Where We Go From Here

Title: This Man (1/1)

Title: This Man (1/1)
Author: Michelle K. (CageyGrl@yahoo.com)
Rating: PG-13
Archive: If you have some of my other stuff, feel free to take this too. New archives - drop me a line first.
Pairing: Donna/Leo
Summary: Donna has a few more thoughts on Leo and their relationship. (sequel to 'This Woman')

Disclaimer: Not mine. Don't sue. Nothing can be gained.

Notes: Next installment in the "Where We Go From Here" series. Previous installments are:

"Unexpected," "In Need," "Afternoon and Night," "Keeping Secrets," "Just the Touch of Your Hand," and "This Woman."

Written in Donna's POV. And, yeah, I know what you're thinking. She never will shut up. This little section wasn't fitting into my next story with a plot, so I thought it would do well on its own. And the title gives it symmetry with the previous story. It all works out.

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I've dated many, many jerks in my thirteen or so years in the dating world.

Okay, the use of two many's makes me sound like I've been around the block way more than I have.

I'll opt to use the word several instead.

I've dated several jerks.

I've always wondered why I ended up with jerks. I consider myself a smart person. I consider myself a strong person.

So, I deconstructed the matter. And I realized why I flocked to jerks. Because, in the beginning, jerks aren't jerks. They're the sweet, loving man of your dreams who will do anything for you. They'll pay attention to you. They'll make sure you're satisfied during sex.

They'll be perfect.

It's later on that it starts.

"Huh? What did you say? I wasn't listening."

"I can't pay for med school. Maybe it would help if you quit college and got a job."

Wham-bam, roll off, and start snoring.

But by now, you're already in love with the guy. The guy you thought he was, anyway. So you stick around a while, thinking it will get better. He was nice once, right? He can be nice again.

But soon, you realize that he won't be nice again. You leave. But you're also haunted by the knowledge that you dated a jerk.

And I have realized, though this deconstruction, that it's not my fault that I've ended up with jerks. It's just the basic fact that you can't tell jerks from good guys in the beginning. It just so happens that I found only jerks in good guy veneer before, as opposed to a real good guy.

Until I became involved with this man.

Leo.

Now he's a good guy. He's the type of man that you can trust. He's one of those men who don't even realize how wonderful they are.

Which isn't to say he's perfect. But I'll get back to that later.

He makes me feel beautiful. He makes me feel smart. He makes me feel loved, even if I'm not sure that he actually does love me. He makes me happy.

But he's not the immature, selfish jerk I'm used to. We've been seeing each other regularly - or, as regularly as we can - for three months. So by my calculation, he should be at least acting a little jerky. But he's not.

Because, as previously stated, he's not the immature, selfish jerk I'm used to. He's completely un-jerky.

Maybe this all just started because we were lonely and needed someone. But it's become something more now. It's not just sex. He listens to me. And I could listen to him for hours.

Which is not to say it's all perfect. Sometimes I don't know what he's thinking. And there are parts of him that I'll never know about. But you can't know everything about anyone. And I'm happy with what I know.

I think I'm falling in love with him. I don't want to say I'm in love with him yet. It seems too soon. But I am. I'm falling in love.

It's strange how quickly this all happened. I fell into bed with him. I fell into wanting him. I fell into a relationship with him. Now I'm falling in love with him. This is probably happening way too fast.

I shouldn't be falling in love with him now. But I am.

I'm falling in love with this man and part of me is scared to death that he'll get sick of me. I don't know why. Maybe it's because he is one of the few non-jerks I've dated. Maybe it's because I'm not sure how exactly he feels about me. I'm not sure he can get over his hang-ups.

I'm not sure that he's over Jenny. She's over thirty years of his life. She's the mother of his daughter. He still wears that wedding ring. I'm not even sure he realizes it's there. It's just part of him. Like she is.

And, the truth is, he'll never feel for me what he felt for her. What he still probably feels for her.

But I'm willing to take a chance that this won't work out. Because this man is not the normal jerk I'm used to.

Leo's worth it.

THE END