He Needed Me

Thank you for the praise, I'm glad you like it so far.


Chapter 6

The Doctor banged his head on the console on purpose, grinding his teeth as he fought with himself. You would think after 900 years he would have a little more self control than this. What was wrong with him? Consciously he hadn’t thought twice of entering Rose’s room to chat with her about shadow demons and the Dark Nebula but he knew his subconscious just wanted to see more of her. Naked her. Her creamy skin and those luscious curves...stop it.

He slapped himself upside the head for good measure, taking out his sonic screwdriver to fiddle with a few odd bits. He was not a randy teenager and he hadn’t let his hormones control his thinking in centuries. He sighed to himself and stopped fiddling. Rose. She walked through all of his defenses effortlessly. Always had. Ever since he’d met her he’d known he’d met his match. His previous regeneration had been on the brink of suicide and she’d saved him without even trying. He’d fallen instantly in love with her and no matter how hard he’d tried, there was no changing his mind or his hearts about her.

Even now he was still madly in love with her. Actually, he was even more in love with her than before but it was a situation he couldn’t allow. So he tried to keep things professional. He’d tried to keep their relationship the best friends they’d been in the past but this wasn’t working...for either of them. He wanted more and so did she. The only real problem other than how wrong he was for her was that her definition of more would be much different than his definition of more. Humans and Timelords were on two entirely different pages when it came to relationships. He knew it, so why risk having her walk out of his life on her own. And she was so young. So very young. Relationships were a fleeting fancy to young humans from what he’d seen. What if she changed her mind?

Mumbling to himself, “Stop thinking about it, you pervy git.”

“Doctor?” He fought to give her a manic smile as he turned to face her but it was weak at best and her sigh told him she’d spotted it. He stopped trying and it slipped off completely, “Doctor, what’s wrong with you?”

Rubbing at his ear uncomfortably, the pitch of his voice off, “Wrong? Nothing’s wrong with me. I’m...I’m just...uh, trying to think of where we should go next. Any...any suggestions?” She silently stared at him, “Cause I was thinking we could...uh, maybe go drop in on ol’ Torchwood, I’m sure they’re...um...no? Then we could go to ancient Egypt, see the pyramids built or uh, hmm?” She slowly crossed her arms over her chest, a perturbed look sliding over her face and he quietly gulped. Her version of his Oncoming Storm look was much scarier than his in his opinion. In fact he couldn’t see why more people weren’t scared of her when she was right pissed. Unfortunately in this instance she was focused on him. He turned his back around to fiddle with one of the levers, “What ‘bout the future? Could go see what’s become of New Earth. Oh, did I tell you those cat nurses are the new governors there? Doin’ a right fine job I would imagine-...”

There was a hard edge to her tone, clearly annoyed, “Stop jerking me around, you know bloody well what I’m talking about!”

He jumped a little, just a little, before grimacing and peeking over his shoulder, “This isn’t going to work, is it?”

Sighing in exasperation, flailing out her arms while rolling her eyes, “What isn’t? You’re not making sense!”

He swallowed and faced her fully, expression grim and accepting. Pointing back and forth, “You and me. Us. We can’t just be friends. It...” Pleading in desperation, “...why can’t we just go back to how things were??”

Shaking her head, moving closer to him, “Why would you want to?” She could think of so many wonderful things to do with him and to him and it just wasn’t done with best friends. It wasn’t just sexual, although that was a bit of it. But there was more. She could snuggle against him as she fell asleep because couples shared beds. She wouldn’t have to tiptoe around certain subjects. She could snog him as she liked, when she liked, whether she wanted to show him affection or just to shut him up. She’d could actually speak up if the damn flirt that he was started on another Madam de Pompadour or whatever. She wouldn’t have to worry about him just walking away from her one day...

He hopped a bit, expression troubled and slightly angry. No, not angry, bitter. Running both hands through his hair, his body jerking a bit in hyper agitation, “It...won’t work any other way...”

She gave him a considering look. Obviously she knew he was alien but he appeared so human it hadn’t occurred to her sex might not be possible, “Are we not compatible?” Her finger pointing to specific areas making it obvious what she meant. She’d seen what he had to offer but that didn’t mean everything was ship shape in that department.

He froze, glancing down at his own profile before snorting. His new regeneration was ready to go at a moment’s notice. In fact, her perturbed expression earlier had more than turned him on. And as many differences as there were between his insides and a human’s insides, his outsides were an even match. He gave her an offended look, clearly she had dented his male pride just a bit, “I can match up to any human male-...that’s not the point!” His backwards motion through his hair with his hands forced it into a haphazard mess of spikes, “I-...I’m a Timelord and you’re a human and that’s the way things are.”

Narrowing her eyes, “Meanin’ what?” Hands on her hips, just making sure, “Am I not smart enough for ya?”

He gave her a dirty look, “Rose Tyler you’re the most brilliant human I’ve ever met.”

She knew he wasn’t talking about book learning and she took the implied compliment with a gracious nod of thanks. Resting back on her heels, “What’s the point, then? Why are you pushing me away?”

Nearly running to her, grabbing both of her wrists firmly but not harshly and yanking her close, “I’m not! Not pushing you away. I don’t want you to go, not ever. But we can’t have anything more than friends unless it’s everything and humans aren’t built for it.”

His eyes widened in horror at what he’d just blurted out and he backed up a step. Her lips firmed before she grabbed his tie and yanked him back, “Oh no you don’t. If I’m smart enough then you can explain it. Stop leavin’ me danglin’ in the wind and just tell me!”

For a moment he closed his eyes, pain crossing his face before he nodded to himself. Meeting her gaze, his expression softened unconsciously. He cupped her face with both hands, his expression and voice earnest “I want a mate. I’ve always wanted a mate. But it’s not being lovers or dating or married or anything like that-it’s so much more and my people are all gone, Rose. I can’t have that anymore, but I have you. You’re the closest thing to family I have left...” He barely kept the quiver out of his voice, emotions rolling through him.

Cupping his face in return, “Then I’ll be your mate.” That was the last thing he wanted to hear.

He jerked out of her grasp and away from her with a snarl, “Don’t say that!” He nearly ran to the far wall, looking like a trapped animal, grabbing at his hair in frustration while she just stared at him, startled. She wasn’t ever going to stop unless he told her everything, “You can’t deliver it so don’t say it. Humans! You have divorce. You break up. You drift apart. You fall out of love. You die.” His eyes suddenly filled with unshed tears and her heart clenched, “You’ll die, Rose. Maybe not today...not for years but you will...you’ll wither and die and you won’t regenerate and...and I won’t. I don’t. All I have is eternity and love is forever. It doesn’t die or dwindle or change, it only get’s stronger.” He pulled in a breath, nothing but despair in his eyes, “Loving you will only kill me.” He took off. The Doctor, her Doctor, ran away. Down the corridor to God only knew where and Rose silently let him go.

She didn’t cry, although she felt like it. She didn’t scream, even though she wanted to. She just pursed her lips, slowly walked over to the Captain’s chair and sat, letting her feet rest on the console as she tilted her head back and thought to herself. She hadn’t seen that one coming, not at all. She remembered casually promising him forever once and the more she thought about it, the more she was sure she’d seen something in those ancient brown eyes at the time. A spark of wistfulness, as if he were wishing it were true.

So she considered everything. How she felt about him. How she felt about his previous regeneration. Mum. Mickey. Pete. Her time with him and she came to one solidifying conclusion: humans may have a failing love...but she didn’t. She wanted him now and always, whether it was lovers, marriage, or mating as he put it. She was willing to give up everything to love him, for the rest of his life, not just her own. In fact she already had.

***

The Doctor was curled up on the floor, not exactly sure which corridor he was in and not particularly caring at the moment. He feverently prayed he hadn’t just pushed her into leaving. It was her choice and he’d abide by her wishes but he desperately hoped he hadn’t said far too much of what he was feeling. Which was another reason he was sort of hiding. If she couldn’t find him, she couldn’t leave.

He sighed softly to himself. This is what happened for getting so attached. It always happened. Only now he didn’t have a planet or his people to fall back on. He really was all alone. And it was his fault. That was the harshest reality of all. His family, his entire world was gone and it was his own doing. He scrubbed at his hair before resting his forehead on his knees. He never should have taken her away from her family in the first place.

He frowned. Rose Tyler. Why? Why did she love him? He really wasn’t worth it. He was a murderer and a coward and she could do so much better. He didn’t deserve her love, being honest, although he wasn’t so much of an idiot that he would tell her that.

But there was something else that was making him retreat. Usually at any waking moment he can see 1001
alternatives to the course of his life. He could see it when he had to chose to save his people or to destroy the Daleks. He could see it when he had to choose the Satellite 5 Earth or the Daleks, he could even see it when he had to choose toast or pancakes for breakfast. But not now. Right now, this choice of Rose or not showed him nothing and that more than frightened him. Something about this decision was so profound that his entire future was on hold. He rested his chin on his bent knees, his arms wrapped loosely around his legs as he toyed silently with his shoelaces. A strange invention, shoelaces. So much work just to make shoes a little tighter.

Soft shoes padding down the corridor alerted him to her presence and he tensed. She’d found him. But Rose didn’t say anything, settling herself down next to him and putting a plate with a sandwich and a banana in front of him. A tall glass of milk rested in the corner and he quietly ate while she did the same.

It was an unspoken agreement between the two of them. If she put food in front of him it was time to eat and they didn’t have to talk about it. Even if he wasn’t hungry. Even if right now food was the last thing on his mind. He ate what she called a BLT and drank it down with the milk. The combination of bacon, lettuce, and tomato was good. He was surprised to realize he had been feeling a little bit light-headed and now with the sandwich settling he was feeling better.

He’d progressed to chewing lightly on his banana before she started speaking, although she didn’t look in his direction, “I’ve heard what you’ve had to say and thought ‘bout it. Now you’re going to hear me out.” He frowned and opened his mouth, her finger on her own lips stopping him, “Nuh uh, finger on lips.” She gave him a look and waited until he slowly put a finger to his lips. Her eyes gleamed just a bit in amusement, remembering that day before the summer Olympics but she carried on without dwelling, “No comments. No chatter. Just listen, alright?” Only when he quietly nodded did she retract her finger and continue, “I love you. I said it when I had to and I’m saying it even when I don’t. I love you, Doctor, and that’s not gonna change.” She smiled, her finger moving to skirt around each feature as she listed them, “I love you with big ears and not, brown eyes, blue eyes, freckles, skinny, too skinny, sarcastic, hyper...all of it.” His hand slowly fell to his side, watching her with those brilliant eyes of his. His mind was positively buzzing with her confession. She ghosted her palm over his chest before letting it fall into her lap, “It’s the two heartbeat bein’ inside I love, the outer package is just along for the ride. I’m not interested in short term with ya. Gave up me mum and everyone else for ya, should clue you in a bit. If you’d said marriage I’m fine with that...you just call it mating but it’s the same thing to me. No divorce. No changing me mind. All the important parts are compatible so there’s no physical reason why. The only reason we’re stuck is because you’re absolutely positive I’m going to stop loving you at some point. Well I’m going to teach you something you taught me: one person doesn’t represent a whole species. So, maybe you should also keep in mind that just because I’m human doesn’t mean I have all of their failings.” She huffed with a shake of her head and grabbed her own glass, chugging back the last of the milk. He quietly put his banana peel on his plate and she glanced at him, “Done?”

He murmured an affirmative and she gracefully climbed to her feet, taking the dishes into her hands. He reached up a hand, “Rose-...” There were so many reasons, none of which were her fault, but his excuses got stuck in his throat.

She caught his hand, threading their fingers and giving his palm a squeeze with a reassuring smile. She could easily read the worry in his eyes though he didn’t say a word, “I’m staying forever, Doctor. I promised it and I meant it. If you don’t want there to be more than friends then so be it, but I hope you’ll take me up on it. I know I can’t give ya hundreds and hundreds of years but forever is now until I die, either way. My forever is yours for the taking...” His breath caught in his throat, eyes suddenly burning though he held it in. She just continued to smile and stroked his hand with her thumb, noticing the brightness of his eyes but saying nothing of it, “Find me when you want to talk, yeah? I’m not going anywhere.” She let their hands fall away slowly, making sure he wasn’t going to feel rejected and with another quiet smile left him to his thinking.