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Loveless Relationships
folder
Stargate: SG-1 › Stargate Atlantis
Rating:
Adult ++
Chapters:
9
Views:
5,273
Reviews:
11
Recommended:
0
Currently Reading:
0
Category:
Stargate: SG-1 › Stargate Atlantis
Rating:
Adult ++
Chapters:
9
Views:
5,273
Reviews:
11
Recommended:
0
Currently Reading:
0
Disclaimer:
I do not own Stargate Atlantis, nor any of the characters from it. I do not make any money from the writing of this story.
7
The infirmary was dark and quiet, but Rodney couldn’t sleep. Kate had eaten lunch with him, and all he could think about was how much he had screwed up their relationship. He liked her. He liked her a lot, and even though she thought Rodney was in the infirmary because of a stomach virus, he would never be able to continue or deepen the relationship without telling her about Sheppard.
This wasn’t fair. He never loved John. Sure, he had feelings for the guy and felt rejected and hurt when John couldn’t get an erection, and when he was turned him down on the Dadulaes.
Damn it! He was a scientist. Rational, reasonable. So what if he was sleeping with Sheppard for two years. That was over. An alien took over John’s body and hurt him. It was no different than when Laura kissed Carson with his body. Mind over body, right? He needed to detach.
He didn’t know how Kate felt about homosexuality. He was sure that Kate would be fine with knowledge that he had been in relationships with two other women. He assumed that Katie had been in multiple relationships with other men, and he did not expect her to be a blushing virgin. Not only was his relationship with John homosexual, but it was also just sex. They used each other to get off, and it was not an emotionally intimate relationship. Hell, they never really had sex even.
Until last night. God! He was so dirty. So unclean!
“FUCK!”
He needed to get back to work. He needed to focus on something other than being stuck in an infirmary bed because he had let his friend fuck a new hole in his ass.
No! An alien had raped him. He had not just let that monster take him, he had fought!
“Dr. McKay? Are you alright?” It was a blond nurse.
“I don’t know.” She waited patiently for him to verbalize his needs. “Um, could you, uh, ask Radek to bring up a laptop? So I could get some work done, you know?”
“Dr. Beckett wants you to get some rest, but I don’t see the harm.”
“Thanks.”
“Is there anything else I can do for you?”
“No, I’m fine.” He wanted her to leave and close the curtains before he began to cry. He was crying a lot now. It was random and usually happened around people at awkward times. He started Heightenmeyer’s breathing technique that she said would help him focus through the emotional break-down.
“Hey, Rodney,” Radek strode through the curtains around Rodney’s bed and presented him with the laptop. “I can’t imagine this infirmary bed is doing your back any good. When does Carson think you can move back into your room?” He sat on the rolling chair.
“Thanks.”
“Did you hear about Colonel Sheppard? He’s in quarantine because—”
The water-works began.
“Are - are you alright? Should I call for a nurse?”
“No, no. Raaadeek . . .” John raped me.
“Are you sick?”
Rodney shook his head. “I just – I – I’m not here because of a stomach bug.” Shut up! Shut up!
“Oh?” Radek looked lost and uncomfortable. He handed Rodney a tissue.
“I like Katie a lot and . . .”
“Of course, you do. Everyone can see that.”
”I did something stupid.”
“What does that have to do with Dr. Brown?”
Rodney noticed the increasing distance between them as Radek inched away from him. Scientists never were good with emotions. “You can’t tell anyone. Not even Elizabeth or Teyla. Especially Elizabeth and Teyla.” He clutched the laptop to himself.
“Sure, Rodney. What’s the matter?”
John raped me! “I love Katie and . . .” did he just say that? “After I apologized to everyone last night, I slept with someone else – but I didn’t want to! We ended our relationship a long time ago, but we did it again last night. I didn’t want to, but I let him because I felt bad about what happened on the Ancient outpost, but I didn’t really let him because I like Katie a whole lot more and – “
“Him? As in . . .” Radek tried to use a hand gesture to describe what he couldn’t say.
“I’m not gay.”
“Oh, right.” Radek looked confused. “Is this something you want to talk to Heightenmeyer about?”
“No. I don’t want to talk to anyone about this, but if I don’t say it, I am going to explode!”
Radek took notice of the heart-monitor silently charting the erratic pulse. “Okay. You’re not gay, but you said ‘he’.” Radek was seeing Rodney in a whole new way.
“Don’t worry about that. That’s not important. But it is. What will Katie think when she finds out?”
“What you did last night or about the ‘him’ part?”
“Both. Neither. I’m not going to tell her. Or should I?”
“Did someone bring you coffee?”
“I’m not allowed to have coffee right now.”
“I can see why. How much do you like Katie Brown?”
“A lot. Enough to want a future with her.”
“Then, Rodney, you have to tell her everything. If you want to have a good relationship with her, you have to tell her everything. If she doesn’t like it, then she is not the woman for you.”
“But what if she is, and this screws it all up?”
“You won’t know until you tell her.”
“Will you tell her for me?”
“I’m afraid that I don’t understand enough of what is going on to be able to tell her. It’s late, Rodney. Why don’t you get some rest, and then you can think about it with a fresh mind, huh?” Radek, on the far end of Rodney’s bed now, stood, patted his friend awkwardly on the shoulder, and left.
A nurse came soon after with a sedative.
This wasn’t fair. He never loved John. Sure, he had feelings for the guy and felt rejected and hurt when John couldn’t get an erection, and when he was turned him down on the Dadulaes.
Damn it! He was a scientist. Rational, reasonable. So what if he was sleeping with Sheppard for two years. That was over. An alien took over John’s body and hurt him. It was no different than when Laura kissed Carson with his body. Mind over body, right? He needed to detach.
He didn’t know how Kate felt about homosexuality. He was sure that Kate would be fine with knowledge that he had been in relationships with two other women. He assumed that Katie had been in multiple relationships with other men, and he did not expect her to be a blushing virgin. Not only was his relationship with John homosexual, but it was also just sex. They used each other to get off, and it was not an emotionally intimate relationship. Hell, they never really had sex even.
Until last night. God! He was so dirty. So unclean!
“FUCK!”
He needed to get back to work. He needed to focus on something other than being stuck in an infirmary bed because he had let his friend fuck a new hole in his ass.
No! An alien had raped him. He had not just let that monster take him, he had fought!
“Dr. McKay? Are you alright?” It was a blond nurse.
“I don’t know.” She waited patiently for him to verbalize his needs. “Um, could you, uh, ask Radek to bring up a laptop? So I could get some work done, you know?”
“Dr. Beckett wants you to get some rest, but I don’t see the harm.”
“Thanks.”
“Is there anything else I can do for you?”
“No, I’m fine.” He wanted her to leave and close the curtains before he began to cry. He was crying a lot now. It was random and usually happened around people at awkward times. He started Heightenmeyer’s breathing technique that she said would help him focus through the emotional break-down.
“Hey, Rodney,” Radek strode through the curtains around Rodney’s bed and presented him with the laptop. “I can’t imagine this infirmary bed is doing your back any good. When does Carson think you can move back into your room?” He sat on the rolling chair.
“Thanks.”
“Did you hear about Colonel Sheppard? He’s in quarantine because—”
The water-works began.
“Are - are you alright? Should I call for a nurse?”
“No, no. Raaadeek . . .” John raped me.
“Are you sick?”
Rodney shook his head. “I just – I – I’m not here because of a stomach bug.” Shut up! Shut up!
“Oh?” Radek looked lost and uncomfortable. He handed Rodney a tissue.
“I like Katie a lot and . . .”
“Of course, you do. Everyone can see that.”
”I did something stupid.”
“What does that have to do with Dr. Brown?”
Rodney noticed the increasing distance between them as Radek inched away from him. Scientists never were good with emotions. “You can’t tell anyone. Not even Elizabeth or Teyla. Especially Elizabeth and Teyla.” He clutched the laptop to himself.
“Sure, Rodney. What’s the matter?”
John raped me! “I love Katie and . . .” did he just say that? “After I apologized to everyone last night, I slept with someone else – but I didn’t want to! We ended our relationship a long time ago, but we did it again last night. I didn’t want to, but I let him because I felt bad about what happened on the Ancient outpost, but I didn’t really let him because I like Katie a whole lot more and – “
“Him? As in . . .” Radek tried to use a hand gesture to describe what he couldn’t say.
“I’m not gay.”
“Oh, right.” Radek looked confused. “Is this something you want to talk to Heightenmeyer about?”
“No. I don’t want to talk to anyone about this, but if I don’t say it, I am going to explode!”
Radek took notice of the heart-monitor silently charting the erratic pulse. “Okay. You’re not gay, but you said ‘he’.” Radek was seeing Rodney in a whole new way.
“Don’t worry about that. That’s not important. But it is. What will Katie think when she finds out?”
“What you did last night or about the ‘him’ part?”
“Both. Neither. I’m not going to tell her. Or should I?”
“Did someone bring you coffee?”
“I’m not allowed to have coffee right now.”
“I can see why. How much do you like Katie Brown?”
“A lot. Enough to want a future with her.”
“Then, Rodney, you have to tell her everything. If you want to have a good relationship with her, you have to tell her everything. If she doesn’t like it, then she is not the woman for you.”
“But what if she is, and this screws it all up?”
“You won’t know until you tell her.”
“Will you tell her for me?”
“I’m afraid that I don’t understand enough of what is going on to be able to tell her. It’s late, Rodney. Why don’t you get some rest, and then you can think about it with a fresh mind, huh?” Radek, on the far end of Rodney’s bed now, stood, patted his friend awkwardly on the shoulder, and left.
A nurse came soon after with a sedative.