Acquired Knowledge

Las Vegas 2005

Grissom walked into Sara’s apartment without waiting for an invitation. He had spent the last three hours at the hospital watching Nick. They had given Nick a sedative to help him sleep, the fire ant bites had by then swollen up and looked like small tumours on his skin. He looked nothing like the man they knew.

Grissom had sent everyone home to rest all of them protested but accepted the fact that they had been up for two days straight and they were on shift that night. They left one by one each one staring at Nick through the glass sending him a silent message.

Grissom watched Sara leave. She looked so tired and sad. He watched as she raised her hand to the protective glass pressing her hand against it as if touching the young man who remained unconscious. He saw the single tear slip down her face. As Sara turned to leave, she locked eyes with Grissom. His heart almost stopped. He had seen this face before; the sadness in her eyes was all too familiar to Grissom.

He tried to speak but he couldn’t. He watched her as she walked toward him and before Grissom knew what was happening she wrapped her arms around his neck and pulled him into her embrace.

Sara held him, resting her chin on his shoulder. He could feel the tension in her body. He felt her cheek graze his ear, it was so soft. He relaxed into her breathing out and sighing into her hair. He let himself take in her scent. It was exactly as he remembered it, the last time he held her, and he was instantly taken back to San Francisco, in her bedroom the morning he left. Her words echoed in his head.

“There is nothing that would ever make me forget what we have, I know that you think I’ll move on and forget you, But I won’t, I’ll always remember us.”

It replayed now in his head how she had felt under his hand, how tossed her hair looked, the colour of her lips, the way she had so bravely let him go. His emotions were crashing in on him and he couldn’t stand it.

A moment later Sara broke the embrace and without a single word she walked away. It felt so final, Grissom felt it. He knew she had come to a crossroads of sorts and she had chosen her path. His heart sank as he realized she wasn’t hugging him for comfort, she was hugging him goodbye. Sara was putting him behind her and moving on. For the first time since he met her he felt truly alone. It was time.

He walked into her apartment and turned to face her. Sara had showered and was wearing the same bathrobe that she had worn in San Francisco. She looked exactly the way she did the night he arrived for their first date.

It made him smile to see the robe; he remembered the feel of it as he undid the knot in the belt, the first night they made love. He knew he had come there to be honest with her. He had to free his heart of the guilt he had carried all these years.

“Can I get you anything?” Sara asked the nerves obvious in her voice.

“No, thank you. I… I…” Grissom stumbled over his thoughts trying to find a way to put into words everything he was thinking.

Sara didn’t give him a chance to continue.

“I’m making myself some tea, it’s no trouble.” She said and with that she walked into her kitchen busying herself with filling the kettle. She had just reached for the cup when she felt his hand on her arm.

“Sara please, I need to tell you something, I need you to listen to me.” He said as he led a very surprised looking Sara to the armchair in the sitting room.

“Okay, what’s up?” Sara said trying to sound calm even though her heart was racing.

“Is Nick okay?” she asked, beginning to worry.

“Yes Sara, Nick is fine; His parents are with him at the hospital" Grissom said shifting uncomfortably and looking around the.

Sara could see the torment in his eyes.

“There is something I should have told you a long time ago, something that I’m ashamed of. It has taken me five years to realize that I am only fooling myself trying to hide from it. I won’t ever be free to move on unless I tell you the truth.

Sara sat quietly watching him; she had never seen him so openly terrified.

“ I should have told you back then, back in San Francisco but I didn’t have the courage , I wasn’t strong enough” Grissom said sitting down on the couch facing Sara, in much the same way they had sat the night she told him about her family.

“That night, the night you came to the hotel to find me I was…well you see I …”

“I know” Sara cut him off.

“What?” Grissom’s shocked expression turned to confusion.

“I know… I know you were there, in the hotel room that night, and I know you weren’t alone.” Sara said breathing a sigh of relief.

“What? How? Why didn’t you?” he tried to take in her announcement, he had come to tell her the truth. He had to finally be honest with her. For the first time in five years his memory of that night was thrown into confusion. He searched his thoughts trying to replay everything that had happened but her words were drowning out every memory.

She knew. She knew everything.

“I heard her voice. That night, when I left your door I stood at the elevator and waited. I saw her leave your room” Sara said, her voice was low and calm.

Grissom was stunned, he could barely breath as the questions flooded his head but he could not verbalize any of them. Sara continued.

“I left the hotel and went home, I won’t lie and say that I wasn’t upset, I couldn’t believe you had done that me, to us” she said, as she tried to continue Grissom cut her off, finally finding his voice.

“Why didn’t you tell me all these years you knew, and you said nothing” Grissom said. He was lost in confusion.

“Let me finish” Sara said, her anger beginning to surface. ”I came home that night and trashed my place; I wanted to hurt you, to get rid of everything you touched. I picked up the cup you bought me and smashed it. After that I sat on the floor and broke down, God, I hated you so much” She said the emotion of her memories overcoming her as the tears fell.

“Sara I…” Grissom tried again but Sara kept going not hearing him.

“I was angry with you but it was so weird, it wasn’t because of what you had done. If you can understand that, it’s because I loved you, I still loved you, even after you had hurt me deeper than anyone had ever hurt me” Sara kept talking even though the tears were steaming down her face now, she fought the sob that had formed in her throat.

“I knew that you were in pain and that I had caused it. I never for a minute thought I’d see you again, and the thought of never seeing you again terrified me. I know I should have hated your guts, but you have to understand, I had never felt anything like the love we had shared” Sara said, standing up and retreating to the kitchen counter.

“Even growing up I was taught that love wasn’t really real that it was something you put on in front of strangers, social workers, even friends, but with you it wasn’t fake, it was real, and as much as it hurt me I cherished it. I realized that I honestly loved you, and for the first time in my life I really had felt love in return" As Sara spoke she walked back to the couch.

Grissom was stunned. He saw the hurt in her eyes and he wanted to hold her, his own emotions began to betray him as he felt the lump rise in his throat.

“When you answered your phone that night I wanted to tell you to go to hell but I couldn’t do it. I couldn’t push you away. So I asked you to come to me. You knew deep down I’d heard you but you still came. Most men would have run away. I knew you were coming to face me and that told me that you respected me even after everything that had happened.” Sara stopped to catch her breath.

Grissom tried to take her hand but she pulled away and his heart sank.

“Please, I need you to let me finish this” Sara said as she walked away again, she stood at the front door.

Grissom sat quietly and let her speak.

“When you got to my place that night, I saw your eyes and I knew you were in pain. I know that kind of pain Grissom, it can only come from having hurt someone you honestly care about. I saw it in my mother’s eyes when she looked at me the night she killed my father.” Sara said lost in her memories.

“That’s when I decided that I wouldn’t tell you I knew. I'd pretend that I hadn’t heard you that night. I knew you would want to stop me from believing that I’d hurt you. So that’s why I asked you if you had read the letter, I knew if I asked you to forgive me you wouldn’t have hesitated. I knew that if I asked you to, you would make love to me.

I have never shared that kind of passion with anyone. The way you made love to me that night. God, it was the most complete moment of my life. That night I told you I loved you and I meant it, for the first time in my life I really knew what love was"

Sara had stopped talking but her words hung heavily in the room. Grissom was struggling to come to terms with all she had said and he stood up and walked to her.

“How, Sara how could you have forgiven me, after… after what I had done?” Grissom was lost in confusion and admiration; he didn’t know if he should hold her or leave.

“I knew that if you had told me that night, you never would have accepted my forgiveness… no… wait that’s only part of it. I knew you never would have forgiven yourself, and if I had left you leave feeling that way I would have never heard from you again. I couldn’t let that happen. Don’t you see Grissom I loved you, but you had to forgive yourself and you wouldn’t have been able to do that back then” Sara said walking away from him.

“No matter how many times I came to you offering you a chance to move on, to heal, you pushed me away and I realized that it was my own fault. I had saved you from something that was never really mine to save. I know now that by hiding the truth I made it worse and because of that I’ve lost you forever" Sara's emotions finally took her and she let out a sob and turned her back on him, hiding in her grief.

Grissom had heard everything she said, she was right, she was right about everything. He would have told her the truth that night and left unable to forgive himself. It would have been impossible for him to stay in contact with her. Grissom walked to her. He reached out to her and pulled her into his embrace.

“I just wanted you to love me; I just wanted to have that feeling for the rest of my life.” Sara said as she buried her head in his chest.

“I’m so sorry I hurt you Sara, I wish I could turn back the clock to that night, I have replayed it over and over in my head. If I had just read your letter first? If I had answered the phone?" Grissom said feeling her body shake in his arms.

“Please honey, please stop crying. I need to ask you something now, but I need you to look at me.” Grissom said as he pulled her out of his arms.

“I’m asking you to forgive me Sara” Grissom said.

“You know I do Gris…” Sara said, but Grissom cut her off.

“No Sara, it’s your turn to let me finish” Grissom said as his hands framed her face, he let his thumbs wipe away her tears. “I need you to forgive me for that night and for the last five years. “ He said his voice now had a tone in it that Sara hadn’t heard in five years.

“I foolishly thought by keeping you away that I could hide from my feelings, but I couldn’t do it Sara. Tonight watching Nick in the hospital, seeing you in pain like that, I wanted to take away the hurt you were feeling.

It was only when you were leaving and you held me that it hit me. It was me that needed you. I can’t take back the last five years but I need to tell you these things. I need to tell you the truth and the truth is that I love you, do you understand Sara? I have always loved you"

Sara let out a laugh filled sob as he finished speaking.

“I love you too” was all Sara could say as their lips met for the first time in five years.

Grissom was overwhelmed with happiness. Her kiss her was filled with such passion and love that he let his tears fall freely in front of her, no more hiding no more lies, it was time to heal.

Epilogue

Las Vegas, 2007.

9:05am

Grissom was dozing on the chair when he was hit full force in the face with a cushion.

“Oh no you don’t. You promised me that we’d do it today” Sara said as she giggled at his shocked expression.

“I know but I said after we woke up, I’m tired plus you never said we had to do it before we slept” Grissom was grumpy, they had just come home after shift and it had been a busy night.

“Please, you have been promising me for the last week. Every morning you’d say “I’m too tired” or “we’ll do it later“, well not today Dr Grissom. Today we are going to do this whether you want to or not. Now get up and march into that bedroom and get changed” Sara said in a sergeant major tone of voice.

Grissom knew he was on the losing side this time and sighed.

“Okay you win. Give me a minute to put something else on and make some coffee I‘ll need it.” He said as he pulled himself up off the chair.

Sara jumped in excitement and kissed his cheek, as she walked into the kitchen Grissom smiled at her. She met his gaze for a moment.

“Hurry up” she said smiling at him.

When he came out she was no where to be seen. He knew where she was and he let out a heavy sigh as he walked to the garage.

He found her surrounded by cardboard boxes. Some had her name on them some had his.

“Who would have thought moving in together would take so long” Grissom said giving Sara a little fright.

She turned to meet his eyes.

“Well if someone had helped unpack when he was asked to we wouldn’t still be doing this three months after we moved in” Sara said returning to the box she had opened.

“Okay, what do you want me to do?” Grissom said yawning.

“Well, we have to go through each box and decide what’s staying here and what’s going into storage? Then we have to find space for all of it” Sara said in a cheery way, she was fighting a yawn too but she really wanted to get this done and the fact that they hadn’t had a day off together in weeks meant this was their first chance to do it.

“Okay boss” Grissom said making fun of her.

As he worked through each of his boxes Grissom realized that most of there contents were his old life, the life before Sara. He looked at each item not really remembering why he had kept them. Some of the books he wanted but most of the other items he knew weren’t him anymore. He was different now, he had changed. He looked over at Sara and smiled. Sara was covered in dust and she was talking to herself when she took in a breath and held it.

“Everything alright over there?” He asked noticing her movements had stopped.

“Come look at this” She said waving for him to come over to where she was standing.

“What is it?” Grissom said as he climbed over the row of boxes that were marked for storage.

In front of Sara was a tatty cardboard box that had San Francisco stuff written on it. Grissom looked at Sara.

“I had this stuff shipped to Vegas when I moved here but it’s been in storage since then” Sara said pulling at the tape.

Sara opened the box inside there were lots of little kick knacks and books. Sara smiled as she noticed the two shoe boxes on the bottom Sara lifted them out and sat on a box that was behind her resting her back against the Tahoe Grissom had driven home that day.

Sara opened the first shoe box and inside there were pictures, hundreds of pictures of her and her friends in collage. Grissom moved in beside her and looked at them with her as she flicked through them.

“You look so young. Were you really that young?” Grissom said taking out one of the pictures of her.

“I wasn’t that young besides you didn’t meet me until years later. This was my first year in collage, everyone was young.” Sara said flipping through a stack when she stopped.

“Oh my god, I totally forgot about this one. “ Sara said excited and smiling.

Grissom turned his attention to the picture she held in her hand. It was a picture of the two of them sitting on the collage campus, it was the day Grissom gave her the bug mug, her friends had taken it unknowingly capturing the moment when Sara realized she was in love with him.

“Wow, You look so… So…" Grissom could not put words to the look she was giving him in the picture.

“In love” Sara said finishing his sentence as she looked up at him and kissed him.

“What’s in that one? “ Grissom asked, pointing to the other shoe box beside Sara.

“I don’t know it’s been so long” She said as she continued to look through the photos having set the one of them aside to be framed.

“Do you mind?” Grissom asked, reaching for the box.

“No, go ahead” Sara said lost in her pictures once again.

Grissom pulled off the lid and his heart nearly stopped. Inside the box was literally the week she met him. He found the receipt from the diner where they shared their first cup of coffee and tea together. He also found the stubs from the shuttle tour they had taken around San Francisco.

There were other numerous bits and pieces of their week together including something which sent a sting of guilt to his heart. In the box was the once broken, now badly glued cup. There were missing pieces and no handle but he would have known it anywhere. He was speechless as he looked at Sara who felt his gaze and looked up.

“What the matter?” She said seeing his eyes and the emotion in them.

“I can’t believe you fixed it” He said putting the box down but holding up the broken piece of pottery.

“Well, it was the only thing that you gave me, I broke it when I got back home that night, but after you left after I pulled myself together I started to clean up. I picked up all the pieces I could find and glued it together again. I guess I should have thrown it away but, it held everything that was us as it was.

“I don’t understand what you mean it was us.” Grissom asked sitting down beside her resting his back against the door of his car.

“Well” Sara said taking the cup from him. “It was cracked and broken but it was fixable, I mean It didn’t matter that I couldn’t use it just reminded me that even though we weren’t together it didn’t mean that we weren’t fixable" Sara said with a hint of sadness.

“When you turned me down the night I asked you to dinner, I came home and put this stuff into storage, I guess I sort of realized then that you would be the one to fix us not me"

As Grissom looked at her, his eyes filled with tears.

“I promise I will never hurt you again, I will never…” Grissom choked on his words.

“Hey” Sara said capturing his cheek in her hand and turning his face to meet hers.

“I love you, but it’s good to have reminders of what we were, and what happened.
Every time I looked at that cup I didn’t see sadness Gil, I saw hope.” Sara said kissing him.

“Even now I look at it and I still see us, fragile and with pieces broken and missing but still together. We have to take care not to let it fall again.” She said as she kissed him again.

Grissom’s emotions took hold and he clung on to her, deepening the kiss.

“I love you Sara, I love you…” He said as he stood up pulling her into him.

Sara never got a chance to answer as he ravished her mouth with his. He let his hand trace over her back and down over her ass. He lifted the back of her shirt and slid his hand underneath, desperate to touch her skin.

His memory filled with the week they had shared, replaying each day, each look she had given him, today they had new meaning. He would always think of his mistake, and he would remember the hurt and grief he had seen in her eyes, he pulled her closer trying to say it all in a hug.

“I need to touch you “He said sounding desperate with need.

Sara let go of his neck and pulled away from him. Grasping the ends of her shirt she pulled them up and over her head, revealing her naked torso. Grissom pulled her into him; he bent his head and bit down hard on her erect nipple. Sara let a guttural moan escape her lips into the air and she began to pull his t shirt up to take it off. Grissom lifted his head from her breast, finishing what she had started; he pulled the t shirt over his head, dropping the shirt on the floor.

Sara attacked Grissom’s chest with a hunger, she bit and licked her way down his stomach. She knelt before him her eyes shining with desire .She was pulling at his buttons when Grissom grabbed her hand.

“No” Grissom said pulling her up to a standing position again.

“But I want to taste you.” Sara said confused by her lover’s action.

“Me first” he said and he lifted her up on to the hood of the Tahoe.

Sara let out a small scream as he lifted her. Once up on the car he pulled her sweat pants down taking her underwear with them.

He pulled them off and threw them onto the pile of boxes they had been unpacking.

“Grissom, what are you…” Sara stopped speaking as Grissom snaked his hands around her and pulled her to the edge of the hood. He pushed her long legs apart.

Sara cried out as He took her soft flesh of her centre in his mouth. He held her legs apart as he devoured her sex. His tongue finding its way between her folds.

“JEEEESUS Gil… oh god… that’s so good” Sara moaned and she writhed and bucked under his mouth.

Grissom had come to discover that Sara was very vocal in her love making. For a woman who was known for her focus and control to most people, he loved the fact that he saw this side of her. He loved that he could make her lose all control and be at his mercy, it sent a surge of primal pride to his arousal as he savaged her core.

Sara’s climax was building he could feel it , she was now moving her hips with each flick and suck he made with his tongue, she bucked into his mouth her hands now holding his head in place.

“Oh Gris... don’t stop... Pleeeeeeeeease… Don’t stop…” Sara was close he could hear her voice change. He intensified his action capturing the tiny hard bud between his lips once more and flicking his tongue harder and faster than before.

“OH GOD GIL... SO CLOSE…SO CLOSE … OH GILLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL… JESUSFUCKINGCHRIST…” Sara screamed as her climax exploded through her, she bucked and pushed at Grissom’s head to stop his mouth but he wrapped his arms around her legs and held fast drinking all she had to give.

Grissom’s body had reacted with force to her climax, his own mound straining against his jeans. He stood up to undo his buttons. He looked at Sara who was still lost in her climax on the hood if the truck. He watched as her hands were gliding over her breasts.

He could see the moisture glistening on the mound of brown curls above her core. He was pulling the denim material apart when he watched her sink her fingers into her own body. He let out a moan of approval as he took his hard flesh in hand and stroked himself watching her fingers dance in and out of her body.

Unable to wait any longer he pulled her down from the hood to him; she pushed him back onto the pile of boxes and forced him down. Grissom had never seen such lust in her eyes as she straddled him and lifted herself up enough for him to guide his arousal into her body.

They paused for a moment locking eyes as the feeling of their joint bodies spread through them, the completeness they shared in this moment never ceased to amaze either of them.

Sara began to move grinding into his body, her breasts gently moving in time with her pace. Grissom knew he would not last long and began to move with her, his hands on her hips he rocked her faster pounding his body with hers.

He kept seeing her on the hood, her fingers slipping in and out of her sex. He lifted her hand from his shoulder sucking her fingers tasting her once more sent a primal groan from his mouth as his tongue snaked her finger.

“Oh God Gil… I can’t hold on … Come for me Doc… fill me up” Sara said grunting her words through teeth clenched fighting the climax that threatened her.

Grissom barley heard her as his orgasm attacked him with savage force.

“JEEEEEEEEEESUS SARRRRRRRRRRA” Grissom said as he convulsed under her.

Sara felt his climax take him and as she moved her fingers to her centre she was almost there. Her climax came easily under her fingers as she slid over her arousal she touched his flesh still inside her it was one of the most erotic moments Sara had ever experienced and she was lost.

They stayed like this for a few minutes both exhausted but both not wanting to move.
Finally Grissom called her name.

“Sara, come on let’s go inside I need to hold you, and we both need sleep.” Grissom said stroking her cheek.

Sara nodded her approval and lifted her body of his, picking up his t shirt and slipping it on she picked up the picture of them in San Francisco and went to his side taking his hand. They were heading back into their house when he stopped and walked over to the shoe box picking up the broken cup he walked back to her.

“I think we should keep this in our house to remind us that we aren’t perfect. That we have pieces missing and broken but that were still together and that what we have is fragile and we have to take care of it"

Sara smiled and kissed him as they walked into the house Sara looked around at their new home. She watched as he placed the broken mug on the shelf she walked over to him and placed the photo beside it.

“Miss Sidle?” he said being playful.

“Yes, Dr Grissom” Sara answered just as playfully.

“I was just wondering how it was you became smarter than me?" He said touching her cheek.

“Acquired knowledge, Doc” Sara said as she kissed him and taking his hand she led him into bed.

The End.


That's it all done I feel fucking great!!!!!!! WAHOOOO! My first ever fic over one chapter!!!! Big thanks to you Dee my beautiful Irish Tramo!!! And to all the lovely wonderful people who let me know how they felt about my efforts I want to say THANK YOU!!!!. You were the reason there was 8 chapters and not 2.