Slave To Rome

CHAPTER SEVEN - LIES OF THE BETRAYAL

Things changed after that night. Months had passed, and while Livia was still brutal and horrible to me in the company of others, it had lessened significantly. She just talked to me like I was nothing, demanded things, but she never laid a hand on me again. But when we were alone it was so much different. She started to regard me more as her equal, than her slave. Of course, no one was allowed to know this, not even the other slaves. When once they knew everything, Livia did not trust them to keep this kind of a secret. While if one of them disobeyed her and told Augustus of her... exploits with the other woman, she could pass it off as a passing attraction, one that held no leverage against her feelings for him. Or, at least what kind of feelings he thought she had for him. But to try to explain her falling for one of them, not just using them as a sexual release but as something more... that could jeopardize her future with the Roman court, and that was not something Livia was ready to give up.

I didn’t know exactly I felt about Livia. I was growing more attracted to her, of that I couldn’t deny. After that night we spent together, after the way she treated me, I couldn’t just pretend to despise her existence. The years I spent with her really wasn’t all that bad, and the times when Livia and I were alone I actually started to enjoy and look forward to. But in a way I felt like I was betraying my tribe. This woman enslaved us all and sold all of them to the highest bidder. Maybe they did end up getting away, but what would they say when they decide to come after Livia for revenge, and see me standing beside her? I don’t think they would exactly understand that Livia was pretty much two different people, and that when she was around me she wasn’t the woman who enslaved me.

“What are you thinking about?” Livia asked me as she brushed my long brown hair.

I looked in the mirror in front of me, to look at her standing behind me. “My tribe, and how I would explain this to them if I ever saw them again,” I answered.

Livia narrowed her eyes at me a little, but said, “I don’t think you’ll have to worry about that.”

“You don’t know the Amazon’s very well,” I replied. “They’ll get out, if they haven’t already. Maybe not all of them, but most of them. And when they do, they’re going to come after you.”

“My army has defeated them once before, we can do it again.”

“No,” I said, and turned to look at her. “I don’t want another war, and I don’t want to be stuck in the middle, either.”

“How would you be stuck in the middle?” She asked, and I just stared at her like she was stupid.

“How do you think?” I asked incredulously.

“Don’t insult my intelligence by pretending you have feelings for me, Varia.”

“And don’t insult mine by pretending you don’t!” I yelled, and Livia stood up looking shocked. I had never once raised my voice to her, and she kind of stumbled back like I hit her when she stood.

Livia didn’t say anything, so I went on, advancing towards her. “Explain to me Livia, if you don’t have feelings for me, why is it that no one is allowed to know that we lie together? That you don’t treat me like a slave when we’re in the privacy of your quarters? That you let me sleep in your bed every night?”

“I never said I didn’t have... feelings... for you,” Livia said, quietly, though like it was hard to admit.

“And yet you think I don’t for you? I let you lay with me!”

Livia pushed past me, not wanting to have this conversation. I turned around and watched her storm past me, “Livia!”

She stopped and said with an even tone, “You can’t have feelings for me, Varia. You just can’t.”

“Why not?” I asked angrily.

She turned to face me, and it was the saddest I had ever seen her look, “Because I’m not worth caring about.”

“No,” I said, “You’re not.” Livia looked down, but I continued, “But for some reason I do, and I don’t know why.”

“I’m not worth it,” she repeated, and I sighed.

“Don’t be dramatic. You’ve wanted me for years, and now that you have me you want to throw it away? Why? Because you keep feeling the need to torture yourself?”

“You don’t understand the things I’ve done...” Livia said, and almost sounded like she regretted them.

“Then stop doing them,” I said.

“I can’t.”

“Yes you can!”

“You don’t understand, Varia! I’ve worked for my entire life to become what I am now, the Champion of Rome! Every warrior wants to be able to fight like me, and every noble lady wants to have Augustus’ eye as I do. I have everything I have ever wanted!”

I walked over to her, and put my hands on her arms, “But yet you hate yourself for it.”

“Glory is more important than self love,” she replied as she looked up at me.

“If that’s what you believe, then you are a fool,” I said sadly as I took my hands off of her and went to walk away.

“Varia...” I turned, and she grabbed my hand and pulled me closer to her. “I just.. I can’t... I’m not ready to give up this life. Yes it makes me unhappy but I worked so hard for it that I can’t just let it go. Maybe one day I can, but right now I just can’t.”

I looked at her for a long time before I touched her face, kissing her softly, “Fine, do what you will with your life, it’s not my decision to make.”

I let her go, and she said softly, “Thank you.”

I turned and looked at her, “Don’t thank me.”

Livia didn’t say another word after that, just motioned for me to sit down next to her on her bed. She tucked my hair behind my ear and kissed my neck softly, and I closed my eyes, not knowing that someone was watching us from outside of the door.

*****

I was sleeping in my own bedroom when I heard it. Livia was out leading a battle outside of the Roman gates, and she advised me to sleep in my room until she came back. I didn’t mind it, I just missed the animal skins, the silk sheets... and her. But Livia could not lock her door while she was gone, it would look suspicious, and if anyone saw me lying there I would be sure to get a beating. After all, to everyone else, I was just her slave.

The door to my room opened, and I heard a man say, “There she is! Grab her!”

I was picked up by two Roman guards, and held in place as one of them backhanded me across the face. “You’ll pay for planning to assassinate Livia,” he said.

“What?!” I asked in disbelief, before being hauled off to the dungeons.

I was thrown into a cell, and fell to the cold, hard floor. I winced in pain as I tried to sit up, but was kicked in the face to be thrown back down. My nose started to bleed, and I stayed where I was until I was sure my cell door was closed and all the guards had left.

I coughed, and some blood fell from my mouth to the cement floor below. What had just happened?

I heard laughter from a dark corner, and I turned to look. The slave girl, Joan, emerged from the shadows to look at me, smiling in this twisted way.

“You...” I said dangerously, “What have you done?”

“I’m taking care of a little problem,” she replied. “With you out of the way, the affections of Livia will be mine.”

“You fool, you don’t think Livia is going to get me out of this, and not to mention kill you when I tell her this was your doing?”

She walked closer to the bars of my cell, and I stood up to stand at her full height. “See, that’s the beauty of it, you’ll be dead before she even gets back from the battle.”

I reached out through the bars to grab at her throat, but she stepped back out of my reach and laughed. “I’ll kill you myself then,” I promised her.

“Good luck with that, assassin,” she laughed.

“Do you really think that with me gone Livia will love you?” I spat at her.

“It really doesn’t matter. But I know with you gone, she will start sending for me to lie with her again. You see, she stopped doing that a couple months ago.”

“...Ever since I started doing it,” I said in realization as I finished her sentence.

“Exactly. And no maybe she won’t love me, but I know she’ll have other needs that I can take care of.” She turned to leave while saying, “If you believe in the Gods, now would be an excellent time to start praying.”

TBC....