Whipped

“Pink!” I almost shouted it, breathlessly, desperate. A preview of how I would be using it later.

Ugh.

“Pink…” she tasted the word. She practically swirled her tongue around it.

I was chewing my lip curiously. Accepting that there would be more of this to come… this was a victory I needed to have. Probably the only victory I had a chance to taste.

It felt as if my life depended on it.

“Not bad” She gave me a nod of approval.

Oh thank god.  I could finally breathe easy.

“We’ll test it later” It was so matter-of-factly. This was her normal… How could you ever get used to that?

“Yes Miss A.” … apparently I was slowly getting used to it already.

“I’m surprised you’re still here, you’re strong” She put her coffee cup down, my eyes were fixed on her fingernails.

I felt a flutter of pride in the pit of my stomach. Strong? Me?

I wasn’t used to accepting compliments but somehow that one made me happy.

“I wouldn’t admit this to my sub or a client, but I lost my temper last night” her intense staring forced me to look back into her blue eyes. She held my gaze.

“It’s okay Miss A.” I swallowed the lump that formed in my throat. It only grew.

“I haven’t met anyone who was able to take as much as you before”. Her face was soft. She seemed to be admiring me.

And I felt proud. This was nothing to be proud of though.

Deep down I knew I wasn’t strong. Life had made me numb. And I allowed her to take advantage of that.

“Just don’t be too strong, Mira, remember to use the safe word. It’s important”. It was a careful, concerned woman who sat in front of me suddenly and this I had no idea how to cope with.

“Yes Miss A.” my voice was trembling. Please. Please go back to being stern and cruel.

I had never felt comfortable when people tried to be kind to me. Violence was a language I understood a lot better.

Kindness was only something that was faked; I learned… when people had to cover up more sinister truths.

I’d rather be kicked in the gut than have someone be nice.

“I know you’re accustomed to violence but no one is forcing you this time Mira. You are here at your own free will. ‘Pink’ is your safety. Say that word and I will stop whatever I’m doing to you”. She was explaining it calmly. It wasn’t news to me.

I had never officially been someone’s sub before but I understood the concept.

“Where I come from ‘no’ doesn’t mean a thing” I heaved a painful sigh. I wasn’t sure why I said this, and I instantly wanted to take it back. If only you could catch words and stuff them back down… if only…

“Sweetie, here ‘no’ doesn’t mean a thing either” she dried her lips with the napkin, not smudging her lipstick.

I froze; the hot tears welled up in my eyes. Okay, not that cruel… please.

Not this.

“But ‘Pink’, that is your ‘no’.” She quickly broke in as my eyes were already wet and my bottom lip quivered. I held back the tears.

“How many men have forced you in your life?” She looked into my eyes; as if she was trying to dig the answer out through them.

I was frozen, shivering and the knuckles on my hand turned white as I formed a tight fist. I swallowed hard trying to keep the breakfast down.

“Pink” I squeaked. Her face softened again.

“Good girl” she beamed. Was that why she was poking around in my memories? Just to be sure I would use the bloody safe word?

This wasn’t what I signed up for…

“I’ll have clients coming here today; I’d like you to watch”.

“Watch?” I blinked, baffled.

“Kate is busy today” She let me know “Just a safety precaution, you’ll be watching the security cameras and if something goes wrong and I give you a sign you will call this number” She handed me a business card with the initials J. M.

Then she held up two fingers doing the V sign.

“Only if I give this signal” she warned me and I nodded.

“I had hoped to be able to test a new purchase with you this morning… but you’ll have to heal” She heaved a sigh.  My bruised state was an inconvenience to her.

And I was actually sorry I couldn’t assist her.

“I have my first client coming at lunchtime I have to go and get ready. Meet me here” She got on her feet and left. The room fell deathly quiet.

I sat where she left me. My bones ached and it had nothing to do with the beating I had taken.

I felt a well-known throbbing stiffness in my shoulder blade and as I looked out of the window my eyes got hazy.

I barely registered Kate clearing away the plates. My mind was quiet for once. And it scared me to death.