Confessions

Chapter 8



Once the initial acknowledgement of our feelings had occurred, it was only a matter of time before our emotions took control more fully. Soon after the banquet for the merchants, my husband, thankfully, left the castle on a diplomatic visit to London. In a rare gesture of generosity that I’m sure had rather more to do with catching outlaws than giving me company in his absence, Guy was left in the castle with me, under orders that when de Rainault returned, he wished to see wolfsheads on pikes above the castle gate.



We tried to resist our feelings, please believe me, but love, when it comes is passionate and brutal in equal measure. There was no way we could have stopped what occurred between us. It was early one evening when the inevitable finally happened. I had decided to run the castle on minimal staff during my husband’s absence, as my needs were not so lavish as his own. As a result, the cook sent one serving lad with the food for our dinner, and Guy rapidly dismissed him with a barked order. Ever since our encounter on the rooftop, we’d been terrified that something about the way we interacted with one another would give us away, and the pure fear of what Robert would do if he so much as suspected us, was enough to make us keep our distance from one another. However, as soon as Robert left for London, we could no longer keep up the pretence, and I knew, that first night, that there was no going back.



As a lover he varied, according to his mood. Sometimes his desire for me made him brutal, and at other times he was tender and passionate. That first time, he trembled with the anticipation of me. His eyes were wild with the passion that I knew we both felt, and as he kissed me, I wanted to draw him closer, to make him one with me. His elegant fingers undressed me with reverence, removing my long, flowing shift with practised ease, and unbinding my hair so that it draped over my back and shoulders. I tried to undress him too, but he pushed me back onto the bed before swiftly unbuckling his sword belt and ridding himself of his tunic and mail.



Naked he was as glorious as I had imagined. His frame was still gaunt, but he was well muscled and toned. I ran my hands wonderingly over his chest and he shivered under my caress. He was absolute perfection. Broad shoulders tapered to a lean waist, strong hips and of course those long, muscled legs, toned from years of riding horses. There wasn’t an ounce of extra flesh anywhere on him, and I couldn’t help but contrast his hard, trained body with the only other male body I’d seen; my husband’s. De Rainault did not fare well in this comparison.



“Mildred, this is wrong…” he murmured, but it was a token protest. We both knew that the decision had been made long before we got to this point. He captured my lips in another kiss. It was one of the few times in our relationship that I felt we were truly safe.



“I want you so much, Guy,” I breathed, pulling him so that he lay on top of me. His body was warm, and I knew that when the moment came, I would be more than ready for him. He ran a shaking hand over my breast, and down the curve of my waist, and his touch enthralled me.



“I’ve wanted you since the moment I saw you,” he murmured. “De Rainault doesn’t appreciate the prize he has.”



“Please, don’t mention Robert,” I replied, not wanting anything to distract me from this moment. “It’s you I want to see before me, and feel within me.”



Guy groaned and captured my mouth in another kiss. Moving a little, I wrapped my leg around him and allowed him inside me. The feeling of his movement within me was like nothing I’d ever felt, and finally, I knew what it was to be loved.



As we both drew closer, I found myself calling his name aloud, which seemed to drive him onward. He was an expert and assured lover, who handled me with as much care and attention as he rode his horses. Thrusting, powerful hips brought me to the edge and sent me over, and as I broke, so did he.



It was much later when we lay calmly, at peace in each other’s arms. Guy, perhaps unaccustomed to this part of the love game, lay staring at the canopy over the bed. His expression was unreadable.



“What are you thinking?” I asked him quietly.



“I’ll be hanged if de Rainault finds out.” He said simply, quietly.



“No you won’t,” I replied. “You’re a good steward-but wives are replaceable.” I propped myself up on one elbow and looked down at him.



“You haven’t known him as long as I have,” Guy replied. “He’d hang a man for stealing a ewe, leave alone the woman he’s married to.”



“You stole me a long time ago,” I said softly. “When I saw you treating Fury’s leg.”



Guy looked at me quizzically. “You saw me?”



“Yes,” I continued. “But you didn’t see me. Fury did though.”



Guy had the good grace to blush a little. “Damned horse. He could have given me a clue.” He sat up in the bed, and turned as if to get up. It was then that I noticed the red weals across his back. I drew in an involuntary breath.



“Guy, who did this to you?” I asked him. As I did so, his expression actually closed off before my eyes.



“An old injury,” he replied, not quite meeting my eyes.



“I don’t believe you,” I countered. “Those scars are too fresh. It was Robert, wasn’t it?” I turned him back to face me. “Tell me the truth, Guy!”



Guy said nothing, but his eyes betrayed him. I knew I was right, and it didn’t take long to fill in the gaps.



“It was when we were ambushed by the outlaws wasn’t it?” I persisted. “Did he do it himself?”



Guy laughed then, a harsh, bitter sound that jarred me. “Do you honestly think he’d do his own dirty work? He’s got me for that. And when I do something that displeases him, he gets his guards to do it.” He looked at me defiantly. “And you don’t think he’d hang me for this?” He made a gesture towards the bed.



I caught hold of his hand. “So that was why you were absent from the table for so long back in the spring? He was having this done to you.” It wasn’t a question, and I didn’t expect an answer. Wriggling round behind him, I traced the line of one of the red scars with the tips of my fingers. “You endured that because of me.”



I felt Guy flinch at the gentle touch, and I dropped a kiss on his back. “This will never happen to you again, I promise.”



“Don’t make promises you can’t keep,” Guy said gruffly, and then laughed again, without humour. “Your husband, for all of his faults, is a supremely clever man, and if he so chooses, he will make our lives as difficult as he desires.”



“That’s why he mustn’t know,” I murmured, sliding around to face Guy once more. I moved into his embrace, and in a swift moment of tenderness, he wrapped his arms around me and kissed the top of my head. Nothing, not even the distant memory of my first love, could compare with the emotions of that moment.