Within Me

Pairing: Sam/Dean
Rating: NC-17
Warnings: Rape aftermath, angst, hurt/comfort.
Disclaimer: I don't own anything from Supernatural
Summary: Sam and Dean get caught up in something they can't handle.


Ella had never seen anything like it in her seventy-five years. When Mae had knocked on her door she hadn't known what to make of it. She'd been a midwife in her younger years and was nicely retired, but Mae had insisted there would be no babies born in the small town tonight and Ella had been intrigued by what could make her old friend so insistent she put on some clothes and help her. Showing up at the Hamilton House had scared her, wondering what she would find.

She wasn't prepared for the sight of the two men on the bed and it had nearly undone her. She thought she had walked in on some weird sex shoot for one of those types of movies Gary sold in the back room of his shop down the street, but then she had taken notice of the blood and injuries on one of the boys and the tears streaming down the face of the other.

Mae had rushed forward and then stopped, afraid to touch either one of them. When she realized Ella was still frozen in the doorway, she reached back and grabbed her friend's hand. "Ella, please...they need you."

Ella just nodded and gathered her wits and looked at the boy with the shaggy hair and then at Mae. "What the hell is this, Mae?"

Mae rolled her eyes and gestured toward Sam. "This is Sam and this is Dean." Her voice softened when she looked down at the older Winchester. "Ella, he's hurt so bad. I don't have time to explain everything. You're going to have to trust me."

Ella had been listening to the stories surrounding the old Hamilton place for a lot of years so she figured she might as well just listen because she was already putting two and two together.

"Alright. I always have trusted you. No reason to stop now." She turned her attention to Sam. "You go on with Mae now. I'll check him over."

Sam shook his head. "I can't leave him. He's dying. He's-"

Mae silenced him by holding her hand up. "...He's going to die unless you get back and let Ella do her job."

Sam's eyes filled with tears and his lips tightened as he tried not to sob in front of the women. "Alright." He got up slowly and limped over to Mae as Ella knelt down where he had just been to examine Dean.

Mae led him over to one of the overstuffed chairs and made him sit down. "Now...what's wrong with you, Sam? Tell me where you're hurt." She noticed the pain in his eyes and patted his knee. "Besides your heart..."

Sam sucked in a deep shuddering breath and nodded his head. "My head hurts pretty bad...and my..."

Mae nodded in understanding and parted his dark locks to see any injuries. She found a large lump on the back of his head and a slice. "Someone hit you?"

"A little girl...with a vase."

Mae just raised her eyebrow. "Really?"

Sam smiled slightly. "It was Bess. She's the one who killed Barnabas."

"I hope she made his death hurt."

Sam cleared his throat and told her what had happened that horrible day so long ago while Mae wiped the blood and determined he'd be fine even if he would have quite a headache later. She determined Ella would be better to handle the other injury.

"I always knew I got my spunk from somewhere old. My mama was a good woman, but far too gentle for her own good." She winked at him, trying to distract him from the moans Dean was making.

Sam just stared at his brother while talking to the older woman. "I did that to him."

"Barnabas did that to him. Somehow you didn't kill him. That counts for something. Shows how much he means to you."

The scrapes on Sam's chest and stomach from where Dean had clawed at him to escape made her wince and she shook her head in sorrow before noticing the puffiness of his knee and shin. Both wounds seemed a simple case of bruising and she sat back on her heels before caressing the cheek that wasn't sporting a huge bruise. "You're alright, Sam. Everything's going to be fine."

Mae wasn't prepared for the boy to fall into her arms and start sobbing, but she reacted the way any woman with a motherly bone in her body would. She cradled him and rocked him and petted his hair, mindful of the wound inflicted by the ghost of her ancestor. "Now now...you just let it out. Make sure you shove it back inside of yourself when he wakes up, though. I'm guessing he won't stand for it."

Sam wiped his nose on the back of his hand and sat up. "Yeah, you're right about that."

He looked over at Dean again. His eyes widened and he jumped up. "Don't!"

---------------------------------------------------

Ella moved quickly. She'd seen the signs before in the one or two battered women who had ended up at her door over the years.

Dean's face was a mess, covered in redness, sure to bruise black by the morning. The small cut near his jawline was straight enough to be made by a knife in her opinion and the lump on the back of his skull must have been from a strong enough hit to nearly knock him unconscious. She frowned, knowing that the boy shouldn't be asleep, but he'd passed out before she'd gotten there so she would just have to hope for the best.

The marks of hands around Dean's throat were becoming more evident as she sat there. Someone had wanted him dead and nearly gotten their wish. She sighed and checked his back. Since the wounds were clean, she chose to wait on treating them until she looked at the rest of the injuries.

The bruising beginning on the torso alarmed her and she started to push lightly and prod to check for internal bleeding. As Dean started to moan, she felt the tears prick at her eyes. She wanted to ease his pain, but fought the urge to stop her exam. She needed to determine what order to treat his wounds.

She didn't even bother touching his wrist since it was obviously broken. Ella just made another mental note on what to do to treat him.

Ella closed her eyes and tried to think of someplace else. Outside in the meadow picking wildflowers, driving in her car down the highway with the windows open, or maybe just sitting in her bedroom with a good book. After focusing her thoughts, she moved the towel and saw the handcloth stained with blood shoved against the boy's rear. She rubbed his hip slowly to attempt to let him know, wherever he was, that she wasn't going to hurt him. She reached for the cloth and pulled.

Sam's yell nearly startled her, but not as much as Dean's. He screamed and swung out, narrowly missing her and causing his wrist more pain.

She stood near the bed and kept quiet as Sam ran over to try and calm Dean. It was a mistake.

As soon as Dean saw Sam over him he began to fight and panic. Sam wrapped his arms around himself and backed away, allowing Mae to move into Dean's line of sight.

"Dean...Dean! Look at me! It's Mae! It's over." She didn't touch him, but instead just smiled at him and prayed he'd recognize her.

Dean took a few deep breaths and then blinked once before sighing and relaxing. He glanced over at Sam. "It's okay."

Sam just nodded and sat at the foot of the bed while the women worked.

Mae allowed Dean to hold her tight while Ella tended his worst wound. He whimpered and cried. At least once Mae had to remind him to breathe. When it was over, Ella put a splint on Dean's wrist and then cleaned the wounds on his back up some more.

"You don't have any internal injuries that I can tell. I don't know how you managed that, but I suppose you're just lucky." She frowned at her own words just as she said them. She knew that Dean was feeling anything but lucky at the moment.

Dean smiled sadly at her. "It could have been worse." He glanced over at Sam and then addressed the women. "Check Sam, too."

Ella nodded and checked him over, giving him some salve to help with the pain on his reddened penis.

Once they were finished, Dean spoke to Ella and Mae. "Can I have some time alone with Sam?"

Mae wasn't sure she wanted to leave him with Sam. She liked Dean, but thought there might be a chance he'd say something to hurt the boy worse. He was already tearing himself up inside as it was. A pleading look from Dean was all it took to make her reconsider her fears. "Alright...we'll go for a bit, but we have to talk about what to do about this house, okay?"

Dean nodded. "That's a promise." He watched Ella and Mae leave and then reached out to Sam with his good hand. "Come here."

Sam shook his head. "I can't."

Dean rolled his eyes. "Don't make me come to you. Mae will kick your ass for forcing me out of this bed."

Sam sighed and walked over, avoiding touching his brother. He sat down and looked at his hands in his lap. "How do you feel?"

"Like shit. I'm guessing you feel the same?" He knew Sam needed to talk, but wasn't sure how to prod him into it.

Sam just shrugged. "I've had worse."

"Sam, we really need to talk about this."

"I can't, Dean. Don't ask me to do that yet, okay? What I did to you...."

"Barnabas did it...to both of us. Didn't we have this conversation?"

"I watched him. I fought, Dean. I swear I fought, but I wasn't strong enough. I had to watch all of it and seeing you being...and not being able to help and..." He choked back a sob. "I failed you so much. If it were you...I would have been fine. You never would have been taken over like that."

Dean sighed. "We'll never know that. I'd like to tell you that you're wrong, but I just don't know. Barnabas is strong. I know you love me. I know you'd never willingly hurt me. I'm choosing to believe I would have done the same thing to you if our roles were reversed, but Sam, even if I wouldn't have...it doesn't matter. Barnabas chose you because he thought he could control you. And he did. That's not your fault. No more than it's my fault that he raped me and you while I could only watch...we were both forced to watch each other's rape."

Sam sniffled. "If our roles were reversed...we'd both be dead. I don't think I could have forgiven you the way you did for me. I would have folded into myself and just let you kill me."

"Maybe. You always were a bitch."

Sam's shocked face was all it took to make Dean laugh. "Oh...oh shit...don't make me laugh. It hurts."

"Dean...that's not funny. I mean...." He felt more shock run through his body when he saw Dean was no longer laughing, but sobbing. Sam touched Dean's shoulder lightly and rubbed the flesh in small circles. "Just let it out. It's okay. I'll be strong for you."

Dean covered his face with his good hand and just fell apart, unsure on why he was unable to control the strong emotions of violation and shame. "Don't leave me, Sammy. Don't fold up. Don't run away."

Sam closed his eyes. He had just been thinking of leaving Dean with Mae while he left to try and figure things out. Now his brother was pleading with him to stay and he knew he couldn't. He knew he'd help get Dean to sleep and then walk away, but there was no place for the truth now. "I'm not going anywhere. Go to sleep. I'll stay with you."

Dean, trusting Sam not to hurt him, allowed his eyes to close and his breathing to slow, drifting off into a healing sleep.

Sam waited a few minutes before quietly moving off of the bed. He walked out of the room and saw Mae and Ella leaning against the opposite wall with their arms crossed over their chests with a look of reproach.

Sam swallowed the lump in his throat. "What?"

Ella sighed and shrugged. "I'll go look after him." She pushed past Sam and went into the room with Dean before turning and glaring at Sam. "Someone will have to be here when the nightmares start."

Mae shook her head at Sam's blush. "I knew it. I was hoping I was wrong, but I knew it. If you had any intention on staying, you'd still be in there with him...holding him...protecting him..."

"I can't."

"You won't."

"You don't understand. After what I did to him...I have to figure some things out. I need to find my dad and talk to him about this."

"Dean is the one you should be talking to. You are what that boy needs to survive this. Your dad isn't going to be able to tell you things you ought to do for Dean. Only Dean can do that. What good are you to him if you're not here to listen to him? And how's he going to fell knowing you won't let him help you?"

"You won't let him be alone."

"No, Sam. I won't."

Sam never knew what hit him as yet another vase slammed into the back of his head. He crumpled to the floor and Mae smirked. "Stubborn boy..."

Ella grinned and stepped over the man she'd just assaulted. "I was kind of hoping he'd agree with you."

Mae brushed out the ceramic pieces from Sam's hair lovingly. "I was just wondering what was taking you so long. I thought I was going to have to deck him to keep him from leaving Dean."

"So what do we do with him now?"

"Tie him up. He's going to be by Dean's side through this whether he wants to or not."

Ella just smiled at her old friend. "How did you know he'd try and leave anyway?"

"Dean told me. When you were treating him and I was holding him, he said Sam would book at the first chance he got and I was not to allow it. He said Sam was always a pansy when it came to facing forgiveness. Guess he was right."

Ella and Mae dragged Sam back to the bed and managed to get him next to Dean before tying him to the bedframe.

Dean's eyes opened and he turned to see Sam's face, deep in sleep. He winked at Mae. "Told you he was a bitch...."

Mae just rolled her eyes and then ran her hand gently over his hair. "You love him."

Dean's lip trembled, but he only nodded. "I love him."

Mae could only hope love was enough to save them.

TBC...