad my message got through." Lucas said standing up and turning towards Mira. "I'm sure it's hitting her nice and hard and driving her crazy. She'll get careless and reckless before to long."



            "Lucas, why is this still concerning you?" Mira asked seriously. "You had the woman 3 times, and yet she's still breathing. If you want her dead, it would be easy enough just to kill her."



            "Would be more damaging to all of them if she killed herself." Lucas mentioned.



            "That's not going to happen, she's not going to leave their kids motherless." Mira said.



            Lucas cocked his head slightly as he looked at her, "Who said there was going to be any kids to leave behind?"



            Here, Mira had to step in. She couldn't condone his killing innocent children, "Lucas, your father and Rayne are one thing, but those kids had no say in being born or who their parents were. If you want to kill Taylor and Rayne then kill them, but there is no reason to go after the children." She insisted.



            "That bothers you?" He said looking at her, "The thought of killing children?"



            "Yes." Mira said without hesitation. "Regardless of how much you hate Taylor, it should bother you. You don't have to acknowledge they are your blood, but you can't just murder children."



            Lucas half smiled, "Alright." He said simply. "I'll leave the brats alone. I suppose they're really to young to be much of a issue." Mira nodded as she wasn't about to go around killing little kids. "But it's been a while since I've seen Rayne. I wonder how she's doing." He said a look in his eye that usually meant they were going to be straying from their purpose for a while again.

 

Searching



            It was late, early morning even. Must have been around 2am or 3am. Rayne came into the commanders office looking around, before moving into the back where his cot and old living quarters were finding him asleep. She carefully closed the door before she moved over towards him. Feeling the pressure change in the room, Taylor reached for his gun and sat up. However he saw it was Rayne and sighed putting the gun back down and rubbing his eyes. Rayne moved to sit down next to him just looking towards his face. "What are you doing here honey?" He asked.



            "What am I doing here?" She said thinking it an odd question. "Why didn't you come home? Why are you sleeping here?" She looked around, "Is this where you've spent the last two nights?" Rayne looked at him again not understanding. Taylor wasn't completely awake yet, he'd only been in bed for an hour or two. "Why aren't you at home?"



            "Is there something wrong?" He asked hearing the tone in her voice and seeing the upset look on her face. "Are the children alright?"



            "The children are fine." She said with a sigh before she shook her head, "We obviously aren't."



            Taylor reached for her hand and rested it on his chest, his own hand over it. "You haven't been sleeping, and I thought this might be a better arrangement for a while. So you could get some rest."



            "Are you mad at me?" She asked sincerely worried that was the reason for his not sleeping at home with her.



            "No," He said sitting up and turning her towards him, "I was for a little while, but I'm not. I just wanted you to be able to sleep, and if I'm what is causing your nightmares I thought that this would be a good solution for a little while."



            Rayne's eyes were wide, "You aren't causing my nightmares, Nathaniel . . . it isn't you!" She exclaimed.



            Taylor could see she was starting to get upset and reached out taking her arms, "Alright, alright calm down." He wrapped his arms around her holding her tight.



            "It isn't you, it's never been you." She said looking up at him. Reaching out, Rayne cupped her hands around his face, "Stop this." She said in an almost desperate voice, "Help me stop this, please." She begged as tears began to form into her eyes. Taylor wanted to help her but he didn't know how, didn't know what to do to make this better. It was obvious she was afraid that they had grown apart, and would only continue to do so until they became complete strangers to each other. "Please." She begged again as the tears streamed down her face.



"How." He said reaching up and running his fingers through her hair as he cupped her head in his hands, "Tell me how I can help you, baby. Please." He said willing to do anything to make this better for her.



            After a moment, Taylor was surprised to find her kissing him deeply her hands on his shoulders as she lavished affections on him. Far be it from him to deny or stop them, and he returned each touch and each kiss in kind. It wasn't before too long that familiar stirring began to overtake them both when they were in close quarters alone. It felt like it had been forever since they had been with one another, and both were starving for the affection. Rayne's hands found the edge of the commander’s shirt and pulled it off over his head tossing it to the floor, as he unzipped her jacket and pushed it off her shoulders as it soon fell to the floor as well.



            Taylor wrapped his arms around her pulling her against him, feeling the way her breasts heaved against his bare chest with each labored breath as she straddled his hips, seeking out his lips as they began to consume and devour each other yet again. After a few more moments of heated passion, Taylor turned them over onto her back as he kissed her hungrily and their hands seemed not be able to touch each other another enough.





Mornings



            "What is this new cataloging system about, Rayne?" Malcolm asked as he walked in finding that she had implemented something new and had been working on it almost nonstop for the past three days.



            "You always said mine was confusing when you tried to go through my records when I wasn't around. I'm taking all my files, my records, my findings, my studies, everything and making them easier to navigate through so even a preschooler can use it." She explained.



            Malcolm arched a brow hearing her say that, "As much as I appreciate the organization of it, I have to know, why change it now?" He questioned. He wasn't against it, in fact he was all for it, as to understand certain things about Rayne's files you had to know Rayne. It didn't work well for the researchers and other subordinates assigned to the zoology department. It tended to be why Rayne had such a stranglehold on the department. She had been training Jason, but that whole endeavor ended abruptly and he was banished from the colony.



            "Well." She began, "The next pilgrimage will be here in a few months. I thought it would be easier and save a lot of time for when the new zoologist team arrives." She said softly. "If everything was clear and easy to navigate." Malcolm knew it was hard for her, the news was like a slap in the face when it had been received and she was quite bitter about it. However now it seemed like she was making strides to accept it more gracefully, and help prepare for her replacements that would be coming in.



            "Thank you." Malcolm said simply. Rayne smiled softly at him before she turned and went back to work. The CSO looked at her for another moment before going back to his own lab. Rayne now firmly on his mind.

 

To Be A Continued . . . .

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