The Past Returns

Disclaimer: I don't own High Mountain Rangers, not making any money, just cheap thrills.

Warnings: Angst, Disturbing Themes

Rating: FRT

The Past Returns
Chapter 8


Matt sat on the edge of Cody's hospital bed, gently combing his fingers through his little brother's hair. "Come back to us Cody, please," he plead with tears in his eyes. The sound of the door opening had him jumping to his feet, placing himself between his brother and any possible threat. "Dad," he whispered, instantly relaxing his guard.

"Any change?" Jesse asked, his eyes glued to his youngest.

Matt looked back at his brother, feeling the weight of the world on his shoulders. "No sir, he just keeps mumbling and staring at the ceiling. I don't understand this Dad. Why is he in such bad shape over something that happened so long ago? Why didn't he react like this at the time?"

"That's what I just got through talking to the doctor about, he says it's basically a delayed reaction."

"A delayed reaction?" Matt snapped. He jerked away when his father's hand landed on his shoulder, taking a step towards his brother, he quickly detoured to stare out the window.

"Matthew?" Jesse watched him, confused by his reaction and more than a little bit concerned.

"That's not a delayed reaction Dad," he pointed to Cody. "That's a full blown meltdown. How could Uncle Roy do that to him? Why didn't Mom stop him sooner? Why didn't Cody tell you what was happening back then?"

In three strides, Jesse was at Matt's side, pulling him in for a comforting hug. "I don't know son, I wish I did. You missed a question," he reluctantly pointed out, " why didn't I see there was a problem?"

Matt sniffled, "Isn't your fault," he murmured against his father's neck. Straightening up, he looked across the room to the wounded form of his brother. "I wish it was a broken bone," he whispered. Mortified, he glanced at his father, expecting to see condemnation in his eyes. To his surprise he saw veiled amusement.

"It'd be a lot easier to deal with, wouldn't it?"

"Yes sir. I don't know how to help him with this, it's like a wound on his soul, how do we fix that?"

Jesse sighed, sometimes he wished the boys didn't have so much faith in him. "With time and love," was his simple answer.

"You make it sound so easy."

"Not easy, but it's the best answer I have."

"Delayed reaction?" Matt whispered.

Jesse nodded. "The doctor said the reason it's so bad is because he never dealt with it at the time. He just locked it away, so deep that he even managed to forget it had ever happened. Now that the memories are coming out," Jesse shrugged, "he's experiencing the reaction he would've then, but magnified by the delay in dealing with it."

"You're saying if he had dealt with it at the time it wouldn't have been this bad?"

"That's what the doctor seems to think."

"What do you think?" Matt asked. He trusted his dad's opinion a hell of a lot more than he trusted some doctor who didn't even know Cody.

Jesse turned away, walking back to the bed, he ran his fingers through Cody's hair. "I think he may be right. It wouldn't have been easy then, but it might've been easier." He glanced over his shoulder at Matt, seeing that he still wasn't convinced. "You've had splinters before?"

"Yes sir," Matt confirmed. He wondered why his dad was asking something he already knew the answer to, and what it had to do with Cody.

"Think of it like that, if you pluck a splinter out right away, it hurts, but it doesn't take long to get over. Leave it though, let it dig deeper and it'll fester. Then when it finally works its way out, you'll be sore for a while."

Matt nodded, understanding what his dad was getting at now. "You got any ideas on how to get him back?"

"Keep talking to him, that's what the doctor suggested. I can't think of anything else at the moment. You've been here for a while, why don't you go get something to eat. You can talk to him again when you get back," Jesse suggested.

Matt wanted to argue, wanted to stay here with Cody, but he could see his dad needed some time alone with his brother. Reluctantly he nodded, "Want me to bring you anything?"

"No thanks son, I'll get something later."

"Okay, I'll be back in a while."

Jesse grabbed the bedside chair, pulling it closer to the bed. Sinking into it, he picked up Cody's hand. Absently he rubbed his thumb over the back of his boy's hand as he spoke. He didn't hold back, made no attempt to hide his worry and pain, hoping that if his words didn't bring Cody back to them, his tone would. "I'm so sorry I didn't see what was happening son. I should've spotted it, should've known that you were being hurt. I knew there were problems, especially after that first summer, when you never wanted to go back. I told myself that it was just because you weren't used to being in town, around so many people. It never occurred to me that you were being hurt. Some cop, huh? I wish you'd come back to us son, it hurts more than I can tell you to see you like this. It's hurting your brother too, he loves you as much as I do." He ran his hand over the boy's back, rubbing gently. "You can come back Cody, you're safe, nobody is going to hurt you again." Jesse's head dropped to the mattress as the tears began to fall. Silently he prayed for guidance, prayed for the words that would reach his son and bring him back to them. "You're breaking our hearts son, we need you. Bet you didn't know that, did you? It's true, your brother and I need you like we need the air we breathe."


Matt couldn't deny it was a relief to get out of Cody's room for a little while. It hurt so much to see him like that and when he wasn't hurting he was fighting the fury that threatened to take control. Each time his brother mumbled his promises to be good, he wanted to hit his mother. Each plea for mercy had him wanting to track his uncle down so he could kill him, as slowly as possible. He couldn't decide which one he was more furious with. There was one thing he was sure of, he would never forgive his mother for her failure to protect his little brother.

"Hey handsome, mind if I join you?"

Matt looked up and for the first time since leaving his mother's a smile crossed his face. "What are you doing here?"

"Nice," Robin retorted. "So warm and welcoming," she teased as she slid into the seat across from him.

He dropped his head, his happiness at seeing her quickly slid away, "Sorry."

"Hey," Robin called, taking his hand in her's, "I was just teasing. Want to talk about it?"

Matt shook his head in the negative. "How'd you know I was here?"

"My friend Tracey called me, she said Cody had been admitted."

"Did she tell you why?" he demanded.

"Of course not," Robin immediately denied. "She just thought you could use a friend," she quietly added. "Looks like she was right."

"We're losing him," he whispered brokenly.

Robin gasped, she'd had no idea it was that serious. "What happened?"

He opened his mouth, intending to answer when Cody's eyes flashed through his mind. "I don't think I can tell you."

"It might help," she encouraged him. "Please let me help Matt."

He looked into her blue eyes and suddenly he was pouring his heart out. "He was hurt Robin, a long time ago and we didn't know. Damn it! How could we have not seen? He hid it from us, hid it from himself too. Now he's remembering, all of it. We're going to lose him, I don't think my dad will survive if Cody doesn't come back to us. I can't survive," he confessed, unaware of the tears that streaked his cheeks.

Robin stared at him in shock. Cody hurt? A long time ago? It didn't make sense. She needed answers and decided to start at the beginning. "Matt, what do you mean hurt?" she gently questioned.

Matt swallowed hard, his mouth formed the word but nothing would come out. Licking his lips, he tried again, it wasn't until the fourth try that he finally managed to whisper the word, "Abused."

"Cody?" she questioned. Her anger rose, quickly turning to fury, "Who?" she demanded.

Matt smiled, he should've known that Robin would react like this. From the moment she'd met him, the blonde beauty had adopted his little brother as her own. He almost felt sorry for his uncle and mother, Robin didn't hold anything back when you hurt one of her's. She was a lot like a mother lion that way. "Our uncle, Mom's brother."

Robin bristled, she should have known it was connected to Jackie. "Did she know?" She waited impaitiently for him to answer, "Come on Matt, it's a simple question."

"She knew," he spit out.

"That bitch," Robin growled. "I'm sorry Matt, I know she's your mother but..."

"No, it's okay," he cut her off. "She should've had that bastard arrested. Instead she sent Cody back to Dad's and never had him visit when Roy was there."

"Stupid, didn't she think of how it would make Cody feel?"

He snorted derisively, "Apparently not."

"How did he end up here?"

"He's been having panic attacks, the memories have been coming back I guess. He finally remembered everything."

"That's why he and your dad came to the station this morning?"

"Yeah, he wanted to confront Mom, get some answers. It didn't go well," he needlessly added.

"No shit," Robin snapped. Seeing the hurt look cross his face, she was immediately contrite. "Sorry, what happened?"

Matt sighed, he didn't blame her for snapping, it was obvious it hadn't gone well. "She tried to deny it at first, it wasn't until he broke down that she finally admitted to knowing. Though she claims she didn't know until the last time and that was when she sent him back to my dad's."

"Do you believe her?"

"Hell no," he quickly answered. "Doesn't matter right now, Cody's all that matters and he's lost."

"Lost?"

"He broke down Robin, started talking like he was six years old again. Begging her to stop him, promising to be good if she didn't send him away. He's upstairs now, staring at the ceiling and mumbling those same words over and over."

Robin could feel the tears sliding down her face, a perfect match for the ones on Matt's cheeks. "That's what you meant by losing him?"

"Yeah."

"What did the doctor say?"

Matt bit back the first reply that came to mind, still angry over the lack of help the doctor had offered, "Not much. He says that the memories have been buried so deep that now they're coming to the surface it's worse than it would've been if he'd dealt with it then."

"He was only a little boy, how could he have dealt with it?"

"He could've told me, or dad. We would've protected him." He looked at her, his eyes filled with bewildered misery. "Why? Why didn't he let us protect him?"

"I don't know, but I'd bet he had a reason."

"I guess," Matt sullenly agreed.

Robin sighed, "He was just a little boy Matt, try to remember that."

With those words, Matt suddenly felt about an inch high. "I'm being an ass, aren't I?"

"Just a little, but I guess you can be excused this once," she teased. "Did the doctor have any ideas for bringing Cody out of it?"

"No, but Dad thinks maybe talking to him will help. Keep telling him it's safe to come back to us."

"Is that where your dad is now?"

"Yeah, he sent me to get something to eat."

Robin looked pointedly at the empty table in front of him, "What do you want?"

"My brother back."

"I wish I could get you that," she whispered. "I can get you something to eat though, so what will it be?"

"I'm not hungry," he mumbled. He didn't know how she could expect him to think about food while his little brother lay upstairs lost in a terror filled past.

"I know you're not, but you need to eat." She hated to do it, but if he wasn't going to make any effort she would have to make him, even if it meant laying guilt on him. "Matt, you're not going to help Cody any by not eating." Nothing. "How do you think he'll feel if you get sick because of all this?"

"You don't play fair," he accused.

"When it comes to taking care of my friends? No I don't," she confirmed with a grim smile. "Now, since you won't tell me what you want I'll have to make the decision for you. I'll be right back," she informed him as she pushed herself to her feet.

Matt watched her go, a sad smile playing over his face. He wondered what was wrong with his mother? It seemed as though that natural thoughtfulness and caring Robin found so easy, had skipped her, especially where her youngest was concerned. Though it angered and hurt him, he knew deep in his heart that if it Roy had abused him she would've sent him to jail at the very least. He didn't understand why she wasn't as quick to protect Cody. Had Roy been telling the truth when he told Cody that his mom hadn't wanted him? Was his brother the reason his parents had broke up? No! Even if his mom left because she didn't want Cody, that wasn't his brother's fault.

"Here ya go," Robin announced brightly, setting a tray in front of him.

"Thanks Robin," he smiled.

"You're welcome, now eat."

He picked up the sandwich first, "Yes ma'am." With the first bite he suddenly realized how hungry he was, quickly devouring the meal.

"Good thing you weren't hungry," she teased.

Matt blushed, smiling sheepishly. "Didn't think I was," he defended.

"You ready to go back upstairs?" she asked when he was finished.

"No, but I want to be there for Cody."

"Want some company?"

Standing up, he smiled, "Please."

"My pleasure," she softly smiled, taking his arm and heading for the elevator.


Jesse looked up when the door opened, smiling when he saw who was with Matt. "Robin," he greeted, kissing her cheek. "Thank you for coming."

Robin blushed, "Where else would I be?" brushing aside his thanks. "Um, Matt told me what was going on, of course I had to drag it out of him," she quickly added.

"You don't have to cover for him Robin," Jesse assured her. "I know what it's like to need somebody to talk to." Though he spoke to Robin, he was looking at Matt, hoping the boy would realize he wasn't angry.

Matt couldn't help being relieved, he'd been afraid his dad would be upset that he had told Robin what was happening, after all it was personal. "Any change?" Matt asked.

"No son, I've been talking to him since you left, he hasn't even responded."

Matt wasn't surprised, he'd known the answer the moment he'd walked into the room, but he'd had to ask. "Why don't you go get something to eat Dad, we'll stay with Cody."

Jesse glanced at his youngest, his heart breaking a little more each time he looked at him. "I think I will. You send Robin to get me if there's any change," he gruffly ordered.

"Yes sir."

Robin drifted to the window, giving Matt a semblance of privacy as he began to speak to his little brother. She couldn't help the silent tears that ran down her face as the blond begged his brother to come back to them. With each word she fought the urge to find Jackie Hawkes and beat her to a pulp. An hour passed, with no change in the youngest member of the Hawkes family. She wracked her brain, trying to come up with some way to help them bring him back. She turned around when Jesse returned, absently she watched him talking to Matt, not really listening as she took in the sterile coldness of the room.

"Dad you can't let them do that!"

Matt's protest brought her attention back to the two men standing next to Cody's bed. Wondering what was going on, she soon had her answer. She listened in horrified silence as Jesse told Matt of the doctor's request. She agreed with Matt, there was no way locking him in a psych ward was going to help.

"I don't like it either Matt, but I don't know what to do for him," Jesse reluctantly admitted.

"We'll lose him forever if you let them put him in a place like that," Matt argued.

"Take him home," Robin quietly suggested.

"What?" Matt asked.

"He's lost because he's afraid, where does he feel safest?"

"Home," Matt whispered. "She's right Dad, that's the best way to get him back."

Jesse nodded, surprised he hadn't seen it for himself. "I'll go talk to the doctor, get him discharged. Can you get him dressed son?"

"Yes sir," Matt grinned. It finally felt like they were doing something that could really help Cody.

"I'll just wait outside," Robin mumbled, quickly exiting the room. It didn't take long for Jesse to return with the paperwork, by which time Matt had Cody dressed and ready to go. Robin walked out of the hospital with them, one hand on Cody's shoulder as his father wheeled him to the door. "I'll go back to the station and tell the guys you'll be off for the next few days, unless there's a major emergency."

"Thanks Robin, I appreciate it," Matt smiled. He watched her go, leaving him to stay with Cody while his dad brought the truck up to the entrance. Soon they had Cody settled in the seat between them and were headed for the mountains, both praying that this would bring him back to them.

TBC

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