In The Dark

Shaking nervously, Lucas hovers outside Dan’s hospital room, trying to summon the courage to open the door. He hasn’t seen Dan since he stabbed him, and his last memories of the man were not good ones. In fact, Lucas doesn’t think he can remember any good memories where Dan is concerned. Psyching himself up, he opens the door and slips in, shutting it behind him.

Dan wakes from his nap and takes a moment to focus his eyes before looking at Lucas. “Well, well…if it isn’t the boy who cried rape.”

Lucas swallows back his fear and stays close to the door. “I’m dropping the charges.”

Dan smirks, his face filled with success. “Smart boy. I knew you’d be the one to see sense.”

“It’s not for you. I don’t want to…” He can’t quite get his reasons out, they’re too personal and he already feels exposed. “I just can’t go through it.”

“Does Nathan know? Deb?” Dan asks, pointedly. “Your mom?”

“Not yet. But Nathan will be easy enough to convince. Everyone else has no choice in the matter, it’s not their decision to make.” Lucas explains, trying not to look his father in the eye.

“You’re making the right decision. We can keep those pictures of yours safely away from public view.” Dan assures him.

“I don’t want anybody to know any of it.” Lucas says, barely above a whisper.

“Of course not. You don’t want everyone knowing how much of a slut you really are.” Dan sneers.

Lucas’ eyes shoot up defensively. “Slut? You raped me and I’m a slut?”

“No, Lucas, I raped you and you liked it. Why else didn’t you go to the police?” Dan asks him. “Nathan’s the same. He let me do it.”

“And you didn’t think the protests or the screams or maybe even the struggling were signs?” Lucas demands, incredulously.

“They just made it more fun.” Dan answers, cockily.

Lucas leans back against the door, a smile finally creeping across his face. “You couldn’t resist, could you? The chance to rub it in.”

Unnerved by his son’s sudden confidence, Dan watches Lucas carefully.

He leans down and pulls his jean leg up, revealing Deb’s tape recorder strapped to his ankle.

Dan’s eyes widen in horror. “I’m going to kill you, you fucking bitch!”

“Was I convincing? I was going for defeated, how do you think it came across? Too much arguing, right? But then I had to get you to admit it. And it worked like a charm. You really thought you’d broken me, didn’t you? That I wouldn’t try to fight back, just accept defeat and let you go free.” Lucas laughs, the look on Dan’s face priceless. “My turn to fuck you, Dan.”

“I can talk my way out of that.” Dan boasts, no longer as convincing.

“Sure you can.” Lucas nods, sarcastically. “But I think it would be better all round if you destroyed those pictures. And never mentioned their content to anybody. Ever. You keep our little secret and instead of looking at several decades in prison, you’re looking at about a year, three tops.”

Dan doesn’t say anything, just glares at Lucas threateningly.

Lucas fights to stay in control, taking Dan’s silence as an admission of defeat. “We were looking at this all wrong. We thought you’d win either way. But I’m starting to realise that we’re the ones that win either way. Because as long as you’re in jail where you belong, we’ve won. No matter how bad things get, they’ll never be as bad as they were with you in our lives.”

“And what about when I get out, Lucas?” Dan asks, glaring evilly at him.

Lucas smirks, finding great pleasure in watching Dan squirm. “Nathan and I will be over 18, maybe even at college, far away from here. You’ll be required to stay away from us, what with the restraining order we’ll have waiting for you when you get out. And as for those pictures, you’ll be handing those over right about now. Unless you’d prefer I go straight to the police with my newfound evidence?”

“I don’t have any pictures.” Dan states.

“Right.” Lucas rolls his eyes. “You think I’m going to believe…”

“I don’t.” Dan reaches under his pillow and pulls out his phone, throwing it over to Lucas. “You’re far too gullible. I saw you and Nathan through a crack in the curtains; did you really think I’d get a decent shot from there? With a camera phone that barely gets a clear shot when it’s not already dark out?”

Lucas throws back the phone after checking through it. “How do I know you don’t have them somewhere else?”

“Where? I went straight from Nathan’s apartment to the emergency room thanks to you.” Dan points out. “Your dirty little secret is safe. For now.”

“Then so is yours.”

Dan smirks. “You’re more like me than you think, Lucas.”

That’s possibly the worst insult Dan could have given him. But Lucas just smiles. “Then I guess I’ll see you in hell.” He walks out, feeling the rush of disbelief at what he has just done, hitting him like a brick wall. He takes a moment to catch his breath, clutching the tape recorder in his hands as if afraid someone will try and take it away from him. He looks around, seeing various people walking around in their own little worlds. None of them know the disturbing truths revealed and hidden in that room. And Lucas is happy in the knowledge that they never will.

*~*~*~*

“Where the hell did you go?” Nathan demands as Lucas returns to the Scott residence. “We leave you alone for one minute and you disappear without saying a word!”

Deb joins Nathan at the front door, equally annoyed by Lucas’ disappearing act. “You took the tape recorder. Tell me you didn’t go and see Dan.”

Lucas holds it up, smiling at them. “I strapped it to my leg so he wouldn’t see it. Bags, pockets…he’d notice, but because it looked like there was nowhere for me to hide it, he had no reason to suspect. That and I convinced him I was there to drop the charges. Guess that was easy for him to believe.”

Nathan looks at his brother as if he’s mad. “You went to see Dan…and tricked him into confessing?”

“I’m tired of expecting you to make it all better, it’s not fair on you. You’re dealing with the same stuff I am.” Lucas explains, a confidence in his voice that hasn’t been there since that first fateful night. “You both tried to deal with Dan and it didn’t work. There was no way in hell I was gonna let him win without a fight.”

Deb and Nathan are speechless. Nathan more so because he’d assumed Lucas was at breaking point. He can’t believe after getting to know Lucas so well, he could have underestimated him so much.

“Do you want to hear it?” Lucas asks, nervously, stepping into the house for more privacy. “I’ll understand if you don’t…”

“Does Dan know?” Deb asks, following Nathan and Lucas inside and back into the living room.

Lucas nods, handing the tape recorder over to her. “He’s agreed to go along with the deal.”

“And the pictures?” Nathan quizzes him, anxiously.

Lucas sighs. “I don’t think they ever existed. Maybe I’m wrong, but…they weren’t on his phone. Listen to the tape, it’ll explain everything…”

Deb cautiously pressed the play button and they all wait nervously to hear the exchange.

Lucas reaches over and locks his hand with Nathan’s. He’s as nervous as they are to hear how the events played out. He hears the defeat in his own voice as the tape begins. A performance he should be proud of, if he didn’t already know that defeat was so close to how he had felt at the time. It isn’t until Dan has confessed that Lucas hears the change in his voice. Now he’s proud. And apparently, so is Nathan, who is squeezing his hand affectionately.

Deb doesn’t seem to react at first. Not until it ends and she shuts it off, her hands shaking. She looks up at them, a mixture of relief, hope…and maybe fear, Lucas isn’t sure. “You did it.”

“I’m so proud of you.” Nathan leans over to kiss him on the cheek, forgetting where they are for one moment. Lucas backs off, a subtle reminder that they’re not alone which Nathan quickly realises. He looks at his mom, sheepishly.

“You can’t keep this up, surely you know that.” Deb tells them, all previous signs of happiness gone from her face. “It has to end.”

Lucas pulls his hand away from Nathan. “It already has.”

Nathan doesn’t move his gaze away from Lucas, hearing those words from his brother’s mouth hurt more than he could have imagined. He has to wonder if Lucas suffered the same when Nathan had said the same the night before. Now he just wishes he could take it all back. They’re finally safe and…

“Nathan.” His mom says, expectantly.

He finally looks away from Lucas, looking hopelessly at nothing in particular. “Yeah, we already talked about it.”

Deb nods, hesitantly. She knows by the look in both boys’ eyes that neither is happy about it, but they don’t seem to be lying, so she accepts their answer. “You’ve already made your statements, now we just have to make sure Dan knows exactly what he has to say and if we’re lucky, this will all be over in a matter of weeks. He’ll plead guilty, so we should be able to avoid a drawn out court case…”

But neither boy is listening anymore. They’re sitting right next to each other but the distance seems like miles. Lucas can only wait patiently until he’s allowed to leave, hoping that by getting Nathan out of sight, he’ll be out of mind. It’s unlikely, but it has to be better than being so close to him and not being allowed to even look at him the way he wants to.

Meanwhile, Nathan feels his chest tightening, realising what their separation means. He wants to tell Lucas he didn’t mean what he’d said before, that he’d said it only because of the danger Dan posed to their relationship. Now that danger is seemingly over, he just wants to take Lucas home and get things back to the way they were.

“…I’ll talk to your mom and Keith tomorrow, tell them only what they need to know. Now, you’re both sure this is the way you want to do this? We still have a good chance of putting Dan away for a long time, you can’t change your minds later.”

Lucas nods numbly. As does Nathan.

Deb doesn’t agree with them, but in a way, she understands their reluctance. “I suppose you two want to talk? Alone?”

Lucas looks up at her, not sure he does.

But Nathan answers for them both. “If that’s okay.”

She leaves them to it, hoping that they’ll the right decisions and accepting that those decisions are not hers to make.

“Nathan, this is too painful for me, I’m just gonna go.” Lucas mutters, getting up.

“Wait, please!” Nathan begs, waiting for Lucas to sit back down. “We got what we wanted. No more Dan and we stay secret. Thanks to you…”

“It was your mom’s idea.” Lucas answers, quietly, focusing on his lap to avoid having to see the look on Nathan’s face.

“I made a mistake before. I thought we’d have to stop to protect us from him. But now we don’t. And I don’t want to stop, I want you to move back in with me.” Nathan tells him, honestly, wishing Lucas would look at him.

“Your mom isn’t stupid, she’ll know what we’re doing. We don’t have a choice.” Lucas points out. “And I don’t think I can do this, just to have to stop months or years down the line when someone else finds out. We’ve been given a chance to start over, maybe we should just take it.”

“You don’t mean that.” Nathan argues. “Before, you said you couldn’t lose me. Well, I can’t lose you either. And now we don’t have to.”

“But eventually we will.”

“Not today.”

“Tomorrow, then. Whenever! It still means we have to go through this again.” Lucas tells him. “I love you so much and I’d give anything to have that forever, but it’s not that easy.”

“But its worth it…for however long it lasts, it’ll be worth it. Luke, my mom will come round eventually, I’ll make her understand.” Nathan continues. “I’ll do anything.”

Lucas wants so badly to believe him. He looks Nathan in the eye, feeling his heart ache as he forces the words out. “I’m sorry.”

Nathan backs off, hurt and confused. He wants to say something, anything to make Lucas listen, but he doesn’t know where to start. He’s already said everything he can…

Lucas stands and leaves, knowing that if he stays any longer, he’ll lose his will power. And while he does believe he’s made the right choice for their future, it physically hurts him to have to do it. Because like Nathan, he’s not ready to let go just yet.

*~*~*~*

Several weeks pass and Nathan barely sees Lucas, other than the occasional glimpse in the hallway or from across the room in class. Lucas is avoiding him, or apparently, avoiding everyone.

No longer on the basketball team, Lucas has found himself slipping back into social isolation. While Nathan had been there to help him through his pain last time, this time he has nobody and without support, he feels like he’s just fading away. He welcomes it.

And all Nathan can do is watch from afar, bitter and hurt that Lucas has chosen this over their relationship. As much as he wants to help, all he can hear in his head is Lucas’ feeble apology that marked the end of their relationship.

So Nathan does what he knows best…and puts on a brave front, angrily lashing out at anyone he dares try and break it down.

Dan Scott has been defeated, but both Nathan and Lucas know it’s too little, too late.

*~*~*~*

The minute Karen walks into Lucas’ bedroom, he knows something is wrong. She looks pale, frightened somehow… Then she looks directly at Lucas and slowly informs him, “Nathan’s had an accident.”

His favourite book slips from his hands onto the floor as Lucas assumes the worst. “Oh God…is he…?”

“I don’t know much, just that he’s at the hospital.” Karen tells him, the pain in her eyes from having to watch her son suffer again is all too obvious. “I’m going over there to make sure Deb’s okay. Do you want to come?”

Lucas numbly gets off the bed, a million of the worst possible scenarios going through his head. “He’s going to be okay, right?”

Karen can’t answer that, so she smiles sympathetically at him. “Lets go and find out.”

The moment they reach the hospital, Lucas is in the front door, racing over to Deb’s side. “What’s going on? Is he okay?”

Deb’s eyes are red from crying, she looks up at Lucas, seeing the fear in his eyes, knowing exactly why its there. It’s oddly comforting to know Lucas cares so deeply. “The doctors said they won’t know much until he wakes up. He’s in a pretty bad shape.”

Karen makes her way over, finally catching up with Lucas. “Deb, I’m so sorry…is there any news?”

Deb shakes her head. “They won’t let me in yet. I just need to see him…”

Karen nods. She remembers it well, watching her own son unconscious, wondering if he’d pull through. “We’re here for you. Anything you need…”

“Thank you.” She smiles, briefly.

“What happened?” Lucas asks her, barely able to control the shake in his voice.

“He was visiting my brother, Cooper, at the race track. They were messing around with the cars, testing them out or something, and Nathan lost control.” Deb explained. “He crashed into a wall, going at God knows what speed.”

Lucas backs off from the conversation, looking down the hallway, wondering which door his brother is behind. If he’s even alive…

“Lucas, I’m going to stay here for a while. Do you want to stay or…?” Karen asks.

“I’m not leaving.” Lucas states. “I wanna be here when he wakes up.”

Deb looks at him, her expression unreadable to everyone except her and Lucas. “Someone should tell Haley.”

Hurt by the comment, Lucas looks away, unable to deal with this. Not now.

“I’ll call her.” Karen offers, not noticing the strange exchange between Deb and Lucas. “Why don’t you get us all something to drink?”

Lucas nods and reluctantly looks back at Deb. “Would you like one?”

Waiting for Karen to leave, Deb looks at Lucas pointedly. “I appreciate that you’ve both stayed away from each other as I asked, but…”

“Deb, please don’t ask me to go. I can’t…” Lucas begs her, tears springing to his eyes.

“I’m not asking you to go.” She says, softly. “Nathan would want you here. I’m just warning you to be careful. And don’t think I’m trying to be malicious by bringing Haley into this, it’s just…she deserves to know. She’s your best friend, isn’t she?”

Lucas nods, guiltily.

“Then perhaps you should think about this from her perspective.” Deb suggests.

“I never wanted to hurt her…” Lucas begins.

Uncomfortable with the subject, Deb smiles weakly. “I know. Now, were you offering drinks? Because I’d kill for a coffee.”

*~*~*~*

After hours spent by her son’s side, Deb goes for a walk, leaving Lucas alone in the hospital room with an unconscious Nathan. The moment they’re alone, Lucas pulls the chair up to the bed and rests his head by Nathan’s arm, watching as their hands touch for the first time in weeks. He smiles sadly, knowing how close they came to never being able to touch again.

“…Luke…” Nathan murmurs, half asleep.

Sitting up to watch carefully, Lucas studies his face, watching for signs of consciousness. “Nathan?”

Eyes flickering, Nathan finally opens them and focuses on Lucas. “Where am I?”

“Hospital.” Lucas smiles, relief hitting him like a tidal wave. “I really though I’d lost you. When my mom said you’d been in an accident…”

“Accident?” Nathan frowns, his memories a little blurry.

“You crashed a car into a wall.” Lucas explains. “…I should probably go find your mom, tell her you’re awake.”

“No, wait here.” Nathan pleads. “I had a dream about us…we were a couple and everyone knew about it. And it was okay, no one cared. It was nice…”

Lucas smiles, affectionately. “I’m so sorry I’ve been avoiding you. I was just dealing with some stuff and trying to do it on my own for once. Didn’t work so well, but…I’ve missed you.”

“Missed you too.” Nathan adds, moving his hand to hold Lucas’.

“I don’t know what I would have done if you’d died.” Lucas says, solemnly. “I never want to find out, okay?”

Nathan laughs weakly. “Okay.”

“My mom called Haley, she’s on her way back.” Lucas tells him, his tone of voice betraying the jealously.

“I don’t want to see her.”

“Why? We’re not together…maybe you should give it another go. You loved her once. She still loves you…” Lucas can’t believe these words are coming out of his mouth. They’re the exact opposite of what he wants to say.

“Only want you.” Nathan sighs, looking up at the ceiling. “That’s not going to change.”

Lucas can’t help but smile, squeezing Nathan’s hand that little bit tighter. “You promise?”

Surprised by the question, Nathan looks back at Lucas, confused. “Of course. I told you, I love you. You’re the one who doesn’t want to be with me, remember?”

“I never said that.” Lucas argues, quietly. “I was scared of losing you. So, you had to go and prove that whether I’m with you or not, it’s gonna happen one day. And it’ll hurt just as much. Maybe I made a mistake…saying those things.”

“You mean that?” Nathan asks him, not ready to believe just yet.

“I’m miserable without you. And without me…well, look at you! Crashing into walls? I can’t leave you alone for five minutes…”

Nathan laughs, casting a look at the closed door. “Kiss me.”

“What? Nathan, we’re in the middle of a hospital with both our moms…”

“Shut up and kiss me before I drag my extremely sore ass out of bed and do it for you.” Nathan threatens.

Lucas leans over and does as he’s told, and the moment their lips touch it’s like they’ve never been apart. Nathan even tries to reach up and hold Lucas’ cheek affectionately, but Lucas quickly breaks the contact. “Okay, that’s enough. You’re here to get better.”

“And after that, I feel much better.” Nathan grins. “If I’d known all it would take to change your mind was driving into a wall, I’d have done it weeks ago.”

Lucas doesn’t find that funny. “Did you do this on purpose?”

“Luke, I was joking.” Nathan points out.

“I know, but…I’ve seen the way you’ve been behaving lately.” Lucas admits. “Acting like everything is okay until someone looks at you the wrong way and you explode. It’s not like you.”

“Better than not saying a word to anybody, barely showing up for class, acting like you’re invisible!” Nathan accuses. “We’re both messed up, we have every reason to be.”

“You didn’t try to kill yourself, did you?” Lucas asks him, looking him straight in the eye.

Nathan can’t hold the gaze. “Now we’re back together, everything’s going to be okay. We can fix each other all over again.”

Lucas has his answer. “I’m gonna get your mom.” He stands and goes to leave.

“Lucas! I didn’t want to die. I just…didn’t care enough to turn the wheel.” Nathan explains, meekly.

“When you get out of here, we’re going to talk about this.” Lucas tells him, finally living up to his role as big brother. “I love you.”

Nathan smiles as he watches him leave, a twinge of sadness marring what should have been a perfect moment.

*~*~*~*