Ryan and Micki Make a Porno (smootch!)

I told Conrad for his benefit and to pass it on to the girls that I wanted to keep mum about last night. I don't want the fact that I was crying my eyes out instead of scoring on a badass three way plus one getting out to the rest of the cast, least of all to Micki. I hope she and Hank are very happy together. I know you can't tell, but I was being sarcastic.
Why did she fuckin' sleep with him? How could she be so cruel? I still don't get that after all that I had shown her that she could remain blind to my affections. Plus, who is *she*, getting mad about me and Audrey like that? Certainly not my girlfriend. She made that crystal. At the very least, she's a hypocrite. At the most, a heart stomping temptress who I truly believe has no soul.
After the big blowout this morning, I went back to Conrad's suite to let him know what he needed and he's been keeping me pretty level. He and I have kept ourselves busy preparing the schedule for the day and putting the blue screen up in the White Room for the girls' Gozer Twins segments since Elliot hasn't shown up yet. We've just finished with that when Dana is led into the room by Fawnsworth.
"Hi Conrad, Hi Ryan." Dana greets us, looking slightly worried, "Have you two heard from Hank? He never called last night. I fell asleep a little early, but there weren't any messages on my machine when I got up."
"Oh, *that's* a big surprise." I crack automatically, then catch myself. Poor Dana, "Sorry, that wasn't directed at you." Shit. I know she likes the guy. That *asshole*.
"Ry-D's just a little on the touchy side, Baby Girl." Conrad jumps in, "A lot happened after you left last night, is all."
"Is Hank okay?" Dana asks with genuine concern. I'll bet that bastard's okay. He just nailed two different but equally exquisite redheads in the span of twenty four hours. He probably feels like John Wayne, he's so fuckin' okay.
Speak of the devil, he's just walked in the door. He lights up when he sees Dana, and the hypocrisy of it turns me into a raging bull. How fuckin' *dare* he? One or the other, scumbag. It pisses me off so greatly that I rush right up to him amd punch him in the gut, "How was Micki last night, Assface?" I growl at him as he doubles over from my blow and gives me a look of confusion.
"What the fuck, Dallion?!" Hank wheezes.
Dana's eyes narrow, and now I'm not the only one who's pissed, "*Micki*? So she's the reason you didn't call last night?"
Conrad gives me an annoyed glance, "Look what you started. You just couldn't keep it Fonz, could you?" He chastises, "Don't be punchin' on our actors, fool. You ever heard of a liability?"
"I *did* call you." Hank answers Dana as he pulls in a recovering breath.
"Oh yeah? Why didn't I get a message on my machine, then?" she protests.
"I don't like machines. They can't talk back to you. I hung up when it picked up." he answers.
"A likely story." I mutter. Conrad checks me with a nudge to my side and I pipe down.
"You know what, Dallion? You're a dickhead." Hank tells me.
Conrad has to hold me back, "*I'm* the dickhead? Are you fuckin' serious, Moody?" I yell as I squirm to free from Conrad's grasp. Just one more hit, I have a physical *need* to clock that guy, "So I didn't see you and Micki lookin' cozy last night?"
"Why the fuck do you even care, shit-for-brains; you were the one leaving to lay pipe with Miss Audrey Horne!" Hank says loudly, "*And* company."
"Jesus fuckin' Christ, what *happened* last night?" Dana interjects, "Will somebody please fill me in, because nothing's making sense, and that alone is making me mad."
"Micki and Ryan were never a couple," Hank states as calmly as he can, "Ryan announced it after you left last night and shortly thereafter, got propositioned for a three-way with Laura and Audrey featuring Conrad. He saw Micki talking to me when he was leaving to have his fun, and now this stupid motherfucker is coming after *me*."
"Did you sleep with her?" Dana asks, still trying to let all the new events sink in, "I mean, we're not set in stone, Hank. I can be a grownup, I understand if..."
"I didn't sleep with her, Dana." he cuts her off.
Andy steps in the room as I'm hollering the word "Liar" at top volume. He lands next to Conrad, who's still holding me back, "What did *I* miss?" he asks in amusement.
"This bastard's lying about taking Micki home last night." I accuse, "Dana doesn't deserve your dishonesty, dickweed!"
"But I'm not lying!" Hank protests, "You're about two seconds away from a cock punch, Dallion. Andy, can you back me up here?"
"He's not lying." Andy says, shocking the shit out of me, "She left with Elliot."
"Elliot?" Dana utters, surprised.
"Stabler?" Conrad and I echo in unison.
"Dude, what's it to you, anyway? Audrey was all over you like a cheap suit." Andy asks me, "How *was* she, by the way? Got any good pointers?"
"We didn't do anything last night!" Laura laughs. Shit, her and Audrey must've come in while Andy dropped the Stabler bomb. So much for Conrad and I informing them not to squeal. "Except help Ryan lick his wounds." she adds.
It's Hank, Dana, and Andy's turn to fork over looks of perplexity our way. Andy shakes his head, "So there was no 'freaky-freaky'?" he asks.
"Of course not! Ryan's ass-over-teakettle for Micki." Audrey informs them, and a look of realization falls over the three of them, who all start nodding and saying "Ohhh."
"Sorry for the sucker punch, Hank." I apologize, feeling broken, and now, like a complete fool, "She told me she was with someone last night and I assumed it was you."
"Well, you made an ass out of u and me, but no hard feelings." Hank says, "I get you, now."
"Hold up, Andrew," Conrad turns to Andy, "You're positive that Micki ducked out with the Stabilizer?"
"Ten four, Cap-i-tan. He asked her if she wanted to get some food, she said yes, and they split before I could make my move. Man, that was torturous: going home and *not* getting laid after yesterday." Andy adds as I shoot him a look, "Don't give me that face, Ryan. I didn't *know*; I won't try to step on your sugar turf. On a slightly related note, however, I think I've *prepared* enough for today, so Senior Botwin's good to go."
"Might be Elliot's 'sugar turf' now." I mumble. I can't believe it. Elliot? That one hit me from left field. My mind was so set on her initial flirtation with Hank that Elliot's still taking some time to sink in.
"Don't you haul off and hit Elliot now, Crazy Ass." Conrad warns me, "I want you to ig-snay on the drama. That goes for all of y'all, dig? We don't need rumor mills gunkin' up the works of, up until today, was the greatest picture I had ever been part of."
"I'm not gonna hit El." I reassure, "Scouts honor. From now on it's nothing but pro for this director." Defeat settles over me like an old friend. I allowed my feelings for her to get the best of me. It's not going to happen again. Luckily, we've got plenty of work to do, which will keep me good and distracted. Time to get crackin'.

***************************************************
True to my statement, the day has passed with a minimal amount of pain, despite the new shit that came to light. Micki and *Elliot*. Here I was, too busy cockblocking Hank to see the full picture. I've been decidedly civil to El, and vice-versa, but it's been mostly business talk between us. Which is good, because I don't need a play by play of what went down on their date last night. I've barely seen her except for the shooting of our dialogue scene around mid-day. Which, by the way, did involve a painfully awkward intimacy; Peter and Dana naked and post coital in bed before Peter leaves for the bathroom and Dana gets possessed. We had to do about seven or eight takes because Conrad kept telling us that we weren't connecting enough. No guff, Chet. Can you tell me anything more concentration threatening than being naked in a bed with the one person that you want and can't have?
We managed through, however. Micki and I are nothing if not committed to the task at hand. Whatever task it may be, we seem to have run the gamut. After our bed scene, we shot 'Dana's' possession scene with relative ease. All heartbreak aside, Micki's a pretty good actress, so the difficulty level was low. For most of the rest of the day she's been sequestered costuming the other ladies and keeping out of my eyeline. Takes the sting out of having to hold her naked body next to mine when I *have* seen her today, because if she was consistantly on set, traipsing around with Elliot in front of me, I may very well have gone off the deep end again. So she's done me a solid and kept a low profile.
Today's perk came in the form of the Gozer Twins and all their lesbianic splendor. Every guy that bore witness (which was the bulk of us) couldn't wipe the grins of stupefication off with Mr. Clean and a jackhammer. Laura and Audrey were brilliant, convincing us all with their fine performances. Now every time any one of us thinks about it, we'll say the word 'Zool' and slap the nearest male a high-five. It's become the new ritual.
We're finishing up the process of setting up the hallway cameras for Ray and Slimer's chase and screw scene, and Dana just came in to let me know they're almost finished with Audrey's full body green makeup. Dana stuck around and latched onto Hank, sitting on his lap in a chair near the refreshment table. They had no problem with any of their scenes today, especially after the air was cleared about last night. I completely get the term 'blowjob lips' now, and why Dana is just *genius* casting as the head-giving secretary Janine. Hank is lucky as fuck and good for him. I had the guy all wrong. These two are buttcrazy for each other. I should have got that one after their first scene and what a knockout it was. I mean, I should know. I've been there. I've rode that ride before.
You know, it's been less than twenty four hours since it all went down and I have to admit that I already miss her like crazy. I need to shake it off. Worry about the fact that you also lost your best friend after this is all over, Dallion. It's safer that way.
Conrad and I are sitting in our set chairs while Elliot tweaks at some knobs on his monitors, "Zool." I tell Conrad, whose face cracks into a wide grin, which is immediately followed by the obligatory high-five.
Andy saunters on set, displaying both hands with index finger and pinky in the air, "Ladies and gentlemen: Andy Botwin does Chi-town!" he jokes with an accompanying singing of your average porno bass line. He's wearing his Slutbusters uniform with pride, and I can't say his enthusiasm isn't a little catching. I'm stoked *for* him, "So, where's my lady costar?"
Speak of the scintillating devil herself. She's just come up the stairs, blessedly naked and expertly covered in green makeup, a step and a half behind Laura and Micki. Niiiicccce. Though Micki has stolen my heart, and normally my eyes are trained on her, you can't help but notice a beautiful body like Audrey's covered in all that makeup. It brings out the sci-fi geek in me. I saw her naked in the Gozer scene this morning; but briefly. We outfitted the Gozer Twins in gold string bikinis and sheer white togas, which had been hot enough for most of the girl time to keep on, and the two didn't really get naked until the very end. So the effect of her now is plain as day and even accentuated by her bright green makeup. Audrey couldn't very well wear a robe. The makeup would smear and the point is for it to come off on Andy.
I notice Micki looking annoyed at my appreciative stare and try not to let my hackles rise, "Good *work*, ladies." I start with a positive note, "How are you feeling, Audrey? Do you think you need any time to collect?" I ask her with concern.
She shakes her head, "I'm ready, Ryan. This is gonna be fun." she reassures me.
"I think that it might be more fun for Andy." I crack. Audrey giggles as Micki simultaneously exhales loudly and retreats, saying something over her shoulder about getting backup makeup for extra takes.
Touch-chy. I will never get women. Why is she acting jealous? I know it when I see it, and that just now was an obvious display. I've fallen victim myself, but she has no call. Not after stepping out with a dear old friend of mine. I'm quite impressed with Elliot's class. Normally, a woman like Micki entails a lot of bragging and storytelling for the guy. He's kept it down to brass tax today and I'm proud of him for that.
Andy shakes me out of my reverie with a loud "Holy shit, Yes!" when he sees the spectacle that is Audrey Horne, "Conrad, have I told you today that you're my best friend? My main compadre? My.."
"Like, fifty times, Homeboy." Conrad answers, cutting him off, "Now get in there and do the Do, man. Hey, yo Hank!" he calls the attention of the man currently eskimo kissing the redhead on his lap.
"Yeah?" Hank questions as they both look up at Conrad.
"You ready to boom mic it up?" he asks him, "Maybe stop the snuggle picnic for a few?"
Hank gives a casual salute, "Zool, my brotha." he answers, slapping a passing Elliot a high five before extracting Dana from his lap.
The show must go on. Zool.

**********************************************************

It doesn't cease to amaze me that we're almost done. All the dialogue scenes have been completed, and we shot the StayHard Marshmallow Man sequence well into the late hours. Even a few seconds of film for stop motion takes hours to execute. Needless to say, there were no after parties in our forecast last night after everything was said and done. In case you were wondering, Andy and Audrey did beautifully, and their sequence is going to turn out great.
The only things left to shoot for tomorrow is the Gozer Twins with Ray and Winston, and the final Peter and Dana scene. I forgot yesterday due to my nose to the proverbial grindstone. Micki and I still have a requirement to copulate once more before this movie wraps. The mere thought of it is akin to paper cuts being vigorously rubbed with salt. I know she didn't do anything with Elliot *last night*, seeing as he was working with Conrad, Andy, and myself, but she *did* move herself and all of her things to another room. I miss her. I know I said it before, but it's all I can think about. I'll give up sleeping in a nice, soft bed all by myself for the couch as long as Micki's here for me, with me. I think we just got too close, that's all. Otherwise, it wouldn't hurt nearly as much. Sure, I can't stop thinking about the wonderful two-backed beast we created. It was outstanding; completely unforgettable. What sticks in my brain most, oddly enough, is kissing her. Anytime she's been near since that first kiss, I now realize that I have a physical need for that feeling again. I crave it like a rare and heady drug, which is a good metaphor seeing as she's now off-limits completely without any hope of a positive resolution. I snuck in one or two awkward ones during our scene yesterday that still had me dizzy, despite one being off target and the other catching her so much by surprise that we had to start over again with a new take.
Elliot. Shit. It's irritating that she's picked a guy that is impossible for me to despise...well, as long as she's happy. In the meantime, I'll just lay here for a while and jones for her toxic kiss.
After I feel that I've wallowed enough, I get myself up and dressed in jeans and a Roxy Music t-shirt and head downstairs. I find signs of life in the kitchen: Fawnsworth and Conrad are busily preparing mushroom and cheese omelettes while Hank and Dana make out across from Micki in the breakfast nook booth along the wall. I slide in on her side next to her, "Come here often?" I try for affable as I shoot the tongue wrestling duo a terse glance.
"Morning, Ryan." she actually cracks a smile, "Who knew pornography casting had such powers of matchmaking?"
"The force is strong with these two." I nod in agreement.
"So what's crackinatin'? You think you can do it to this boy on the repeat today, Mi-chelle My Belle?" Conrad asks as he and Fawnsworth slide plates loaded up with omelette in front of each of us.
"Why not? I did it once already, didn't I?" Micki challenges, "Are you questioning my integrity, Conrad?"
"No, but seeing as you and El Stabilizer have your little thang-thang, I thought I'd ask you." Conrad laughs, kidding her as he places a reassuring palm on my shoulder. I know he's trying to keep things light. I take no offense.
"Elliot's sweet, but he's not my co-star." Micki tells him, forcing me to look at her in confusion, "You're not paying me to have sex with El."
Hank breaks contact from Dana's mouth, "Spoken like a true prostitute." he says, truly impressed, "High five."
Whoops. She does not look too happy about that last little jibe, "Fuck *you*, Hank Moody." Micki stands, dropping her silverware on her plate, "I've lost my appetite; Ryan, let me out, please."
I oblige as Dana smacks a slack jawed Hank in the side, "I meant it as a compliment!" Hank protests, as she rushes to leave, "It's awesome that you're doing this!"
"Now see what you've done?" Dana chides him, "It's *never* okay for a man to call a woman a whore, even in jest." she explains as she slides out of the booth herself, "Time to go run interference." Dana kisses his chin one more time before she leaves, "Asshole."
"That's my name, don't wear it out." Hank calls after her, turning to me and noticing my own visage of chastisement, "What? Oh, come on, Dallion! She's getting paid to fuck you. That's prostitution. Are we gonna split hairs, here?"
"Hey, I'm getting paid to fuck her as well, so it kinda cancels things out, doesn't it? Look, it's not like she went into this in a cavalier way, Dipshit." I argue, "The subject is touchy to her. You didn't know. Just give her an apology the next time you see her."
"Open mouth, insert foot." Conrad interjects, "Moody, that was about as smooth as rocky road."
"Okay, I get it. I'm a dickhole. I'll apologize." Hank releases a loud exhale, "Jeez, you try to be refreshingly blunt..."
"...and it bites you in the ass. I'm taking it this isn't the first time." I finish.
"Won't be the last, either." Hank replies, "How are you feeling about bedding down your unrequited love thing the second time around? Feel like you're walkin' on razor blades?"
"Bout that, yeah." I reveal, "This fucker is one hopeless case."
"Message." Conrad agrees, "Hey though, never give up hope, Ry-D. She still has to go back home with you. Elliot's gotta remain here in the Windy City to complete his police training. Shit, it's not like they're getting married, Geldorf." He supplies wisely.
True. That is, if I'm going back home. If things don't work out and become too frustrating, and they've definitely gotten to that point already, I've seriously been considering directing porn full time and becoming a silent partner to Curious Goods. I could still do my part by keeping it financially afloat, anyway. Maybe track down some out of town items, if I have time. I know Conrad would have me. He's already said as much. I don't say this out loud because I'm still not sure I could deal without seeing her face every day. I like the fact that our beds are about eight feet apart from each other back home. I like her ribbing; I even think her nagging borders on adorable. I like it when it's her turn to make the coffee. She never gets any grounds in it, ever. Jack and I have both been guilty of that, but never her. I like the way she smells, like a dash of light floral perfume mixed with fresh fruit. I could bathe for days in that scent. I like the fact that she always stands just a little too close. I like finding endless strands of her hair everywhere. I would pine for that. My love for her crushes me with a heaviness in my chest. The anguish comes in the form of whether or not she would miss any random things like that about me. The fact that I even have to put it to question makes me want to puke. Tough it out, Dall. Work through it. You're all good.
"You're right." I answer Conrad after a few beats, "It's not as if Micki's gonna be staying in Chicago."
"That's my boy! Stay positive and shit, homefry. Be that motherfuckin' ball." Conrad asserts, tousling my hair, "Now eat the rest of your food and get suited up. We're shooting Peter and Dana after breakfast."
"Seriously? I thought we were filming that last." I question.
"It would be better if all your rocks are off before you direct a group sex scene." He pats me on the back, "Trust. Meet up with the rest of us at my suite. We've already started setting up; just been waitin' on your lazy, layin' in bed havin' ass."
"A man can't be tired?" I argue.
"Not if he's making my motherfuckin' movie." he quips back.
"Zool." I supply in agreement.
He and Hank both slap me a high five.